Second Chance (52 page)

“Because
people
will walk all over you if
you don’t
.
Come on, Dylan
.
You can sit and analyze a cloud for an
hour, and you can’t even tell me what’s wrong?”

She looks up at my ceilin
g as if there’s a sky above us.

“
I
t
’s the dinner conversation,
”
I say
,
since she’s being too stubborn to bring it up
.

“Dinner attack
i
s more like it
.
It came from all sides
.
These blasts of questions
.
It was like a public stoning.
”
 
She takes a deep breath and focuses on me
.
“Am I selfish
,
Gray?”

I shake my head
.
“
Who cares what other people think
?
Don’t let other people’s opinions make you second guess what’s important to you
.
You can’t make everybody happy, believe me.
”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

I take my time
answering
.
“I think you’re the most unselfish person I’ve ever met.”

“Really?”

“Dylan,
t
hey
don’t know you
.
Let it go.”

“Why am I so hard to understand?”

I rub my fingers down her bare arm as I think about this
.
Oh, man, how do I describe her
?

“You’re an abnormality
.
People get scared when they come across something that doesn’t behave the way they expect it to
.
People
like
labels and categories and things they can predict
.
When people can’t explain something,
they assume
it’s because there’s
something wrong with
it
.
T
hey try to fix it
or change
it
.
They mess
with it until it’s translatable and they
bring it down to their level
.
T
rying to change someone is easier t
han trying to
accept
them
.
It’s how we’re programmed.
”

“Nice theory,” she says
.
She leans her head on my shoulder,
takes of
f
my hat and runs her fingers through my hair
.
I look at her and wish I could wipe all her doubts away, like an eraser cleaning off a
black
board crammed full of questions
.
She runs her finger down my nose and over my lips
.
“But you’r
e not like that
.”

I shrug
.
“If you can
’t
accept people
the way they are, I say step aside and leave
them
alone
.
Nobody gives each other a break anymore
.
People are so
uptight.”

I squeeze my arms tighter around her
.
I love this girl so much
.
H
er
energy
can be a
shock to the system and
sometimes
you need a little time to acclimate
,
but when
you’re next to her
,
your body soars at a higher altitude
,
the air becomes thi
nner and your heart beats faster
.
We need more Dylan’s
.
P
eople like her are the artists and painter
s and dreamers
. T
hey make
the
world move
and sh
ake an
d
they take a life that’s mundane and bland and
color it in
.
That’s why I’ll never let her change.

DYLAN

“Think about it, Dylan,” Liz says
.
“You have everything g
oing for you here, right now.”

      
I’m sitting at the Brew House with Cat and Liz
.
Lenny
sat down to join
us
for a few minutes
.
“There’s a fine line between being adventurous and being stupid
.
Don’t pass up a
perfect
life that’s right in front of you just because you’re
too far
-
sighted
to see it,” she says
.

I listen to their opinions
.
I’m used to it
.
Everyone
seems to have o
pinions about my
choices
.
They’re still determined to give me a hard time and I know they’re doing it because they care about me
.
And they care about Gray
.
So I drink m
y coffee and I nod my head. S
ome of their logic
starts to
sink in
.

“You’ve got love,” Cat says
.
“
True love
.
What else do you need
?
What else is there to live
for?”

“Don’t say
crap
like that around me,” Lenny says
.
“You’re going to make me gag.”

“I’m worried about you,”
Liz
says.

I stare back at her
.
“Why
are you worried about me
?”

“I get that you
’re a free spirit
,” she says
.
“And that’s cool, but it gets old
.
Life doesn’t get much better than what you have in front of you right now
,
and if you leave, you’re going to l
ook back someday and regret it.
”

“
Relationships
aren’t like library books,”
Cat
adds
.
“
You can’t just check
people in
and
out whenever you feel like it
.” 

Her words hurt because they’re true.

“I think you’re being selfish,” Liz says.

I feel my heart wince
.
I think back to what Gray says
.
They don’t know you
.

“Why did you come to Albuquerque?”
Cat reminds me
.
“What’s the number one reason?”

“To see Gray.”

“Why?”

“
He’s
my
soulmate
and future husband,
”
I say, repeating what I had said to her in Switzerland.

“I think you
only
love him when it’s convenient for you,” Liz says
.

“What do you guys want from me?” I
plead
.
“I came back here. I’m trying to set things right with Gray. I’m never going to hurt him again.
”

“
Then why don’t you come
back next fall
?” Cat asks
.
“
You have a place to live
.
You can
work on
your
photography
.
Y
ou c
an
work in Wisconsin
during the summers
or travel
while Gray’s away playing baseball
.
That way everybody wins
.
Gray doesn’t get hurt
.
You
two
stay
together. Isn’t that what you want?
”