Scary Dead Things - 02 (37 page)

“I have a better idea,” suddenly chimed Decker. “Why don't you two provide a distraction to cover
my
escape?”

Before either of us could respond, there was a flash of light that sent me and Sally flying.

Oh well, he
did
warn me.

* * *

Sally was kind enough to break my fall with her...soft parts. Just in case you were curious, yes they are real, and they feel
wonderful
. What felt less wonderful was when she rudely shoved me off, but guess I can't fault her for that.

“Were we really
both
stupid enough to turn our backs on him?” she growled as she got to her feet.

“Yes. But at least we did it as a team,” I said, being a glass-is-half-full kind of guy.

“Maybe we should just let Nergui finish us off,” she commented with an eye-roll.

“Screw that! If I'm going down, I'm taking Lord fucking Voldemort with me.” I got to my feet and started for the stairwell. “Time to put on my wizard-stomping boots.”

“Up?”

“I'm pretty sure Harry didn't suddenly grow a pair and go down to meet them head on, so yes. Up it is. At least we can die with a good view.”

“Speak for yourself. All I have is
you
to look at,” she replied, opening the exit door and starting up.

Decker's footsteps could be heard above us. There weren't too many floors left in the building, so that meant he was probably headed for the roof. From below us, we could hear muffled Chinese voices coming up quickly. We were definitely the meat in this asshole sandwich.

“Give me the gun, Sally,” I said. “Just do it, don't argue!” She paused for just a second, but then handed it to me. My shoulder hurt like a motherfucker, and blood was still pouring out of it, but at least I still had two hands with which to line up and take a shot. Sure, I had never fired a real gun before in my life, but I used to play a lot of
Duck Hunt
on my old NES. How much harder could it be?

“Go and catch Decker. I'll try to slow down Nergui and Bang,” I told her.

“The safety's still on, genius,” she said with another eye-roll and then did as she was told. Yeah well, I'm sure I'd have figured that one out sooner or later.

She went after
Mr. Wizard
while I backed up to the next landing and stood my ground. I braced my feet and held the hand-cannon out ahead of me. Yeah, I felt like Dirty Harry. “Do you feel lucky, punk?” slipped out of my lips, along with my best mean sneer.

And that's when I saw something shiny come flying up the stairs, then turn and head right towards me. Fuck! Nobody told me they had goddamn boomerangs. It managed to slice my outer thigh before I could dive out of the way. It embedded itself into the wall. Some sort of curved throwing blade which was, of course, also made of silver. Christ, how much precious metal did these guys have? It must have taken them forever to get through customs. These guys weren't just assassins. They were pimps, too.

But that's OK...well OK, except for the new gash on my leg...I had some silver of my own. I stepped back into the stairwell and fired a warning shot down at them. No idea if it hit anything or not as the kickback from the gun caused it to slam up right into my face, knocking me on my ass.

As the stun of it wore off and the ringing in my ears subsided, I tried to get back up. Damn, think I chipped a tooth. I don't recall seeing that one happen in
Sudden Impact
.

OK, Wild Bill Hickock I was not. Time for a new plan. I decided to make my stand with Sally after all. “
It couldn't get much worse than this,
” I thought, retreating up the stairs after her.

* * *

I was, of course, wrong. I reached the top floor and was about to open the roof access door when it came blasting off its hinges straight into me. It crushed me like a bug against the opposing wall. The breath was forced out of me, and I was pretty sure I heard a few ribs crack in the process. This was definitely not going according to any plan. I had been beaten up, bloodied, and still hadn't gotten off much offense of my own. As soon as the world stopped spinning, I was going to be mighty pissed.

The door gave a groan as I pushed it off me. Wait, doors don't groan. I lifted the broken door and saw the reason why. I chucked it down the stairs (no reason to make Nergui's mission any easier) and bent down to check on Sally. She was a mess. I had caught the ass end of the force blast, but she had gotten the main course. Her arms were skewed at multiple crazy angles, and judging by the way she was bent over, I'd have guessed her spine might possibly be broken as well. She looked like a dump truck had run her over and then backed up to do it again; however, if she was making noise, then she was still alive. I wasn't about to let anyone change that, especially not a backstabbing prick like Decker.

I could feel that rage welling up inside of me again. No! Now was not the time. Who knows what would happen by the time I woke up again,
if
I woke up again? Sure, things always seemed to work out for
Bruce Banner
, but I had a sneaking suspicion any alter-ego my subconscious tried to conjure would be somewhat less than trustworthy. I took a few deep breaths and tried to keep a level head, but it was hard going.

Fortunately for me, though, distractions were plentiful.

I was snapped back to reality as I heard the door I had thrown down the stairs being shoved aside. A split second later, another of those Mongolian batarangs came flying up the stairs at me. Down was definitely not an option.

The blade went wide and struck the door frame instead of something more fragile...like myself. Thinking quickly, I wrenched it free (
cutting my fingers in the process...oh joy!
). I probably couldn't throw a knife any better than I could shoot, but it gave me more of an arsenal than I had before.

“Sorry, Sally,” I whispered, picking her up and tossing her over my good shoulder like a sack of potatoes. However, I didn't think I'd mess her up much worse than she already was. Besides, leaving her for Nergui to find just wasn't an option. I wasn't in particularly good shape myself, but I didn't think I had far to go. I just hoped I had enough in me for a quick burst of speed.

I waited.

And, as expected, I didn't have to wait for long. Nergui's voice floated up to me from just one flight below. “It is over, Freewill. Make your death an honorable one.”

Honor this, fucker,
I thought in return. OK, time to make or break. “Catch me if you can, assholes!” I screamed with insane glee, bursting through the doorway onto the rooftop at the fastest speed I could manage.

* * *

However, I didn't go straight. I'm not
that
stupid. Instead, upon stepping out and making a target of myself, I did a little razzle-dazzle and jumped to the left, towards some large air conditioning units. The blast came a split second later. I could feel the air displace as it roared across the roof and towards the doorway just as Nergui and Bang stepped through.

I'll give credit where credit is due: those vamps were fast motherfuckers...just not fast enough. They attempted to sidestep the blast and both wound up being only partially successful at it. Nergui was caught fairly full on. He slammed into the right side of the door frame and then was blasted straight through it. A similar blast a few moments ago had nearly turned Sally into a puddle of vampire-colored paint; however, Nergui had three extra centuries of badassery on his side. I imagined he'd probably tumble down a few flights of stairs and then be right up in my shit all over again.

Bang had caught the periphery of the blast as he tried to leap in my direction. It had sent him spinning out of control, causing him to bounce off the rooftop a couple times before skidding to a halt against an antenna array, bending it in the process. *sigh* It's not like cell service doesn't already suck enough in the city as it is. Next time you're in midtown and you can't get five bars, I guess you can blame me.

Still hidden behind the A/C unit, I put Sally down on the rooftop. It would provide her some cover, and if not, I hoped that the various combatants would show at least a little chivalry to the downed lady. Unfortunately, if I just stayed where I was, standing over her like a protective mother bear guarding its cubs, I'd be easy pickings. At best, I needed to take out a few of my many enemies. At the very least, I needed to be a distraction for her.

I peeked around the corner and saw Decker at the far edge of the roof. He was down on one knee, breathing hard. Much like the night before, the expenditure of power had temporarily drained his batteries.

“I thought you said you weren't in any condition to fight?!” I yelled at him, still from behind my cover. No use tempting fate in case he had another shot left in him.

“I lied,” he panted in return. An asshole to the very end. The question was; should I pick him off or try to take out one of the Khan's lackeys? Right now, they seemed the far greater of the...hell, I had lost count of all the evils at this point. I stuffed Sally's gun in the waistband of my pants. No point in shooting wildly, as I was pretty sure I couldn't hit the sky if I aimed at it. A small part of me was sure it would go off and blow away my balls, along with a good chunk of my lower body, but fate actually surprised me for once and left me intact, or as intact as I was. Fucking silver weapons. If it weren't for them, I'd have been all healed up by now and ready for round two; instead, I had a gimpy arm, a bleeding leg, and a chest cavity that felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on it every time I tried to draw breath.

I hefted the silvered knife. I could probably throw it no better than I could shoot, but in close quarters I wouldn't need to. I turned left and charged towards where Bang was just now getting to his feet. He had gotten the wind knocked out of him by Decker's
Power Word: Fuck You
spell. He reached his feet, and I almost instinctively skidded to a halt. The guy was seriously messed up, and from the look of things, not by any magic hex. Everything was starting to scar over thanks to his quick healing, but the damage was still quite evident. He was missing his right eye and had a good gouge taking out of that side of his face. There were likewise deep tears and scratches across every part of his torso that I could see. Though apparently functional, one of his arms had an odd cant to it, as if it were missing a sizable chunk from the bicep. In short, Bang was pretty
banged
up.

I remembered back to the night before, right before blacking out. Had I caused that damage to Bang? As Decker and Christy had been long gone by then, it seemed the only logical answer. Unless, that is, Nergui had decided to take out his frustrations at my escape on his friend. However, fucked up culture or not, that didn't seem to make much sense. In the movies, the bad guys are always shooting their incompetent lackeys, but in real life you don't snuff the hired help, at least not until the job is done.

Bang saw me coming and attempted to strike a defensive pose, but it was too late. I flung myself at him and slammed into his midsection. He went down with me on top, and we skidded across the roof a good ten feet before coming to a stop.

“Having a good time in the city!?” I yelled, slamming my left fist into his jaw. “Here's a little souvenir for you!” I raised the knife in my other and brought it down towards his chest. It was just about then that the rational voices in my head spoke up and reminded me that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. They always like to do that during times like this. Well OK, I haven’t exactly had too many times like
this
. Tussling with a centuries old assassin wasn't exactly a normal thing, even in
my
life. Oh well, another thing to add to my resume.