Say Ye (33 page)

“You’ll stay?” he whispered. He twisted a strand of her hair around his fingers.

“I’ll never leave you.” She danced her fingertips over him and sang a bit of “Kiss the Girl” until he did.

24

Lita snuggled against Lorenzo, disappointed he’d put his pajama bottoms back on last night when he’d gotten up to finish getting ready for bed after they’d made love. And not just any making love, but a rose petal bath, massage, dancing by the fire, scream his name experience. His stomach tensed. She glanced up at him.

“What time is it?” he asked as he opened his eyes.

“Eight.”

He sat up, which forced Lita to move. “I told you I have meetings this morning. I forgot to set the alarm.”

Lita watched him as he strode toward the bathroom, stretching. She couldn’t stop watching him, the way each muscle flexed, biceps curving into his shoulders, hinting at his strength, his smooth back, his tight rear shifting under his dark striped cotton broadcloth pants as he walked. She yearned to ask him to come back to bed, but he was already in the bathroom. The water pattered softly in the shower. She rose and pulled on her robe.

By the time she reached the shower, he exited, pulling his towel around his hips. She stepped back and admired his masculine form. She put her hands on his chest, almost giggling at the way the tiny hairs tickled her fingertips except the hard slickness of him negated her girlish feelings. She looked up at him. He took her hands in his.

“I’ve got to go, Lita.”

He walked to the sink. She licked her lips. His scent seduced her.

“I understand,” she said, but she didn’t. Who had meetings the day after Thanksgiving? Most people took the day off. She shrugged off her robe and got in the shower.

“Are you well?” Celeste asked Lita as they worked together in the kitchen a few hours later.

Lita nodded and continued dipping strawberries in tempered chocolate. Lita had hoped Lorenzo might take the day off, call and cancel his meetings, but he acted as if it was just another day when he left for work earlier, with a kiss on the cheek and a goodbye.

“Uncle Enzo’s taking you out?”

“Yes, just to Nick’s for dinner. Is that all right? Would you rather we went out of town? I tried to tell Enzo we should, but he…” Celeste paused, trying to look at Lita.

Lita’s hands trembled as she set the tray of fruit aside. “I want you to do whatever you want. We’re fine, really. I don’t want Uncle Enzo to worry about us.”

Celeste looked at her as if Lita didn’t understand. Maybe she didn’t.

“He’s also concerned about Gianni moving to New York with Sal. He won’t say it, but he’ll miss him.”

“We all will,” Lita said as she began to clean up while Celeste pulled bread out of the oven. “Have I done something?”

“What do you mean, dear?”

“To encourage Gianni,” Lita said. “Lorenzo says…”

“Yes?”

“He says Gianni would…when we danced before, Gianni had a look, like… I thought Gianni’s just like that. I didn’t think he meant anything by it.”

“Those DeGrazia men. I don’t know, but I know you haven’t done anything. I don’t suppose we need worry. Gianni leaves in a week.”

“I guess Lorenzo will be glad,” Lita said.

Celeste took her hand. “Perhaps you two need to go away together again. You seemed so happy after your week at Lake Tahoe.”

“He’s too busy right now.”

Lita knew Lorenzo didn’t want anyone else to know he was getting counseling. His first appointment was tomorrow. Besides, she knew now that giddy happiness didn’t last, it drifted away just as the comforting scent of fresh-baked bread only lingered briefly. But something was left, the solid sustenance of the bread, of real love.

“I need to go to the store. Do you need anything?” Lita asked.

“No, thank you. Would you like some company?”

Lita shook her head. She needed to be alone. They said their goodbyes and Lita went to get her purse, wishing she could tell Celeste all her troubles, but she couldn’t say anything, not yet.

She drove down the hill, away from North Beach. Only a five minute drive, but it made all the difference. When Lita shopped near home, she often ran into someone she knew from church, or a family friend, or even a cousin. As she went into the drug store, she wondered again how her neighborhood felt like a small town sometimes, even though it was in such a crowded city. But that was one of the things she’d always appreciated about it, the diversity of the neighborhoods and the security of the closely situated buildings.

When she got home, she put her purchase upstairs. It would have to wait. She ate lunch with Celeste and then they took a walk. They strolled in the square, the leaves still green, a few reds and browns here and there. Someday Lorenzo would take her to New York to see real fall color.

While they stopped to talk to acquaintances, Lita wondered at the different people, from the older couple doing Tai Chi to the stylish young mother pushing a stroller, the old Italian man sitting, his cane propped beside him, on the bench to the young guy in a black tank and black jeans standing on the grass spinning pizza dough.

They went into D’Angelo’s Market to say hello to Frank and Eva then started the trek back. It wasn’t too much for Lita, but from Uncle Enzo’s to the heart of the neighborhood often tired Celeste.

“These hills,” Celeste said, a bit out of breath, as they paused a few blocks from home. “Still, they’ve helped me keep my figure.”

“I’m sure Uncle Enzo appreciates them, then.”

“Yes, he admires curves of every kind, on city streets, hills, water, and women.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

Celeste still smiled, but Lita didn’t. “No, it is his way and I know he loves me. He made many mistakes in his youth, but he has learned from them. Angela made sure of that, I gather.”

“I wish I’d known her,” Lita said, glad they’d arrived home.

“She would have loved you, I’m sure,” Celeste said with a sad look in her eyes as they entered the house.

“I didn’t mean…I’m glad we have you.”

“I know and I’m happy too. Sometimes I still miss my Frank, though, as Enzo does Angela. We help each other and it is nice to be needed.”

“I better go up and change. I know you want to do the same,” Lita said.

She hoped Lorenzo was done with those kinds of mistakes. She hoped Lorenzo needed her as deeply as she did him.

“I have time if you wish to talk,” Celeste said as Lita started up the stairs.

“Everything’s fine,” Lita said. “See you in a bit.”

She said goodbye later to Uncle Enzo and Celeste when they left for Nick’s, after which they would go to see a movie. Lita foolishly started dinner, thinking Lorenzo wouldn’t be late, but he was and they ate lukewarm tilapia and rice, not speaking beyond small talk you might make with a stranger. The roses he brought her were pretty, though, and she tried to concentrate on them as they ate.

Lita’s stomach jittered as she brought out the strawberries and champagne, worried her plans would fizzle, like they often did. Lorenzo gave her a seductive smile when she entered the living room. He had the movie ready. She frowned. She should have planned something more romantic, she could have worn something sexy, instead of the cute red dress she wore, but Lita was unsure when it came to being sexy. She set the tray on the table and sat next to her husband.

“Couldn’t we take that upstairs?” he said.

“I wanted to watch the movie,” she said.

She knew he frowned, but she needed him to hold her and watching a movie with him was a sure way to accomplish that goal. He drank a glass of champagne before he took her in his arms. She tried to feed him a strawberry, but he shook his head.

“You go ahead,” he said.

“I don’t want any either,” she said. She put it back and leaned into his embrace.

A few times during “Gigi” Lorenzo tried to kiss her or caress her, but she brushed him off. She wanted to lay in his arms until she forgot about their problems. As usual, he gave up after awhile, but Lita knew why he acted distant as they turned off the television and the lights downstairs and walked up to their room. When Lita came out of the bathroom, he sat up in bed reading. He didn’t even look up. She climbed into bed and pulled out her journal, writing for a bit then taking out her book since he still read.

As she listened to the silence, broken by the rustle of a page turning, or a car going by outside, or far away voices, she thought about what she could do. She had tried. She’d even spoken to Joanna a few weeks before, who said it sounded like Lorenzo wanted a lady in public but a freak in bed. Joanna had laughed, but stopped on seeing Lita’s distress. Lita felt she could be more passionate and naughty, but when she tried, it didn’t seem to work out.

Except for a few times, like at the bar or the video she’d made for Lorenzo’s birthday. But those times were like the rare four leaf clovers she hunted for in the grass when she was younger, found only occasionally. Each time she made some small mistake or Lorenzo didn’t respond, she drew into herself, frightened that no matter what she did, Lorenzo wouldn’t be satisfied. After all, he had over three hundred women to compare her to, she, who’d never done much beyond kissing with anyone before Lorenzo. She still wasn’t sure she did everything right and she knew Lorenzo wouldn’t tell her. And now…she stifled a sob. Lorenzo closed his book with a subdued thump as she put hers on the nightstand.

He put his hand on her arm and she glanced at him. He slid over to her. His fingertips traced a line from her forehead to her arm. She put her arms around his neck and moved under him. He studied her, she closed her eyes. He kissed her and smoothed his hands over her. A pleasant warmth spread through her and she tried to push his bottoms off, feeling momentarily self-conscious as he stopped to pull them off himself before he undressed her. She wrapped herself around him again, sighing in contentment at the feeling of his sturdy strength on her.

Soon her sighs became tiny moans as he kissed her, caressed her, moved himself inside her. She wanted to scream, but instead gripped him tighter and smiled at feeling his satisfaction. She kept her legs around him, reluctant for him to move, but her own pleasure released him and he lay back. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. She thought he trembled but it was probably only herself.

While they tried to fall asleep, Lita’s mind wouldn’t quiet. She looked at him and he opened his eyes.

“How long do you want to wait before we have a baby?” she said.

“I’m tired.”

“Why can’t you just answer the question?” She twisted the sheet in her hands.

“Why do you keep bringing this up? You agreed to wait.”

“For how long? We never talked about it.”

“Have you been lying all this time? Are you even taking your pills?”Lorenzo sat up. He was angry again—there had been times she’d forgotten to take her pills.

“How can you ask me that?” Lita wouldn’t look at him.

“Quit acting so fucking innocent. You’re not stupid.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Lita said.

She wanted to be angry but she was too raw from everything. Lorenzo promised things would be different once they married and they were. They were worse.

“Stop crying and answer me!” Lorenzo yelled.

Lita flinched and hugged herself. He’d never talked to her that way before. Sometimes they yelled at each other, but only when they were both mad, not like now. She glanced at him and scooted away further. All the fury drained from his face as he paled. Lita wanted to hold him, but he got up.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He dressed with such haste Lita barely realized what he did.

“Don’t go, Lorenzo, please,” she said as he went to the door.

“I have to,” he said, stopping to look at her.

She couldn’t see him clearly in the grayish light of the night. She pulled her knees up, the white sheet draped over her body, her hands clasped, praying he wouldn’t leave. He always left. His swift steps swished over the carpet.