Season of Passion (31 page)

Is that why you're upset? God, I thought you'd been fired.

I might as well have been. He had been thinking all day about quitting. Hell, any one of a dozen shows in L.A. would love to have him. But she was looking at him in astonishment.

Are you crazy? What's the big deal?

I'll never see you, for chrissake. Doesn't that matter to you? He looked as if he were going to cry, but Kate was smiling.

So I'll move to San Francisco. So what? She looked at him as though he were being ridiculous, and he closed his eyes and then opened them with a tired smile.

You'd do that for me, Kate?

Sure. Or would that only make problems for you? Maybe it wasn't what he wanted after all. Maybe he still wanted some freedom. But so did she. They could still have freedom and each other.

Problems? Lady, you are amazing. And then he had a thought. But what'll you do with the house?

We can use it on weekends. And the timing is perfect for school. We'll just enroll Tygue someplace up there, and he can start the school year next month, along with everyone else. She had thought it all out the last time he'd mentioned the possibility of the move. But she hadn't said anything to him, and he had been worried sick.

Are you serious about all this, Kate? He still couldn't believe it. But she looked serious. He didn't know whether to laugh, or cry, or dance. Of course I'm serious, Mr. Charming. Oh Kate ' He held her in his arms for hours.

The weeks of worry had been for nothing. It was going to be a whole new life. Together.

Her heels clattered through the empty room, leaving an echo behind her. It was a large open room with an endless span of picture window looking out on the Bay. The floors were a beautiful dark inlaid wood and there were bronze sconces on the wall. To the left, they could see the Golden Gate Bridge, to the right Alcatraz, and Angel Island sat straight ahead.

It's really a remarkable view. Kate nodded pleasantly, but said nothing. It was a beautiful view ' a splendid view ' but it reminded her a little of the house she had shared with Tom. But that was silly. That had only been an apartment This was a whole house. And a lovely one. Nick said he wanted a house.

She stood in the dining room with the same view of the Bay, her back to the fireplace. It was a warm room with beam ceilings and bay windows instead of the flat picture window of the living room. She squinted, seeing white organdie curtains and plants, inviting cushions in the window seats, a soft white rug, and a rich, dark wood table' . She squinted again, seeing it all, and started to smile.

I'm going to take a look at the upstairs again. The realtor nodded silently this time. She was tired. They had been doing this for three days, and there was nothing left to show. Kate had seen everything.

Sunken living rooms, sweeping views, seven bedrooms, and only three, wood paneling, marble floors, crooked Victorians in need of work. She had seen everything from the decrepit to the divine in Pacific Heights and Presidio Heights, along the Presidio Wall and on Lake Street, and even on Russian Hill. But she seemed to know exactly what she wanted, and she apparently hadn't seen it yet. Her kind was the worst. She wasn't going to settle for anything less than the house she had laid out in her head. The realtor sat down heavily in the window seat, and flipped through her book for the thirtieth time in three days. This was it. It was the last suitable rental she had. She could hear Kate wandering around the uncarpeted rooms above, and then she noticed her footsteps stop.

Upstairs, Kate was looking out at the view from the master bedroom. The Bay again, and the same cozy window seats that she had seen downstairs in the dining room, a tiny fireplace with a marble mantelpiece, and a dressing room just big enough for a flea to change shoes in. But there was a friendliness to the place. She could imagine Nick passing her in the hall, squeezing past her in the dressing room and pinching her behind as he reached into his closet. She could imagine sitting in the window seat with Tygue looking out over the Bay at twilight, talking about something important, like baseball or snakes. She could even see Bert here, clattering between the rooms. There were two other bedrooms on the second floor. A large one, which faced the garden at the front of the house, with lots of sunshine and tall French windows. That room could be Tygue's. And another equally pretty bedroom. A guest room perhaps. They didn't really need one. but it was always good to have a spare room. And there was a tiny maid's room be hind the kitchen which she could use as an office. It wasn't pretty, but at least it would give her a room in which she could write.

The kitchen she'd seen downstairs was open and warm, a room to have dinner in when they didn't have guests. It had two brick walls and a built-in barbecue, and the rest of it was painted yellow with a bright yellow ceramic floor. The tiles had been brought over from Portugal by the last tenants. It was perfect ' all it needed was copper pots, and a wrought-iron hook with salamis and peppers ' glass jars filled with spices ' curtains, and the butcher-block table Nick had in his kitchen now. She was bringing very little up from her place in the country. Only a few treasured things, the pretty pieces she had acquired over the years. The ordinary, functional things Nick said they could buy. it would be a little strange setting up housekeeping with him, without being married. What would belong to whom? And who decided what they bought? But Nick seemed to be comfortable with the arrangement, and was giving her carte blanche.

She looked around the bedroom that could be Tygue's again, and down at the well-tended little garden. It was surrounded by a high hedge which would give them privacy, and there was a gate, so Bert couldn't get lost. In fact, the house seemed to have everything they needed. The view and fireplaces and high ceilings Nick had said were a must, an elegant sweeping staircase that led upstairs, and three bedrooms, which even gave them a spare. And a small, dark room near the kitchen in which she could work. She didn't love the workroom, but the rest seemed to be just what they wanted. She sat on the top stair and looked up. Directly over her head there was a skylight, and to her right a slightly open door. More closets maybe. She leaned backward to take a look. It looked like a stairway. She frowned and got up, calling down to the realtor still waiting downstairs.

Is there more upstairs?

There was the sound of shuffling through the now familiar book, and then a vague I'm not sure. And then as Kate walked toward the door, the realtor came to the foot of the stairs. Maybe some kind of an attic. But it doesn't say in the book. It just says here three bedrooms, den, and maid's.'

Den? She hadn't seen a den. There was a den?

The stairway was narrow but carpeted, and the walls were still tapestried with a new-looking beige silk. It hardly looked like the kind of thing you'd put on the way to the attic, and as Kate reached the top of the stairs, she saw why. This was no attic, it wasn't even a den, it was an oasis, a dream. A small, well-proportioned wood-paneled room with a fireplace and a 360-degree view of San Francisco. The Bay, the Presidio, downtown, and the hills leading south. The room was well carpeted, boasted the now familiar bay windows, and there was even a little extension to it, a kind of solarium, which would be heavenly when it was filled with plants. And there would still be room for a desk and her file cabinets. The extension had two discreet glass French doors, which did not impair the view, but still allowed one to shut oneself off ' the perfect office. And a wonderful room to sit quietly in with Nick, after he did the show. They could light the fire and look out at the city. Their special hideaway, a room to fill with beauty and children and love. The whole house was that way. It was exactly what she had wanted. Better than that. It was exactly what she had dreamed, and known they would never find. Beauty, elegance, simplicity, warmth, privacy, and convenience. The realtor had thought she was crazy when she'd ticked them off. But she'd found them all in one house. And it didn't look a bit like the house she'd had with Tom.

We'll take it. She said it in a decisive voice as she turned to the realtor, who had followed her upstairs.

It's a remarkable place, the woman agreed.

Kate nodded victoriously. It's perfect. She was beaming. She could hardly wait to show Nick. How soon can we have it?

Tomorrow. The realtor grinned. They had done it after all. She couldn't get over it. She had been sure this one was hopeless. The woman wanted everything and wouldn't settle for less. But that upstairs room did make the house an incredible find. Why the hell hadn't someone else snatched it up? Maybe no one else had noticed the upstairs room before. It wasn't on the listing. It says here that it's available immediately. We can draw up the lease and it's yours.

I really ought to show it to ' to my husband. But I'm absolutely sure. This is it. In fact, just to be sure of it' how much do they require as a deposit? The realtor checked her book again and came up with a most unexceptionable figure. Kate wanted to shriek That's all? but she kept quiet. This one was too good to blow. She hastily wrote out a check and handed it to the woman. I'll bring him back tonight.

She did, and he fell in love with it too. Isn't it super? With him she could be exuberant. Oh Nick, I love it! She plonked herself down in one of the window seats with a grin.

I love you. He walked over to her with a peaceful smile, and then looked out at the bay. But I love the house too. It's going to look terrific with you and Tygue running around in it.

And Bert. She corrected him with a serious look.

Excuse me. And Bert. But not Brownie, if you please. I've already called the stable in the park. They'll give Brownie a very comfortable stall. At about the same price we'll be paying to rent this house.

God, how awful. Maybe we should leave him in Santa Barbara.

Hell no. You can't do that to Tygue. Besides, I think I can still manage it. He was looking around what Kate was already calling the Ivory Tower, the wood-paneled room on the top floor. He could already imagine nights in front of the fire, Kate in his arms, the lights across the Bay twinkling just past Angel Island, and Tygue sound asleep downstairs. Or he could see Kate busy at her desk on the other side of the glass doors, oblivious to anything but her work, concocting a new book on the typewriter with three pencils and a pen stuck haphazardly into her hair. He loved what he saw, in his mind and around him.

Do you think we should take it? She was smiling at him like a child, anxious and excited and proud.

He laughed. You're asking my advice? I thought that was already settled, Cinderella. I owe you for that deposit, by the way.

The hell you do. That was my share.

What share? He looked at her in surprise.

You don't expect to support me, do you? We go fifty-fifty on this. Don't we? She suddenly looked embarrassed. They had not yet discussed the financial aspect of the move.

Are you serious? Nick looked offended. Of course I expect to support you.

But you're not marrying me, for chrissake. We're just living together.

That's your decision, not mine. Tygue is your responsibility, if you like, but you're mine. I'm not going to have you paying rent to live here.

That doesn't seem fair.

Then mind your own business. And I'd happily support Tygue too, if you'd agree. He looked at her seriously, but she shook her head.

Nick ' She looked across at him with a tender look in her eyes. It had been only two months, and he was offering her everything. He was offering to support her, entertain her, take care of her, take on her son. It was all very much like a dream. Why are you always so good to me.

Because you deserve it, and I love you. He sat down next to her in the window seat. I'd do more, if you'd let me.

What more is there? She looked around with a twinkle in her eye, but he was looking unusually serious.

Marriage. He said it very softly, and she looked away. You still won't even consider it, will you? But hell, it had been only two months. And she still hadn't told him about Tom. In time ' he knew that in time ' at least that was what he hoped. And he liked the idea of the spare bedroom next to Tygue's. He had an excellent idea of how to fill it, and not with friends from L.A. or New York. But Nick was looking at her very carefully in the twilight and she finally lifted her eyes to his. And then very carefully she put her arms around him and held him very tight.

I'm sorry, Nick. But I can't think of marriage ' I can't. She sounded as though something were breaking inside of her.

Are you still hung up on your husband? He didn't want to push, but he couldn't let this go.

No. Not in the way you mean. I accept what happened. I told you. He's gone. Part of another life, another century. And the funny thing is that you already know me better than he ever did. And then she felt like a traitor for saying that Tom had known her perfectly, but she had been a girl, a child, not yet a woman, not until the end. She hadn't even known herself then. But she did now, and Nick knew her too. It was a very different relationship. But you still hang on to him, don't you? She started to say no, but then nodded. In some ways. Why?

Maybe out of loyalty. Out of what we once had. It was a strange double-edged conversation. She was answering his questions with more truth than she thought he understood. You can't live like that forever, Kate. I know. I just always knew I'd never remarry. That's ridiculous. He stood up with a sigh then. We can talk about it later. In the meantime, Cinderella he looked down at her with the smile that never failed to melt her welcome home. He took her face in his hands and kissed her very gently.

Three weeks later, they moved in, amidst chaos and laughter and loving. Tygue ensconced himself in his room, Bert took over the entire house, the kitchen became everyone's favorite meeting place, and the maid's room became an instant depository for ice skates, bicycles, and skis. Nick was teaching Tygue to skate, and he was going to take them both skiing as soon as the first snows came. The dining room looked just as she had envisioned it, with a table they found at an auction, with eight rustic old ladder-back chairs, and white organdie curtains. The living room was a little grand for everyday, in brown velvets and beige silks, but it would be perfect for entertaining Nick's friends, or people from the show. And the room upstairs became just what they had dreamed. A love nest. When they were not tucked into their cluttered Victorian blue and white bedroom, they were to be found hiding out in the wood-paneled room upstairs. Kate filled it with plants and books, some old paintings she loved, the leather chairs Nick liked best from his apartment, and his most treasured private things-trophies of his boyhood, favorite photographs, and the stuffed head of a lion smoking a hysterically oversized cigar, one eye sewn into a wink. There was also a tuba hanging from the wall, in memory of a past even more distant than that commemorated by the trophies or the lion, and there were endless baby pictures of Tygue. Her past seemed to go no further back than that. But before Tygue had come her parents, and Tom, and both of those eras were now closed. This was a new life. And she made it that when she moved up from the country. Just as she had when she'd moved down there. She closed a door behind her with each move.