Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) (5 page)

But the next morning he had to go to school. He couldn’t protect Spot while he was gone. Sebastian piled an old blanket in the corner of the front porch and set the injured pup on it, gently wrapping the blanket around the animal. Sebastian was pretty sure the dog’s leg was broken, but they were too poor to take Spot to the vet. And even if they did have money, his father would never spend it on a dog.

Spot gazed up at him with sad brown eyes.

“I’ll be back after school,” Sebastian whispered, patting the dog’s head. School was important. Sebastian knew he needed an education if he was ever going get away from his father. “I’ll take care of you, Spot. I promise.” He wasn’t sure how, but he’d find a way to get Spot to a vet so his leg could be fixed. He couldn’t let the pup suffer. He would volunteer his time at a veterinary clinic, doing whatever needed to be done, if they would fix his puppy. If he could find someone who would let a ten-year-old boy exchange services, then he could help Spot heal. He would do whatever it took.

But when Sebastian got home from school that afternoon, Spot was gone. The only thing left of the dog was a patch of fur and a bloody spot in the corner of the porch.

“Where’s Spot?” he screeched, terror gripping him as he raced into the house to confront his father.

His father sat in the recliner in front of the television, drinking beer. That was all his father ever did: drink and gamble. That was why Sebastian’s mother had left, abandoning him, because she couldn’t deal with his father or his drunken rages and the fact he’d gambled everything away once again.

“That damn thing wouldn’t shut up. So I got rid of it.”

Sebastian’s heart squeezed, pain overwhelming him. “No! He was just hurt. He was crying because you broke his leg!”

His father lunged from the chair, advancing on him. “You raising your voice to me, boy? You want me to break your leg too?”

Sebastian stumbled backward, tears streaming down his cheeks.

He turned and raced from the house.

CHAPTER SIX

Dizziness continued to spin in Sebastian’s head as the memory slowly faded. He reached out, trying to find something to grab onto. But the only thing within reach was Emily. He clutched at her shoulders, trying to stay upright.

“Sebastian?” Her voice was filled with worry. “Are you all right? You look like you’re about to faint.”

His legs buckled. Emily cried out and tried to stop his fall, but she wasn’t strong enough. He hit the grass with a soft thud.

The breath whooshed out of his lungs.

“Sebastian?” Emily’s face appeared in front of his. “What happened? Are you ill? Are you on drugs?”

She patted his cheeks. Not hard, but enough to get his brain to come back to the present.

“Sebastian? You’re scaring me.”

He focused on her. Gradually the dizziness faded away. He blinked. Emily’s face filled his vision. Her pretty dark eyes, her smooth, perfect cheeks and small, well-shaped nose, her sexy, pouty lips that he wanted to latch onto and suck. Her long dark hair fell over her shoulder, brushing against his chest as she leaned over him. Her sweet, feminine scent wafted over him. He breathed in deeply, mesmerized by her smell. Mesmerized by
her
.

Sebastian lifted a hand and cupped her cheek.

Her eyes widened.

“You’re so beautiful.” He stroked his thumb over her soft cheek. “I thought I could resist you, but I don’t think that’s possible.”

She reared back, blushing furiously. “Sebastian! Are you on drugs?”

He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, then slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. Shit, he’d already broken his first rule of no touching. But his plan was working. He’d just had his first flashback in too many years to count. Her goodness was bringing out his damaged soul, piece by piece, sucking the truth out of him. The truth that he’d deliberately kept hidden, even from himself, for so long.

What the hell was she doing to him?

She inched back warily, her wide brown eyes glued to his face. She didn’t look afraid, just…alarmed.

He choked out a humorless laugh. “No, I’m not on drugs. Prison cured me of that.” He didn’t add that though he’d been clean for over six years and had no desire to ever touch another mind-altering substance again, there were times when he had moments of weakness. Scar always sensed his moods and managed to distract Sebastian whenever the urge to get high overwhelmed him. If it weren’t for his dog, Sebastian suspected he’d have died of a drug overdose or alcohol poisoning long ago.

“Then what’s…wrong with you? Are you ill?”

He sighed. “Something like that.”
Once an addict, always an addict.
That’s what they said about him in the tabloids. He might be a brilliant actor who’d received numerous awards, but people still speculated about whether or not he would relapse and go back to prison. Or wind up dead. Shame washed over him. Was that how Emily viewed him? A pathetic drug addict?

His face burning, Sebastian tried to rise to his feet, but she gently shoved him back down on the grass. “Rest a bit,” she whispered. “I’ll call an ambulance.” She pulled her cellphone out of her purse.

“No.” He grabbed her arm. “I don’t need a doctor. I just had a flashback is all. It’ll pass.”

She dropped the phone back in her purse. She searched his gaze, looking into his soul. “What kind of flashback?”

A raw vulnerability swept through him. It was a scary feeling, but it also filled him with a sense of relief. He didn’t have to hide from her. “From my sordid past.”

She continued to look into his eyes, searching. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He puffed out a breath. “Not particularly. I’d rather kiss you.”

She lowered her gaze and let out an exasperated sound. “Stop that. I’m not one of your floozies. I’m not going to sleep with you.”

He chuckled. “Floozies? I haven’t had one of those in a while. Years, in fact.”

Her gaze darted back to his. “Are you teasing me?”

A lightness settled into his chest. She was already healing him, just by being around him. God, whatever she was doing to him, it felt so…good. He held a hand out to her. “Yeah, I’m teasing. Will you help me up?”

She rose to her feet and grasped his hand. Sebastian yanked her toward him. She fell into his lap with a soft gasp. He wrapped his arms around her, locking her in. Her heat surrounded him, spreading into him, warming his cold soul.

“Sebastian!” She pushed against his chest. “Stop it.”

“You’re a rare treat, Emily. Usually women fling themselves at me, but not you. You keep pushing me away.”

She huffed out a breath. “With good reason.”

He chuckled softly, then grew serious. “Are you attracted to me, Emily?”

She stopped struggling. Her gaze darted to his. “What? Why would you ask that?”

“Because I need to know.”

“Isn’t your ego big enough already?”

He snorted. “Yeah. But I still want to know.” He
needed
to know. He didn’t want to admit it had nothing to do with his experiment, and everything to do with the ego she’d just teased him about. He
wanted
her to find him attractive.

She lowered her gaze, her cheeks turning pink. “Of course I think you’re attractive. Just like ninety-nine percent of the female population. I’ve been watching your movies ever since I was fifteen.”

“Really?” She’d been a fan for that long? His chest warmed. “So when you were fifteen, I would have been…what? Twenty or twenty-one, somewhere around that?”

She nodded, her eyes wide and wary.

“Let’s see. What movie would I have been in back then?”

“Um, Lethal? The one where you were a street kid who turned into a vigilante and helped save people?”

“Yeah, that was one of my first starring roles. But you were just infatuated with an image or maybe the character, not the real me. What do you think of me now that you’ve met me?” He held his breath, his heart pounding, while he awaited her response. Did she even like him? Was there anything about him to like?

She leaned away from him and he loosened his arms, letting her slip out of his grasp, even though he wanted to drag her closer and kiss her.

She lunged to her feet and glanced down at him, contemplating.

“I think you’re a really good vet. I can tell you care about the animals. I think…” she broke off, her gaze darting away. “I think you’re hurting from something painful that eats at you and forces you to keep others at a distance.”

Heat crept up his neck and into his face. He swallowed, watching her, waiting for her to continue. Waiting for censure to enter her eyes. Waiting for her to say it was his own fault for being an addict.

She lifted her gaze back to his. There was no censure in her eyes, just…compassion. “I think you’re hiding something, something big that you don’t want anyone to know about.”

He flinched. How had she guessed that?

She studied him for another moment, looking deep into his eyes. “I think you’re a little lost right now. I think you’re searching for something—your true self, maybe?—but I’m not sure. You’re good at hiding your feelings, shutting people out. Keeping people at a distance. I’ve read about you, heard the rumors. You’ve been with lots of women, probably hundreds–”

“Don’t believe everything you hear.” Though it was true, he didn’t want her to think of him that way. He wasn’t that person anymore.

She quirked a dark brow, planted a hand on her hip. “Men who sleep with lots of women have issues with commitment. They are unable to form lasting relationships, unable to grow attached to anyone. Do you deny it?”

He squirmed uncomfortably. “No, but that was before–”

“Doesn’t matter,” she interrupted. “It’s still true, right? Like I said, I won’t be one of your floozies.”

He sighed. God, she made him sound like a callous bastard who bedded women and tossed them aside without a care for their feelings. Her assessment wasn’t that far off. He used to do that. But the women had always been willing. Was he really unable to form attachments, lasting relationships? He’d never thought about that before. He’d never cared to. Because he’d known he didn’t deserve love or happiness. And if he cared for someone or something, it would be taken away.

“I’m not like that anymore. I’m different now. That was before I went to prison. I’ve changed…so much that I don’t even know who I am anymore.” His face heated at the confession.

“You’re right,” he whispered. “I’m fucking lost.” He lowered his gaze, rubbed a hand over his face.

She knelt on the ground beside him. “And it all boils down to that painful thing that eats at you. If you talk about it, you’ll be amazed how easy it is to let it all go.”

If you knew what ate at me, you’d stay far, far away.

He snorted. “Easy for you to say. You’re not tainted by horrible things, damaged like me. You have no idea what’s it like.”

What the fuck?
That had sounded like an oh-poor-pitiful-me cry for help. He’d never been one to ask for help. Yet he’d lured her here, and why, if not for her help?

She grabbed his chin and turned his face toward her. His pulse quickened. His skin heated beneath her touch. Their gazes locked. Her touch—her very presence—spread warmth under his skin, into his soul, pushing the coldness aside. She made him yearn for something he’d never had before, something he couldn’t quite name, but was certain he didn’t deserve.

She was somehow melting the wall of ice around his heart. Thawing him. Making him
feel
.

He stared into her eyes. If he leaned forward, he could press his lips against hers, taste her sweetness. Suck some of her goodness into him. 

No touching, you idiot.

“You know nothing about me, Sebastian. I happen to be speaking from experience.”

She released his chin and rose to her feet.

What?

No.

Shock reverberated through him. He didn’t want to believe she was damaged too. She couldn’t be. She was too sweet. How could she have suffered something horrible yet still remain so sweet and pure? It wasn’t possible. It didn’t make sense. She had to be lying.

“If you’re damaged inside, then how can you be so sweet?”

Her gaze met his. “Because I fought off my demons. I didn’t let them take over. I won.”

He sucked in a breath. She was telling the truth. What had happened to her? How had she healed?

“What happened to you?” His voice came out hoarse, strained.

She shook her head back and forth. “Oh no. I’m not telling you what happened to me until you decide to open up and tell me what happened to you.”

He groaned and shoved himself to his feet. She was messing up his plan. He was supposed to be the one controlling everything. Not her. Goddammit!

She took a wary step back.

“That could take weeks, Emily. Months.”

She held his gaze. “I’m not going anywhere. When you’re ready to talk, come see me. Bye.” She spun around and headed toward the basement apartment.

It would be awhile, maybe never, before he was ready to talk. She had to know that.

But she’d said she wasn’t going anywhere. She had offered a listening ear.

How he longed to talk to her, to tell someone who wouldn’t judge him…

He watched while she unlocked the door and went inside, closing the door behind her.

With a sigh, Sebastian headed for the front door of his house.

Fuck the plan.

She was screwing everything up.

And he had no idea what to do about it.