Scrupulous (An Affliction of Falling Novel Book 1) (25 page)

“Sorry, I never meant to mislead you. It is quite new and the sod isn’t even here.” Feeling like I can be myself for the first time all night, my eyes dampen in frustration. They seem to be springing a leak often these days, is that what he has reduced me to?  Blubbering idiot?

“There must be a good reason for his absence. The connection the two of you have made is obviously profound in this short amount of time if he is showcased in your work and he has relinquished his spot at the club.” His assuring tone is soothing to my nerves.

“You know about that?” I openly question and bite my lower lip in uncertainty.

“Of course. I took on some of his clients. We all look out for one another. Finding one to collar and spend the rest of our days with is quite a common goal. We are happy for him.” Devon’s handsome face lifts fondly in thought as he taps his glass.

“He said that he had but hearing you validate it eases my mind that much more, thank you.”

“You don’t trust him?” Devon cuts his eyes in disapproval.

“I do. We had a bit of a difficult start; trust has been something that we are building.” His Dom edge doesn’t stimulate my submissive side, as palpable and tempting as it may be. Which solidifies what I share with Gavin. Not just anyone can bring that side of me out, thank God. Our unique exchange is something special between us.

“I can appreciate that. He is a difficult character. But I can see why he fell for you.” Devon’s attention lingers on my lips before remembering himself.

“Seriously? You don’t even know me.” I chuckle, my cocky side that had been absent quickly returning.

“You have a special draw. Sexy, confident, smart, talented.” He sits back and sips his glass of wine while assessing me.

“Oh, flattery will get you nowhere, even if he doesn’t show.”

“And that bratty edge is the cherry.” He winks.

“I prefer sass to brat, thank you.” I carelessly laugh, finally feeling like myself, that insecure version gone. “Alright then, no more flirting with the devil. I have a few people to have a word with. Thank you for humoring my sorry ass for a jiff.”

“I didn’t come to humor you, love. I came to procure.”

My perplexed expression answers for me.

“Your art. Your style is what many of my clients look for when wanting to showcase pieces that appeal to guests’ wanderlust.” He sets his glass down and puts on his serious business face.

“You’re serious?”

“You’re surprised?”

“Yes.” My hands come to rest on my stomach as disbelief debases me and I inwardly scramble.

“You really don’t see it?”

“Devon, obviously I don’t.” Is he playing at something?

“Your talent will be taking you places, pet. Here is my card; your sister already adorned my pocket with a stack of your cards. I will be in contact with you.” His determination is cut short by a vacant sigh.

“I have cards?” I squeak. What the hell? This was supposed to be an informal shindig and I’ve been conspired against on a whole new level.

He slips his hand into the inner breast pocket of his jacket and pulls forth a sleek, black card embellished with a lovely lotus flower, my name and number in raised, metallic bronze. A delicate Celtic knot circles the flower. Tracing the card’s edge in thought, sentiment and shock overwhelm me. The cards design mirrored my father’s. He must have had had these made for me but added the lotus.

“Thank you, Devon.” Leaning down, I peck his cheek and disappear to find my daddy.

It doesn’t take long, I find him squared off with the mandala piece, oddly alone as the family has migrated to the DJ’s area.
Oh God, that can’t be good
. Cozying up to the man I have admired my whole life, my head comes to rest on his shoulder and we simply exist like that for a few minutes as if the world was holding still just for us.

“I’m sorry, wee lass. You downright gutted me when you looked at me the way you did, like I was a sudden stranger,” his voice finally croaks, wrought with emotion.

“In that short span, you became one, Daddy.” We’ve never had to pretend between us and honesty always reigned.

“Sorcha Quinn, you have never done anything but make me proud. There is nothing in this world that you could possibly do to change that. And now, for the first time, I clearly see why you walked away from medicine.” He gazes out over my piece, chest puffed up with pride.

“Thank you, Daddy.” I sniff and squeeze his arm.

“You really love the bloke, don’t ya?” He inclines his head toward the center of the piece.

A black-and-white profile of Gavin looking out over the wharf with an intense, heated gaze sits perfectly. I hadn’t intended to use him at all. After months of indecision, the spot had sat empty until the day I developed the roll from our first date. It screamed at me and demanded to be seated where it now resides. 

“I do.”

“Well then, I will do my best to keep an open mind. I don’t understand it and it goes against my instincts to protect you, but I will try.” It seemed almost painful for him to get out, but he wouldn’t have said it if he hadn’t meant it.

“That’s all I can ask.” Squeezing him tight, we don’t get deeper in the exchange as the DJ turns up the volume and dance music reverberates over us.
I knew it
!

“It would seem your friends are ready to turn this into a proper holiday party,” my dad yells over the wall of descending tunes, his face reddening yet youth touches the creases in his brow.

The flow of bodies begin to dance and sway as I scamper off to find my crazy lot, the upscale event immediately shifting into a night none of us will soon forget. My friends and family completely blindsided me by uplifting me into the next phase of my career. I didn’t ask for it or expect it, but I sure as hell couldn’t be mad. Having people who believe in you is a priceless gift. Tonight will go down in the record books, and it is a shame the one person I wanted most by my side remained absent.

Anger isn’t even a factor, but sheer disappointment is. I know there are things he is involved in that he can’t completely tell me about, but he has a phone and we talked about this. Perhaps this is a sign─ things between us were never meant to go beyond what they had.

Our momentary coupling propelled us out of our comfort zones and taught us a lot. Maybe that was the point and all else has run its course. However, the thought of losing him makes my world spin, the floor drop out from under me, and a sickening sense of grave loss takes over. Who would love me the way he did? Who would satiate my new found perverse desires on the level that he did? I had a sneaking suspicion that the type of chemistry we have in the bedroom is not often found and it extended beyond sex. A life without him doesn’t fit; it doesn’t seem right. The whole world looks all wrong in his absence.

The party goes on well into the night; it has been forever since the lot of us has partied together. Marie’s wedding was probably the last time. Even Jade and her husband stopped through for a bit, which made it all the more special. My mum and dad even danced a bit before heading home, dragging a begrudged Shamus with them, claiming they needed to leave the wee hours to the younger ones. Shamus would most likely out-party all of us if left up to him.

After a few more martinis intended to make me forget about the pain my strappy stilettos had been causing me, I dare check my phone one last time. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Fucker. Anger begins to fire up in my belly, and my spiteful side begins to point a finger at me for turning down all the offers to dance from well-dressed men. I had stuck to shimmying with my group of hooligans and fought off the urge to pluck a stranger from the crowd. It would have been a great way to teach Gavin a lesson had he decided to show and walk in to find me with another, but my heart wasn’t into that. My heart was rather beaten black and blue at the moment and didn’t have the desire for games. Thankfully, things have begun to wind down and the crowd is thinning out.

“He never showed?” Samuel pops up out of nowhere and distracts me from my inward rant taking place as I stare out over the dance floor.

“Nope.”

“No call, no show?”

“Nope.”

Samuel sighs heavily in disapproval and puts an arm around my shoulder. I lean into his tall frame, the weight of the world wearing me out.

“He missed one hell of an event.”

“Leave it to you lot to pull out all the stops for a girl.” I pucker my crimson lips at him, earning me a laugh.

“Nothing but the best for you.”

“Ah, thanks.”

“You’re too good for him.”

“Perhaps. Tonight was amazing. Thank you.” Samuel kisses the top of my head. “Alright, you and Reed have a smashing good night. I’m headed home. My dogs are barkin’.”

“See ya, kid.”

After saying my goodbyes and many thanks to everyone, I find myself back home, collapsed on the couch in my favorite robe. After pointlessly flipping through the terrible late-night TV options, I turn it off and lay down on the leather, a crying mess as I can’t hold back any longer.

Holding face all night proved an immense task that almost failed on multiple points when my friends asked after him. I feel lost, broken, and alone─ not to mention confused. Is he lying in a ditch this time? Should I call around to the hospitals? Where do I start to ferret out the truth? Texting Gavin seems pointless; he didn’t answer my previous ones that I sent early in the evening. Needing answers and fearing for Gavin’s safety, I text the almighty, Daz. Another first and only saved for emergencies.

“Sorry to bother you. Gavin never called or showed. Any idea if he is okay or not? Just want to know that he isn’t dead or something.” It doesn’t take long to receive a reply.

“He ran late in the office. Hank just took him to the airport. Keep me out of it.” I can hear his trademark gruff voice in the message. The thought bubble on the messenger pops up, telling me that he is typing again. “Again, good job, pet.”

Screaming in angst, I throw my phone across the room, scream in frustration, and then run to grab it. Phew! It’s intact. Fuck that; Daz doesn’t get off that easy. I’ve slaved for that asshole since ditching out on residency. I’ve missed hours of studio time that had been set aside to work on my pieces to be at his beck and call. I’ve missed out on countless family gatherings and fun times with friends!

Tapping the screen to pull up his number, I get a hint of nostalgia and desire for the satisfaction one had back in the day of angrily pounding out someone’s number on actual buttons. He picks up on the first ring, his smoke-filled voice deeply rolling across the receiver.

“I said leave me out of it, Sorcha.”

“Fuck that and fuck you, Daz. If it wasn’t for you always pulling him around left and right like a dog to do your bidding, he would have come!”

“Jesus, thought he would have straightened out that dirty little mouth of yours by now. Calm the fuck down. He’s a grown-ass man who knows how to use a phone last I checked. I got nothing to do with it.”

“Bullshit, you’ve got everything to do with it. Calling at all hours, expecting us to jump when you snap your fingers. Yeah, he’s a grown-ass man, which is why he’s still on my shit list but so are you. You showed up all supportive and shit and knew very goddamn well that he wasn’t there and didn’t bother to say a damn thing. So thanks a fucking lot for allowing me to not only be pissed but worry myself sick over his well-being. I’ve put up with your shit long enough, you will be lucky if I bother showing up Thursday!” My chest heaves with hot, spiteful breath and I wipe a trace of spittle from my angered lip.

“I don’t know who you think you are talking to but─”

Click.

I hang up and again wish like hell for the old phones that you could slam back down on the receiver in a heated fit. Daz responds to threats about as well as he does to weakness. Too bad I am beyond caring and have jumped fully clothed into the pool of irrationality.

Pulling up Gavin’s number, I carry on my plight and compose a message. “After worrying myself sick, I was finally able to confirm that you did not miss the biggest night of my life because you were lying in a hospital bed or worse. No, you, in fact, were quite well. I dared to believe in you, in us. Words can’t describe my state of disappointment. Maybe I was just your dumping ground, a notch on your headboard to make you feel better about yourself. Who knows why you ran off into the night instead of facing me like a man. In truth, I do hope you find what you are looking for, find your happiness. It breaks my heart to know you don’t respect or care about me enough to allow me to be a part of it. Goodbye, Gavin. This is the end of the line for us.”

Stumbling to bed, I cry myself to sleep. How is it that my world just came crashing down around me on the best night of my life?

Chapter 16

Gavin

The mattress of my childhood bed dips alarmingly low beneath my heft. In my hand sits the text message that has placed me in a daze, unable to enjoy the soothing atmosphere only capable by my mother’s hand. It had lit up my screen as Hank drove me to the airport last night, and my world seemed to come crashing down in an instant. I had fucked up big time, and my asshole tendencies to be one-track minded may have just cost me everything.

The nine-and-a-half-hour flight was a gut-wrenching blur, and my brother James thought I had gone daft on the drive home. I tried to ease his worry by citing work issues but he didn’t buy it. We’ve been close our whole lives and he saw through my attempts. After quick hellos with the parents, I came to my room to rest before supper. I’m not sure how long I’ve sat here for, trying to make heads or tails on how to fix things, but my ass is starting to go numb.

“Oy, ya wanker! Get the fuck up; it’s time to eat!” James pounds on the door and barges in without waiting for a response. Little brothers can be quite annoying.

“Thanks for knocking, asshole,” I grumble, unhappy to be brought back to reality.

“Now, is that any way to speak to your baby brother? Mum’s calling you down, Grandad has just arrived.”

“Alright ya barmy brat. I’m coming!” I bark and get up, the blood rushing to my legs in a fierce burn. I slap him across the back in comradery and follow him down to the dining room. God, the kid has filled out a bit more and is almost as big as me.

“Glad you could finally join us for a proper meal,” my mum says, huffing as she busies about the table, doing I don’t know what.

“Sorry Mum, I’m just tired from the ride over,” I attempt to placate. She is the last person I want to upset. Her shoulders notably drop under the weight of my apology.

“Son, it’s good to have you back for a visit. It’s been way too long,” my pop chimes in as he lights his pipe and Grandad nods along.

“Alright, serve yourselves.” Mum issues the approval to eat, and everyone begins to dig in. I haven’t eaten since last night, yet can’t bring myself to care about food.

“You’re not eatin? You ill, son?” my mum worriedly questions, her short, greying hair adding to the concern taking residence on her pretty face; I never miss a meal.

“That’s not it. It’s a girl who’s got him all worked up.” Grandad grins, his weathered mug quite amused as he points a roll at me. Chatter erupts from the table, and I can’t help but roll my eyes like a petulant child.

“Yes! You are right. That is it! Well, I’ll be. Never thought I’d see the day.” James looks at me in disbelief.

“Alright, enough. I’ve fucked it up well and good anyhow, so it likely doesn’t matter now.” My crestfallen prose hushes any jabs as my family stares at me, slack jawed.

“Son, I’ve never understood where we went wrong as you’ve always chosen a rougher path. But you’ve always been a good boy. Deep down, you mean well,” Mum soothes.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been a difficult, bloody sod who made some bad choices. I never blamed anyone but myself.”

“Aye, even as a babe you’d set your mind to some God unknown task for who knows why. Bumpin’ your head along the way, only learning once you gave yourself a good wallup.” My dad is right; that’s about how it’s always been.

“How’d you cock up this time?” James asks through a mouthful of carrots, lacking an ounce of charm.

“Bein’ a pigheaded fool so focused on work that I missed her big gallery opening. I then ran to the airport without explaining myself or saying goodbye. Figured I’d just call when I landed. I’m no good at this relationship thing as much as I’d like to be.” I fill them in a bit more on the details. My family has always been there for me and never passed judgment. This has been the only place I had ever been able to fully be myself, until I met Sorcha that is.

“Jesus, boy! Now I know we raised you better than that!”

James chucks his roll at me. “Yeah, ya dumb shit.”

“Gavin, just invite her here and say you’re sorry. Ya should’ve done that from the beginning,” my dad insists.

“It’d be lovely to have her here for Christmas, love. Give her a call first thing and get her on a plane,” Mum urges, a twinkle of hope in her eye. Grandad nods along but never misses a bite as he continues on his mission.

Centered around the antique wooded table that I had eaten at as a child, my perspective of the world suddenly shifts as we finish our meal. Lord knows why I had been born a stubborn, testosterone-filled kid with a grudge for no good reason, but time and experience has worn me down. This, being surrounded by family and love, is what it is about. The rest of the shit doesn’t matter. Whipping out my phone, I take a step forward in trying to crawl my way back into her good graces.

“Alright, Gavin. It’s been over a year since we’ve gone down to the pub and gotten blasted. Let’s go!” James herds me from the table and out the front door as I finish composing a message. It’s too late there to call her. This ought to be fun. James is sure to keep me a drunken mess this whole damn trip.

∞

Pulling up to her house at dusk with the headlights off on my bike, I rethink what brought me here. My last grand gesture while back in London bit me in the ass, yet here I am again. A broken-hearted man in need about to drop to his knees and beg. Sure, she had a right to be mad, but did she have to send me a picture of the ripped-up plane ticket I sent her to have her join me for Christmas and meet my family? And refusing to take my calls or return my texts all week long? She fully froze me out! A bit rash if you ask me and if I had been my prior self, I’d be plotting her discipline.

As if sensing my uninvited presence, her curtain pulls back and the waves of her brown hair fall forward before she quickly snaps the drape back in place. I fucked up big time, a man so unused to dealing with relationships and women outside of the dungeon that I didn’t know where to start.

Since the day I moved out of my parents’ house, I haven’t had to answer to anyone. As a young buck, I’d bang ‘em and leave, no questions asked. As an adult, I had them countless ways under my specifications and then would leave just as quick. It must be love this time as I can’t stay away no matter how hard she pushes. No wonder men have gone to war over this shit.

Contemplating driving off and giving her more time to cool her fiery jets, my hand halts on the key as her figure slips out the front door but quickly begins to recede.

“Sorcha, please. Stop for a minute,” I implore as I jump off my motorcycle.

“Just go, Gavin,” she yells, that temper of hers adding to the bite.

“Won’t you let me explain?”

“I listened to your messages and read your texts. None of which pardons the level of disrespect you showed me.”

I flinch under the weight of her words. “I had to work and then rush to catch my flight. My phone died on the way to the airport. I was going to call you after I got it plugged in but your break-up text caught me off guard and pissed me off that you would go that extreme all of a sudden. Please, baby,” I beg and swing my arms wide in frustration.

“You had had all night, asshole. A simple phone call to let me know that you had to work would have sufficed. You brushed off one of the biggest nights of my life. Some fucking boyfriend. Not to mention I don’t know exactly what it is that Daz has you doing at all hours on the weekends but I am not sure I even want to be involved in that either. This is why I don’t do relationships. This is why I have no desire to engage in one from here on out,” she hisses in disdain, arms wrapped tight around her chest despite the thick sweater she has on. Fuck me, her tits look so good right now! I can feel their soft weight resting in my palms as we speak.

“How many times do I need to apologize? I’m a bastard; I lack certain emotions and sensibilities when it comes to maintaining connections with people. That is not new. I’m trying, baby, please.” I brush my hands through my hair and pull in frustration. Something raw in my voice cracks and the image of her walking away is more than I can stand. My chest heaves and tears prick my eyes. Some fucking man I am, but I have to try. “Will you humor me one last time?” I plead.

“I’m not going to let you come up to fuck some sense into me if that is what you are after!” She turns on her heel in a fury, green eyes aglow with ire.

“No! That isn’t what I was going to say. Come take a drive with me. There is something I want to show you.” I follow her up the steps and resist the urge to throw her over my shoulder like a caveman and run off.

She turns back into me with a confounded expression written into that heart-shaped face that gives me hope. “What are you getting at? I told you, no more fuckery.” Her warning is loud and clear. There will be no more chances after this.

“It’s not. Please?” I take her cold hand in mine as I beg. Seconds are drawn out into minutes as she stands there, thinking. I can see the depth in which her mind is working. It is almost painful. Finally, her shoulders drop in defeat.
Yes!
It’s a yes! It is all that I can do not to sweep her up and kiss her, but I know that that level of affection is not welcome at this time. Forgiveness is the goal of this mission.

Leading her to the bike, I shrug off my leather jacket and make her put it on. After issuing helmets for us both, I bring the engine of my Harley Street Glide to life and peel out of there, rushing us towards what I hoped would be a game changer. Sheer happiness of having her clinging to my back has my wild eyes frequently deviating from the road as I try to focus. After about fifteen minutes of cruising, she finally yells over the engine as we come to a stop light.

“Where are we going, Gavin?”

“Do you trust me?”

“No.” One simple, two-letter word cuts my heart out and serves it up on a platter. I did that, I broke her trust, and shook the foundation of all that we had built. I’m a complete, stupid asshole.

Blowing out hard, I try to gather my words, re-focus on the mission. “Sorcha, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, earning your trust back.”

“There’s no need for that nonsense. Show me what you need to and then take me home, please.” Nothing but artic chill radiated from her, several degrees lower than the surrounding climate as if all the time we had spent together meant nothing.

“Did I mean anything to you at all?” I venture, pissed how she threw everything away just like that.

“Did I?”

“You mean everything.”

Her surly grunt in response has me pressing harder on the gas as the light turns. Finally breaking away from the city traffic, we ease onto the beachside highway and cruise the peaceful coast. The typical wind and fog is oddly absent as her warm body stays glued to mine. I wish I could freeze this heavenly, tension-free moment in time; my woman on the back of my cruiser as we glide down the wide-open coast, inhaling the salty air. After a thirty-minute drive, we come to a stop in the driveway of the little beach home that I had been spending my free time at, fixing up.

Sorcha hesitantly peels away from me before getting off. Rushing from the bike to get ahead of her, I barely get my helmet off and tucked under arm as I open the front door and turn on the lights. She hesitantly follows my beckoning wave with an odd look. Ushering her in, I promptly close the door behind us against the December chill.

“What is this, Gavin?” she asks as she wanders around the small area but stops dead in her tracks at the entrance of the dining room. “What the hell?!” She gapes at the huge mandala collage taking up the dining room wall.

“You loved that piece. When Samuel told me that they were allowing the gallery owner to set fair prices for all of your works, I made sure this one went to me.” I indifferently shrug. Why is she surprised?

“You bought that monstrosity? And put it here… this is your place?” Her voice hits a new octave of surprise as her feet nervously shuffle against the beech-wood floors.

“I couldn’t see it going to a stranger, and I fell in love with it too when I snuck in for a sneak peak before the event opened.”

“Lurked in the shadows but couldn’t be bothered to be seen with me, eh?” Her snarky tone makes me want to put my fist through the wall.

“That’s not it and you know it,” I bark.

“Fine. Why did you bring me here?” She sulks and tries for an apathetic pitch, but it falters.

“To show you what I’ve been working on. I’ve been remodeling this place with my own two hands.” I take her helmet and set it with mine on the dining table.

“Congratulations. Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.” She sniffs in disinterest. Goddamn it, she’s cold.

“Fuck, Sorcha! Drop the brat act, now. I want this to be for us. I want you to move in with me!” my deep voice booms in frustration, done with the act. I’ve scared many grown men with that kind of explosion yet still, she remains unaffected. She really isn’t afraid of me. A fact that gives me pause in the best way.

“Damn it, Gavin! I broke up with you. That ship has sailed!” Her breast lurches in emotion and her eyes giveaway the battle taking place between her scrupulous head and her heart. Something deep within her pleads with me to see past her defense mechanisms that have her locked up tighter than that virgin ass of hers was.