Second Chance (4 page)

The heat she felt as she held onto his arm almost burned her palm.  She looked into Carrick’s eyes and was overwhelmed by the range of emotions she saw.  There was love and desire… but there was fear, and guilt, and anger.  She saw it all and she had to know, yet Carrick said nothing.

Don’t back down Ava.  Make him tell you. 
“Tell me Carrick!  What were we?”

Carrick spun toward her so fast, she took an involuntary step backward.  He grabbed hold of her shoulders and pulled her against him so their bodies were flush.  Her breasts were mashed into his hard chest but he held his hips slightly away from hers so they weren’t touching there.  She felt a tingling all over and her breath caught. 

Carrick leaned his head down close to her face, his lips almost touching hers.  She thought he was going to kiss her. 
Oh, please God in heaven, let him kiss me.
  But after staring at her for several long seconds, the heat in his eyes died down.  He released his hold on her, taking a step backwards. 

“If you want to know, let me reintegrate your memories, and you will have all the answers you need.”

Ava’s heart was racing.  But she also knew she would get no more from him.  He had detached and there was a coolness that radiated from him. Ava felt a keen sense of loss when he let her go but she squared her shoulders to show her strength. 

“Okay lover, let’s go get this over with.”  Ava pivoted on her foot and headed back toward the house.

***

Carrick watched as Ava walked away from him.  He took in every detail.  The way her hair brushed across her back, the way her hips swayed as she walked. She always had a natural grace to the way she moved.  The fact he had grown hard when she touched him reminded him that he would never be immune to her charms.  It was simply the best day of his entire life, just seeing her again.  But he knew that there would be nothing between them once her memories came back.  With a heavy sigh, he followed her into the house.

“So how does this work?” Ava asked. 

She was sitting back on the couch, having stored the shotgun back in its rightful spot.  She knew she appeared to be calm but on the inside she was a raging mess.  She kept her hands clasped tightly on her lap, afraid that their shaking would give her way.  Bing was laying on the couch beside her in a show of moral support.  He could always sense when she was upset. 

Kieran was standing across the living room, casually leaning up against the wall.  Holding his third shot of bourbon in his hand, he looked remarkably at ease.  Carrick, on the other hand, looked like he was attending his own funeral. 

Why was one brother calm, and the other anxious? 
Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. 
Clearly, something bad had happened between Ava and Carrick before she left Vyronas, and that made her more apprehensive
.
  Still, Ava was more than curious about her true life to let that thwart her at this point.

Carrick cleared off the coffee table that sat in front of the couch.  He moved directly in front of Ava and sat down on the coffee table, their knees almost touching. 

“Give me your hands.”

Ava put her hands in Carrick’s and she felt the sparks from the contact.  Looking at Carrick, she knew he felt them too as his eyes seemed to go a shade darker. 

“I’m going to channel some of my magic into you.  It won’t hurt. I just want you to keep your mind open, and you will feel the memories come back.”

“How long will it take?” Ava asked.  She noticed that Carrick was trying to sooth her by rubbing his thumbs across the backs of her hands.

“Not long.  You won’t be reliving each memory.  It will flood back to you but you may have certain memories that stand out to you.  But fairly quickly, you will just have a sudden awareness of all that you used to know.”

Ava took a deep breath and released it.  Her voice trembled a little when she said, “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Close your eyes and just relax.”

Ava first looked over at Kieran, who nodded at her with encouragement, and then back to Carrick.   She thought she saw sadness but then thought about it no more.  Ava slowly closed her eyes.

Like a raging tidal wave, Ava’s entire life came rushing at her.  It hit and consumed her, and much like being hit by a wall of water, for a few seconds, Ava thought she was drowning.  But then just as if she was rising from the depths of the ocean, she broke surface and brief memories hit her. 

Fishing with her father.  Dropping a doll in the mud and crying.  Learning how to ride her first horse.   Eating dinner with her parents.  Attending a dance at their palace.

Then general awareness came. Five seconds ago, she knew nothing about the real Jaron and Selena Clairmont.  But now, she knew with every fiber of her being that her parents were kind, loving and generous people.  They absolutely doted on Ava, who was an only child.  She had a very close relationship with them.  

It was crazy how Ava instantly had a whole new life.  Ava knew, without a doubt, that she’d had a wonderful life in Kestevayne.  She was well loved by the citizens and she, in turn, loved them.  She cherished her role as the peoples’ Princess.  She was honored to know one day she would rule her land, and hoped to be able to do it with as much love and character as her parents had.

Ava realized that she knew magic.  And she knew it well.  Sovereign families had deep magic that was tied to their lineage.  While not her only magical ability, Ava’s strongest magic centered around healing and she took great pleasure in ministering to the poor and sick.  Her mother taught her most of what she knew about healing potions and remedies. 

And the horses.  Wow!  She was horse crazy there too.  She had been riding horses since she could walk and spent all her free time among them.  Her parents always joked that they should build a room for her in the barn to sleep at night.

Oh, how she missed this life, she realized. Her real life.  She now understood.

Ava kept her eyes closed, savoring the memories as she thought about her life in Vyronas.  These memories brought warmth to Ava’s heart and she was sure she had a grin plastered to her face while she was processing all this information. 

Then she thought of Carrick.  And all her memories of him came rushing to her in a warm wave of love and security.  Carrick was her childhood protector and friend.  He was so handsome, and funny, and mischievous.  He was generous and thoughtful.  Strong and brave.   She could go on and on. 

Carrick and Ava had indeed been madly in love.   Anyone who knew them had no doubt they were soul mates. They had their parents’ blessing to marry and Ava knew that they would grow old together and that their love would never die.  All the loneliness Ava had been thinking about earlier that night suddenly melted away.  She felt secure, and complete, and at peace knowing she had Carrick.  He was, without a doubt, her one true love.

But Ava had a funny nagging feeling when thinking about Carrick.  Her memories turned dark.  Ava remembered running through tunnels under the palace with Carrick.  Her parents were dead…murdered in their sleep.  Kestevayne had been overtaken.  Carrick and Ava had escaped, and were able to meet up with a few members of the Clairmont Conclave, who had also made their escape from the palace.  The Conclave was a group of men and women who advised the sovereign rulers on most matters. 

Over the next several weeks, they were reunited with many people and soldiers loyal to Ava and her throne.  Her supporters gathered in secret places that were hidden under cloaks of magic.  They rallied and they planned.  Weeks went by while strategies were made to go to war with the usurper and regain Kestevayne. 

Carrick and the Conclave worried constantly for Ava’s safety, for there was a price upon her head.  If something were to happen to her, Kestevayne would be lost.  The Conclave decided to move Ava to a place of safety until they could amass enough forces to overtake Kestevayne.  This was a plan that Ava would not agree to, as she refused to be separated from Carrick or Vyronas.  Carrick tried desperately to talk her into leaving, but she would have no part of it.

Ava’s stomach churned as she focused on her last memory of Carrick and she could feel her closed eyes starting to leak tears. 

Finally, Carrick seemed to have relented.  He promised her that she could remain by his side and she would not be forced to leave.  They went on a walk through the forest to discuss their future plans.  She remembered a soft breeze and the smell of honeysuckle in the trees as they walked hand in hand.  Just being near Carrick made her feel secure and invincible. 

“I’m so glad you are not letting the Conclave send me away.  You know my place is here with you.”

Carrick didn’t respond but gently squeezed her hand.

“How did you convince them to let me stay?” Ava asked.

Rather than answer, Carrick gathered up Ava closely in his arms and hugged her.  Putting his nose in her hair, he took a deep breath.  He had always told her she smelled like sunshine.  Then Carrick leaned down, and lightly brushed his lips against Ava’s. 

Ava leaned into Carrick and opened her mouth to him.  His kiss deepened and his tongue claimed hers thoroughly.  But all too soon he pulled away from the deep kiss. 

Carrick then whispered urgently into her mouth. “Never forget that all I do for you, I do out of love.”

Ava sighed and leaned farther into Carrick, her body molding to his and urging him to return to the kiss they had just shared. Instead, Carrick released Ava and stepped quickly back from her. 

A sudden wind whipped up around Ava, causing her hair to swirl around her head and her long dress to flap against her legs.  She looked at Carrick, but not a breeze touched him.  His lips were moving but she couldn’t hear what he was saying.  The look in his eyes frightened her.  It was one of complete and utter guilt.  Ava tried to take a step toward him but she was frozen in place.

“What have you done, Carrick?” Ava shouted over the wind. She held her arms out to him, silently begging him to come closer.

Carrick stepped farther away.  Ava couldn’t hear him but she could read his lips.  He was shaking his head side to side and saying, “I’m sorry.”

Ava felt something tug at her body, and she watched as Carrick seemed to fade before her eyes.  And then she realized that Carrick had betrayed her and was sending her away from Vyronas. 

“NOOOOOO!,” Ava yelled at Carrick.  “Please stop this.”

But Carrick just stood there, silently repeating the words, “I’m sorry”, over and over again.

Before Carrick faded away completely, the last thing Ava recalled was dropping her arms to her sides and clenching her fists so tightly her nails drew blood from her palms. 

“I hate you Carrick Dunne and I will never forgive you for this.”  Then she let out a wail of heartbreak as she was whisked away from Vyronas and all that she knew.

Ava was jolted out of her memories and her eyes sprang open.  She felt wetness streaming down her face and realized she was crying.  Her breath was ragged.  She looked up into Carrick’s face and saw the same guilt reflected there that she saw before he banished her from her home.  But she also saw a pleading look on his face.  Perhaps pleading her to forgive him? 
Never!

Without even thinking, Ava drew her right arm back and slapped Carrick as hard as she could across his left cheek.  It made a resounding and satisfying crack.

“I’m so sorry,” Carrick said, his voice ringing with hurt and guilt.

“You son of a bitch,” Ava said through gritted teeth and slapped him again. 

Carrick stood up from the coffee table and Ava stood right along with him.  Not done by a long shot, she started pounding on him with her fists, screaming to him about betrayal.  Hatred poured from her and Carrick just stood there, letting her take it all out on his body. 

Finally, her strength started waning and Carrick wrapped his arms around her, tucking her face into his chest while she sobbed.  Ava immediately pushed away from him as if he had the plague.

“I don’t need your comfort,” she snarled at him.  “I want you and your brother out of my house now!  Do not ever return here again.” 

Ava shoved past Carrick and ran to her bedroom, Bing hot on her heels.  She slammed the door and threw herself on her bed, face down into a pillow.  Oh, gosh, her chest hurt.  It felt like her heart had been ripped in two.  For her, the pain of betrayal was fresh, as she experienced it like it had just happened today, not four years ago.  Then the tears started again.

***

“That went well, don’t you think?” Kieran stated as he sat down on the couch, picking up the bottle of Jack Daniels.  He poured two glasses and handed one to Carrick.

“In what way did that possibly go well?” Carrick growled, accepting the glass and downing it swiftly.

“It seems to me she had the option of shooting you with that gun of hers.  So…I’d say things went pretty good compared to what could have happened.”

Carrick sat down on one of the chairs and scrubbed his hand through his hair in frustration.  He’d known that Ava would be beyond furious when her memories were reintegrated.  He was aware that the burning hate she had for him on their last day together would be there waiting for him in this dimension. 

Yes, he had anticipated this, and knowing Ava as well as he did, things were progressing exactly as he expected.  He also knew what he had to do next and it made him sick to his stomach to have to do it.  He was going to have to play on and further abuse her emotions to make her go back to Vyronas with him. 

He really, really hated the idea of doing it.  Carrick had seen a lot of misery over the past four years.  Immersed in a constant state of war for the Kestevayne throne, he had seen death and suffering that could not even bear description.  Yet he would rather deal with that for the rest of his life than have to hurt Ava any further.  But what he was about to do, he was doing it for Ava and her future, even if it hurt her in the short term.

“Are you okay Carrick?” Kieran asked with uncharacteristic concern in his voice.  Kieran was forever joking and teasing, regardless of how depressing a situation could be.  “You don’t look so hot.”

“I’m good,” Carrick stated as he stood up. “Get Ava’s horses together with all the necessary tack.  We are going to be leaving for Vyronas soon and I know she’ll want to take the horses with her.”

“How are you going to talk her into coming with us when she’d just as soon slit your throat?”

Carrick headed toward Ava’s bedroom door. “That’s not your concern.  Just do what I asked and be ready to go within the hour.”

***

Ava had not cried long.  It wasn’t in her nature.  But boy had she been hurt and pissed beyond anything she had ever felt before.  She was actually embarrassed her reaction ranged toward the tearful. She wished she had remembered the shotgun under her couch.  That sure would have saved a few of her tears. 

Rolling off her bed, Ava padded into her bathroom and washed her face with cold water.  She stared at her red rimmed eyes.  She had never been a pretty crier, which is why she tried not to do it.  But what did she care what she looked like.  With any luck, Carrick and Kieran were gone and she could go back to her life.

Or could she?  Knowing about her life in Vyronas, what was happening there now, could she peacefully exist here?

Ava heard her bedroom door open and then close.  She walked out of her bathroom and saw Carrick standing by the door, eyeing her stonily.  Her blood boiled just looking at him. 
How could you have ever trusted him, Ava?

“What part of ‘leave my house’ didn’t you understand?” Ava seethed.

“I’m not leaving without you, Ava.  We will all be leaving within the hour for Vyronas.”  Carrick’s voice was low but exuded command. 

Well, if he thought he could tell her what to do, he had another thing coming. 
“You are crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you.  I want you out of my life and I never want to see you again.”