Scar (6 page)

“Maybe I’d rather be angry.”

Elijah came close enough that she could begin to make out his features. He sat down next to her. “I’m sure you would rather be angry right now. It’s easier that way,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” he said, reaching out and putting his hand on her leg, “that if you’re angry with me, you don’t have to deal with how sad it is to say goodbye.”

Caelyn pulled her leg away from his hand, even though she didn’t really want to pull away. But she was so mad, so furious that he was saying these things. “I am angry with you, Elijah. You’re the reason we have to say goodbye. Who else should I blame?”

“Maybe you don’t have to blame anyone.”

“Don’t try and talk your way out of this,” she said.

“I’m not talking my way out of anything, Caelyn.”

“You are,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. “You’re the one giving up. I’m ready to keep fighting for us, and I won’t ever stop. But now you’re quitting on me.”

“I’m not quitting on you.”

“You are. This is the definition of quitting. You’re acting like a loser.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I know you’re mad, but don’t ever call me a loser.”

She looked down, even though she could hardly see his eyes as it was. She could feel him watching her with disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. And then the tears came and her shoulders shook.

Elijah leaned in and grabbed her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. He kissed her teary cheeks with his soft, warm lips. “I love you,” he told her. “I’ll always love you no matter what anybody does or even if I never see you again.”

“Don’t say that!” she cried.

“I have to,” he told her. “If I die, or I go to jail, or you move on with your life because you can’t wait for me anymore—“

“That won’t happen,” she protested.

“Shhh…” he hushed. “Let me say it. Just let me say it, okay?”

She quieted down, but having him hold her and love her at the same time that he told her they might be apart forever was almost too much to bear.

“Even if you move on with your life, and have a house and a husband with the kids and dog and white picket fence—even if you do all that—I won’t ever forget you. I’ll love you ‘til the day I die and beyond. And I won’t blame you for doing what you need to do to be happy.”

“But I won’t be happy if we’re not together, Elijah.”

“I know you don’t think you can be,” he said, rocking her gently as he spoke into her ear. “But I want you to promise me you’ll try,” he told her.

“I can’t. I just can’t.” She sobbed some more. The anger had drained from her body and now she was wracked with sorrow because she felt the end was coming.

We’re going to be apart
, she thought.

“You’re stronger than you can possibly imagine,” he said, and she could hear his smile. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not strong without you.”

“Yes, you are. And I know it because I’ve gotten so much of my strength from you,” he said. “Just being near you has given me so much strength, and just knowing you’re alive in this world will give me all the strength I need for the rest of my life. No matter what else happens I’ve had this time with you, and I treasure it. I’ll remember every little moment we’ve had for the rest of my days.”

He began kissing her, then, his lips caressing the skin of her neck, her cheek, his fingers drifting along her face, arms, breasts, touching her body, warming her, relaxing her, creating the heat that was unlike anything Caelyn had ever known.

She moaned as Elijah laid her back to the hardwood floor and began kissing her lips with slow burning passion.

As their lips touched, and then his tongue met hers, Caelyn’s sensed opened up to Elijah in a new way, a deeper way than what she’d ever experienced with him in the past. It was almost as if, in knowing that this might be their last night together, she was suddenly able to appreciate him in an entirely new way.

She let Elijah explore her body, moaning,
her
breathing deep and full as she enjoyed his attention without any self-consciousness or worry. Her eyes had adjusted more to the darkness, and there was just enough light coming in from the window that she could look into his eyes as he looked into hers.

Gently, he removed her clothing and then his own, continuing to kiss and love her with exquisite softness as his naked body pressed against hers. Their flesh was hot, burning almost, and the fire she felt as he pressed deeply into her was like nothing she’d ever imagined in her wildest dreams.

She cried out in intense pleasure, and the pleasure was all the more poignant because it was infused with the knowledge that this might never happen again.

Every second was pure bliss, and the time stretched out in a way that made their lovemaking seem like it was almost an eternity.

He was inside her for a long time, moving slowly at first, stirring her, making her moan with deep pleasure, and then he was going faster as he seemed to instinctively sense that she
was needing
more and more.

And Elijah gave her more, and his body was graceful and sexual and strong and every part of him was connected to every part of her.

She didn’t know anymore where he started and she ended.

She didn’t care anymore.

And then the passion was cresting, and Caelyn cried out in total abandon, having one orgasm after another.

When it was over, Elijah stayed there, caressing her hair, and kissing her. Their bodies had created heat and sweat, and they stayed connected like that for a long time.

“I don’t want you to ever leave me,” she said, looking into his dark eyes.

“I’ll always be here, just like this,” he reassured her.

But then he rolled off and cradled her in his arms, and Caelyn felt
an emptiness
open inside her body, like a canyon, and she knew that he was leaving soon. He was going to be gone.

Elijah fell asleep not long after, but Caelyn wasn’t able to. She sat up and looked out the window, having heard some people’s voices. She realized it was coming from the house right next door.

There was a family carrying shopping bags into the house together.
A father, a mother, a teenage girl and another little girl who couldn’t have been more than four or five years old.

Watching them, Caelyn sensed that they were truly a happy family, which seemed rare somehow—and beautiful in a way. She couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but she watched the way they interacted. The way the parents were so gentle with the toddler, and the way the teenager laughed and seemed happy to be with her mother and father, instead of annoyed and sulky like most teens.

She could hear their laughter, but not much else. The laughter floated into the room, faintly, and Caelyn’s chest grew tight with emotion. She didn’t know what it was at first.

For a split second, she actually thought that maybe she was missing her mother and father and sister. But that made no sense at all, and Caelyn realized after a short moment that she wasn’t missing her family at all.

She was missing the family that she and Elijah might have had together.

We still could
, a small voice said.

We could still have children some day, a family, a house just like that one. We could laugh together and play and our kids would be so loved. Why not?

But she knew why not.

Because we’ll never be married like that couple next door. They’re normal, and they don’t have parents who hate the husband or a sister who tried to frame him for a crime. They don’t have police chasing them everywhere they go.

We can’t be like them because we’re never going to be allowed to have this love, to just be like everyone else.

Caelyn felt the emptiness of her situation, the hopelessness of it, like a punch to the stomach. The laughter from the family next door had faded to nothing, and now they were gone—they’d all disappeared into their house.

Caelyn lied back down next to Elijah on the hardwood floor and tried to imagine what that family was doing now.

She closed her eyes and pictured the mother and father hugging and smiling at one another.

Caelyn sighed, smiling along with them.

And then she drifted into a sleep that was plagued by strange, impenetrable dreams where she was chased by faceless creatures with misshaped bodies. She screamed and ran and ran, but wherever she went, the creatures found her, as if they could smell her.

Finally, one of the faceless creatures caught her, cornered her in the dead end of some wretched maze, and pinned her against a wall. Its hand was cold and the skin was green, smelly, like something dead and blackened.

Caelyn tried to scream but now her voice wouldn’t work. That thing was squeezing her throat closed as it choked her.

It smiled at her with a drooping grin, it’s dead fish eyes staring at her as its black, stringy hair swung in front of its face. And then, just when it seemed like the nightmare couldn’t get any
worse,
the disgusting creature shoved its fingers into her mouth.

They tasted like
black death
, like burning smoke and rotting meat and ashes.

Ashes. There were ashes in her mouth.

“Caelyn!” It croaked, only now the croak was something else. It was someone else. “Wake up!” the monster said
,
only it wasn’t a monster. It was…

Suddenly she woke up, her eyes snapping open as she sat up, blinking and confused.

Elijah was standing up, staring out the window. “There’s a fire,” he said, his voice strangely calm.

It wasn’t just some tiny fire, Caelyn realized, as she looked out the window and saw that the house next door was blazing, and flames were coming out the windows. Black smoke poured into the sky, billowing out, and actually some of it was seeping into their room, too.

“Elijah,” she gasped, grabbing his arm. “Elijah, oh my God.”

He looked down at her uncomprehendingly. “What? What is it?”

“There’s a family in there,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

“Maybe they left by now,” she said. “They must have.”

Elijah started for the doorway. “Come on,” he said, and she could hear him turning the scanner on as he made his way downstairs.

“Elijah,” she said, hurrying to keep up with him. “We need to get out of here!”

Elijah was out the front door, striding quickly. Caelyn caught up to him in time to see the fire blazing up close now, and the neighbors were all coming out of their homes to see it.

Elijah looked at all of them, and Caelyn followed his gaze. The
neighbors, maybe eight or ten of them so far, were hypnotized by the fire
. Their faces were bathed in orange and yellow light as they stared, transfixed.

They were yelling, calling out, telling one another that the family must have been trapped inside.

Elijah walked closer to the front yard, staring at the blazing house as he went, and Caelyn grabbed his arm again. “We have to go,” she told him.

“Didn’t you hear what they said? The family’s inside,” he replied.

“We can’t help them. The fire’s already huge,” she said. “And the police and fire department will be here soon. If we stay—“

“I don’t care,” he replied, looking her in the eye. “I’m not going to stand here and let them burn.”

“Elijah, no!” she called out.

Elijah pushed the scanner into her hands. “If I’m not out and you hear the police getting close, take off. Okay?”

“Don’t go in there!” she screamed, but he was like a possessed person.

He started up the front lawn and a big, burly guy got in his way, shaking his head. “Don’t be a hero,” the guy told him. “This house is already toast, and if you go in there, you will be too.”

“So you’re going to let that family die?”

“They’re already dead,” the guy told him.

“How do you know?”

The big man’s gaze faltered. “Well, look at it,” he said. “It’s like a nuclear bomb went off.” But the man no longer seemed as sure of himself as Elijah glared at him.

“You don’t know,” Elijah told him. “Someone might still be alive in there. Now you don’t have to help me, but if you don’t get out of my way, I’ll need to make you step aside.” Elijah balled his fists.

The burly man took a step or two back, holding his hands up. “Hey, it’s your funeral pal.”

And then Elijah was running, and he was throwing the front door open. He backed away from the door momentarily as smoke poured out of it.

Caelyn shrieked for him not to go inside, but he didn’t acknowledge her. Maybe he couldn’t hear her over the noise from the fire.

The crowd gasped collectively as Elijah bolted inside the burning home.

Caelyn closed her eyes tightly, wishing herself away from the scene. If only it could have been a dream, she thought.
A bad dream, one that she would wake up from in Elijah’s arms.