Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) (19 page)

“Shh.” He brushed a kiss against her forehead.

She didn’t want to ruin it like this. Didn’t want to taint what she and Sebastian had with the horror of what she’d endured in the past. It wasn’t fair to Sebastian. He didn’t deserve this.

Emily lifted her mouth to his, brushing her lips against his. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. She couldn’t let it end like this. It had been going so well until she’d ruined it.

Sebastian gently set her away, his gaze filled with sadness. “Emily...don’t force it. If you’re not ready, it’s okay.” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

“I am ready. I
am
. I want you to make love to me. Just…no condoms. Please. The sound of the foil wrapper must have triggered the memory. But I…want you to finish this. Please.”

Sebastian leaned back against the pillows and gathered her close. “Let’s rest for a bit. Later, if you truly feel like pursuing this, we can give it another try, okay?”

Give it another try.
God, was she that pathetic? Why couldn’t she get over the trauma of what Ian had done to her? Why couldn’t she let it go?

She hitched in another breath and laid her head on his chest, curling her body against his. Before she’d met Sebastian, she’d never thought she would want to have sex with a man, not after what Ian had done to her. Whenever she thought about getting that close to a man, the nightmare would flash through her mind, the pain, the horror, the shame of what she’d endured.

But she wanted to be with Sebastian so much. She liked it when he kissed her. She liked it when he touched her. He made her feel things she hadn’t known were possible. Sebastian made her want to experience the physical side of love that she’d known existed but had never experienced herself. Sex wasn’t supposed to be painful. Sebastian would never hurt her. And he made her feel so wonderful when he touched her.

So why had she allowed the memory to intrude?

Sebastian had to be frustrated with her. Yet he was so patient and understanding. He wasn’t complaining.

Perhaps she wasn’t quite ready yet.

What if she was never ready? What if she could never overcome the trauma of her past?

Would Sebastian get tired of waiting and give up on her?

Her throat thickened with emotion. What if she was forever ruined?

Sebastian grabbed the edge of the covers and yanked the blankets over them. He kissed her forehead. “Sleep,” he murmured. “It’s going to be all right. I promise.”

Emily snuggled closer. She believed him. He would make everything all right.

Gradually, sleep claimed her. But before she fell completely under, she was struck with the realization that she’d fallen in love with Sebastian Wolfe, the big-screen actor, the playboy.

The one man who had the ability to break her heart.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Man, he’d sure fucked that up.

Sebastian lay awake while Emily slept beside him, her head resting on his chest, her body snuggled against his.

He sighed.

He’d thought he was doing everything right. He’d never been so intent on making a woman happy before, observing her reaction to every touch, every kiss, watching to see if she showed signs of pleasure or if she appeared uncomfortable. Emily had seemed as into it as he’d been, which had turned him on immensely. He’d never wanted to please a woman so badly before. Never wanted a woman so much.

He should have slowed it down a bit. The last thing he wanted was to remind her of what had happened to her. His intent had been to get her to focus on him so much that she couldn’t think about anything else.

But he’d slipped up with the condom. He always used a condom. Always. He’d never even considered not using one with Emily. An unwanted pregnancy was not going to happen.

No condoms.

It was hard to believe the sound of the condom wrapper tearing had triggered her flashback.

If she didn’t want to use condoms, then so be it. They would have to use some other form of contraceptive.

Assuming she ever wanted to try that again.

He may have screwed it all up for good.

Sebastian stared up the ceiling for hours, his mind swirling with turmoil. When he’d decided to embark on this “experiment” with Emily, he’d never imagined his emotions would get so involved. Hell, he’d never even planned to touch her, but his plan had been shot to hell not long after he met her. What was she doing to him? His heart had been a cold, empty shell for so long. He hadn’t thought he had any emotions left. But Emily stirred something deep inside him, brought long-suppressed feelings to the surface. She made him “feel” for the first time in more years than he could count. The demons were slowly breaking loose, slipping away, freeing him from their cruel embrace. Thanks to Emily, he was starting to heal. Thanks to Emily, there might be hope for him yet.

Though he was scared to admit it, scared to even think about the “L” word, he suspected he was falling in l-l-l-ov—he cringed, unable to say it. Fuck, he couldn’t even say the “L” word without getting antsy and wanting to flee. But how could any living, breathing male not be in l-love with her? She was sweet and kind and giving and so beautiful. She was a gift he didn’t deserve but desperately wanted to keep. He’d grown way too attached to her in the short time he’d known her. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life.

She made him forget about the nightmare of his father, lurking close by, waiting to strike.

She made him want to be a better person.

For her.

Nothing would make him happier than a future with Emily. Did he dare hope for a happily ever after with her? Did he even deserve a chance with her? He was vile and corrupt and ashamed of things he’d done. He flat out didn’t deserve her. She was way too good for him.

But he couldn’t give up hope that someday she might fall in love with him, that someday he might actually deserve her love.

Somehow he had to help her overcome the trauma that had come between them tonight. They’d been so close—so close—to making love before he’d screwed it all up. He would have to do things differently the next time. Move slower. No condoms.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, deep in thought, staring into the darkness at nothing.

Emily stirred next to him. Sebastian glanced down, coming out of his reverie. The sun was rising, its soft rays peeking through the cracks in the blinds.

Emily’s soft, pretty brown eyes opened. Her lips curved into a gentle smile. “Is it morning?”

“Yeah, it looks that way.”

She studied him for a moment. “Did you sleep at all?”

It would be easy to lie and say yes. But he’d promised her he would never lie to her again. Though there were some things he might never be able to tell her, he would do his best to keep that promise. “No.”

She lifted up on her elbow, her gaze searching his. “I’m sorry I messed things up last nig–”

He pressed a finger against her lips, silencing her. “Stop saying that. It wasn’t your fault.”

She lowered her gaze. “Do you think maybe we can, um, try it again?”

His pulse quickened. He’d been afraid she’d never want to try it again. “Sure. Whenever you’re ready.”

Her gaze delved into his. “I’m ready now.”

“Now?” He searched her eyes, but found nothing but truth there. She wanted to try again now? Seriously? His blood heated, anticipation curling through his veins. His body responded, hardening with need.
Down boy. Take it slow.

He cleared his throat. “You sure?”

She slid over on top of him, lowered her mouth to his, gently brushed her lips against his, back and forth. He groaned.

She was sure.

He wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss. It hadn’t been easy lying next to her, his body throbbing with unspent need all night, but he’d done it. For her. Now, did he dare hope she was truly ready? Would she ever be truly ready?

Take it slow. Don’t rush it. Seduce her slowly.

But she was the one doing the seducing this time.

He lay there while she trailed kisses down his torso, back up his neck, nipped at his earlobe, then kissed him again, her tongue delving deep, tangling with his. Hell, she was a fast learner. Her hands stroked over his chest, circling his nipples, then ventured lower, slowly exploring. Afraid he might do something to scare her, Sebastian didn’t dare move. He lay there, aching, burning with need, while she innocently seduced him.

Maybe this was what she’d needed all along: control. He didn’t mind handing over the control. She could have it all as far as he was concerned. He would just lay here and enjoy himself. Let her control everything. For as long as she wanted.

She let out a breathless sigh against his lips, her hand hesitantly touching him between his legs.

His breath caught.

Don’t move. Don’t scare her.

Her fingers made a tentative sweep down him, then back up.

Her hand wrapped around him.

He sucked in a breath.

A slightly dazed expression on her face, she looked into his eyes. “Does that…hurt?”

He swallowed. “No. It feels good.”
Too fucking good.

Relief crossed her features. She squeezed.

The breath hissed out of his lungs. She jerked her hand back, worry flickering across her face. Sebastian grabbed her hand.

“You’re doing great,” he whispered. “You can touch me however you want. I like it when you touch me.”

Her gaze searched his. “Really?”

“Yes.”

She lost her shyness after that. Sebastian lay there while she explored him with her hands and mouth, igniting a fire within him, making him burn with need. It was everything he could do to remain still and keep his hands to himself. Her hot breath, her sweet lips on his skin was almost too much to bear. He needed to be inside her.
Now.

“Emily.” He groaned softly, staring at her head where she kissed along his stomach. “You’re driving me crazy.”

She lifted her head. She leaned over him, her mouth brushing against his. “Good.”

Good?

He let out a soft growl, wrapping a hand around her neck and holding her head in place while he kissed her back, deeply. She wasn’t afraid anymore. He could feel the passion in her kisses, the love in her gentle caresses. She settled more heavily against him, her beautiful breasts squishing against his chest.

“Show me, Sebastian,” she whispered against his lips. “Make love to me.”

He groaned. “Yes.”

And this time…this time he did everything right. Soft, slow kisses, gentle caresses…he brought her to the edge again and again, watched as she soared above, moaning and arching against him. And then…she was ready. He didn’t reach for a condom this time. He didn’t care about birth control at that moment. All he wanted was to make this perfect for her.

He figured she would want to be on top, be in control, but she rolled to her back and urged him above her. “Hurry,” she whispered breathlessly, her hands on his ass, pulling him closer. “I need you, Sebastian. Please.” 

She rose to meet him, her body warm and welcoming, and drew him in, slowly. She arched up against him, pressing her hips against his, taking him deep. He let out a soft moan of pleasure, gasping out her name. She exhibited none of the terror he’d sensed from her before, just pure welcoming heat. And love. Her love consumed him, devoured him, bringing tears to his eyes and warmth to his heart. 

She
loved
him.

So this was what making love was. This was so much more than sex. Making love was the simultaneous joining of bodies and joining of souls. He’d never experienced anything like it. They connected in that moment, becoming one body, one soul. Sharing something beautiful. Something incredible. It rocked him to the depths of this soul.

She’d stripped him bare, leaving him open and raw, vulnerable. It scared the hell out of him. But it felt so good. He felt…free. For the first time in his life.

Emily had brought his soul back to him, minus the demons. She’d brought his heart back to life. Her love enveloped him, warmed him, made his chest squeeze with overwhelming joy.

Emily wasn’t like the others. She wasn’t with him because she wanted something from him. She was with him because she cared about him. He felt her love more strongly than if she’d told him her true feelings out loud.

For the first time in his life, Sebastian felt loveable.

He felt truly loved.

* * *

Sebastian lay sound asleep next to her in bed. After they’d made love, he’d kissed her one last time and rolled over on his back. He’d fallen asleep almost instantly. That had been a couple of hours ago. Emily had lain beside him, contemplating what had just happened between them, and let him sleep. Now she leaned up on her arm, gazing down at him. He looked so peaceful. So relaxed. So handsome. His dark hair was mussed, his lips curved in a half smile, his jaw dark with two days’ growth of beard stubble. She imagined he was exhausted, since his insomnia had kept him up all night. Would she be able to help cure his insomnia? Would she be able to help him fight off his demons someday?

Now that she’d experienced what she had with Sebastian, Emily could honestly say there was no comparison between being raped by a cruel, sadistic bastard and being made love to by a tender, caring, wonderful man. None at all. Being in Sebastian’s arms was unlike anything she’d ever imagined. It sounded cliché, but there were no words to describe how he’d made her feel. Sebastian might not know it or accept it yet, but she’d felt the caring in his kisses, his tender caresses. A man couldn’t touch her with such tenderness and caring and not have some feelings for her. If he chose to contemplate what was between them, she had no doubt he would come to the same conclusion she had. Would else could it be but love? She’d fallen hard for him. Had he fallen for her as well? And if he had, would he admit it to himself? Would it scare him so bad he turned tail and ran?

Emily snuggled against him, laying her head on his chest. He murmured something in his sleep, his hand coming up to brush through her hair. She was so happy, so in love, she didn’t want to ever get out of bed. Her heart nearly burst with joy. She still couldn’t believe she—Emily Montgomery—was with Sebastian Wolfe. She’d
made love
with Sebastian Wolfe.

Does this make me his girlfriend?

Don’t overthink it, Emily. Just because you spent the night with him doesn’t mean you’re a couple now.

But I want to be. I want to be with him forever.

I love him.

What if I’ve become nothing more than one of his floozies?

No. He’s not like that anymore, remember?

Sebastian rolled her beneath him and nuzzled her neck. “Whatever’s going on in that mind of yours that’s making you scowl, stop thinking it.” He cupped her face in his palm. “Let’s just enjoy this time together okay?” He kissed her, then leaned back and looked into her eyes.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.” She didn’t dare talk about what was between them just yet. She didn’t want to scare him away.

He yawned. “It was time I got up anyway. How long was I asleep?”

“A few hours.”

His gaze met hers. He hesitated, as if searching for the right words. “How…do you feel?” He winced. “I mean…”

“Wonderful.” She trailed a finger over his collarbone and across and down the eagle tattoo. “Thank you. For being so patient with me, for showing me…how beautiful it can be.”

His eyes filled with tenderness. And relief. “No, thank you. You showed me how beautiful it can be too. Making love is so much better than having sex with strangers.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “I don’t know what it is about you, Emily, but you’re healing me, melting the ice around my heart, making me
feel
again.” Color crept up his neck and into his face.

“I’m glad.” She smiled. It was time to lighten the mood. “Will you, um, tell me about your tattoos?”