Santa Clawed (19 page)
Authors: Rita Mae Brown
Ho Ho Ho
Isn’t Christmas the best? A trimmed tree to climb, presents to shred, food that falls under the table or is helpfully pushed off. Christmas is a cat’s favorite holiday.
There is one little quibble I have with how humans view Christmas. Who do you think kept mice away from Baby Jesus? Who curled up in His cradle to keep Him warm? The swaddling clothes weren’t worth squat. A cat. Oh sure, there was a donkey there and a cow and chickens, but it was a cat that did the work. A few humans remember because a tiger cat with an M on its forehead is a descendant of Mary’s cat.
Even if you don’t have a Mary’s cat, do shower your puss with tuna, chicken, beef, ham, capons, goose, catnip, and warm fuzzies to sleep on. It’s the Christian thing to do.
Sneaky Pie
Dear Reader,
For once I’ve read Sneaky’s missive to you all and I agree one hundred percent. Let me add one thing: give to your local humane shelter. Give as generously as you can. Some of the cats and dogs are there because their owner has passed away or is ill and can no longer attend to them. Most are there because of crass human irresponsibility. Personally, I’d like to bring back the stocks and put these sorry so-and-so’s in them for all to see. It’s humans who maim and abandon pets, not the reverse. So do remember Mary’s cat and all the others who are temporarily dependent on you. As Blanche DuBois said, “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
About the Authors
RITA MAE BROWN
is the bestselling author of several books. An Emmy-nominated screenwriter and poet, she lives in Afton, Virginia. Her website is
www.ritamaebrown.com
. She does not own a computer. God willing, she never will. Sometimes the website manager sends your queries. The safest way to reach her is in care of Bantam Books.
SNEAKY PIE BROWN
, a tiger cat born somewhere in Albemarle County, Virginia, was discovered by Rita Mae Brown at her local SPCA. They have collaborated on seventeen Mrs. Murphy mysteries:
Wish You Were Here; Rest in Pieces; Murder at Monticello; Pay Dirt; Murder, She Meowed; Murder on the Prowl; Cat on the Scent; Pawing Through the Past; Claws and Effect; Catch as Cat Can; The Tail of the Tip-Off; Whisker of Evil; Cat’s Eyewitness; Sour Puss; Puss ’n Cahoots; The Purrfect Murder;
and
Santa Clawed,
in addition to
Sneaky Pie’s Cookbook for Mystery Lovers.
Books by Rita Mae Brown & Sneaky Pie Brown
WISH YOU WERE HERE
REST IN PIECES
MURDER AT MONTICELLO
PAY DIRT
MURDER, SHE MEOWED
MURDER ON THE PROWL
CAT ON THE SCENT
SNEAKY PIE’S COOKBOOK FOR MYSTERY LOVERS
PAWING THROUGH THE PAST
CLAWS AND EFFECT
CATCH AS CAT CAN
THE TAIL OF THE TIP-OFF
WHISKER OF EVIL
CAT’S EYEWITNESS
SOUR PUSS
PUSS ’N CAHOOTS
THE PURRFECT MURDER
SANTA CLAWED
Books by Rita Mae Brown
THE HAND THAT CRADLES THE ROCK
SONGS TO A HANDSOME WOMAN
THE PLAIN BROWN RAPPER
RUBYFRUIT JUNGLE
IN HER DAY
SIX OF ONE
SOUTHERN DISCOMFORT
SUDDEN DEATH
HIGH HEARTS
STARTING FROM SCRATCH: A DIFFERENT KIND OF WRITERS’ MANUAL
BINGO
VENUS ENVY
DOLLEY: A NOVEL OF DOLLEY MADISON IN LOVE AND IN WAR
RIDING SHOTGUN
RITA WILL: MEMOIR OF A LITERARY RABBLE-ROUSER
LOOSE LIPS
ALMA MATER
HOTSPUR
FULL CRY
OUTFOXED
THE HUNT BALL
THE HOUNDS AND THE FURY
THE TELL-TALE HORSE
THE SAND CASTLE
HOUNDED TO DEATH
SANTA CLAWED
A Bantam Book / November 2008
Published by
Bantam Dell
A Division of Random House, Inc.
New York, New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2008 by American Artists, Inc.
Illustrations copyright © 2008 by Michael Gellatly
Bantam Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Brown, Rita Mae.
Santa clawed: a Mrs. Murphy mystery / Rita Mae Brown & Sneaky Pie Brown; illustrations by Michael Gellatly.
p. cm.
1. Haristeen, Harry (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Murphy, Mrs. (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 3. Women postal service employees—Fiction. 4. Women detectives—Virginia—Fiction. 5. Women cat owners—Fiction. 6. Cats—Fiction. 7. Crozet (Va.)—Fiction. 8. Christmas stories. I. Title.
PS3552.R698S26 2008
813'.54—dc22
2008034914
eISBN: 978-0-553-90592-2
v3.0
