Say You Want Me (5 page)

She nods. “I don’t think anyone is disputing that, but do you remember when the boys were little?”

“Yeah?” I don’t know where she’s going with this.

“A lot happens when they’re little. The first smile. The first time they start to crawl or walk. It’s a lot of little things that only happen for the first time—once.”

I don’t disagree with her. “That said, I’m not certain that means I should uproot my life.”

“Don’t you think it would be nice to have help with an infant? He’ll be a good dad, and he wants to be there.”

“I know he’ll be a good dad, Pres. I’ve seen how he is with Cayden and Logan.”

I believe that deep down in my soul. Wyatt made it clear that he’ll be around for the baby. He wants to be involved, and I’ll never begrudge him his own child, but I’m not marrying the man. He’s lost his damn mind if he thinks I’m going to because he thinks it’s “the right thing to do.” Whenever I finally decide to marry someone, which will probably be never, it’s going to be for the right reasons.

“It’ll work out,” Presley says with conviction. “I know it.”

“Ugh!” I drop my head in my hands. “Everything is so fucked up!”

“Or maybe everything is finally falling into place.”

Since I’m not really sure about the rules for pregnancy and coffee, I grab a cup of tea, head out to the wrap-around porch, and plop myself in one of the Adirondack chairs. With everyone still asleep, the house is quiet, and the pre-dawn morning is peaceful. I take a sip of my drink, wince, and make a mental note to ask my doctor about my coffee allowance. There’s no telling what kind of awful bitch I’ll become if I can’t have it, but I don’t want to do anything to hurt the baby in the meantime.

I sit, staring out at the rolling hills before me. I hold the cup in my hand as the steam rises, and then I spot the garden figure I gave Presley when she bought the house in Media. Two girls sit on a swing, holding onto each other as if they’re all the other one needs. After college, I wanted to be sure she’d always have me close (not that I was ever really far to begin with), but seeing she brought me here to her new life, I can’t help the smile.

Presley’s life hasn’t been easy the last few years thanks to my brother. She had everything. A husband, kids, a new business, and happiness—then she lost it all. It fell apart, no, it imploded. Losing my brother by suicide was awful enough, but then I lost her in my everyday life and it was devastating. But she didn’t fall apart.

She didn’t quit.

She rose up from the ashes, and while it wasn’t an easy road, she did it with grace. I know some think otherwise, but I’ve known her most of my life. I’ve seen her weak. I’ve seen her distraught, and I’ve seen her be brave for her kids.

That’s the one thing that I can honestly say about her, she always puts those boys first. They’re her priority, and her choices may not be what I would do, but they come from love. I need to find that part of myself.

I need to be brave in order to take on this new life and be the woman who cares for her child. And who knows? Maybe this will be the best thing to ever happen. I didn’t plan this, but I’m still going to be someone’s mommy. The baby needs me, and I know once it’s here, I’ll love the little nugget.

“This isn’t going to be easy,” I say as I rub my stomach. “I don’t know how to do this. So, just a forewarning, I might suck as a mom. I figure you should probably know I don’t really have that trait. Your Aunt Presley is the one who does that. I’m probably going to be a mess for a while, but I promise to try really hard to be better.” I whisper the words to the tiny child growing inside me.

And I
will
try.

Because that’s what moms do.

I rock back and forth in the chair, looking out at the lake. “And so it begins.”

“What begins?” A deep voice rumbles, causing me to jump.

My teacup falls forward, clanking against the ground as I let out a loud squeal. “Shit!” I glare as Wyatt stomps up the steps. “Wyatt! You scared the crap out of me.”

“I was hoping you were awake,” he says as he leans down and grabs the cup. His eyes lock on mine, and I have to remember to breathe. He looks unbelievably attractive in his faded Tennessee hat and dark blue jeans, which cling to his legs and outline his perfect ass. The gray Hennington Horse Farm T-shirt, which is clearly adored and fits him perfectly, allows me to peruse every muscle in his chest. Everything about him causes my mouth to water. He’s sexy without even trying. Nothing he’s wearing is to impress anyone. He’s just impressive. “You okay?” he asks after I still haven’t spoken.

“I’m fine. Trying to get my heart to calm.”
And my libido to ebb.

He sits on the chair next to mine. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I figured you heard my truck.”

“I guess I was lost in my thoughts.”

“Have you thought about this situation?” His voice has a tinge of hesitancy.

“That’s all I’ve thought about, Wyatt.”

His hand lifts and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. His finger brushes across my cheek and I actually sigh aloud. Like a freaking idiot. Wyatt smiles at the sound and cups my cheek. “Me too. I can’t stop thinking about it or what you’re going to do. We need to talk. We need to figure this out.”

“I’m trying.”

Wyatt drops his hand. “Again, it’s not just you. It’s my baby you’re carryin’. I want to help you.”

He’s right. It is his baby, and I already know what he wants. He’s not once asked me what I want. “I won’t keep him or her from you. I’m not like that.”

“I know.” His lips press together. “Tell me what you’re thinkin’. Maybe I can help ease your mind.”

I wish it were that simple. There’s nothing that I’m going to say that will ease his mind. If anything . . . I’m going to lose my own. “What am I thinking? You really want to know?”

He leans back, tossing one ankle across his knee and painting an easy smile on his face. “I’m all ears, honey.”

“Okay, you asked for it.” I make sure the warning is clear in my tone. “I’m freaking out. We’re having a baby, and we’re not even together. My choices are: be alone in Philadelphia and raise this kid or move here—neither choice is appealing to me. I feel as if someone has taken away my life and then I feel like a selfish bitch for thinking that way,” I ramble the words as fast as I think them. “I hate this. I hate that I’m having a baby with a man who doesn’t even like me, let alone love me. This should be a joyful time in my life, and it’s not. I feel robbed. I didn’t get to pee on a stick and hide it from my husband so I could do some grand gesture to tell him we were having a baby.” Tears start to fall as I let it all out, all the while Wyatt holds my hand. “I never really thought much about having a kid, but at least when I did, I figured it would be with my
husband
. Instead, we get this! How is that fair? It’s not. I wish this never happened. I wish I never went home with you. I wish I could go back in time and take it all back.”

When I say the last word I instantly regret it.

That was mean, and it’s not true.

I don’t regret being with him. I had every intention of doing it again when I boarded that plane two months ago. And I want this baby. Sure, it’s not the way I wanted it to happen, but there’s a human being growing inside me, and I’m going to love him or her, I’m already starting to feel better about it. I need a little more time.

Wyatt’s face shows nothing. His eyes are soft, and I don’t see a hint of judgment in them. “I’m sorry,” he says with so much sorrow it breaks my heart. “I know I’m not your first pick, but I can tell you not everything you think is true. And I’m sorry you feel that this has taken your life away from you.”

“No.” I take his hand in mine. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that. You don’t deserve it. You got robbed, too. We did this together, and I’m being selfish.”

He lets out a light chuckle. “You’re not selfish. I said close to the same shit to Trent last night. I wanted to be married and have kids with a woman who knew what a catch I am.”

I laugh.

“I’m serious.” He stands and looks at me with an overly serious expression. “I’m the most eligible bachelor here in Bell Buckle.”

“Slim pickings, huh?”

“You’re about to be a very hated woman here. You don’t know how many girls love me.”

“Your humility is truly astounding. I’ve heard all about your sexual escapades.”

He laughs. “You’ve also been one of those escapades, honey.”

I roll my eyes. He’s right. I have been. “I want us to at least be good friends. You know, like,
know
who the other person is. For the baby’s sake.”

Wyatt smiles and extends his hand. “Come for a walk with me.”

I place my fingers in his palm and let him pull me to my feet. “Okay.”

We start walking, and he hooks my hand into the crook of his arm. It’s sweet, and a little part of me thaws. Maybe this isn’t what I wanted, but this, right here, is nice. Wyatt doesn’t say anything, but I can feel him tense a little. It’s as if he’s preparing for something and trying to build up the courage.

“I want you to consider moving here while you’re pregnant,” he says after we break through the trees on a dirt path. “Now, I know what you’re feeling. I know you feel like you’re losing everything, but what if something happens and you’re up there? What if you need help? It would take a long time for me to get there.”

He’s going to make it damn near impossible for me to say no. “I’m not some damsel in distress.”

“No.” He stops walking. “You’re not. I don’t think you’ve ever been that, but you’re the mother of my child. It’s my job to care for you, and whether you believe it or not, I do care about you, and I have even before I knew you were pregnant.”

I’m speechless. What he said was probably the single most perfect thing to say. “That means a lot to me. Thank you, but what would I do here?”

“Anything you want. We’re not backwards here. You don’t have to work if you don’t want to, and you can take some time to yourself. Hell, write a book. You could open a cupcake place in town. You can do whatever the hell you want. I’m just asking for some time.”

The bakery is what keeps tripping me up. I’m sure that Erin could take it over for me. Since we got the manager up to speed, I don’t do very much there anyway. I was going to start focusing completely on opening another location.

This is crazy.

There’s so much to ruminate. But I can only imagine how he would feel if something happened to me or the baby while I was in Pennsylvania. I don’t know if it’s enough to make me do this, but it’s something to weigh.

I can’t even believe I’m considering this.

“What if we find out we hate each other? What if all we were was a night of unbelievable sex? Where do we go from there?”

Wyatt takes my face in his hands. “What if we don’t hate each other? Or if we do, what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll be close to Presley and your nephews. What if you realize that I’m the best man on the planet and you can’t live without me? Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves and to the baby to find out? Give this a chance.”

“What does that even mean? Us?” I ask.

His hands drop to my shoulders as he holds me in place. All I’ve ever felt for him was an intense physical attraction. He was a means to a very long dry spell. It was easy to let myself sleep with him since he lived here and I was there. Plus, there were no real emotional ties for either of us. We knew what it was and that worked fine for me.

“Us.” Wyatt’s word echoes in my head. “A real chance at us. It means we date or something. You’ll keep cookin’ my kid. I’ll take you out and show you I’m not the crap you’ve heard. I was up all night thinkin’ about this. I want you to move here and just see . . .”

I shake my head because he’s crazy, but I wonder. “I—” I stop.

I’m confused. The picture he paints is alluring. I know he’s a good guy at heart. If he weren’t, Presley would never speak so highly of him. The boys adore him and constantly talk about Uncle Wyatt. There’s a lot of unknowns.

What if he’s right? But what if he’s wrong?

“You?” He pushes.

“I-I I don’t know!” I blurt out. “This is too much.” I push back from him, needing some space to breathe. When he’s close like this, it confuses me. I want to say yes even though it’s probably the last thing I would ever do. I turn my back to him and look out at the trees, but then I feel his heat as he steps closer to me.

“It’s a lot, but I’m trying.” His deep voice vibrates through me. “Give me until you have the baby. I at least want to see my first kid born.”

He’s trying, and I should too.

“I’ll give you three months.” I spin around to face him. “I can’t promise anything more than that, but I’ll come here for the next few months, and we’ll work through this.”

“Three months?” he repeats. Wyatt crosses his arms and stares me down.

“I can’t be away for longer than that right now.”

“I don’t like it,” Wyatt admits, dropping his arms to his sides and showing me a hint of sadness. “But it’s a start.”

“Wyatt,” I warn.

He puts his hand up. “Don’t say anything, darlin’. We’ve got three months of talkin’ to do. You need to get home and pack. I’ll see you soon.” He dips his head close. “Real soon.”