Sandy Gingras - Lola Polenta 01 - Swamped (29 page)

There are three new cases in my in-box at work. I glance at them quickly, but I’m too restless to concentrate. I call Ed. Of course he doesn’t answer. “I don’t want to let this just slide,” I tell his answering machine. “I want to finish it. I’d appreciate it if you’d sign the papers.”

I go into my office. I review Lesson Two of the ODTI. I pass the end of the chapter test. YAY. I can do this! I’m on Lesson Three! If it wasn’t for that stupid P.I. licensing test. I pick up the booklet, squint at it. This time I really study. I’m not gonna get fired by my father. I’m not going back to New Jersey.

Three hours later, I’m bleary-eyed. I go to the front office. I ask Squirt, “Why are you still the secretary around here if you have your P.I. license?”

“Your father needed me.”

I look at her.

“It’s a big step.”

I look at her some more.

“Well, maybe I’ll reconsider after Paulie leaves.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” I tell her. “You’re a whiz at Internet searches.”

She nods at me.

“How’s the tarot coming?” I ask her.

“It’s a lot of responsibility.”

“Oh come on.”

“All righty,” she says whipping a deck out of her top drawer. She fans the cards. “Pick a card, any card.”

“Is this a card trick?”

“This is an express reading.”

“That again? Don’t you think it oversimplifies things a bit?”

She holds the cards out. I take one and put it face up on the desk. It’s the WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

“That’s a TV show,” I say.

“No, it’s about change. It’s about fantastic twists of destiny and fortuitous circumstances.” She waves her arms around dramatically, and her helmet of hair suddenly looks like a turban. “It’s about seeing the lighter side of fate.”

“Is there a lighter side?” I ask. For some reason, I think about Mr. Black and his detour of a life.

“You pick what you need,” Squirt says.

“I want THE LOVERS,” I tell Squirt.

“Perhaps you’re not ready to receive that energy,” she says all hoity-toity psychic.

“Let’s go,” I tell Squirt.

She grabs her purse, “Where?” she asks. I can tell she likes getting out from behind her desk.

I tell her about Dick and Richie and what I found about their investments. “I want to talk to them.”

She grabs her pocketbook.

“Don’t you have to switch the phone over to your cell phone or something?” I ask.

“Your father should be back in ten minutes,” she tells me.

“Shouldn’t we leave him a note?” I ask her.

“I’ll say I’m helping you with your inquiries,” she says scribbling out a sticky note.

“He’ll love that.”

We settle into the car. “I’m bringing you along because there’s something I don’t like about those guys. Do you have your pepper spray?”

“No,” she says, “but I have my new stun gun.”

“Oh no,” I say.

“You just touch someone with it and pull the trigger and ZAP they go down. “Look,” she says pulling it out of her purse.

“Uh oh. Why do all your guns look the same?”

“A gun is a gun,” she tells me. “I just got it.”

“Did you try it out?”

“I wanted to,” she says, “but my husband wouldn’t let me try it on him, and I was afraid to try it on Moxie.”

“Moxie?”

“Our dog.”

“Oh,” I say.

“She’s a shitzu.”

“That’s little,” I say.

“But I read the direction booklet,” she says.

“Oh good.”

“There were only a couple confusing parts.”

“I think I should stop and get Dreamer,” I tell her.

“Okay,” she says.

My mother is there and she’s sewing dog beds with Miss Tilney. I introduce Squirt, but my mother already met Squirt at the office. Miss Tilney says, “How ya doin’?” and goes back to sewing.

Squirt fingers the material. “This is nice,” she says. “I could use one of these for Moxie.”

“We’ll make you one,” Miss Tilney says. “We’re in the business of dog beds now. We already have four orders.”

“What happened to trailer décor?” I ask.

“This is a better idea,” she says. “We’re making fitted sheets for them so you can change the sheets.”

“Ooh, that’s a good idea,” Squirt says.

“We have to go,” I say.

“Angie thought of it,” Miss Tilney says. “It’s going to be a blockbuster. We’re going to patent it and sell it to Orvis and make a million bucks.”

“I just thought of people beds as a model,” my mother says. “We don’t wash our beds, we wash our sheets!”

“We can color coordinate the sheet colors to match your décor, or your own bedding,” Miss Tilney says.

“That’s so cute,” Squirt exudes.

“We have to go,” I tell them.

“Where are you guys going?” Miss Tilney asks.

“To talk to Dick and Richie.”

“They’re already drinking. I saw them on Dick and Gladys’ lanai a half hour ago when I drove my cart by. Why, what’s happening?” she asks me.

“We just want to talk to them.” I answer.

“Are you a private eye too?” Miss Tilney asks Squirt.

“I passed the test.”

“Maybe you could give Lola some pointers,” my mother says.

“I thought you were the secretary,” Miss Tilney says.

“She’s just helping me today,” I say.

“I thought I was your partner,” Miss Tilney says.

I sigh.

“I’ll come along as back up,” Miss Tilney says.

“We don’t need back up, we’re just having a conversation.”

“So I’ll come along and converse.”

“Next time you can come,” I tell her. “I think Squirt and I can handle this one. C’mon Dreamer.”

Squirt and Dreamer and I troop out.

“Thanks for nothin’!” Miss Tilney yells.

We walk to Dick and Gladys’ trailer. Squirt has a tight polyester suit and skirt on with heels. Her thighs make swishy noises when she walks. Maybe I SHOULD have brought Miss Tilney instead of her.

We hear the party before we even get there. It’s just the two couples but they’re whooping it up.

“Let me do the talking,” I tell Squirt. “We’re just getting information here. We’re not revealing that we know anything.”

She looks at me askance.

I ring the doorbell and Gladys comes to the door. “Oh hello,” she says all fake smiley.

“I was wondering if I could talk to Dick about that prospectus,” I say. “Oh, and this is Squirt.”

They nod at each other. “He’s not really working now. He’s having his cocktails,” she tells me.

“Maybe he could just give me a brochure.”

“Come on then,” she says.

We follow her through the fishy living room out to the lanai. There’s a little silence when we come in. Then Gladys tells them why we’ve come.

“Oh, we don’t use those prospectuses anymore, do we Richie?” Dick says. “It just confuses people. Most people don’t want to know what we’re doing. They just want to know the bottom line.”

“We don’t have any left,” Richie tells me.

“So then how would I know if I wanted to invest in your company?”

“Richie would just explain it all to you.”

“Okay,” I say, and then I wait like I want to hear all about it right now.

“When I get back from Disney,” Richie tells me, “we’ll meet up then.”

“But it is a REAL company?” I ask, “With statements and everything…?”

“Well, we’ll give you a statement if you request it. We don’t really have the secretarial staff or office to produce one every month.”

“So most people don’t get them?”

He nods. “It’s just technical stuff anyway. Most people don’t even glance at it.”

“How would they know then what you were trading and how they were doing?”

“They can get their money back anytime,” Richie insists.

“But what if they just wanted to know, say, if their trades were legitimate.”

“Or if they were phony,” Squirt pipes up. “Or illegal.”

I told her to be quiet, but now look what she went and did. The whole place is stunned.

“What?” Susie says.

“What are you talking about?” Dick says.

“Or if there was no cash in the cash fund and no trades that ever happened,” Squirt says.

“What?” Susie says.

“Uh oh,” I say.

“We have proof,” Squirt goes and says.

The detective is gonna KILL me.

“What?” Richie says. “Where? That’s absurd.”

“I don’t happen to have it with me…,” I say, trying to hurry Squirt out of there.

“Come on ,Richie.Let’s go home and finish packing,” Susie says.

“The cops have it,” Squirt says.

“Cops?” Susie asks. “You people are crazy, you know that?”

“They don’t know anything,” Richie says to her. “You’re just wrong,” he says to us mildly. “You’re dead wrong.” He stomps out. Susie scurries after him.

As we’re walking away from the trailer, I tell Squirt, “What did you go and say all that for? That detective is gonna hate me.”

“I got over excited.”

“Not THAT again. I can’t take you anywhere.”

“So, one of them killed Ernie because Ernie found out about their business?” Squirt asks me.

“I don’t know. Maybe they’re running a bad business but that doesn’t necessarily mean that one of them killed Ernie over it. Let’s go talk to Marie again, see if she remembers anything else about that day.”

Joe is at Marie’s lighting up her grill. “We were going to have hotdogs,” he says, “Come and join us.”

Marie comes out of her trailer with a big bowl. She says, “Just in time for dinner.”

“Thanks,” I say. I introduce Squirt.

“We have a ton of coleslaw,” Marie says. “I just can’t contain myself when I make coleslaw. I make so much and then everyone eats just a tiny ramekin of it.”

“What do you put in yours?” Squirt asks.

“Oh, my secret ingredient is a dab of ranch dressing.”

“How interesting,” Squirt says. “My mother used to use relish.”

“Oh my,” Marie says. “That must make it tangy.”

As we’re setting the picnic table, I ask Marie if she remembers anything else about Ernie’s last day.”

“I’ve been wracking my brain…”

Just then Miss Tilney drives up in her golf cart. She’s got one blue oar sticking out the back.

“Going canoeing?” Joe asks her.

“I brought it along in case I needed to whack someone,” She raises both arms up and then lowers them like she’s chopping wood. She’s got this fiendish little look on her face, and suddenly I’m not so sure she wouldn’t have been capable of killing Ernie.

“I went to see for myself what Dick and Gladys’ party was like,” she says. “I saw you and Squirt in there. I don’t think you did such a good job of getting information either…”

“Where were you?”

“Behind the pineapple palm near their lanai.”

“With your oar?” Joe asks. The oar has to be six feet long.

“I left that in the cart,” she says disdainfully.

“Good idea,” I tell her.

“After you left, they had a big fight,” she tells me.

“Really?” I say.

“I heard the whole thing,” she says proudly.

“Are you going to tell us or what?” I say.

The hot dogs are grilling nicely. The air is full of that crisp salty browning smell. “Ooh, coleslaw,” Miss Tilney says.

“The fight?” I remind Miss Tilney.

“Well,” Miss Tilney says, taking yoghurt covered pretzel stick out of the mix in the hors d’oeuvre bowl, “Gladys was yelling at Dick. She was saying ‘How could you get us into something like this again?’ And Dick was saying, ‘I didn’t know.’ And Gladys goes, ‘How could you not know?’ and Dick goes, ‘I didn’t pay that much attention after a while.’” Miss Tilney is enacting the dialogue in a high voice for Gladys and a low voice for Dick. “’How could you not pay attention?’ Gladys goes, and Dick goes, ‘You kept telling me to stay out of it and just let Richie handle it.’”

“It was funny,” Miss Tilney says. “I always thought Dick was the boss of them all, but it was like he was a little kid and Gladys was his mother.”

“So they don’t know about Richie and his investments?” Squirt asks her.

“Maybe at first they did, but now, they seemed just as confused as anyone.”

Marie holds the large fork for the hotdogs in her hand. “Do you mean they’ve lost all my money?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her.

“I gave them almost $15,000,” she whispers.

Chapter 52

By the time we finish our hotdogs and our ramekins of coleslaw, Marie has said, “What if they lost my money?” a hundred times. I know I have to answer her question, or get her money back, so I tell her I’ll go over and talk to Richie. I don’t know what I’ll say, but that hasn’t stopped me before. Joe and Miss Tilney, of course, want to come with me. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I tell them.

“Why not?” they chorus.

I look at their eager faces. “I don’t want to scare him,” I say. “I’ll just go alone. It’s easier to talk that way.”

There’s a collective groan.

“If I’m not back in an hour, come looking for me,” I tell them.

“I knock on Richie’s door. I launch right in. “Someone saw you talking to Ernie the night he was killed,” I tell Richie.

“What?” Susie says coming up behind him. “He was watching TV with me.”

I wait. I’m getting better at lying.

“I suppose it was Fred,” Richie says.

I nod, although, what do I know?

“Ernie called me, said he needed to talk to me. It was about the bogus statement I sent to his sister. I shouldn’t ever have done that.”

“Bogus?”

“She kept insisting. You know how she is. I just made something up. I should have just given her her money back then and there. I knew she’d be a pain in the ass.”

“So you made it all up.”

“Listen, I don’t have a secretary or anything. I know what I’m doing but I’m not giving statements. I just winged something off to get her off my back.”

“So you DIDN’T lose all the money?”

“Ha,” he laughs. “I’ve made her a great deal of money. She can have it all if she wants it tonight. The only thing I’m guilty of is giving her that stupid statement.”

“And talking to Ernie…”

“Oh well, that. He wanted to know about the statement, said I was a phony. I told him what I told you. His sister can have her money back, plus everything I made her, tomorrow. I’ve got nothing to hide.”