Saying Goodbye, Part One (Passports and Promises Book 1) (6 page)

He let out a breath. I heard the relief in it even over the phone. “Okay.”

I was fully awake now and fully ticked off. “Okay? Really? I’m so glad to have your permission. I can’t believe you’re calling me at this hour to accuse me of something I didn’t do. What’s wrong with you, Dylan?”

“Jason told me he saw you with him at the coffee shop.”

“He did, and I have nothing to hide, which is why I never even thought to mention it.”

“So where was Max tonight?”

“I have no idea. Knowing Max, he was probably in his room smoking pot. It’s what he does at every Sig party.”

He still didn’t sound convinced. “I guess.”

“I’m hanging up now, Dylan.”

“Please don’t.”

I groaned. “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep. What do you want from me?”

He was quiet so long I thought he might have hung up. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and pleading. “You. I just want you. Being with you makes everything so much…better.”

I snuggled deeper into the covers and turned off my light. “Then you’re going to have to trust me.”

A siren wailed outside. I heard the siren through Dylan’s phone, too, making a chill wash over me. I lifted the blinds of the window next to my bed. A lonely, dark figure stood in the middle of the sidewalk. I let the blinds drop.

“Are you standing outside the Theta house right now?”

“No. I’m walking back to my apartment.”

I snuck another glance outside. The figure was gone. I knew it had been Dylan. He’d just lied to me.

“Are we still meeting for breakfast?” he asked.

I played with a lock of my hair, not sure what to do. Other girls may have found his jealousy charming. I didn’t. But I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Fine, but it’ll have to be later since you kept me up half the night.”

I heard the smile in his voice. “I’ll pick you up at eleven. It’ll be brunch.”

As I hung up the phone, I realized I needed to have an honest and open discussion with Dylan if this was going to go any further, and it would have to be soon. I curled up on my side, safe and warm in my bed, but all night I tossed and turned, dreaming of dark figures lurking on the sidewalk and hearing his words over and over again and shadows reached for me, trying to grab me with their sharp claws.

I just want you. I just want you. I just want you.

CHAPTER SEVEN

I
woke up crabby. I showered and pulled my damp hair into a bun, not in the mood for any nonsense. I dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a warm sweater, and threw a scarf around my neck. I didn’t bother with makeup. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses and slipped into my shoes. Dylan already waited for me downstairs.

“Hi,” he said softly. He had on jeans, too, with a grey Sigma Alpha Alpha hoodie.

I glared at him, sunglasses perched on my nose. “Where are we going?”

“Wherever you want.”

Now he was being accommodating? I blew out a sigh. “Let’s just go to the Bistro.”

The Bistro, a casual restaurant only a block away, had a fun, fifties vibe and really good food. They served breakfast all day, a bonus for college students.

We walked side by side, not touching or talking. The sunny weather didn’t match my mood. We sat in a booth and ordered our food, and then I pushed my sunglasses up onto my head and glared at Dylan. The fact that he looked hotter than the pancakes served at the Bistro didn’t help. It just made me madder.

“We need to talk about last night.”

He shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “I know. I was out of line, I guess.”

“You guess? And you lied to me. I saw you standing on the sidewalk.”

He didn’t bother denying it. “Can I be totally up front and honest with you, Sam?”

“That would be nice.”

I baited him and I knew it. I wanted to fight. I hadn’t slept well and didn’t like the way he sounded on the phone last night. It had been controlling and a bit creepy.

He ran a hand through his dark hair as he made an obvious effort to compose himself and control his temper. He took a deep breath.

“There are parts of me I don’t want you to see. Ugly parts. Jealous parts. Parts that call you at three in the morning and accuse you of things you haven’t done.”

“Yes. I met those parts last night. I don’t like them.”

“I don’t like them either. But I like you. A lot. I’ve liked you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

“At the frat? When I leaned over the bar to get Bethany’s purse?” I frowned. His speech had touched me, but I wasn’t quite ready to let him off the hook. “So what you’re telling me is you saw my ass and that was it?”

He chuckled. The waitress brought our pancakes and refilled our coffee. He waited until she was done before he continued. “That was the second time I saw you, and, yes, the ass was impressive.”

I swallowed a bite of pancake and stared at him. “When was the first time?”

He looked so deeply into my eyes, like he touched my very soul with his gaze. “The first time you sat all alone under a tree. You were reading a book, playing with a strand of your gorgeous hair, and smiling.”

“Smiling?”

“Yes. You had the smallest, sweetest smile on your lips, like not only the book was funny but life was funny, too. Like you knew things other people didn’t.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You got all this from watching me read a book for two minutes?”

He leaned forward, his knife and fork poised above his plate. “It was more than two minutes. I watched you at least an hour that day. I couldn’t stop myself.”

I remembered that afternoon well. The last golden day of summer, right before classes started and life got chaotic again. I’d picked up a book I’d been dying to read, grabbed a blanket, and planted myself under a shady tree. It had been an indulgence, because I had lots of other things I should have been doing with my time, but the sweet warmth of the day called to me. I never realized someone had been watching me.

He continued. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. Do you know what I wanted when I saw you that day?”

I shook my head. My pancakes were getting cold, but I couldn’t have cared less.

“I wanted to be that book.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “What?”

He leaned forward even farther, his voice soft. “I wanted to put my head on your lap and stare up at your beautiful face. I wanted you to smile down at me the same way you smiled at that book.”

“You did?” Suddenly, it was a little hard to breathe.

“I want you, Sam, so much, and I haven’t wanted anything in a very, very long time.”

“Oh.”

“I love you, Samantha Barnes.”

“I love you, too.”

The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. The sad part was they weren’t true. I didn’t love Dylan. I liked him. I enjoyed sleeping with him. But I didn’t love him. Not yet at least. Once I said those words, however, I knew there was no going back. Dylan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“You do?”

I nodded, unable to speak. It wasn’t a total lie. I loved his romantic heart. I loved his sweet, gentle nature. But we’d only been together a few weeks. Was it even possible to love someone that soon?

We finished our breakfast and Dylan paid. Again. As we walked back to the Theta house hand in hand, Dylan’s mouth kept curving into a smile. He had a lilt to his step. I’d made him happy, and that at least should have made me happy, but it didn’t.

He wanted to get together and study, but I begged off. “I’m tired, Dylan. I had a long night.”

“Well, I should let you rest.” He seemed distracted, as he gave me a brief hug and turned to leave. I grabbed his sleeve.

“Are you okay?”

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “How could I not be okay? You love me. The whole world is perfect.”

He kissed me so thoroughly I clung to him, feeling a little dizzy. He grinned when he saw my face and kissed me some more. Dylan was delicious. Even if I didn’t love him now, surely I would very soon. How could I not? And he was right. The whole world did feel pretty perfect, although that changed as soon as I walked into the Theta house and saw Bethany’s face.

She’d parked herself in a chair by the front door and grabbed me as soon as I came in. Her hands shook and she had dark circles under her eyes. I’d never seen her look so pale, even when she’d gotten really sick after a hot tub party on spring break.

“We need to talk.”

“What happened?”

She chewed nervously on her lip, glancing around at the other girls in the lobby. “Not here. In your room.”

We marched upstairs, and as soon as I closed the door behind me, she started to weep. She sank down onto my bed and covered her face with her hands. It took a long few minutes of me patting her back and murmuring reassuring words before she could look at me, her face puffy and red.

“Gabriela was raped last night at the Sig house.”

I started to tremble from head to toe. I had to lock my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering. I knew without being told who had done this. I remembered the cold look in his blue eyes when he’d found out I wouldn’t be at that particular party.

“Zach McGaffrey.”

“Yes. We snuck out of the Theta party early and went there.” She let out an unsteady breath. “I knew it was a bad idea, but Gabriela insisted and I didn’t want her to go alone. You know how she gets. She just wanted to have a good time.”

Fury replaced my initial shock. I got up and starting cleaning, moving around my room in a soothing clockwise pattern, starting at my door. Bethany didn’t say anything. I cleaned this way whenever I got upset, and she was used to it. It helped me to process what she’d just told me.

“I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. The one night I wasn’t there…”

I closed my eyes and took deep measured breaths. I wanted to scream, but held it back.

Bethany came up behind me and put a hand on my arm. “There’s something you have to understand. This wasn’t her fault. I didn’t mean to infer that. She insisted on going to the party, but you can’t blame her for being raped.”

“I get it. She was drunk.”

“No, she wasn’t.”

I frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

“She never even finished her first beer.”

“Then how?”

“Zach slipped something into our drinks, Sam. He greeted us at the door, apologized for what happened last time, and offered to get us drinks. He was so…charming, and the line was long. I don’t know why I trusted him.”

I stared at her, realizing the reason for her pallor. Whatever Zach had given her made her so ill that she still bore the effects of it this morning.

“He drugged
both
of you? Are you sure?”

“I had a blood test at the clinic this morning. It was the weirdest thing. One minute, we were dancing and drinking, and the next I was flat out on my back on a sofa and had no idea what had happen. I was lucky, though. Max found me and brought me up to his room. He took care of me.”

“Max?”

She nodded. “He protected me. I guess Zach and a few of the other guys came looking for me, but Max locked the door and pretended we weren’t there. It could have been so bad, Sam. I think Zach was really ticked off at you and at me for keeping him away from Gabriela at the last party. This was about…revenge.”

I brushed her hair away from her forehead. She was clammy to the touch. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Something in her eyes told me she wouldn’t be okay for a long time, but she nodded, swallowing hard. “Gabriela is the one we need to worry about. Her parents came and took her to the hospital this morning. She was…pretty messed up.”

Bethany’s phone buzzed and she looked at it. “It’s her. She’s downstairs.”

We ran down the steps and froze when we saw her. On the outside, she didn’t look any different. I guess I’d expected bruises or something I could see that told me what she’d gone through, but I saw nothing. The only difference was her eyes. The brightness had dimmed. They were still the same beautiful dark brown, but without the usual joyful spark.

Bethany and I pulled her into a fierce hug and then led her up to my room. She gingerly curled up on my bed, covering her eyes with one hand.

“I can’t believe this happened. My parents…”

Her shoulders shook as she sobbed.  We knelt on the floor next to the bed. I held her hand as Bethany brushed her soft, dark curls away from her face, murmuring soothing words to her. Gabriela wanted to talk, although her words proved difficult for us to hear.

“I woke up in the middle of it, with Zach on top of me. There was nothing I could do.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “Afterwards, when I started crying, he laughed in my face.”

“Oh, Gabriela…” I said, but couldn’t continue. Something inside her had changed last night. A part of her had died.

“I wasn’t sure if he used a condom or not. I had to talk about this in front of my parents. It was so awful. And then they gave me the morning after pill. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“What did the police say?” I asked.

Gabriela stared at me, her eyes hollow and sad. “I’m not pressing charges, Sam. It was my fault.”

I shook my head. “This is
not
your fault.”

“I didn’t mean last night was my fault. But the events that led up to last night…I could have done things very different.”

“You need to make him pay for what he did.”

She laughed, but completely without humor. “You do realize Zach’s father is a lawyer, right? My dad is a janitor. The only reason I go to school here is because he works at the Johnstown campus and I attend for free. My parents can’t afford a lawyer, let alone one who could take on Zach’s dad. My mom and dad are immigrants, Sam. They barely speak English.”

I’d met her parents before. They were adorable and so proud of Gabriela, the only Sanchez to ever go to college. Imagining their faces right now made my stomach clench in knots.

“But…”

She held up a hand to stop me. “I was an idiot, Sam, and we all know it. You kept me out of trouble as long as you could, but there are a lot of people on campus who saw me make a fool of myself. Many times. And I’m sure they would be more than willing to testify against me. You know it as well as I do.”

I looked at Bethany for support, but she shook her head. “She’s right. As much as I hate to say it, there’s nothing we can do.”

“But he’ll do it again. He’s probably done it many times before.”

Gabriela stared at the ceiling. “My papi cried, Sam. He held me in his arms and wept. I have to think of them right now. If things got ugly, he could lose his job. This isn’t just about me, and I’m not being selfish. I just can’t…”

We held her as she sobbed, the same way her papi had, and we cried with her. We spent the day together, nestled in the safety of my little room. Dylan sent me a text saying he wanted to see me, but I told him that it wasn’t a good time. I needed to talk with him about Zach, but wasn’t sure how he’d react.

There was someone I knew I could trust, and I called him when I snuck out to pick up a pizza for our dinner. Max answered on the first ring.