Second Chance (18 page)

Heph looked up at Ava.  His eyes were misted with tears.  “I swear to you, Ava.  I never had it in me to take an innocent life.”

Ava reached over and grasped Heph’s hand.  “I believe you.”

Heph pulled his hand away and gave a strangled laugh.  “I’m not sure you should believe in me.  I didn’t have it in me to take an innocent life, but it I did kill someone for their blood.”

Ava gasped.  “What did you do?”

“Back then, it was an easy enough choice for me to make.  Oh, I could tell you I had nothing but altruistic ideas of how to protect Kestevayne, but now…I realize I was obsessed more with the idea of making the perfect spell.  I concocted a plan to bleed someone that deserved to die.  A convicted murderer that had been sentenced to death.”

Heph trailed off.  He seemed to be lost in his memories.  Ava glanced over at Carrick, who had a worried look on his face.  “What happened next, Heph?”

“I used a captivity spell, brought the prisoner to my apartment and I drained him dry.  I kept telling myself, he was destined to die anyway.  But it made me physically sick as I watched his life ebb away.  But at that point, there was no going back.  I completed my spell, and it was everything I had imagined it to be.  I had found a way to make spells that could not be defeated.”

Ava felt sick to her stomach, partly because she wasn’t sure how to feel about Heph’s revelations.  On the one hand, it was wrong…so very wrong to choose to take someone’s life.  But on the flip side, Heph did not kill an innocent.  He took someone that already had a death sentence imposed.  How could she reconcile it?

“If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to get some air.”  Ava stood from the table and walked out the front door. 

Sitting down on the bench by the pond, Ava stared into the green waters.  She tried to put herself into Heph’s shoes.  Could she have done something like that?  If she was working toward the protection of Kestevayne?  She didn’t think so.

“Are you okay?”

Ava turned her head and saw Carrick standing there.  She shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know how to feel.”

Carrick took a seat beside her and held her hand.  “It’s not always black and white, Ava.  I’m sure Heph felt what he was doing was in defense of his people, so that could be considered good.  But he took someone’s life to complete the magic, and that is bad.  Maybe what happened was nothing more than a shade of gray that cannot be completely understood.” 

Ava sighed.  “I can tell this weighs heavy on his conscience.”

“You’ll never know how much, Ava.”  Heph had come outside and joined them.  “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t struggle with the right and wrong of what I did.”

Ava gave him a small smile of understanding.  “So, that is why you were banished?”

Heph nodded.  “I was so excited by my discovery, I immediately shared the information with the Conclave Chief.  You should have seen me.  All puffed up with pride over my magic.  Except, the Chief was not at all happy.  He had me arrested and brought before Jaron for judgment. The Conclave proclaimed that blood magic was evil, and that I would use my knowledge to the detriment of all.  They were afraid of my findings. Afraid of me.  They advised Jaron to impart the sentence of death upon me, to be sent as a message to all, that use of blood magic would not be tolerated.”

“There’s no way father would have taken that advice!” Ava exclaimed.

“You’re right.  Jaron loved me.  And he believed me when I told him my intent was pure…that it was only to help Kestevayne.  But he couldn’t let my deeds go unpunished.  His compromise was to have me banished.  And it was the right thing to do.”

The three of them sat by the pond, continuing to talk.  Heph told them how emotionally painful it was for Jaron and Heph to part ways.  But over the years, Jaron and Selena had visited Heph in the Rosethorn Mountains, always keeping him abreast of the happenings in Kestevayne.

His banishment effectively ended Heph’s curiosity about blood magic.  He took the book the old nomad had given him, but it had been sitting in that chest for the past eight years.  Heph knew that his studies of this art cost him contact with his family and his beloved homeland.  It left a bitter taste in his mouth that time had not erased.

As Heph finished his story, Carrick and Ava sat watching him entranced.  There was no doubt in either of their minds that he told the full truth.  Ava’s heart broke for the man who was trying to do good for his people.  For the man who had probably crossed a line he shouldn’t have, and now was made to live in solitude for his actions.

“Uncle Heph, why would the Conclave have offered up such harsh judgment of you?”

“Well, there’s the rub.  It was a shock to me as well.  I mean, the Scrinia were all about learning.  I figured they would embrace the knowledge.  My only guess at first was that they were too afraid of the magic to even give me a fair chance to explain.  It wasn’t until a few years after my banishment I learned how wrong I was.”

Ava’s eyebrows rose.  “What do you mean?”

“A former Conclave member from the House of D’Amuri came through Avery.  He was very old, and I imagine a bit senile. I met him at the pub in town.  We started talking, and drinking, and it wasn’t long before he was telling me that the Scrinia had known all about blood magic, long before I ever came to them.  That they had books upon books of information locked away, and knew probably a hundred times more than I had even figured out.  I was stunned of course.  I didn’t understand, then, why they had me arrested.”  Heph bent to pick up a flat stone and skipped it across the water.  His eyes were sad.  “That Conclave member told me that it was a secret the Scrinia held sacred among their line.  Everyone had to take an oath to never reveal the secrecy of blood magic.  But here, this old, drunken fool was telling me all about it.”

Ava was confused.  “But why would they keep it secret?”

“Because, my dear niece,” Heph said with a bit of flourish.  “They wanted to have the ability to practice that magic all to themselves, should they ever decide they wanted to rule the very thrones they had sworn allegiance and protection to.”

Ava’s mouth dropped open.  She glanced at Carrick and there was murder reflected in his eyes.

“That means our Conclave members have been lying to us every step of the way,” Carrick gritted out.   “They’ve had the ability to counter Ralina’s magic this entire time.” 

“How many lives could have been saved had they told us?” Ava asked in horror.

“What’s worse,” Heph said, “what if the Scrinia is actually backing Ralina and her attempt to overtake Kestevayne?”

Carrick rose from the bench and pulled his grounding stone from his pocket. “I’ll be back soon.”  With that, he disappeared. 

While Carrick was gone, Ava and Heph went back inside to make some lunch.  She caught Heph up on more details of what had been happening since his banishment, including her life in The First Dimension for the last four years.  Within thirty minutes, Carrick was back.

“Where have you been?” Ava asked.

“I dispatched messengers and troops.  I’m having every Conclave member from the Houses of D’Amuri, Groucutt, Baudin, Foss and Sorin arrested and placed in iron. Until we know different, we have to assume there is a chance they are aligned with Ralina.  But let’s hope not.”

“Smart move,” Heph lauded.

“I’m assuming Ralina learned about blood magic from someone of the Scrinia line.  In fact, any of the smaller Royal Houses that have aligned with her must be keeping her supplied with a wealth of knowledge about the subject.”

Ava scoffed. “Ralina is an idiot and if she can learn blood magic, than so can I.  Why can’t we use it to fight her, not just defend against her?”

Heph picked up the book and handed it to Ava.  “You’ll never be able to make it all the way through the book, but I’ll show you the important parts.  I’ll teach you what you need to know, Ava.  You can fight her with this knowledge.”

“You’ll help us?” Ava asked with excitement in her voice.

“Just tell me what you want me to do.  Let’s go kick that bitch out of Kestevayne.”

***

Heph packed quickly and they were soon heading back to Clairmont.  Carrick called in his troops to accompany them on the journey back. The temptation to ride hard and cut the trip shorter was great, but Heph insisted they go at a pace that he could use the time to help instruct Ava.  Carrick reluctantly agreed. 

He rode a bit ahead of them while Ava and Heph hung back and talked about blood magic.   Well, mostly Heph talked and Ava listened, but then she would pepper him with questions. 

Carrick did not think the meeting with Heph could have gone any better.  They’d learned essential information that would hopefully let them gain the advantage and they’d discovered potential enemies among them that they were able to peaceably neutralize. 

But more than that, Ava got a family member back.  Carrick could hear most of their conversations were about blood magic, but sometimes they would drift off and talk about family and certain memories.  A bond was starting to develop between them. There was no doubt in his mind that once Kestevayne was won, Heph would stay there and help Ava rule. 

Which would make it easier for Carrick to leave her when all this was done.  At least it would help ease his conscience a little to know someone would be there for her.

He remembered back to just a few days before Kestevayne was attacked.  

King Jaron sought Carrick out on the training field and asked for a private word.  Carrick joined him and was instantly concerned by the look on Jaron’s face. 

“Is Ava all right?” Carrick demanded reaching for his sword.  In hindsight, he had no clue why he was reaching for his sword.  Automatic protectiveness for Ava, he guessed.
 

“Rest easy,” Jaron said holding up his hand, “she’s fine.”  Carrick lowered his hand.  “But her safety could be in jeopardy and that is what I want to talk to you about.

Jaron had told Carrick that he had been scrying the future and while events were not clear, he was afraid that Kestevayne would soon be in peril.  Carrick realized now that scrying the future must have been one of the stronger magicks held by the Clairmonts since both Jaron and Heph relied on it.

Carrick was deeply embarrassed by what Jaron said next. 

“I know that you stay overnight with Ava in her apartments….”

“Jaron… I’m sorry…” Carrick started stammering.

“That’s not why we are talking, Carrick. Listen closely.  You are with Ava at night and thus you are her last line of defense should our palace ever be breached.  I need you to be on guard and alert.  If the need arises, promise me you will get my daughter to safety above all other loyalties.”  He paused and looked intently at Carrick.  “I know your duty is to the Royal house as a whole, but Ava is more important. Do you understand?”

“You have my word.  No matter what my duties are to the Clairmont House, Ava always comes first.”

“That’s why I knew you would be her perfect mate, Carrick.  Thank you.”

Later that day, Jaron had shown Carrick several secret passages within the palace.  Only Jaron and Selena knew about them. The knowledge of them was only passed down to each ruling sovereign, and each passage was protected by wards.  Jaron carefully went through each one with Carrick and made sure he understood how to break the ward to get through in case escape was needed.  Carrick was so grateful for the instruction Jaron imparted as the attack came not two days later. 

Because of Jaron’s foresight, Carrick was able to move Ava swiftly out of the palace to safety.  He struggled with the need to go back to help rescue Jaron and Selena, but he remembered Jaron’s final words.

“You’ve promised me that you will get Ava to safety if we are attacked and I have full trust in that.  But I need you to promise me something else…”

Carrick almost dreaded hearing the next words.  He was afraid it would be a request he couldn’t fulfill.

“Promise me that you will always love Ava and never leave her.”

Carrick had exhaled a sigh of relief.  That was an easy promise for him to make. “I will gladly promise you that, Jaron.”

Yes, that was an easy promise for Carrick to make at the time.  He could never envision a world where he and Ava would be apart.  Back then, his heart knew there would never exist a time or place that he would not love her.  Yet here they were, four years later and Carrick was going to break that promise.  His plan was still to leave, as that was what he felt was best for Ava.  He felt she deserved…more.  Especially after his betrayal.
This is definitely for the best.
  And he would be leaving her in good hands now that Heph was back in her life.

***

They made it back to Clairmont in good time, arriving just as the sun set on the second day of their travels.  Ava had learned a lot from Heph during their journey.  Now, she needed some practical experience from his teachings.  They planned on meeting the following day to work on blood spells that could help counter Ralina’s magic.  She was beyond excited as she felt in her gut that this was going to win the war for them.  She was eager to be able to try the blood magic.  Heph had told her that it was a rush like no other.

Well, she was sure it wasn’t as good a rush as having sex with Carrick.  Nothing could top that.  In fact, if she could bottle one of the orgasms that Carrick gave her and hurl it at the enemy forces, they would all be stunned into capitulation.  She snickered to herself over that image. 

Mostly, Ava was excited to be back in Clairmont as she would have private time with Carrick tonight.  During the journey back from the Rosethorn Mountains, their time together had been limited by Heph’s presence, not to mention the fifty soldiers riding with them.  Carrick had been a bit distant.  Well, more distant than usual. But she assumed that was because Heph had been with them. 

Carrick had seen to it that Heph was set up in one of the cottages that had formerly been occupied by a Conclave member.  He and Ava ate dinner with Heph upon their return, and then left for Carrick’s home. 

When they stepped inside Carrick’s house, Ava turned and wrapped her arms around Carrick’s neck and leaned up to kiss him.  “I thought we’d never be alone.”

Carrick surprised her by taking her wrists and gently removing her arms from his neck. He stepped back, putting room between them.  “We need to talk Ava.”

Ava didn’t like the sound of that.  “Okay,” she said with some trepidation, and walked into the kitchen where they could sit for their talk.  “Would you like me to make some tea?”

Carrick shook his head and sat down heavily in one of the chairs.  She followed suit.

“Ava, after we take back Kestevayne, I’m leaving Vyronas.”

Ava didn’t say anything, but cocked her head slightly to indicate she was interested to hear more.

“I’m telling you this now, because I don’t want you expecting there is a happily ever after for us.  There’s not, nor can there be.”

Ava’s stomach dropped.  “Do you mind telling me why you feel this way?”  She was trying to appear calm but her heart was racing.

Carrick was going to let it all hang out.  “I don’t know if I can describe it to you, but something in me is different since you left.  No, let’s be honest about…since I sent you away against your will.  What we had before… it’s simply no more.”

“But there is something there,” Ava said.  “I’m not imagining it.”

“There is something there,” Carrick admitted.  “I want you like I want no other.  But I can’t offer you what I did before.”  He took a deep breath.  “Before, you had my complete devotion and love.  Now, I am full of nothing but anger, and guilt, and vengeance.  It consumes me… motivates all of my actions.”  Carrick paused and rubbed his eyes wearily.  Then his voice softened, to almost a whisper. “It’s actually worse sometimes when I’m around you.”

Ava gasped as tears formed in her eyes.  “That can’t be true!  When you are around me, sparks fly.  When you made love to me in Avery, that’s exactly what it was… an expression of love.  I can’t be making those ugly feelings worse.  Please tell me that’s not true.” 

Carrick sighed heavily and looked at Ava with sad, tired eyes. “Ava, you’re like a balm to me.  Our passion ignites, and you soothe me.  But after you fall asleep in my arms, those dark feelings return.  My guilt over what I did to you crushes me…when I look at you…lying in my arms so trusting…”  Carrick’s words were truly anguished.

Ava reached across the table and grabbed his hand.  He tried to pull it away but she held tight.  “Look at me, Carrick.” 

When Carrick turned his lovely blue eyes to her, Ava continued.  “I don’t doubt for one second the validity of what you are feeling.  But the answer is not in running away. The answer is in fixing the problem.  You said I was a balm to you.  Then let me continue to help you. Let me continue to love you.  It will change for you, I promise.”

Again, Carrick shook his head in what she easily recognized as defeat.  He squeezed her hand.  “No, Ava.  I’m no good for you the way I am. I’ve made my decision.”

Ava’s hand dropped away from his.  There was such finality in his tone.  Her heart felt like it had just ripped in two.  “What do we do then?”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to set you up in one of the empty cottages and post soldiers for your protection.  You and Heph will work on the blood magic.  I am going to spend time visiting the other Royal Houses and arranging battle plans.  I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, but hopefully, we can solidify a strategy and mobilize all of our forces within the week.”

Ava felt the tears start to spill from her eyes and hated herself.  She hated showing weakness to anyone. “I meant what will we do about each other?” Her voice trembled.

***

Carrick hated seeing her like this but there was no going back now. “There’s nothing to do Ava.  We go our separate ways.” 
Damn, he felt like such a shit saying that. 

Ava nodded and Carrick could see that the fight went out of her completely.  He felt something hot and molten unfurl in his stomach.  This is what he wanted, for her to give up and start the process of getting over the notion of reclaiming their love.  So why did he feel so bereft at the defeated look in her eyes?

“Can we have one last night then…to say goodbye?” Ava whispered.

Carrick struggled.  It had taken all of his strength and resolve to break things off with her.  He should make their departure clean, as hurtful as it was.

“Please,” Ava begged. 

Carrick felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest.  Ava never begged.  The only other time had been when he had sent her away, and here he was, causing her to do it again. 
Fuck, I’m such a bastard. 

But he just couldn’t deny her this time and truth be told, he didn’t want to deny himself.  So he promised himself that having one more night together would be the best way to end it.

Carrick stood up from his chair and reached his hand out to Ava.  She stood up as well and placed her hand in his.  “One last night,” he said softly.  Then he turned and led her to the bedroom.

***

Carrick and Ava slowly undressed each other.  Ava tried to burn every moment into her memory, knowing this would be their last night together. 

She had been fooling herself apparently.  She thought Carrick would figure out his love for her.  She never once doubted there wouldn’t be a happy ending for them. 
You’re such a fool. 
She had been so wrong and it was crushing to her. 

Lying down on the bed, they faced each other and Ava lifted her hand to caress Carrick’s cheek.  He closed his eyes at the contact, as if he were savoring the feel of her touch.  Ava leaned toward Carrick and kissed him softly.  Chastely.   She smoothed her palm from his cheek to the back of his head, and pulled him closer for a longer kiss.  He opened his mouth to her and she took what he offered.  Swirling her tongue with his, she thought of how much she would miss his taste.  It was all man. Primal. 

She deepened the kiss and although she tried not to, she knew her kiss tasted like desperation.  She hoped Carrick wouldn’t find that too pathetic. 

His arms tightened around her, stroking her skin.  She heard a moan vibrating at the base of his throat. 
Gods, how am I going to live without him?
 

Time didn’t seem to have meaning as Carrick and Ava kissed.  Eventually, their hands started roaming, both of them eager to touch every inch of the other’s skin.  Carrick rubbed his finger over the tiny mole that sat at the base of her spine.  He buried his hands in the softness of her hair. 

Ava was spinning out of control.  She hated that she had no control over Carrick’s decision to break things off.  She hated she had no control over the way she was feeling.  The only thing she knew to do at this moment was to get some semblance of control back.