Save Me (16 page)

When I woke up, Dan and I were laying face to face, his hands holding mine up against his delicious chest. For a moment, I forgot where I was or that the world existed at all, and thought about leaning over to taste the magnificent creature before me. His bright crystal eyes looked into mine, his lips turned into a half smile. I smiled, still blocking out the events of just hours earlier. If you had to wake up to a face you hardly knew staring at you, this was a good choice. As soon as Dan spoke however, the details of last night came flooding back.

"Morning sweetheart."

His voice sounded as good as he looked. I pulled my hands from his and sat up, taking a deep breath. Dan sat up and brushed his hand over the bruise on my arm, frowning.

"Anyone ever tell you that you talk in your sleep?"

Yes, actually, Will.

"What did I say?" I asked, trying not to sound too horrified. I could only imagine what I might have said.

Dan's half smile faded into a frown and he tilted his head down, avoiding eye contact. I thought for a moment that he wasn't going to answer, when he finally spoke.

"From what I could make out, 'I love you' and 'Don't go' plus some other stuff that didn't make a lot of sense." Dan paused, then looked back, catching my eyes. "What happened last night?"

That was a good question, one I didn't really have a good answer for.

"Okay, well this is what I know. You and Will are crazy about each other but you both deny there's anything between you. I also know that something happened in this room last night that made him want to leave."

I tried to swallow, but couldn't get it past the lump growing in my throat.

"Did he say that?"

Dan thought about whether or not to answer, looking away again.

"Yeah, he did."

What did I expect? I told him I wanted him to go.

"I overheard him and Janet last night. He told her he was done. That he would go with her. Andi, he told her you wanted him to go." His look told me he didn't believe that could be true.

I dropped my head into my hands. He really was going to leave. Dan put his arm around me, gently pulling me close. I let him, just wanting to feel something that didn't hurt.

"Sweetheart, if that's not what you want, tell him. That boy is nuts about you. He doesn't want to leave you."

"He's not, Dan. Will and I are just friends. He's with Janet." Getting the words out was difficult. I felt like my lungs weren't letting oxygen in, fighting me with every breath.

"Why would you think that?"Dan looked at me confused, lifting my face up by the chin, forcing eye contact.

"It's obvious," I moaned, pulling my face away.

"Not to me."

"Okay, well, she sits in his lap. He does everything she says. She hates me near him. Not to mention, I saw them in bed, all over each other."

My heart was pounding in my chest thinking about it. A slow smile spread across Dan's face.

"What exactly did you see?"

I described the scene forever etched into my memory of Will and Janet asleep together in my parent's bed.

"Sweetheart, it's not like that."

"I know what I saw." I shook my head, unwilling to let him change my mind.

"Okay, if Will is with Janet, What's his problem with me?"

That was something I didn't have an answer for. It was clear that Will was jealous of Dan and that it had nothing to do with Janet. I pulled my face away, no longer wanting to have those piercing blue eyes looking at me.

"If Will had walked in here last night and saw you and I sleeping here the way we were, what do you think he would have thought?"

Thinking about that for a moment, I realized he was completely right. A chill went through me thinking about Will coming in here and seeing us in bed together and what he would have imagined was going on.

"And, nothing happened between us."

He was right, but that wasn't the only thing that proved there was something between them. If Dan could use Will's jealousy of him as evidence that he had feelings for me, then Janet's attitude could be used the same way.

"Look sweetheart, I can see why you might get this idea but there's nothing going on between Will and Janet. I promise you."

"You can't promise that. You don't..."

"I can and I do." Dan moved himself in front of me on the bed and pulled my legs so that we were sitting face to face, making it difficult for me to hide my face from his stare.

"Last night, Will told me to stay away from you."

My eyes found his, searching, skeptically.

"Sweetheart, He told me there was nothing between Janet and him. When I asked if there was something between you and him, he refused to answer. He got angry and told me to stay the hell away from you, which, I fully intended to do, until I saw what happened last night."

Nothing made sense to me. Sure, there were times when Will and I were alone and he looked at me in a way that made me wonder. There was also a few times I thought maybe he was going to kiss me, but then nothing happened, leaving me to wonder if I had imagined it all along. No, this couldn't be right. Will didn't think about me like that. We were just friends. He had every opportunity to make me think differently. That worked both ways though I guess. I never told Will how I felt either. I suppose that my reaction to Dan wasn't helping my case either. Dan flirted with me openly and I certainly wasn't oblivious to it. I couldn't deny, I was attracted to Dan. Who wouldn't be? He was amazingly hot. Not to mention, he was a really nice guy. Surely, Will could see the difference between that and how I felt about him. Couldn't he?

"Look love, I'm not anyone to tell you what to do, but do you really want to let him leave here thinking you want him to go?" Dan asked, eyebrows raised, head tilted to the side.

"No."

Of course I didn't want him to leave here thinking that. I didn't want him to leave at all. I didn't even know why I told him I did. I also didn't know how to fix it.

"Then tell him."

"I can't," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Why not?" Dan leaned closer, resting his forehead on mine in frustration.

I just didn't have an answer.

"Look, I'm going to be really honest with you sweetheart. I like you. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, there was something there. I wouldn't be crushed if Will took off with Janet and left you here with me to see where this leads. The problem with that is, it's selfish. Anyone who spends thirty seconds with you two can see how you feel about one another. I'm not that big of a shit that I would stand in the way of that."

Wait a second, did he really just say that? Now I was even more confused. I just needed to spend some time alone and figure out what I needed to do. Sitting here practically in Dan's lap made it too difficult to think. I swung one leg over Dan, trying to get up off the bed to find a place to think. Unfortunately, I got caught in the quilt and sent us both tumbling to the floor. Dan landed up top of me, catching himself on his arms to avoid crushing me in the process. We both burst into laughter, not noticing at first that the bedroom door had opened.

Will stood there looking at us on the floor, with Dan on top of me, with a look of disbelief on his face. I knew exactly how it looked and what Will must be thinking. I struggled to get out from under Dan, who almost looked for a second like he wasn't going to move.

"Will..." I called, trying to stop him as he practically ran from the room.

I followed him down the hall trying to stop him before he reached the living room. I would rather talk to him without Janet as a witness but Will had other plans. He wasn't headed for the living room. He went straight for the door to the upstairs and stopped to look at me before opening the lock.

"Don't," He warned, one finger up, making his point. "Don't follow me."

I just kept managing to screw things up more and more. Janet came up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I think he means it."

I think she should mind her own business.

Dan emerged from the bedroom pulling a t-shirt over his head. Janet shot him an accusatory look. She hadn't walked in on our little scene in the bedroom like Will had, but I could tell she had a similar idea that he did.

"Can I speak with you Dan?" Janet asked, not waiting for an answer as she walked into the kitchen.

Dan followed her into the other room, leaving me alone to feel like a complete idiot. Part of me wanted to follow Will, explain what happened and apologize. To tell him I didn't mean anything I said last night. Janet didn't think I should follow him obviously and she knew him better than me. What I didn't know was if she didn't want me to follow because it was the right thing to do for Will, or because she didn't want me to have a chance to make things better between us. From what I knew of Janet, it could be either.

From the kitchen, I could make out most of the conversation between Dan and Janet. I clearly wasn't opposed to eavesdropping, so I listened, trying to get a better perspective.

"What are you doing Dan?" Janet asked, clearly irritated with him.

Dan said something I couldn't make out, causing Janet to laugh loudly.

"Seriously Dan, I'm not blind."

"You know she doesn't want that."

"I don't really care what she wants. I care what is best for Will. You know how I feel about him. I don't give a shit about that girl," Janet seethed.

Well, that was no shocker. Again, Dan said something I couldn't hear. I tried getting closer to pick up more of the conversation. Clearly, I had no pride at this point.

"It doesn't matter. He wants to leave and I support that. That girl will be the death of him if he stays."

"Janet, you know he doesn't want that either."

Janet peeked over at me in the living room. On to my eavesdropping, she started speaking more quietly so I couldn't make out what she was saying.

I could still hear Dan but it didn't matter. I understood what the conversation was about. Will did want to leave and Janet was thrilled. I knew she thought being with me was no good for him. It wasn't the first time she had said it. Maybe she was right. Maybe being with me was bad for Will. Maybe I would get him killed. I sure had no trouble hurting him up to this point. All the people I cared about seemed to make out badly. And although I had never taken a life, my death toll was rising. Did I really want to take that chance with Will? Janet wanted what was best for Will. I had to give her that. But, so did I.

It killed me to know how much I had hurt Will. The worst part was knowing he was going to leave thinking that I wanted him to. I had resolved to not trying to stop him because when I thought about it honestly, Janet could keep him safer than me. I was afraid that if I told him I didn't want him to go, he might stay and would eventually get himself killed because of me like Janet believed. Doing the right thing was so much harder than being selfish. It went against everything my heart wanted. I understood what Dan had meant about being selfish. I just didn't think that I could watch him walk out of here, hating me like I was sure he must right now.

I was trying my best not to be selfish but I wasn't strong enough to do the mature thing and wait for him to return and say goodbye. I waited until Dan and Janet were too wrapped up in debate to notice, and slipped out the door as quietly as I could manage, hoping no one would notice. I couldn't bring myself to be there when Will left for good. I ran, trying to get as much distance between me and the house as possible in case Dan or Janet noticed I was gone and decided to come look for me. Well, I was sure Janet wouldn't bother, but I thought Dan probably would.

The sky was dark, threatening a storm at any moment. I figured I better find a place to hide out for awhile, especially since I left impulsively with nothing to protect myself. I knew this neighborhood well enough to know the spots to go in a pinch. The problem was, I had mentioned most of them to Will. I couldn't risk him coming to look for me out of obligation before he left. I couldn't bear to look in his eyes one last time, seeing his disappointment over my carelessness. Luckily, there was one place I knew he wouldn't find me. I ran the eight blocks without stopping or even caring if anyone had noticed me. I needed to find a place to hide from the mess I had made of things. No matter how immature it was. I stopped in front of Zach's house, the large white structure looming in front of me. The last time I was here the world had been a very different place. Nothing would ever be the same again. Mom was wrong. I would never find happiness again.

~Chapter Fifteen~

Inside the house was a mess. It was clear people had been through the house, taking whatever they could. The furniture was knocked over, ceramic figures were broken on the floor. The place looked like a hurricane passed through. Most of the front windows were broken, tattered curtains blew in and out with the wind. Zach's mother would have had a fit over the state of her home. The few times I saw the woman, she was running around cleaning and straightening things like the Pope was on his way for a visit. Being around her made me grateful for my own, more laid back, mother. Zach's dad wasn't much better. The man took everything so seriously. Every Saturday he was in the driveway polishing his car, his twenty-year -old car. He kept his lawn perfectly trimmed. Once I actually saw him out there with a ruler, measuring the height of the blades, making sure the grass was the perfect height. I knew how lucky I was to have my dad. He would rather spend time with Mom and me, than take care of chores. Of course, Mom would have liked some of those chores done sooner, but he always managed to get the important stuff done.