Saying Goodbye, Part Two (Passports and Promises Book 1) (13 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

A
month after Dylan died, I stood by the baggage carousel at the airport, waiting for my sister to arrive with her friend. She’d refused to tell me who it was, wanting it to be a surprise. Hana had asked me about it just this morning.

“So you think it’s a boy?”

I nodded. “I get that feeling. Whoever it is, they reserved a room not far from campus. At least we won’t have to worry about both of them staying here. Are you sure you don’t mind staying with Hiro a few days while Sophie stays with me?”

She shook her head. “You need some time alone with your sister, and Hiro and I need some time alone, too. We have a lot to sort out.”

Hiro’s parents had been pressuring him more and more to break it off. “Did they honestly set up an appointment with a matchmaker for him?”

She nodded. “It’s pretty common in Japan, but not if you’re currently dating someone else. He insists he was completely blindsided. He said he stayed at the meeting just because he didn’t want to be rude. I have my doubts. This week we’ll either take a stand against his parents or split up completely.”

“Which one do you think it’ll be?”

She let out a long, sad sigh. “He pretends he’s very non-traditional, but I know better. Our relationship ended the minute we set foot in Japan. This week is just a technicality. A way for him to feel less guilty about what is obviously going to happen. I guess I can let him have that much.”

I winced. “How can you be so understanding?”

“Because I don’t really have a choice. Yes, I wish he would grow a pair, swear his undying love to me, and go against everything he’d been raised to be and do, but then what would happen? Eventually, he’d hate himself for what he’d done and he’d hate me for making him do it. It’s better this way. Like ripping a bandage off quickly rather than removing it slowly. It hurts more for a minute, but less in the long run.”

I wish I’d been that brave with Thomas. Instead, I’d peeled that bandage off slowly, making him suffer as much as possible. I loved him more than I thought I could ever love anyone. But I’d still managed to hurt him. Badly. He couldn’t even look at me anymore, and I hadn’t fully considered the repercussions. I’d lost more than the love of my life. I’d lost my best friend, too.

The baggage carousel let out a loud squeak as it began to move. Sophie’s flight had landed just a few minutes ago. My eyes scanned the crowd, mostly a sea of dark hair. I spied her familiar ponytail, a curly tangle of light brown hair, in the rush of debarking passengers. She walked with a bounce in her step, like she’d done even as a small child, something so dear and easily recognizable I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I’d missed her. Terribly. And even our weekly Skype sessions hadn’t filled the gap her absence left in my life.

I hopped up and down and trying to get a better view, waving my hands to get her attention. A tall, dark-haired boy walked by her side. There was something awfully familiar about him. Sophie hadn’t seen me yet, but when the boy turned, and I saw his face, my entire body jerked in surprise.

“Dylan,” I said, my voice a hoarse gasp.

I stumbled backward. Sophie finally caught sight of me, the smile instantly fading from her lips as soon as she saw my face. I sank down, nearly falling into a chair behind me, as a strange rushing sensation filled my ears. The top of my head began to tingle and I knew I was about to pass out. I put my head between my knees, forcing myself to take slow, measured breaths. Sophie fell to her knees in front of me.

“Sam. Are you okay?”

I still couldn’t look up. I was afraid if I moved my head too much, I’d end up on the shiny polished floor of the airport.

Sophie grasped my hands. “Sam. I’m so sorry. We thought it would be a nice surprise.”

I stared at her, confused, not quite able to speak. Then I lifted my gaze to the boy standing shyly behind her. Slimmer, taller, and more mature than the last time I’d seen him, he looked a lot like his older brother, but it wasn’t Dylan who stood in front of me.

“Jake?”

He nodded. “Hi, Sam.”

I turned back to Sophie, still feeling a bit bewildered. “He looks so much like Dylan.”

“I never thought that would happen. Oh, poor Sam.” She pulled me into her arms, sobbing on my shoulder. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”

I held her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. “It’s okay. It was just…a shock.”

“I bet. I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too,” said Jake. He looked over at the carousel. “I’ll grab our suitcases. I’ll be right back.”

Sophie sank into the chair next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her cheek on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head.

“Oh, gosh. So you and Jake…” I paused, trying to figure it out.

“Yep. Me and Jake,” she said with a little sigh. “I friended him on Facebook, and it sort of developed from there. Having someone to talk to helped both of us.”

I frowned. “Does Mom know he’s here?”

She giggled. “Uh, yeah. The Hunters know, too. They all wanted us to warn you ahead of time, but I insisted it would be more fun as a surprise. I’m such an idiot. I should have listened to them. Your face, when you saw him…oh, man.”

Jake came back, suitcases in hand, not quite able to meet my eyes. I stood up and pulled him into a hug, trying to ignore the flood of emotions that simple act caused.

“Welcome, Jake. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Are you sure?” His dark, sad eyes reminded me so much of Dylan that my heart squeezed in my chest, but he wasn’t Dylan. Not even close. As much as they looked alike, the differences between them were glaringly clear.

I’d always felt Dylan’s darkness. It surrounded him like an invisible cloak. I couldn’t see it, but I’d known it was there. His constant, never-ending battle with depression had left its mark. Although I’d never been able to explain it, or see any of his wounds or scars, I sensed their existence. I’d known they were there.

Jake, in spite of what he’d just endured, in spite of how much he looked like Dylan, didn’t have that darkness. Jake’s sadness at losing his brother hid like a shadow in his eyes. Dylan’s sadness, caused by his illness, had been very different. It hung over him like an ominous cloud.

“I’m sure. Welcome to Japan you two.”

During the taxi ride home, I tried to behave as normally as possible. I found myself staring at Jake, remembering Dylan, feeling rushes of pain and grief that were acute and earth shattering, but I kept a smile plastered on my face as I pointed out landmarks and told them bits and pieces about my daily life. We dropped Jake at his hotel, promising to pick him up in an hour for dinner, and went back to my dorm. Sophie looked around in surprise.

“It’s so small. Smaller than your single back home.”

“I know, but compared to some of the dorms this is actually spacious. At least we have our own bathroom.”

“Always a perk. Speaking of which, I desperately need a shower. I smell like sweat and airplane peanuts.”

“Lovely,” I said, giving her a towel. She nibbled on her lip. Her brown eyes, flecked with bits of gold and green, were huge in her face.

“I should have told you about Jake coming.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“I was afraid you might say no.”

I sighed. “Probably, but it’ll be fine.”

“He needed to come, Sam. And you needed to see him. Trust me.”

I didn’t like the sound of it. “Uh, okay. Now get in the shower. You stink.”

As soon as she closed the door behind her and I heard the shower start, I sank to the floor, my face in my hands. It hurt. Seeing Jake hurt. Losing Dylan hurt. Breaking up with Thomas hurt, but seeing the look of betrayal in his eyes every time he looked at me hurt most of all. I was a big ball of hurt at this point. I rocked back and forth, riding through the pain, until I heard the shower stop. I stood up, proud of myself for avoiding not one but two anxiety attacks all on my own today, and got ready to put on a brave face for my sister and for everyone else.

After she got dressed, I made her some tea and pulled out a box of Japanese cookies. They were long sticks, like unsalted crackers, dipped in chocolate.

“
Oishii,”
she said.
Delicious
.

“Oh, God. Are you learning Japanese?”

She laughed. “A few words. Jake and I studied on the airplane. Is it weird for you that Jake and I are dating?”

I shrugged. “Kind of, but I like Jake. He’s a nice kid.”

“And he’s so hot. And amazing. And his body…”

I winced. “Please don’t go there.”

She held up her hands in surrender. “Fine. So Mom said something about a Scottish dude named Thomas. Are you dating or something?”

I shook my head. “That is not something we are going to discuss.”

She looked at me in shock. “Oh, my God. I think you just turned into Mom.”

I smacked her with a pillow, but she was right. “I still can’t believe she let you come all the way to Japan with a
boy.
I wasn’t even allowed to go out for pizza when I was your age, and they let you fly halfway across the world. Wow, have they mellowed.”

She fluttered her eyelashes at me. “You broke them in for me. Thank you.” Then she got suddenly serious. “It’s different with Jake. Mom and Mrs. Hunter got really close the last few months. When Jake and I started falling for each other, it helped, you know, for everyone. Like life goes on, and all that stuff. And I have the best news.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

She glared at me. “No. Don’t be stupid. We use birth control. We’re very, very careful. Usually.”

“Oh, God. I did not need to hear that. I was
joking.
And what do you mean by ‘usually?’ This is nothing to mess around with, young lady.” I whacked myself on the head. “Geesh. I sounded like Mom again, didn’t I?”

“Yep. But don’t you want to hear the good news?”

I winced. “I guess so.”

She grabbed my hand. “We’ll all be at the same school next year. Together. He applied early decision, too. It’s going to be fantastic.”

I tucked an errant curl behind her ear. “You’re really crazy about him, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Big time. He’s different, Sam. So mature. And his whole family adores you.”

“They don’t blame me for what happened?”

She shook her head. “Gosh no. They told me over and over again how grateful they were to you.”

I closed my eyes. His parents didn’t know the whole truth. If they had, they probably would despise me.

We walked to the hotel to get Jake. His face lit up as soon as he saw Sophie, and he linked his hand through hers. Sophie glowed around him, and the feeling was obviously mutual. Although it still shocked me to see his face, I slowly saw less of Dylan and more of Jake every time I looked at him.

“You must have grown six inches since the last time I saw you,” I said, and then slapped myself on my head. “I did it again. Yikes. I really need to stop channeling Mom.”

“Actually, you sounded more like Grandma that time,” said Sophie, laughing when I swatted her arm.

We walked around a bit, and I pointed out a few places, before we ended up at a
shabu shabu
restaurant for dinner.

“Shabu shabu is the sound the meat makes when it sizzles,” I explained, as we cooked slim slices of meat in a pot of boiling water in the center of the table. We had vegetables to cook the same way and lots of different dipping sauces.

After dinner, I asked if they wanted to take a walk. Sophie begged off, saying she was exhausted. Jake said he’d like to go with me, if that was okay. I eyed him suspiciously, knowing he probably wanted to talk and not sure if I felt quite ready for it.

We dropped Sophie off at my room and slowly meandered through the area surrounding the campus. He shoved his hands in his pockets, deep in thought.

“Was there something you wanted to tell me, Jake?”

He looked up at me in surprise. “It’s that obvious, huh?”

I nodded, leading him to a bench by the river. The weather, although slightly damp and chilly, carried the promise of a warm spring. A path snaked along the river, lit by black, wrought iron streetlamps. They looked old, like many things in Kyoto. The sound of Japanese music, a faint, discordant melody, reached our ears as we sat together in silence, each of us deep in thought. Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope.

“This is from my brother. I read it first. I hope you don’t mind. He wasn’t exactly…” He cleared his throat. “He wasn’t himself, and I thought I’d better check it first before giving it to you. As a favor to Dylan.”

“You did the right thing, Jake. Do you mind if I read it later?”

“Sure. I understand.” We sat, staring at the dark waters of the river, until he spoke again. “He wasn’t always like this. I remember the first time he got sick. Until then he was happy. Normal.”