Search Me (21 page)

His eyes drilled into mine. “Frankly, I think it’s bullshit that
you’re
the one running this time, not me, but my dick has a mind of its own.”

Salty rivers of sweat poured down my back at our exertions. Maddox’s breath scorched against my ear. “So are you going to let me finish talking to you now?” Although he had asked, I could tell he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Mmm, hmm,” I muttered, my mind lost in the fog that Maddox’s body was causing me.

The band changed songs, and Maddox pushed me away from him. We stood staring at each other, our chests rising and falling, as we tried catching our breaths and coming out of our sex haze. While couples slow-danced around us, we still stood apart.

Sweeping a hand to my hips, I said, “Okay, so why wasn’t I stupid to think you couldn’t care for me?”

Maddox rolled his eyes. “Lane, don’t you see? I didn’t want you to be in love with me because
I
wasn’t good enough for
you
.”

My mouth gaped open in shock. Surely I hadn’t heard him right. How was it remotely possible that Mr. Dreamy Diaz could think he wasn’t good enough for me? “E-Excuse m-me?” I sputtered.

He threw up his hands. “Jesus, how plain do I have to make it for you? I
was
falling for you. And I was so scared about Basic and what it would mean to us when I shipped out. Not to mention there was the fact you were just sixteen. I didn’t think it was fair to you to ask you to give up so much of your life to wait for me.”

I blinked a few times as I tried processing his words. “Wait…you mean, you really did care for me, and I wasn’t making the whole thing up in my mind?”

“Of course I did.” He gave me a tentative smile. “How could I not care about someone as amazing and wonderful as you?”

Wait, he thought I was
amazing
and
wonderful
? Somehow over the band’s raging music I thought I couldn’t possibly be hearing him right. Shaking my head, I countered, “But if it was just the age thing and Basic, I would have much rather have waited on you instead of thinking you were repulsed by me.”

Maddox grimaced. “Because I really was thinking of you, instead of me. I hoped that if I hurt you enough, you’d find someone else who would actually deserve you—someone who wasn’t fucked up and damaged from his childhood. You needed someone who would treat you like you deserved and could give you the moon and stars.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “But as much as I wanted to forget you and fought like hell to, I never could stop feeling for you…liking you.”

I sucked in a harsh breath. “So the Poison song? That was about…”

“You.”

The next thing I knew he was jerking me to him to where our faces were only inches apart. I couldn’t believe this moment was actually happening. Maddox was standing before me admitting that he had cared for me. He stared into my eyes, searching them for what seemed like an eternity. It was so intense that I had to fight to catch my breath. “Lane, I…”

I knew he was struggling with the words—words I was pretty sure he had only said to his parents, his sister, and to Maudie. But I still wanted to hear him say them to me. His jaw clenched with frustration. Finally, he practically growled, “Oh fuck it!” He grabbed my face in his hands. “I love you, Lane!”

I closed my eyes to still the spinning room. His admission, along with the alcohol, had sent me on an out-of-control emotional merry-go-round. After all this time, he had really cared about me more than just a friend. More than that, he loved me. Over the years, I’d allowed myself to fantasize about a moment like this—one where Maddox came swooping in to tell me I was his one and only. Of course, I’d never quite imagined we would be on the run from a bloodthirsty treasure seeker or standing in the middle of a dive of a bar. His proclamation, coupled with the last twenty-four hours, was just too much, and I staggered on my feet.

“Lane, are you okay?” Maddox asked.

I glanced up to see two of him, staring at me with concern. “Considering I’m seeing double of you, probably not.”

“Dammit. Of all the times you had to get drunk!” He then wrapped an arm around my waist for support and started easing me off the dance floor. He steered me over to the bar where West was mixing drinks.

“Hey man, we’re done for the night.”

West slid two glasses full of dark alcohol toward Tina before staring intently at me. “Oh yeah. She’s done,” he replied. His hands felt around under the bar before returning with a key. “Here ya go. There’s clean sheets on the bed, and then there should be some clean towels in the closet.” He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen. “Go through there and take a right out the back door. The room’s at the top of the stairs.”

“Thanks,” Maddox said, taking the key.

“Night sweet thing,” West teased.

“Night,” I murmured.

“Dickhead,” Maddox called over his shoulder as he pulled me to the kitchen. I stumbled a little as we weaved our way through the boxes and equipment. Besides the dizziness, it felt like someone was stabbing me between the eyes with an ice pick. The moment we got outside I sighed with relief. I gulped in the fresh air not tainted with cigarette smoke.

“Come on. Just a little further,” he said, nudging me to the right.

When he came to a stop, I lifted my head and gazed up the flight of stairs. They seemed to spiral to infinity and beyond. Thoughts of climbing them made the brass band beating in my head even worse. “I can’t make it up there,” I whined.

“You don’t have to.” Maddox then took my arm and slung it over his shoulder. He then stooped over and cuffed one arm under my knees. In one swooping motion, he swept me off my feet. My eyes widened in horror. “You’re going to carry me?”

“You said you couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean for you to do this. This is so embarrasking,” I moaned.

“Embarrasking?” Maddox questioned with a snort.

“You know what I mean,” I slurred. The alcohol seemed to be having an even greater effect on me.

“Yeah, well, regardless of how you say it, I would’ve rather you thought it was romantic,” Maddox mumbled.

When I glanced up, I caught the flicker of his wounded expression before he hardened his face. “Aw, I’m sorry. Didn’t realize you were tryin’ to be romantic.”

Maddox rolled his eyes. “All right, you better hold on tight. I’d hate to drop your helpless ass on the steps.”

With a squeak, I brought my other arm around his neck and clasped my hands together. Our faces were mere inches apart, and the intoxicating mixture of his woodsy smell and tequila invaded my inebriated senses. “You’re soooo strong, Maddox.”

When I glanced up at him, he huffed out a frustrated breath. “I can’t believe you got drunk off your ass. Literally.”

I hiccupped. “Yeah, well, you…you shouldn’t have told that guy—” I peered up at Maddox. “What’s Sebastian’s real name again?”

Amusement twinkled in Maddox’s eyes. “You mean West.”

“That’s right. West. You shouldn’t have told West I wouldn’t drink. I hate it when you undermine me…I mean, underestimate me. You’ve done that shit since we were kids.”

“Yeah, well, the first shot of tequila proved me wrong, Princess. The last two were out of emotion—anger and frustration mainly.”

“Yeah and whose fault was that?” The exertion of arguing, coupled with the mention of my consumption of four shots of Patron, sent my stomach churning and lurching. “Oh God. Don’t ever talk about alcohol again,” I groaned as we reached the landing.

“Can you stand on your own?” Maddox asked.

“I think so.”

Maddox gently eased me down onto the concrete. As my legs wobbled, I clung to his neck for dear life to keep on my feet. “Whoa, hang on now,” he urged.

In my drunken state, I couldn’t help the shivers of excitement that ran up and down my spine at the feeling of being plastered against his hard chest and abs. Being held tight in his arms had a dizzying effect. I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him, inhaling his shirt.

Tensing, Maddox said, “Lane, I gotta get the door open.”

“But I like it here,” I murmured drowsily.

He sighed. “Come on. We need to get inside so you can lie down.” While I kept my head against his chest, he shifted me to the left. “Let’s try this.” He leaned me up against the wall, keeping one palm splayed against my abdomen to steady me. He then unlocked the door and swung it open. His hand then left my abdomen to wrap around my waist. He led me slowly inside.

We both gazed around the room, taking in its peeling wallpaper, tiny kitchenette, and straight back chairs. It looked like something out of a bad 70’s TV show.

“Ah, a single bed.” A teasing grin gleamed on Maddox’s face. “That should be nice and cozy.”

And that’s when I puked.

All over Maddox.

My eyelids fluttered as I struggled back into consciousness. The smell of smoke mixed with sour milk filled my nostrils. I realized I was face down a ratty mattress. I moved, and pain shot through my arms and legs. Pitch darkness enveloped me except for a tiny beam of light coming through the cracked bathroom door. From the sound of running water, I assumed Maddox was showering.

Groaning, I rolled over in the bed. The small exertion caused my head to spin even more. Cool air hitting my legs made me realize I was absent my jeans. A quick hand swipe over my bare abdomen revealed I was also without a shirt. “What the…” A mixture of white-hot anger and embarrassment coursed through me. Maddox had stripped me while I was passed out. Just when I thought the gentleman in him was overtaking the asshole, he proved me wrong.

I whirled out of bed, which sent the room tilting and spinning around me. As I brought my hand to my forehead to still the maddening twirling, the events of the evening came crashing over me so hard I shuddered. Each and every word Maddox had said to me played like a movie reel in my mind. Oh.My.God. Maddox had come clean with me. He had cared for me all those years ago, and he still cared for me.

And instead of telling him I still loved him, I’d gotten drunk…and then I’d puked on him. Bile rose in my throat, and I raced as best I could across the small trek to the bathroom. I didn’t want to see more of Maddox than I needed to, but I had no choice. As I started to make a beeline for the toilet, a low groan came from inside the shower, and my horror of puking again quickly vanished.

From behind the flimsy excuse for a shower curtain, every chiseled feature of Maddox’s naked body was on display. But instead of scrubbing off the sweat and grime of the day, his soapy hand had a much more definitive purpose. It slid up and down over his straining hard-on.

Even though every fiber of my being told me to get the hell out of there, I stood frozen to the spot, mesmerized by his body’s reactions to what he was doing to himself. With his other hand braced above his head on the grimy tile, he pressed his head against his muscular, tattooed bicep. His face was curved toward me, but thankfully his eyes were pinched shut in ecstasy. Tiny pants and grunts emitted from his lips.

My heartbeat thundered in my chest while a slow, steady burn filled my lower half as I watched what he was doing. “Oh God,” I moaned in a whisper before I could stop myself. Beads of sweat popped and crackled over my skin, and it wasn’t from the hot, steamy water. Wetness filled my panties while my nipples hardened beneath my bra.

But then a moment of clarity broke through my lust haze. I realized I was nothing more than a Peeping Tom getting a thrill from watching Maddox pleasure himself, so I spun around, ready to run out of the bathroom. And then a low, throaty growl of a word caused me to freeze.

“Lane.”

My hand froze on the doorknob while my already frantic breaths kicked up a notch into full on panting. Shit, had he caught me? Turning slowly back around, my hungry gaze honed in on him again. Thankfully, his eyes were still pinched shut. “Oh fuck yes, Lane,” he murmured as his hand began pumping faster and harder. His words caused a dizzying flurry to fill my mind, and I had to reach out for the sink to brace myself or I might have slid to floor. Maddox was fantasizing about me…Maddox was calling out to
me
.

Without another thought, I reached over and snatched back the shower curtain. Maddox jumped so hard that he whirled around, and his back slammed against the other side of the tile. His tanned features paled at the sight of me while his eyebrows shot into his hairline. “What the—”