Saving Cassie (Fairfield Corners) (10 page)

The next morning I wake up
with a heavy heart.  I must tell Logan my biggest secret.  He didn’t pressure
me to tell him why I acted the way I did last night.  He left me to my thoughts
on the drive home, laying one of his “knock my socks off” kisses on me when we got
back to the house.

“I hope you had fun Darlin’.
 I’m sure you’ll tell me what’s bothering you when you’re ready.  I hope it
isn’t anything I’ve done.  When I helped Adam with those lyrics, I had no idea
that you were out there waiting, and I would find you here in this small town
in Indiana.  Goodnight sweetness.”

I blink back tears just
thinking about how I am going to tell him my biggest secret.

###

I hear the front door open
and close.  “Hey Logan, how did the date go? How did she react when she realized
it was a private concert?” I hear James ask.

Logan answers, “It was
going really well, I even got her to dance with me. When the song was over she
had the saddest look on her face.  Do you have any idea why?  She didn’t want
to talk about it last night, I’m hoping I can get her to tell me this morning.”

“I have no idea.”  James
looks up when he hears me walk into the kitchen.  “Morning Reggie. How was your
date?”

“Why are you so happy this
morning?  Get some early morning nookie from Marie?”

James knows something is
wrong.  “Reggie, what is it? You get pissy when something is bothering you and
that comment was definitely pissy.”  He walks over and grabs my hands before
leading me over to a chair and sitting me down, “What’s up?  You know you can
tell me anything.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for
that comment.  Yes, something is bothering me.  Can you please give us a couple
of minutes, James?  I need to talk to Logan alone.”

“Sure Reg,” James replies,
worriedly.  “I’ll just go out on the porch and read the paper.”

James walks out the front
door and sits on the glider with the paper in his hand.  I hate to worry him,
but Logan deserves to hear this first.

“Logan, please come over
here and sit down.  You’re hovering and it’s making me nervous.”

“Sure, Darlin’.  What is
so all-fired terrible that you couldn’t tell me last night?”

“Well Logan, I have to
tell you that there is no way that we can be together.  I should never have
agreed to a date and we definitely shouldn’t have made love.  There is
something that I can’t change and I haven’t told anyone, not even James.  I
can’t let you fall in love with me.”  I turn so my back is to him, “it all goes
back to the night that Matt attacked me.  That night, Matt did more than just
beat me up, he killed our unborn baby.”  I stop, afraid to turn around and look
Logan in the face.  I straighten my shoulders and turn around to face him as I
finish what I have to say, “I had just found out I was pregnant the day before
and I was so excited!  I was sure the news would turn him around, and bring
back the Matt I had fallen in love with.”  I begin to cry and Logan reaches
over to bring me into a hug but I shrug off his hands, “Please don’t, let me
get through this.  When Matt punched me, I fell down the stairs.  This caused
some internal damage and I miscarried.  I was lying on the floor, in so much
pain.  The doctor told me the next day that due to the internal damage I would
only have about a 5% chance of ever conceiving again.”  I sit down and put my
head in my hands.

I feel Logan’s hand on my
shoulder.  “My God, Cassie.  Why didn’t you tell anyone?   Why are you telling
me this?  Why can’t you let me fall in love with you?  I don’t understand.”

“I’ve seen the way you are
with Olivia.  You want children, I can see it when you look at her.  You
deserve someone who can give that to you.  That isn’t me.  No matter what I
feel, we cannot be together.  I will not be the reason you don’t have children.
 I cannot let myself fall in love with you, it would be impossible to say
goodbye and you deserve so much more than I can give you.”

He reaches for me again,
and I yell, “No Logan, don’t touch me!”  I turn and run up the stairs as James
comes running into the house.

“What did you do, Logan?  Why
is Cassie crying?” James asks as he heads towards the stairs.

“James, wait.  You know I
would never do anything to hurt Cassie.  I think I’m in love with her. Please
go up and talk to her, she needs to tell you this herself.”  He turns towards
the back door as he pulls out his phone.  He dials and waits for someone to
answer, “Marie, it’s Logan.  You need to get over here.  Cassie needs you.”  He
hangs up without explaining and goes out into the backyard, walking towards the
garage where he punches the door, “How could that bastard do that to her?”  He
punches the door twice more, wishing it was Matt’s face.  He is angry at the
situation and angry that he can do nothing to rectify it.  Marie rushes up,
“Logan, what in the world is wrong?  Why are you punching the garage door?  Let
me look at your hand, I hope you didn’t break anything.”  She starts to lead
Logan to the house.

“Don’t worry about me
Marie.  I’ll survive.  Cassie needs you, she’s upstairs with James.  Please,
just leave me and go to her.”

“Are you sure Logan?  Let
me at least clean up those knuckles.”

“No, dammit!  Cassie needs
you, not me!”  Logan yells and stomps off towards the front of the house.  Marie
hears his car door slam and the squealing of tires as he roars off.

Marie hurries into the
house.  “Cassie, what’s wrong?  Why is Logan so upset?  What is going on?”

“We’re up here Marie!”

She hurries up the stairs
and into Cassie’s room.  James is sitting on the bed with Cassie in his lap.  He
looks up at Marie, “It’s that bastard, Matt!  Long story short, when he beat up
Cassie she fell down the stairs and miscarried.  Yes, she was pregnant and she
has been dealing with this all on her own.”  He looks up at Marie, his anguish
showing on his face, “Why didn’t I see it?  Why couldn’t she tell me?  We’ve
always shared everything.”

“Cassie, come here and
tell me all about it.  James, go and find Logan.  He’s really upset.”

James heads out the door.  “Call
me if you need anything.”

“Come on, Cassie.  Let’s
go down to the kitchen and make some tea.  You need to get this off your chest.
 Why did you think you had to deal this with all alone?  You should have told
me!”

In between sobs I start to
explain to Marie, “I was so ashamed that I stayed with Matt after he started
getting violent.  I always said I would never let anyone treat me that way.  I
just couldn’t face it so I pretended it wasn’t happening.  The problem is I can
never forget and it will haunt me forever.  I only have a 5% chance of ever
conceiving again and I may not be able to carry a baby to term.  I can’t let
Logan love me, he deserves someone who can give him children and I can’t do
that!  He deserves better than me!”

“Did you even ask Logan
how he feels?  I can’t imagine that it would make a difference to him.”

“I’ve tried to keep him at
arm’s length but he’s just so there, bigger than life, and that lopsided
country-boy grin.  He deserves so much more than someone who can’t even give
him children.” I sob harder.

“Cassie, will you at least
talk to Logan about it?  I saw him outside and he looked angry; so angry that
he was punching the garage door.”

“God, I’ve made such a
mess of everything!  You and James are upset because I didn’t tell you and Logan
is pissed at something he couldn’t stop.  He didn’t even know me then, how
could he fix it?  He is such a Dudley Do Right.”

“I think Logan fell for
you the first time you ended up in his arms,” Marie admitted.  “I’ve gotten to
know him pretty well the last couple of months and I don’t think he’s ever felt
that for anyone.  You scare him Cassie.”

“Me, scare him?  He’s
always lurking around and popping out at me.  I swear he’s gonna give me heart
failure.”

“Quit avoiding the issue,
Cassie.  You have to talk to Logan about this.  Above all, let him know how you
feel.  When I saw him outside he looked like he just lost his best friend.  James
will find him and get him back here.”

James finds Logan at the
gym, taking out his frustration on a punching bag, wincing every time he hits
the bag with his scraped knuckles.  He is still wearing his jeans, didn’t even
take the time to change to his workout clothes.  He is dripping sweat, and
extremely pissed off.

“There you are Logan.  I’ve
been looking all over town for you.  Are you OK?”

Logan continues to punch
the bag, “How could that bastard do that to her?  Why didn’t anyone notice?  She
shouldn’t have had to go through that, especially not alone.  She is so
stubborn!”

“Noticed that did you?  I
should have warned you.  I just didn’t realize you were going to fall for her so
hard and so fast.  I’m glad it’s you, she deserves someone like you who will
protect her even when she insists she doesn’t need it.”

“Why does she think that
it’s a deal breaker?  Do I come off as that shallow?”

“No, I don’t think it was
anything you did or said.  From the way she was talking, I think she was
planning on never getting married or falling in love.  She has this crazy idea that
she isn’t worthy of it.  You really need to go back and talk to her.  I’m sure
Marie has gotten her calmed down by now.”

Logan turns and looks at
James, “I suppose you’re right.  I think I’ve calmed down enough to talk about
it without losing it again.  I just want to find this Matt and rip his head off. 
He definitely didn’t deserve Cassie or her love!”

Logan strides out the
door, leaving James standing there staring after him.  “Man, has he got it bad.
 Those two are perfect for each other; she’s definitely going to keep him on
his toes.”

About ten minutes later
Logan gets back to the house and politely knocks on the door.  Marie opens the
door.  “Come on in Logan.  I think Cassie is calm enough to talk about this
rationally now.  Since you’re here I’m going to head back home.  Olivia will be
home in about ten minutes.”

He hugs Marie, “Thanks for
understanding and sending James after me.  Give Olivia a big hug from me.”

“Will do.  You take care
of our Cassie, she needs you right now.”  And she heads out the door and walks next
door to the Marsten house.

Logan calls out for me.  “Cassie,
where are you, Darlin’?”

“I’m in the kitchen,
Logan.”  I say as he makes his way toward me.  “I’m sorry I freaked out on you.
 I’ve been holding all that in for so long and I just exploded.  Can you
forgive me?”

“Anything for you, Darlin’.
 Now why did you think you don’t deserve love?  It wasn’t your fault and it
wasn’t something you could prevent.”

“I just felt like the
whole world would be against me because I stayed with him after he started
getting violent.”

Logan pulls up another
chair and sits directly in front of me, “Cassie, I want you to understand one
thing: the past is the past.  Let’s work on our present.”

“It’s going to take me
awhile to work through this; at least the truth is out there now so that’s not
eating at me.  I hope you understand, I want to give you my whole heart but I
need to finish grieving and I’m not going to just jump into a relationship with
you.”

“I don’t want to rush you,
Darlin’.  I can wait.  I can’t guarantee that I won’t be trying to change your
mind every day.”

Logan pulls me into his arms,
resting his cheek on the top of my head, content to just hold me.  At this
moment I feel like I am the luckiest lady in the world.

It’s been almost a week
and there have been no more unusual incidents.  Maybe now I can talk James into
letting Logan go home.  I’ve been trying to work through all my problems, but
it’s really hard when Logan keeps popping up every ten minutes.  I get up in
the morning and he’s in the kitchen making breakfast or I go out to sit on the
porch and he decides it time to mow the grass, shirtless if the weather is warm
enough, so no complaints there.  I just really need some time to myself, and I
really need to actually go to the bookstore.  Thank God for Mel.  She has been
doing such an awesome job running the store, but she needs a break and I need
the work to take my mind off all my problems.  And, with Logan here 24/7 James
has been working way too many hours, he is looking tired and worn out.  Maybe
Marie can help me convince the two of them that I can take care of myself, at
least during the day.

About noon, I call James
and ask him to stop by for lunch.  I haven’t seen him for more than ten minutes
at a time for the last few days.  He agrees to stop by and take a break. Since the
temps are in the 40’s today, I go to the kitchen and start making grilled
cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, our favorite lunch since we were small.  The
food is almost done when James walks into the kitchen and gives me a hug.  “Hey,
Reggie, how are you today?”

“I’m doing better every
day, getting everything out in the open has really helped.  Did you see Logan
on your way in?”

“Yeah, since I’m here he’s
going to run some errands.  He’ll be back later.”  James pulls out a chair and
sits at the table.  “How are you two getting along?”

I am plating up the soup
and grilled cheese, carrying it over to the table.  “It would be great if I
could turn around without tripping over him.”  I put James’ plate in front of
him, noticing how worn out he looks.  “Eat it while it’s hot.  You look
exhausted, James.  Has Marie seen you for more than ten minutes over the last
few days?”

“No, and she’s starting to
get irritated with me.  She understands why but she doesn’t like it.”

“Actually, that’s what I
wanted to talk to you about.  We haven’t had anything else happen the last few
days so I want to make a deal with you.”

James starts to get a
worried look on his face.  “Now Cassie, I don’t think we want to let our guard
down yet.”

I stand up and start to
pace.  “Just hear me out, James, before you turn me down flat. I will let Logan
stay here at night, but I want my freedom during the day.”  I sit in the chair
closest to him and grab his hand, “You need to let Logan help you.  You are
working way too many hours with your deputy stuck here with me all the time.” 
I see James getting that look, the look that says he’s made up his mind
already.  “I promise to keep my gun handy and to let both of you know when I go
out.  I really need to be down at the bookstore, Mel has been covering for me
long enough.  It’s time I started running my business.”

“I just don’t feel that
you will be safe.  No way, Cassie.”

“How about if I keep
Princess with me all day?  She is a good detriment being such a big dog and I’m
sure she would protect me.”

Logan walks in the back
door, having returned from whatever errands he had to run. He catches the last
bit of our conversation.  “How would we know that you are safe?” he asks.

“As I reminded James
earlier, I do have a gun and I do know how to use it. I’m sure I can protect
myself and if I have Princess with me, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I don’t know. What do you
think James?”

“I would like to take an
afternoon off, but only if we all feel that it’s safe.  How about this Reg, you
can be on your own during the day as long as you keep Princess with you and you
check in every hour.”

“I can live with that,
James.  How about you, Logan?”

“Do you promise to check
in every hour, Darlin’?  If you’re late by five minutes the deal is off.”

I hug James and then Logan.
 “How can anything bad happen to me with two such big, strong men to look after
me?”

James chuckles and says “You
can quit sucking up now, Reggie.  We have an agreement.”

Yay, sweet freedom!  “Sit
down, Logan.  I’ll make you a grilled cheese, and there is some tomato soup
left.  James, go let everyone know you have the afternoon off and then go home
and take a nap. Marie will be happy to have you there even if all you’re doing
is sleeping.”

“I am beat.  Logan, I’ll
let everyone know you are in charge until tonight.  We’ll work out a schedule
tomorrow morning.”

James heads out the door
after giving me a kiss on the forehead, “Don’t forget to call Logan every hour.
 I mean it, Reg.  We’ll go back to 24/7 protection if you don’t.”

“Yes, mother.  I know,
every hour.  Now get out of here.”

Now it’s just me and Logan.
 He doesn’t look like he totally agrees with the plan but he’ll do anything for
me.

Logan finishes his lunch
and gets up to change into his uniform.  He stops, pulls me into his arms and
just hugs me.  “God, this situation scares me, Darlin’.  I’m so afraid
something will happen and I won’t be here to protect you.  I can’t believe I
have fallen this hard for you in such a short time.”  He hugs me tighter and
then pulls back to look me in the eye.  “Promise me you’ll be careful.  I don’t
think I could handle it if anything happened to you.”

I start to clear the
table, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, “I’ll be fine
Logan.  I am a big girl and I can take care of myself.”  I look up and find
Logan standing directly in front of me.  “I promise to let you know anytime I
go anywhere and to take Princess with me, everyone in town knows her.  They
won’t mind her being with me.”

“Well, I’ve got to get
going so James can go get some sleep.  I’ll be back tonight.  Remember to keep
the doors locked.”

“I know, I know.  Now get
out of here.” I give him a kiss and send him on his way.

I gather up my laptop and
phone and see that James forgot to take his files with him.  Oh well, I’ll drop
them off on my way to the bookstore.  I open the top file and start to look
through it.  Maybe I can do some research on my own.  I write down names and
dates, and make some notes.  The bottom file only contains one photograph, the
one I saw earlier in the week, the one that strikes a chord in my memory.  I
scan it to into my computer and return it to the file.

I finally have everything
I need so I head out the door.  I drop the files off with Logan and head down
to the bookstore.  It is so good to be out and about without either Logan or
James breathing down my neck.  I arrive at the bookstore and set my things
behind the counter.  I stopped at the pet store on my way here and bought an
extra-large dog bed for Princess to use at the bookstore.  I set it at the end
of the counter and Princess immediately goes over and lays down on it.

Mel comes out from the
storeroom with an armful of books.  She sets them on the counter and gives me a
hug.  “How are you doing, honey?  How did you get James and Logan to let you
out of their sight?”

“I’m doing fine now that I
have some freedom.  I had to promise to check in every hour and keep Princess
with me at all times.  It’s better than being a prisoner in my own house.  Give
me a rundown on everything and then you have the rest of the day off.  You have
been doing a fabulous job and you need some time off.”

“Are you sure, Cassie?”

“Yes, I called Peggy and
she’s coming in at two to help out.  Go home and put your feet up.  I’ll see
you tomorrow.  We’ll start working on the book club.”

“You don’t have to tell me
twice,” she says as she’s gathering up her phone and keys.  “I’ll see you in
the morning.”

Finally, I have my
bookstore all to myself.  I settle in and begin working up my ideas for the
book club.  I look up when I hear the bell over the door ring.  “Hi Dan, how
are you today?”

“Hey, Cassie.  I just
dropped by to measure for those shelves you want.”  He stops and pets Princess,
who is very content but watchful.

“Great!  I have a picture
of the type of shelves I want.”  I shuffle the papers I have on the table in
front of me but I don’t see the picture I am looking for.  “Oh wait, I think
that’s lying on the desk in the office.  I’ll be right back.”  I get up and
head for the office.

As Dan turns to watch me
leave his eyes start to glow green and Princess growls softly as a warning.  I
find the picture on the desk and turn around to go back out into the store.  Dan
is standing over near Princess and I hear her growling, “Princess, stop that!  What’s
wrong with you?  You know Dan, you goofy dog.”  I give her the hand signal to
stop.

“I’m sorry, Dan.  I don’t
know what’s gotten into her.  You know how she usually is, so friendly and
easygoing.  Maybe she’s hungry.  I’ll feed her when we’re done.”

“That’s OK.  Maybe she’s
just in a bad mood.  No harm done.”

We go over to the wall
where I want the new shelves.  I hold the end of the tape measure for Dan.  He
marks the measurements on the wall so I can get a sense of how big they are
going to be.  I take a couple of steps back to get a broader view.  I have my
back to Princess and hear her growl again.  Dan has moved closer to me but he
seems to be looking at the wall the same as I am.

“Princess!  That’s
enough!”

“That’s OK, I’ve got
everything I need, Cassie.  I’ll get the quote worked up and email it to you in
the next couple of days.”

“Works for me.  Thanks Dan.”

Dan makes his way out of
the store and out onto the street.

“What is with you today,
Princess?  Taking the protecting me thing a little far.  Dan would never do
anything to hurt me.”