Seasons (11 page)

“I thought…” I try again. “I thought you loved me. I thought this, you and I,” I gesture between us with my hands. “I thought we were forever.” I manage to get out before sobs rack my entire body.

“We are. We still can be!” I notice for the first time he has tears streaming down his face too. “We could do this long distance for now? Or you could transfer too?” He says it again, and I just look at him in disbelief. I have a scholarship here. How could I possibly pick up and move across the country two weeks before school starts? Long distance? Three fucking thousand miles apart. How could that even work? The ugly truth is he’s leaving me. The entire world as I thought I knew it just crashed and burned, for the second time in my life. The worst part is I had no warning, not a clue…again.

“Charlie…” I say calmly. He looks up at me. “Take me home.” He starts shaking his head no in response as tears continue to stream down his face.

“Take me home, please! Otherwise, I’ll walk. I need to be alone.”

“Brynn, please,” he pleads.

“Please you! You promised me! You said it was no big deal! It’s a big fucking deal, okay? HUGE! I just want to be alone, now take me home…please.” I beg him, blinded by my own tears.

When we pull up in my driveway, Charlie puts the car in park and looks over at me. He looks broken. He pulls me into a hug and I let him. I hug him back, and we both hold on for dear life, crying ugly tears on each other’s shoulders.

After a little while, I pull away. Both of our shirts are soaked in tears. I get out of the truck without looking at him, close the door, and head for the porch. I walk through the front door and it slams behind me. I hate that door.

*   *   *

When I walk in, Mom is sitting at the bottom of the stairs with knowing eyes. I run to her and collapse in her arms.

“He’s leaving me, Mom, he’s leaving,” I manage through sobs.

“I know, baby. I’m so, so sorry,” she soothes, and I can tell from her voice that she’s crying, too.

“Why…” I sob. “I thought he loved me, but he’s, he’s just leaving me behind!” I blubber.

I cry for what seems like forever, cradled in my mom’s arms on the stairs. I cry huge, breath-stealing sobs from the pit of my being. I cry until I think I have no tears left to cry, and she lets me.

“Baby, look at me. That boy loves you. I don’t think I have ever seen a boy admire a girl like Charlie does you.”

“Then why is he leaving?”

“I don’t know. Just something he has to do, I suppose.”

I finally peel myself from my mom and stand. “I’m going to go lie down for a bit,” I say as I walk up the stairs and climb into bed still wearing my shoes. A fresh wave of tears and sobs assault me and I cry into my pillow until I fall asleep from exhaustion.

Sometime later, Mom comes in to check on me. She slides into the bed and runs her hand down my hair. I look over at her and ask, “Mom, do you believe in true love?”

“True love?” she asks confused.

“Do you believe in ‘the one’ and all that? That you only get one true love?”

“I think there are a lot of people who can fit together, but I don’t believe there is only one person in the world for you or me or anyone else.”

“Do you believe with me and Charlie that it was true love?”

“I think when you are seventeen, it’s always true love,” she states simply, and I look at her waiting for her to continue. “I think what you and Charlie have is very special. I think you truly love each other, very much. But I don’t think that he’s the only person in the entire world that you could ever love, or will ever love you.”

“Mom…it hurts so much. I don’t want him to go.”

“I know, baby. I know,” she says as a tear slips down her face, too.

I stay in bed watching movies and sleeping for days, barely even eating, let alone doing anything else. My phone has been going off like crazy, but I ignore it. On the second day, I turned it off before chucking it across the room. Melanie came by to check on me a few days later after having talked to Charlie. She stayed the night, and we watched movies in silence.

About a week later, Mom had had enough. She marched into my room on a mission, throwing open the drapes before dragging me out of bed. In the bathroom, she shoved me into the shower and turned on the cold water.

“I love you, but you cannot let this be the end of you. I know how much you love him, Brynn. Trust me, I do. But sometimes, baby, life is hard, and our only choice is to face it and move on! Take a shower, get dressed, and come down to dinner. I’m making your favorite and you will eat it! Capiché?” she says before closing the shower curtain and storming out of the bathroom.

After dinner, the doorbell rings, and I drag myself to answer the door. I’m less than shocked when I open it to Charlie.

“Hi,” I say, trying to sound neutral, but it comes out in a sad voice.

His eyes are red-rimmed like mine. “Hi,” he responds. “Can we talk, please? I can’t leave without at least talking to you, Brynn.”

I walk out and have a seat on the porch stairs, patting the spot next to me, inviting him to have a seat, also.

“I miss you so much,” he starts.

“I miss you, too,” I whisper barely holding myself together.

“The house is packed. It’s so empty.” He pauses. “Brynn, I don’t know how to leave you behind. I love you so much.” He breaks down in front of me and I come apart, too. I throw myself in his arms, knowing this is the last time I may ever hug Charlie Salazar. That thought strikes me—
the last time
. I pull back and look him in the eyes. I crash my lips to his. I kiss him like I have never kissed him before, pouring everything I want to say, but can’t into that one kiss.

We cry and hold each other late into the night in mostly quiet. There is nothing left to say. He’s leaving. Just as the sun is coming up, he says his final goodbye and gets in his truck. He reverses down my driveway. Fresh tears spring to my eyes at the thought that this will be the last time I see that blue truck. There are a million things I should have said. Maybe I should have begged him to stay. Begged him not to go, not to leave me. Maybe he would have stayed. But I didn’t. Instead, I watched him go, taking a piece of my heart with him.

When the truck is out of sight, I remain in place for a moment. I watch as the wisps of the last dandelion in sight blow away in the wind before turning to go inside. When I walk in the house, the door slams behind me sounding the end of an era. The end of my innocence.

When I said goodbye to Charlie, I said goodbye to the first big chapter of my life.

The flower that wilted last year is gone.

Petals once fallen are fallen forever.

And as it is for spring flowers, so it is for us.”

~Unknown

Summer

“Trev, can you reach a pair of jeans for me in the back, please? The new dark wash boot cut in a size thirty-six thirty-two. They’re on the top shelf. Please and thank you?” I ask in my sweetest voice while batting my eyelashes in mock flirting.

“Sure thing, be right back.” Trevor smiles before disappearing through the opening to the back room of the store.

“Sorry about that. It will be just a moment. We really need to get a step stool back there,” I address the customer waiting at the cash-wrap desk.

The first year of college, I focused solely on school and my grades. It was the summer before my sophomore school year, and I was taking summer courses so I stayed on campus. I took a part-time job at a trendy men’s clothing store for spending cash. I moved into an apartment-dorm two weeks ago, but I still go home almost every weekend. I hate that Mom is all alone in the house now, so that’s my way to keep an eye on her.

A few hours later, I’m just finishing refolding the stacks when Trevor walks out of the back from doing the closing paperwork. “The floor looks good. You ready to go, doll?” he asks.

“Yep, just have to grab my things from the back.” I place the last pair of folded slacks on the stack and grab my purse from the employee area. When I emerge from the backroom, all the lights are off and Trevor is waiting at the glass doors in the front of the store twirling his keys.

“Impatient much? Oh, wait. Are you seeing Adam tonight?” I ask excitedly. Trevor is the manager of the store, but he also got me the job. He goes to the University of Maine, and he has taken me under his wing. The first week I was at campus I was a lost puppy. I bumped into Trevor while looking at my campus map. He helped me find my class, showed me around, and we have been inseparable since. Trevor has been my pseudo-Melanie since she’s off being amazing at a fancy design school in New York.

“I am.” He grins so wide his gorgeous, almost teal eyes sparkle. “We’re grabbing dinner and a movie. We were thinking about hitting the clubs downtown this weekend. You should come with us.”

“I don’t know, I…”

“Have to study?” he interrupts. We are walking out to the parking lot when he stops and turns to look me in the eye and puts both hands on either of my shoulders. “You’re coming. Studying can wait! Darling, your youth is slipping away while you hide that pretty little nose of yours in books.”

I let out an annoyed sigh. “Okay,” I agree in defeat.

“Good, I was going to club you and drag you no matter what you said. This way will be much easier,” he says with victory, releasing me.

“Yeah, yeah! Have fun with Aaaaadam tonight!”

He winks at me. “I will, see you tomorrow, baby girl!”

We both get in our cars and wait to see that both cars have started before pulling out of the parking lot. I adore Trevor and am so thankful I met him that first week. I was a hot mess after Charlie left. He messaged me when he got to Seattle, but we have not really kept in contact since. We didn’t discuss it, but I think we both thought it’d be easier to move on if we didn’t talk. On the other hand, maybe I was alone in thinking that. Either way, we rarely talk other than a ‘How are you?’ email here and there. It isn’t easier, by the way. It gets a little better all the time, though. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore, so that’s a step in the right direction, I suppose.

Trevor saved me. I was lost, literally and figuratively, and he showed me around campus and brought laughter back to my life. He looks after me like an older brother. He and Adam are perfect for each other. I couldn’t be happier for them. Unfortunately for me, Adam is somewhat of a matchmaker, though. He keeps trying to set me up on dates that I have no desire to go on. I have enough on my plate with school and work. I certainly don’t need a boyfriend, and really, what is the point anyway?

When I walk through the door to my apartment, I kick off my heels, lean my back against the door, and sigh in relief. Working in heels kills my feet.

My roommate, Ashley, isn’t home. No shock there. She has a boyfriend a mile off campus and spends almost every night at his place. That’s fine with me. I prefer the quiet to study. I strip as I walk across the room, freeing myself of my confining work clothes. I throw on my favorite pajamas and get ready for bed. I’m too exhausted to use my brain for anything constructive, so I climb into bed and fall asleep watching Lifetime, because some things never change.

The next day, I hit the gym before class. I joined a gym a couple miles off campus. The school’s facility has neither the classes I like nor a track. After my kickboxing class, I grab my purse out of the lockers and head out. I’m walking out the doors to the parking lot, drinking from my bottle of water, when I see
him
. This gorgeous, muscular guy is swinging his leg over his crotch rocket. He has on mesh workout pants and a sporty polo with the club’s logo, so he must be one of their trainers. His hair is short and light brown, I can’t tell his eye color from where I am. His biceps are as big as my thighs, though! His shirt looks strained over all his muscle, and I swear, the rim of his short sleeves would burst if he flexed. He doesn’t even look my way. With a loud growl, his bike starts, and a second later, he takes off out of the parking lot. I wipe the water or possibly drool from my mouth with the back of my hand before heading to my car.

That afternoon, I call Mom after my classes to let her know I wouldn’t be coming home this weekend since Trevor conned me into hitting the bar scene. She surprised me when she seemed relieved that I wasn’t coming home this weekend. She agrees with Trevor that I need to go out more and
enjoy the
college experience
as she calls it. If I didn’t know any better, I would think she was hiding something from me, but I shrug it off.

After talking to Mom, I fit in a quick nap so I can make it through the long night I’m sure to have when I go out with Trevor and Adam. Feeling refreshed, I shower, blow dry, and run a large barrel hot iron through my hair, perfecting my waves. Just for fun, I do a smoky eye but leave my lips neutral with some gloss. When I get dressed, I opt for a black, tube mini dress, and black fuck-me pumps. When I’m ready to go, I throw a few things in my clutch. I include a hair tie—knowing Trevor, we will be dancing all night and I’ll need to throw my hair up when it gets hot.

As I snap my clutch closed, I hear a knock at the door. Teal eyes greet me when I open the door. Trevor lets out a slow whistle as he looks me up and down. He takes my hand spinning me as he says, “Baby girl, you look fantastic!”

“You think? Not too much?”

“Nope, perfect! You ready? They’re waiting in the car for us.” He slips in the ending as if I wouldn’t catch it.

“They?” I ask with an arched brow.

“Adam and a friend of his,” he says, locking his arm in mine and ushering me out the door before I can protest.
Crap.

I follow him grudgingly down to the car. Trevor opens the passenger side door to Adam’s Prius for me letting me ride shotgun. I slide in and lean over giving Adam a kiss hello on the cheek, afraid to look to see who is in the backseat. I take a deep breath, bracing myself to fake smile and play nice with whomever Adam has brought along this time. Before I can make a full rotation to turn and say hello, I’m thrown off balance. I hear a familiar voice say, “Hello, Brynn. Long time, no see.”

I come face to face with Ian as the last word comes out of his mouth—his words replaced with a huge smile now.

“Ian! Oh, come on!” I turn back to Adam and then to Trevor as he slides in the backseat.

“You two know each other?” Adam asks.

“Hey, Trev?” I ask as he closes the door to the car. “Do you remember that funny story I told you about that douche I dated for a minute? The one I ran into at a party sucking face with some blonde bimbo?”

“Yeah, vaguely, why?”

“Meet the douche,” I say with a chuckle before turning back around in my seat.

Trevor and Adam both start laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“That’s not fair. That was years ago,” Ian protests.

I turn back around. “It’s cool, Ian. I’m relieved, actually. Now I don’t have to pretend to like some guy who Adam is trying to set me up with. Let’s go, boys.” Adam gives me an apologetic look as he starts the car. I just smile back.

Trevor and Adam tease Ian about it the whole way to the club. We hit up Level first, which is just a typical nightclub. We are there fairly early, so the line is minimal, and we get in within a few minutes. The club is a two level open floor plan. The upstairs is actually a balcony all the way around the club with tables where people can sit and watch the crowd dancing below. Downstairs, there is a huge open dance floor in the center and a bar along the front and back of the club. There are glossy high top tables along the walls from bar to bar. The club is beautifully decorated with two huge chandeliers hanging down from the high ceiling above the dance floor. Everything in the club is silver and black. The lights are low and the dance floor is already packed.

We grab a table on the outer edge near the back bar. “Adam and I will go grab the first round. What do you guys want?” Trevor asks.

“Vodka cranberry with a lime,” Ian requests.

I giggle at Ian’s girly drink order. “Jack and soda, no fruit, please.”

“That’s my girl,” Trevor says, winking before they turn to head toward the bar.

“Eek, whiskey?” Ian scoffs.

“Yeah, you know, a real drink.” I can’t help the bitchy tone that flows out of me.

Ian shakes his head. I can’t believe of all the people in the world that Adam could have brought along—Ian, Really? Deciding to make the most of the night, I slip on my pleasant face.

“So, Ian, are you a student at USM? I haven’t seen you around campus.” I attempt at civil conversation.

“Yeah, I’m rushing a frat this fall,” Ian brags puffing out his chest. I try to hold the look of disgust that I feel trying to take over my face. How did I ever think this guy was attractive? I mean, he isn’t bad looking as long as he doesn’t talk. As soon as he opens his mouth though, it’s all over.

“That’s cool,” I lie. Luckily, Adam and Trevor come back to the table with our drinks saving me from any further painful conversation. A cocktail server is following behind them with a tray of shots. Oh, Lord, it’s going to be a long night. Trevor hands shots of amber liquid, I would guess Whiskey, around the table.

We all pick up our shots and Ian toasts. “Shake it to the left. Shake it to the right. She who shakes it best drinks on me tonight!”

I groan. All the boys laugh, and we all throw back our shots. I immediately chase it with my drink before grabbing Trevor’s arm. “Come on, you owe me. Let’s go dance.” We make our way to the dance floor and let loose. I love that I can grind on Trevor and it’s like dancing with a girlfriend, just dancing. After a few dances, Ian comes up forcibly cutting in. The liquor must be taking effect because I don’t fight it. I continue dancing with Ian and Trevor heads back toward the table to Adam.

“Look, Brynn. I know I was a dick back in high school,” Ian starts.

“Don’t!” I shout over the music. “Can we just dance?”

Without another word, Ian pushes one of his knees in between my thighs. I spread them just enough to let him in. He pulls me flat against him and I follow him to the beat. Well, if nothing else at least the boy can dance. A few minutes later, Ian takes my hand gingerly spinning me before pulling me up against him with my back to his front. I’m actually enjoying dancing with Ian until I notice he’s a little too happy to be dancing with me. As soon as I feel it, I freeze and pull away a little. I turn and look at him trying to conceal my horror. “Hey, I’m going to run the to the ladies’ room,” I cover.

“Sure, I’ll meet you back at the table.” Ian smiles.

“Sure.” I return his smile but cringe inwardly. I run to the bathroom and make a detour to the bar for a drink before returning to the boys. The bar is two patrons deep so I wiggle in and lean over, hoping a little cleavage will get me my much-needed drink faster. The bartender comes over and I order my usual.

“A woman who drinks whiskey is very sexy.” A deep voice to my left startles me. I turn and sitting in a chair at the bar is the hot motorcycle guy from the gym earlier today. Holy shit. He looked good earlier, but in dark jeans and a black button-down, he looks edible. “I got it,” he says, paying when the bartender returns with my drink.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to do that.” I smile.

“This sounds like a cliché pick up line, but you look very familiar.”

“I think I’ve seen you around the gym I go to,” I say and see the recognition in his face.

“You do the kickboxing classes?” he asks.

“Yeah, do you work there or something?”

“I’m a personal trainer. My name is Aden, by the way. Aden Riley.”

Even his name is sexy. I’m in so much trouble. “Brynn Carsten,” I manage.

“Brynn,” he says as if he’s testing it out. My name has never sounded so good. “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Oh, he’s good.

“So, Brynn Carsten, is that your boyfriend over there? The one giving me dirty looks?”

Boyfriend? I follow Aden’s line of sight. He’s looking over to the table where the boys are and sure enough, Ian is glaring in our direction. “Not hardly,” I chuckle. “He is just a friend of a friend.”