Say Ye (23 page)

***

He thought Janetta had been unusually tense the last couple days, especially around Lee, who did a good job playing it cool. Lorenzo was surprised when she insisted on taking Lee out to lunch, alone, the next day. Lorenzo ambled down the hall and toward the door of the office. Someone opened the door. He stopped. Lita walked in and smiled, she held a paper grocery bag.

“I brought you some lunch.”

“Thanks,” he said, though he wondered if she’d leave when she found out Janetta and Lee were gone. “Looks like you brought enough for everyone,” he finished as he took the bag.

“Only enough for two.” She glanced at him and tried to smile again. “Janetta and Lee leave?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Yes, how did you know?” he asked as he walked her into his office, though he had an idea.

He grinned as she turned to him. Her hands trembled. He put the bag down, took her in his arms and kissed her. Her back relaxed as she leaned into him. He closed his eyes and inhaled her sweet, unspoiled fragrance as she nibbled his ear.

“Am I lunch?”

“Mm hum,” she whispered, still trembling as she pushed him toward his chair.

When she unzipped his pants, he had one last thought: maybe miracles happen.

16

Some miracle. Lita stood, her hand covering her mouth, tears sprinkling her cheeks. He rose and got himself together. Lorenzo gently wiped her cheeks, warm like droplets of sea water on a sun-heated glassy pebble.

“It’s okay, Lita.” He shifted. It surprised him how much her small teeth grazing him had hurt. “I love you. It doesn’t matter if--”

“No. I’ll never be able to satisfy you.” She moved toward the door. He grabbed her arm.

“That’s not true. Maybe if you relaxed more first,” he said, caressing her arm.

“I don’t know how to do anything and you won’t tell me.”

He dropped his hand. “You never want to talk about it. You’ll figure it out. Most people do.”

“I’m not most people.”

He nodded just as she faced him. He tried to speak, but she cut him off.

“See, I’m right.” Her voice rose. “If I don’t want to talk about it, it’s because you make me uncomfortable, you and your hundreds of women. I was able to talk to other guys--even Rich.”

“What?” He gripped the desk, wanting to push it over. “You told me you hadn’t done oral before--”

“I didn’t. Maybe I’ve been wrong to trust you. Maybe he never put anything in my drink at all. He told me he never would’ve hurt me.”

Lorenzo bowed his head. No. “Are you that naïve? What reason would I have to lie? I could understand your mistrust if I’d taken you to bed that night. But I didn’t.” He still hadn’t.

“No, but you put him in the hospital. He was just calling me. Why are you so jealous?”

“He wasn’t just calling. He was watching you, several days a week. I had him followed and his phone tapped.”

“Are you kidding? Who does that?” Lita glared at him, her cheeks tiny fireballs.

“I do, to protect you. He would have raped you, if I’d let him have the chance.”

“No.” Her voice trembled, doubt hollowed her eyes. “Would you? Jane told me you used to watch me from the café across the street from her bookstore. Did you follow me too?”

“When did she say that?”

“When I went to pick up my things before I moved into Uncle Enzo’s last year. She’s friends with the owners of the café and some of the people who work there. They got suspicious, I guess, they told her you followed me finally one day. How are you any different than Rich?”

“I love you.”

“Maybe he thought he did too.”

“Maybe you’re just saying this because you want to be free,” he said. He paced. “Have you fallen for someone else? Maybe Vincente?” He sounded crazy, but he didn’t care.

“Stop it.” She glared at him. “Even if I did, Vincente is too loyal to do that to you. I know now why he and Joe wouldn’t ask me out when you went to Italy last year. They knew you were in love with me. You made sure to tell anyone who might want me, didn’t you? You rejected me, but you didn’t want anyone else to have me?”

“No. So you would’ve? You’d rather marry someone else?” He studied her. It might be his last chance.

“They’re good men, men who are respectful and kind.”

Her eyes…he stood unmoving though he crumpled inside like he was a paper she’d wadded up and thrown away.

He’d made her hate him. He turned and stared out the window. Once she thought of him that way, her protector, her man, the best man. But he wasn’t--she was right. They were better men. His arms lay heavy at his sides, too heavy.

“I’ll go,” he said. “Sal, you know, Pete and Gianni’s dad, he’d like me to move to New York to help in his new business. I’ll go…” It’s what he should have done in the beginning. He took a deep breath. No sounds in the room. Had she gone?

“You don’t want me,” she whispered. “It’s all an excuse so you don’t have to marry me.” Her voice wavered, she would cry again. “I hate you.”

If he ran into the window, shattered it with his body, and fell the five stories, crushed on the concrete below, the pain wouldn’t be as bad. He lifted his arm to the pane and leaned against it, somehow staying upright. “I love you,” he said in a raspy whisper.

Her cries battered him.

“I didn’t mean it,” she wailed. Her hands touched his back, his chest, she ducked into his arms. Her lips devoured him, her salty tears mingled with her minty sweetness. Moans, I’m sorry, I love you whispered, all at once, from both. She pressed herself close to his chest.

“I’ve never loved anyone but you,” she whispered.

If only he could record those words, but they floated off. The other words stayed, the hateful words. They would sit in his head, like drunk, angry fans in the bleachers at a ball game, heckling and jeering him, mocking him with the truth.

They sat and ate lunch. They made plans to go out to dinner on Friday, dancing on Saturday. It would have to be a different club, though. If things kept up like they had, they wouldn’t be able to go anywhere, everywhere would have bad associations. Their talk was like a dance, without touching, back and forth, tentative and precise. She kissed him goodbye the same way.

It continued, their dance, those next few days. He stood with Lita at church that Sunday, Easter Sunday. Her beauty filled his senses so fully his hands gripped the pew back to keep from trembling. The heckling in his head was drowned out by the hymns now, but the last two nights they’d been out together it caused him to play the game foolishly, taking too many risks, not appreciating what he had. He’d flirted with other women, right in front of Lita, then acted like a jealous jerk when she danced with other guys.

It didn’t help that Lee and Janetta snapped at him every day, when they weren’t staring sparks at each other or standing in brooding silence. He knew all these behaviors well and he guessed it was a fitting punishment to be on the receiving end of the crap he’d dished out so many times. Also, Nick had been busy at the restaurant, unavailable to listen or give his usual advice. Lorenzo didn’t always follow it, but he liked hearing it.

He didn’t like listening to Carlo’s tirade this morning, though. He’d taken him out back while Lita and Sophia finished dressing for church and laid into him about all his inadequacies. Carlo literally shook with rage and finished with the statement that he hoped Lita would dump his sorry ass and move on with someone who could be a man. Lorenzo knew who he meant, but he said nothing. Just like he sat in silence now, waiting for church to be over, trying unsuccessfully to think of what to say to placate Lita.

She wouldn’t even let him drive her home. Instead she rode with Sophia and Carlo, who said they’d see him later for dinner. He went home and pulled out his old address book, a book he should’ve given to Gianni by now, or burned. He flipped through it, thinking of the things he could do, but each woman he imagined morphed into Lita, as they had for the last two years. Only now it was worse. She was his now, or she would be, and it would shatter her if he really cheated, if he had sex with someone else. He knew she’d forgive the kissing, but something else…He threw the small book across the room and put his head in his hands. He had to try to make things right with Lita.

The family surrounded her all through the evening. Damn D’Angelos. Carlo and his youngest brother, Max, watched him with their hawk eyes while he seethed as Joe, Jim, and Michael flirted with Lita as if he wasn’t standing right there. And she giggled and smiled, probably trying to punish him. At least Vincente wasn’t there and Gianni kept his distance. Lee seemed unable to decide whether to watch him or Janetta and Lorenzo even stooped to trying to persuade Janetta to keep Lee occupied, but Lee wasn’t that easily manipulated.

Dinner smelled fantastic--savory ham, potatoes Anna, asparagus, fresh herb foccacia, sharp vinegar in the salad and antipasti. He tried to eat, but he only took a few bites of each, except the bread, which he knew Lita baked. He ate three pieces and was rewarded with her tiniest smile. She would forgive him, she always did.

She hurried into the kitchen after dinner, but he didn’t follow, not wanting to get herded in for dish duty. He thought he saw her go into the dining room, so he walked in, only to see Lee in the dimly lit room.

“Have you seen Lita?” he asked.

“Outside,” Lee said. He led him out. On the back patio, Lee turned to him. “What’ve you done to Lita?”

Dammit. “What’d she say?”

“Nothing, but I know her better than anyone.”

Not anymore. “Do you?”

“I warn you, I’m not myself these days.”

He knew. “Come off it,” Lorenzo said.

“I bet I know you better than Lita does. Should I go quiz her on her knowledge of your past?”

“You wouldn’t do that to Lita.” A chill bay breeze whipped through him.

“Do you really want to find out?”

Lorenzo studied Lee and muttered to himself before he replied. “She’s upset with me because she says I flirted with the waitress at dinner on Friday and some girls at the club we went to last night.”

“And?”

“And I punched a guy who got too close to her. He deserved it.”

Lee shook his head. “I’m not sure I believe you. How close?”

“Grinding on her close.”

“Okay, but you should know better. Were you flirting?”

Lorenzo shrugged. “You know how it is. I can’t help it if women come onto me.”

“Now who needs to come off it,” Lee said. His tone was sarcastic but an amused twinkle glinted in his eye. Lee’s mind was no doubt turning over all the times they’d gone out together, all the women they’d scored, with essentially no effort.

“Everything will be different once Lita and I are married.”

“Yeah, because a piece of paper changes everything.” Lee ran a finger under his collar.

“Okay, you two,” Sophia said as she slid the door shut behind her. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Lee replied.

“He knows Lita’s mad at me,” Lorenzo said.

“What are you going to do about it?” she said.

“If I could get her alone--”

“Sophia, you won’t let him, will you?”

“That depends on Lita.”

“I know you treat her like your own daughter and I appreciate that,” Lee said.

“We’re thankful for her. We’d hoped to be her parents, but she’s happy with Lorenzo.”

Lorenzo doubted it, as, from his twisted smile, Lee did too.

“You think?” Lee said.

“I have faith.”

“Faith isn’t my strong suit,” Lee said.

Lorenzo nodded. It was one of the reasons they were friends.

“You have faith in people, or you wouldn’t have stayed friends with Lorenzo.”

“Not much of a case for having faith there,” Lee said.