Seasons (25 page)

“All right,” I whisper. There are no tears left for me to cry.

They make me meet with a counselor. She’s very nice, but I can’t help feeling like she’s judging me. Although, it’s quite possible it’s me who is judging me. I have to fill out paperwork and answer questions showing that I’m of sound mind to make this decision and that no one has pressured me into doing it. I don’t know how they make that determination, considering I’m nowhere near sound mind at the moment—just the opposite actually. I feel certifiably crazy.

I’m shown back into the exam room where I sit and wait some more. The doctor comes back with some pills in hand. “You will take this pill now, it will stop the pregnancy. You need to take the next one within the next twenty-four hours. This is to release the lining of your uterus.”

I take the pills from him. I stare at the first one and then throw it back, not giving myself a chance to think things through. I put the other in my purse. “I will need to see you for a follow-up in six weeks. This pamphlet explains further how you should feel and what to expect. It also tells you when you should worry and contact a doctor.” I put it in my purse and leave the office without a word. The picketers are gone when I head to my car, which is a small blessing.

When I get back to my apartment, I call into work that night, telling them I have the flu. Jen answered, and I’m sure could tell I was lying based on her tone of voice, but she didn’t question me. “I’ll let Deidre know you won’t be in tonight. Feel better, hun.”

A few hours later, I take the next pill and climb into bed. From somewhere deep inside more tears come. I thought I was all cried out, but this time, the tears don’t stop. I cry until I fall asleep.

When I wake up, it’s to a horrible sharp pain. The pain is relieved shortly after and I lie back in my bed. A few minutes later, another wave of pain hits me. When it calms, I go to my purse and pull out the pamphlet. I throw it on the bed after reading it as another wave of pain knocks me down to my knees. Contractions. The pills bring on your period by essentially putting you into labor.

I notice there is blood running down my leg. I go to the bathroom and clean up in between contractions, but it’s useless. For the next, I’m not sure how many hours, I lie on the cold bathroom floor crying, sweating through my clothes as contraction after contraction punishes me. It’s the worst pain I have ever felt, and in some way, it’s strangely comforting. I deserve this. I deserve to feel this pain. I’m a horrible person.

*   *   *

I remain barricaded in my apartment for nearly a week. I skip classes and call work to let them know I won’t be returning. There is no way I can face Mitch after what I went through, or anyone else at work, for that matter. If anyone asked questions, I would probably lose it right in the middle of the bar. Not only that, I don’t think I can paste a fake smile on my face anymore. I feel broken. I’m still living, but I’m like a shell of the girl I was. Deep down, I know that my decision was purely out of selfishness and fear. Part of me hates Mitch for it, blames him. The rational part of me knows it was my decision when it came down to it, but another part of me, the irrational part, blames Mitch.

When I start to feel more like myself, I return to classes and even the gym. Luckily, one of the kickboxing aerobics instructors has left unexpectedly, and I could do the classes in my sleep, so I offer to do it. It isn’t as much as I was making at the bar, but I get a free membership. I get paid to work out and I don’t have to see my ex-boyfriend.

Over the last two weeks, Mitch has called me, text me, and left about a million voicemails. I have deleted them all. The thought of him makes my stomach turn and my skin crawl now. I’m on my way out to my car in the morning, when I notice something sitting on the hood of it. I get closer and can see it’s a little souvenir box from a trip we took together filled with my favorite candy accompanied by a single red rose and a note. Against my better judgment, I pick up the note and read it.

Brynn,

Please give me another chance. I will do anything,

I love you.

Love, Mitch

I crumple up the note and take the stuff left on the hood throwing it all in the parking lot dumpster angrily. I kick it and the lid slams down, scaring me and causing me to jump back. Well, that’s just great. That’s what you get for being an angry bitch.

That afternoon, I’m studying when a knock at the door startles me. Looking through the peephole, I see a pretty blonde smiling back at me. What is Jenny doing here? Do I want to talk to her? I lean my head against the door for a moment and sigh before opening it.

“Brynn, open the door. I know you’re here, I saw your car in the lot.” Shit.

Releasing another sigh, I undo the new chain lock and deadbolt I had installed after finding a note on my kitchen table from Mitch one afternoon. I plaster as close to a fake smile as I can on my face and open the door. “Hey, Jen, how are you? Come in.”

We both walk into the apartment and have a seat on the couch. “Do you want anything to drink?” I ask trying to play a good host. I’m happy to see Jenny, but the last thing I want to do is talk about things.

“No, I’m good. How is school going?”

“Oh, you know. It’s school.”

“Have you found a new job?”

“Yeah, I’m teaching some classes at my gym.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s money, and I get a free membership. Get paid to work out, so it’s kind of a good deal.”

“So who is this new guy you’re seeing? Do I get to meet him?”

“Huh? What new guy?”

“Oh, never mind. So what’s going on with grad school?”

“No, back up. What are you talking about?”

“Brynn, it’s okay. Mitch told us that you guys broke up because you were seeing someone else. I mean, it’s kind of crappy you didn’t break up with him first, but…”

“What the hell are you talking about? Mitch told you we broke up because I was cheating on him? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“So, there isn’t another guy?”

“No, there is just one asshole and his name is Mitch. If I had been cheating on Mitch, why would he be begging me to get back together? Leaving notes everywhere, even breaking in my house to leave them? I cannot believe he told people that!” We are both silent in our thoughts for a minute. I can tell she’s taking it all in, and then it hits me. “Actually, I can totally believe he told people that! That’s what he does, he lies! Our whole relationship was one big fat lie. That man lies so much, I think he believes them himself!”

When I finish my rant, Jenny speaks again. “It kind of all makes sense now. I thought I had walked in on Mitch and Deidre one time making out and they played it off like nothing. I mean, she’s married, so I believed them when they told me it wasn’t what I thought. I’m so stupid.”

“When was this?”

Jenny looks up at me guiltily before answering. “A few months ago.”

“Perfect.”

“I’m sorry, but I thought…I don’t know what I thought, but I believed them.”

“It’s not your fault. He’s good. He’s attractive and smart and charming and a sociopath, which is a bad combo.”

“Whoa.” Another silence pauses between us. “Brynn, what did happen?”

“I’m sorry, Jen, but I just can’t. I just need to be away from him now so I couldn’t come back to work.”

“Yeah, I understand. I miss you there, though. Deidre has been tending bar until they find a replacement and working with her is a nightmare.” 

“I miss you guys, too.”

After Jenny leaves, I spend the rest of the afternoon studying.

Later that night, I’m awoken to the sound of someone banging on my front door. Great, another surprise guest. I look out the peephole at Mitch and my heart drops. “Brynn, open up!” he slurs.

“Mitch, go away! There is nothing to talk about. It’s over! Leave me alone! Please!” I yell through the door.

It is silent on the other side of the door, and I rest my forehead on the door, silently thanking God he decided to leave. Before I can even complete that thought, my face vibrates as he starts banging on the door again.

I whip open the door to confront him—enough is enough! “Look! You need to leave! I don’t want to talk! I don’t even want to look at you! Go home, Mitch!”

“You’re seeing
him,
aren’t you? That guy from the gym!”

“What in Sam hell are you talking about?” I ask confused and it hits me. “Aden? Aden and I are just friends, Mitch! What, have you been watching me?”

“You’re mine, Brynn.”

“No, I was yours. You blew it. I’m no longer your concern. Whom I date or what I do is no longer your business! Now leave!”

“No, he can’t have you!”

The door across the hall creaks open, and an angry looking couple comes out into the hall.

“Is there a problem here?” the guy asks.

“No, he was just leaving,” I say glaring at Mitch.

“Fine, fine, I’ll leave.” He continues to slur and leans in. “If I can’t have you, no one will,” he whispers to only me before turning to leave.

When he’s gone, I apologize to the neighbors for the disturbance and promise them it won’t happen again. They are sympathetic and suggested I file a police report. Mitch is hurt I broke up with him, but he wouldn’t hurt me. Would he? Nah, he was just drunk.

*   *   *

I carry on teaching kickboxing and going to classes for the last little bit of the semester. I mended things with Mom and Mel, sort of. I’ve been vague, and no one knows I broke up with Mitch yet, because I’m stubborn and prideful. Also, because I don’t want to explain anything that happened. I don’t know what I’ll tell people yet, so instead, I avoid the subject altogether. I have decided to go to school in New York, no longer because it’s my dream, but more so because I need to get away. I can start fresh in New York.

Mitch continues leaving notes on my car, which I just throw in the garbage without even looking at them. There is really no point. It’s over, and I’m leaving for New York in a few days. My things in the apartment are mostly packed up in boxes, all ready to go. My roommate, Ashley, still has another semester so she will be staying—why, I don’t understand. She’s never there anyway. Tonight, I’m teaching my last aerobics class at the gym.

It’s the last class of the night right before closing. I rarely see Aden at the gym, so I’m excited when I emerge from the locker room with my things and run into him.

“Hey, there!” I smile a real smile for the first time in a long while. “I’m so glad you’re the one closing so I get to say goodbye. I’m leaving for New York in a few days.”

“It’s one of my last closes, too. I leave for Iowa in about a week.”

“Aden, that’s awesome! Good luck! Wow, it really cleared out while I was getting my stuff,” I say looking around noticing there are no people left in the gym other than Aden, myself, and another girl, who works the front desk.

“Yeah, after the last class, it usually empties pretty fast in here.”

“You girls have all your stuff?” Aden asks, throwing his gym bag over his shoulder, and then spinning his keys on his pointer finger.

“Yep,” we both answer simultaneously.

We do a sweep through, and then head toward the front double glass doors.

“Crap. It’s pouring rain!”

“It sure is!” We walk through the doors and stand under the awning while Aden locks the door.

I say goodbye to them both and hug Aden a final goodbye. We all run from the awning to our cars in the dark parking lot. Unfortunately, their cars were on one far end of the lot and while mine was around the corner of the opposite end of the colossal building. I run as fast as I can in the rain to my car. When I get the key in the car door, I see something big out of the corner of my eye. A tall male in a hooded sweatshirt is walking toward me. I can’t make out who it is in the dark and the rain, but I move to unlock my car and get in as fast as I can. I slide into the car and go to slam the door and lock it, but before I can close it, a hand reaches out yanking the door. The next thing I know, Mitch has his whole body in the door so that I can’t close it.

“Mitch? What are you doing? It’s pouring rain!”

“You are mine!” he says, reaching into the car and pulling me out by my ponytail.

I scream, or at least I think I do. It all happens so fast that it’s a blur. My head slams against the side of the car before I can even have a coherent thought.

“I told you! No one is going to have you! You are mine, Brynn!” He slaps me across the face so hard I fall to the asphalt with a thud. Pain shoots through my side as I hit the ground, and my face is on fire where he hit me. Rain continues to pour down on me as panic sets in. I can barely move because the fall knocked the wind out of me. “Get up!” he says picking me up off the ground. “You can’t leave me! You promised me! Don’t you remember?” he screams in my face before he slaps me so hard my jaw makes an awful cracking noise. The impact of his hand is worse because this time he holds me up so I don’t fall.

I hear a loud crack. I think it’s thunder I’m hearing, but then I fall to the ground again. I wince, open my eyes, and see Mitch is on the ground too with blood down the side of his face. Aden is standing over him with a metal baseball bat hitting him over and over. I snap out of it and jump up.