Sand and Clay (9 page)

“Gina knows that we are
romantically over. We talked about it tonight, kind of. It’s just a business
relationship. There hasn’t been anything real there in a long time.” Logan
said, dipping down and kissing Caroline softly on her neck.

She felt his arms tighten around
her back and she let the door close behind them so that the two were out in the
hallway. She felt her knees weaken at the feeling of his beard’s stubble
touching her skin. He slipped a little lower and kissed her collar bone while
her hands grabbed onto his sides, trying to secure herself so that she wouldn’t
fall.

His arms supported her from behind,
lifting her slightly since her knees were wobbling with the sensations of his
lips against her skin. Caroline knew her mind was getting cloudy, but she
couldn’t let go of what he had said. Gina was still in his life. She was still
his girlfriend, Logan wasn’t leaving her and she wasn’t going to be part of an
affair.

Caroline pushed him away and
balanced herself against the door that was closed behind her. She kept her hand
flat against his chest, pushing him away from her while she caught her breath
and straightened up. Logan looked at her quizzically, unsure of why she was
barricading him from her.

“Logan, no. We can’t do this. You
are in a relationship. I am not that girl. I just can't do this.” Caroline
said, opening the door behind her.

“Caroline, don’t go. You don’t
understand, I can’t break up with her officially, she manages my entire career.
But there is no romance there, I swear to you. I told her about you, she knows
that she and I are over.” Logan said taking a step towards the door, but she
hopped behind it and began to close the door.

“Logan, I said no. I don’t want
this.” Caroline said and she slammed the door shut and quickly locked it.

She leaned her back against the
door and let out a deep breath, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back. Her
head was swimming and she felt like she was walking on a fluffy cloud that had
suddenly turned into a thunderstorm. She had to have the door between them or
she wouldn’t have been able to control herself and keep her defenses up.

But even as she was thinking that,
she realized that she wasn’t happy. She didn’t want to leave things this way
either, he would be gone officially for six months. That was plenty of time to
separate them and end whatever was going on between them. Why did she have to
give up tonight too?

Caroline quickly turned around and
swung the front door open again and looked out, but there was no sign of Logan.
She poked her head out and saw the elevator doors at the end of the hall
closing.
Crap!
Caroline thought as she realized she might have just
missed him. She quickly rushed down the hall, letting the door close behind her
and pressed the elevator button, hoping to get the doors to open again. Luckily
the elevator had not started moving yet so the doors slowly pried themselves
open again.

Logan was leaning against the back
wall of the elevator with his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed. He
was looking down, a dejected and sad look on his face. When the doors opened,
he looked up and saw Caroline standing there.

“Caroline?” He asked inquisitively,
wondering what was going on.

“Don’t talk.” She said and she
quickly took a few steps towards him, straddling his legs and pressing up
against his body. Her hands landed on his chest as she looked deep in his eyes.
He didn’t say anything but grabbed her hips. She leaned forward and their lips
met, intertwining into a deep kiss.

Her arms slipped up and wrapped
around his neck and his arms wrapped tighter around her waist. He stood up
straight to pull her closer to him and she let him hold her as she relaxed in
his embrace. As their kiss got deeper, Caroline felt like she getting lost and
she was okay with that. She cared for Logan so much and she knew it couldn’t
work out, but she just needed right now, she needed him and she needed them. His
hand slipped up into her hair and he turned the both of them around, pressing
her up against the wall of the elevator. He leaned into her, pinning her
against the wall and kissing her deeper.

Caroline felt her breath become
ragged and knew she needed to make a decision. Slowly, she pushed him away from
her and the two broke their kiss. He looked down into her eyes and they were
just quiet for a moment, trying to get control of their breathing. Logan felt
such warmth looking into her light hazel brown eyes, seeing straight into her
heart.

Finally, Caroline moved out from between him and the wall
and hit the DOOR OPEN button. He turned back around to look at her as she
stepped towards the doors. They finally opened and Caroline stepped across the
threshold into the hallway. Logan reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Caroline,” Logan said as she turned her head back to look
at him.

“I love you, Caroline.” He said softly, his hand squeezing
her arm lightly and then letting go. She circled around and softly touched the
side of his face with her hand, then smiled at him.

“I know, Logan,” she leaned in and gently kissed him on the
lips then pulled back and sighed, “but not enough.”

Caroline finally left the elevator and started walking back
down the hallway. She forced herself to take each step and not look back even
though it was taking everything in her willpower. Logan watched her walk away
and the elevator doors closed between them.

~**~

Caroline slowly walked back into
her living room, clearly upset, causing the girls to look up from the movie at
her.

“What happened?” Jackie asked, both
girls leaned forward eager to hear the details.

“He has a girlfriend and has no
plans of breaking up with her. So, obviously, nothing can happen with him, plus
he is leaving for six months to go on tour.” Caroline said, trying to act
nonchalant like she was just spitting out boring facts. Aralia hit the pause
button on the remote control so that she could hear Caroline better. Caroline
sat down in a big padded chair across from the couch that the girls were
sitting on.

“Caroline, are you going to be
okay?” Aralia questioned, gently.

“Oh yeah, guys, don’t worry about
me, it’s not a big deal.” Caroline said, waving her hand to gesture that she
was okay. She leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. She was trying
to hold it together but a wave of emotion suddenly caught her off guard and she
burst into tears. Aralia and Jackie got up off the couch and went over to her,
putting their hands on her shoulders hoping to comfort her.

“It’s his loss. You don’t need him.
You can do so much better than him, and he is stuck with that Gina Vile, who is
so beneath you. I mean, seriously, who has a name like Gina Vile? Even her name
describes what a bitch she is.” Jackie said, rubbing her shoulder.

“Plus, from the looks of your
mussed up hair and your crooked shirt, it looks like you gave him a taste of
the goods and then yanked it away. That will really make him suffer!” Aralia
joked.

Caroline smiled a little,
chuckling. She knew the girls were just trying to make her feel better and she
was okay with that. She was so glad to have her girlfriends there for her,
especially tonight. She felt stupid for falling so hard in just a little over
one week for a rock star. A rock star, for goodness sakes.

Who did she think she was that she
was going to fall in love with a rock star? Better yet, a rock star with a
girlfriend. Caroline knew she had to forget him and move on, this was a silly
fling and that was all. At least that is what she would keep telling herself.  

“Girls, let's just watch the movie.
Forget about him.” Caroline said, getting up and walking over to the couch,
plopping down in the middle. Aralia joined her on the couch and hit the play
button. Jackie walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the
fridge, opened it, and brought it into the living room to refill everyone’s
glasses. She filled Caroline’s extra full, almost to the brim.

“Whoa, whoa. I think that is
enough, Jackie.” Caroline laughed and grabbed her glass, sipping the wine
before it spilled over the edge.

“Oh, come on, take a few gulps. This
is a perfectly justifiable occasion to have a little extra wine on a Friday
night.” Jackie smiled and placed the bottle on the coffee table before joining
her friends on the couch.

The three girls finished the movie
together and then parted ways. Aralia and Jackie headed home and Caroline threw
on some sweat pants and a t-shirt to get ready for bed. She brushed her teeth
and tidied up the apartment then grabbed a book to read for a few minutes
before bed. She knew that she needed something to distract her while she fell
asleep or her mind could wander back to places that she didn’t want it to go.

She saw Logan’s t-shirt in her
closet and couldn’t help herself, she grabbed it and stuffed it underneath her
pillow. She got into bed and pulled the covers up tightly to her chest and
flipped open the book and began reading until she finally drifted off to sleep
on her own.

Chapter Twelve

Logan laid down in bed that night
and just stared at the ceiling. His mind was overwhelmed thinking about
Caroline. Her last words just kept repeating in his head. He had just told her
that he was in love with her and she said it wasn’t enough.

No, that’s not what she said, she
said he didn’t love her enough. He felt the sting of her words over and over
again but a part of him couldn’t stop wondering if she was right.  After all,
he was leaving for six months on a trip with another woman.

Even if Gina wasn’t in the picture,
he was still leaving on tour. What did he think was going to happen? She wasn’t
going to go with him on tour, he could never expect that. Logan sighed and
shook his head, closing his eyes to try and get some sleep and push all of his
conflicting thoughts and feelings out of his head.

An hour or so later, Gina came home
and crawled into bed next to him. She laid down, not touching him, and yawned. Logan
woke up slightly due to her disturbing the bed and glanced at her.

“When I get back from tour, I am
going to move out.” Logan said to her.

“Not if you want to keep your
career. I’m not having this conversation again, Logan. You know you can’t
afford to lose me.” Gina said quietly, rubbing moisturizer into her palms and
placing a sleeping mask over her eyes.

“Gina, you knew this was coming. If
you still want to work as my manager, that is fine. You were always great at that.
But I think everything else between us needs to be severed.” Logan said, laying
his arm behind his head to rest on.

“Well that’s not really up to you,
not if you want to be the famous rock star Logan Clay. You’re a brand that I
created and I can just as easily end.” Gina said.

“Goodnight, Gina.” he said, trying
to ignore her threats. She didn’t say anything but instead rolled away from him
and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. The two had their backs faced to
each other and the foot between them might as well have been an icy chasm.

~**~

“Aralia, I really don’t see how
this could end up being a good idea.” Caroline said, smoothing her hair as she
and Aralia and Jackie walked into the restaurant. It had been a few weeks since
Logan had left on tour and Caroline had barely been leaving the house except
for work.

She caught herself reading about
him on celebrity gossip websites way too often and had cried herself to sleep
more than once holding his t-shirt. She knew it seemed pathetic and that it had
been her choice, but she had really loved him. Even she couldn’t believe it
when she came to that realization, she had fallen head over heels
uncontrollably in love with Logan in a week of knowing him.

Now he was halfway around the
world, touring in Europe with Gina and she knew that the opportunity was dead
and gone. She couldn’t help but miss the fantasy of what could have been, of
what they could have had, if circumstances were different. Timing just wasn’t
on their side and Logan didn’t know what he really wanted, or maybe he just
didn’t know how to fight for what he really wanted.

She went back and forth between
tearful and angry when thinking about Logan because she missed him desperately
but she was so angry that he hadn’t just left Gina. In the back of her head,
she knew that he was being practical in terms of his career, but she was a
romantic at heart. She wanted the whole overly dramatic, run through an airport
screaming her name kind of love that he would have fought for and even given
everything up for her. She knew these were immature thoughts but her heart
ached every time his smile crossed her mind.

“Oh, calm down. What’s the phrase
about breakups? In order to get over one guy-“ Aralia started, interrupting
Caroline’s wandering thoughts of self-pity.

“-you need to get under another
one!” Jackie laughed, finishing her sentence. Caroline smiled at her friends
and then followed them further into the bar.

There was a big sign over a table
to one side where her friends were already filling out paperwork. Somehow, they
had talked her into speed dating and so now all three girls were dressed to the
nines and ready to impress. Caroline followed them and began putting her
information on a card that one of the workers at the table had handed her. She
completed it and handed it back in, then followed her friends over to the roped
off area of the restaurant that was going to be used for the event.

“Ladies and gentleman, if I could
get your attention for a few minutes! Ladies, please pick a seat at any of the
two-seater tables throughout the section, any table you want but only one lady
to a table. Gentleman, please come up here and pick a ticket from the bowl. Whatever
number is on your ticket is the table that you will start at, so please head
over there to join your new lady friend. Once everyone is seated, the timer
will begin and everyone will have 3 minutes with their speed date. You all have
cards on the tables in front of you and everyone has nametags on, so if you
want to make a second connection with someone, make sure to note their name on
your card! At the end of the night, you will get the contact information for
anyone you wrote down, who also picked you.

Contact information will only be
given to those who both picked each other, so if someone isn’t on there that
you had wanted to see, that means they didn’t pick you. But with this large
group and all these gorgeous ladies and gentleman, I bet you are all going to
have a great time and make some matches to last! So, everyone grab a drink and get
seated, we will be starting soon!” The host announced on a small stage on one
side of the room, raising a glass in the air to toast the start of the night.

Aralia looked at Jackie and
Caroline and smiled eagerly, clasping her hands together in excitement. They
quickly headed over to the bar and ordered some drinks. Caroline ordered a
double vodka cranberry. If she was about to go on a dozen blind dates, she was
going to need an extra bit of alcohol in her!

She took a quick few gulps to quell
her nerves and then followed her friends over to the tables. The three girls
picked three tables next to each other so they were only a few feet away from
each other.  No more than thirty seconds later, the host announced that the
event was starting and a bell sounded.

Caroline took another few gulps of
her drink and then quickly put it down as a tall man approached her table and
pulled out the chair opposite her. She smiled at him.

“Hi there, I’m Greg.” the tall man
reached out to shake her hand.

He was at least six and a half feet
tall but probably no more than one hundred and fifty pounds. His clothes
practically hung off of him like he was no more than a hangar. He was sporting
a gray comb over in an attempt to hide his bald dome. He grinned at her widely,
showing off bright white teeth that seemed almost fake. Caroline couldn’t help
but wonder if he was wearing dentures or some type of false teeth, he did look
like he was maybe her parents age.

“I’m Caroline, it’s nice to meet
you.” She smiled and shook his hand. “So, tell me about yourself, what do you
do?”

“I am a train conductor,” Greg
said, “working for the Northeast Corridor line. Drive the trains up and down
the coast, get to visit all the big cities along the way. I get discounted
stays at any Super 45 Motel in the country.”

Greg winked at her and Caroline
felt her stomach turn, completely grossed out at his inappropriate come on. She
tried to hide her grimace with a tight lipped smile and nod. The Super 45
Motels were probably one of the grossest places you could ever stay. They were
infamous for prostitute transactions, drug deals, and other low life
individuals.

“How lovely. What a wonderful perk
of the job. What made you want to be a train conductor?” Caroline said, trying
to steer conversation back to less awkward topics and attempting to sound
sincere.

“I’ve always had a talent for
driving long machines into tunnels. In and out of every tunnel up and down the
east coast.” Greg winked at her again and Caroline thought she was definitely
going to throw up this time.

She picked up her drink and quickly
finished it, gulping down the last half. She lifted her hand in the air and
waved to the bartender across the room, hoping to catch his attention. After a
moment, she did and he nodded at her as she smiled and pointed to her drink. Luckily
the bell rang at the same time and Caroline sighed in relief.

“Well, it's been lovely to meet you
Greg.” Caroline said.

“You too, beautiful! You are
definitely going on my card.” He said and winked again.

He reached his hand out to shake
hers again but she awkwardly waved to him instead so he got up and continued
over to the next table. Caroline turned to Jackie, who was about to deal with
Greg and gave her a warning glance. Jackie caught her signal and took a swig of
her drink in preparation. Caroline smiled and laughed quietly.

“What’s so funny?”

Caroline turned to realize that she
hadn’t noticed her next date sit down in front of her. He was about her height
with dark brown curly hair springing out all over his head. He had thick
eyebrows that were very close to connecting and creating a unibrow and a very
large and pointed nose. He was wearing a very nice and clearly expensive suit
and had a shy but sweet smile.

“Oh, nothing, sorry I wasn’t paying
attention. I am Caroline, nice to meet you.” Caroline smiled at him, relieved
to see someone her own age.

“I am Turner Schwartz. I am an
accountant and Jewish. I know, what a stereotype right? I aim to please.”
Turner said to her smiling, she laughed at his joke.

“Nothing wrong with that, I’m a
paralegal studying for the bar exam for the last few years, so I get it.” she
shared.

“Oh awesome, a lawyer chick. So,
beautiful and smart, huh?” He smiled at her, then he rolled his eyes. “Oh,
gosh, that was terrible. Worst pickup line ever, huh? Can you tell I haven’t
been on a date in awhile?”

“Oh come on, don’t be so hard on
yourself. You just had a three minute date right before me! At this rate, you
are almost a player.” Caroline teased him, enjoying his humor but feeling sorry
for the guy. He burst out laughing at her response and slapped the table. Caroline
jumped in surprise and her drink slid right off the edge of the table.

“Oh crap, sorry! I am such a putz!”
Turner jumped up to clean up her glass.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, the
glass was empty. I was waiting for a fresh drink actually.” She said, gesturing
to him that it wasn’t a big deal.

“Thank goodness, let me get that
drink for you then!” Turner jumped up and ran to the bar and Caroline watched
him converse with the bartender and hand over some cash.

Sweet guy,
she thought,
but
his awkwardness is a bit uncomfortable.
Luckily, he had a good sense of
humor so she wasn’t minding it too much. He was back a minute later with a
fresh glass in hand and gave it to her. Just as he was handing it to her, the
bell rang again.

“Kicking me out as soon as I buy
your drink? I see how it is.” Turner smiled at her, she grinned at him and took
her drink.

“It was great meeting you, Turner.”
Caroline said as the two parted ways. Caroline glanced down at her card, empty
so far. She quickly scrawled down Turner’s name because why not? He had made
her laugh. She then flipped over the card so her next suitor couldn’t see it,
as he was seating himself before her.

“Hello there, name’s Zak. I play
pro soccer, as you probably know, and no I am not doing autographs today. You
can put a request in through my blog if you want an autographed photograph.” The
man said to her. He was a bit taller than her, Hispanic, and had short, greased
hair pushed back. He had a thin mustache right above his upper lip that wasn’t
attached to the thin beard that lined his chin.

“Uhm, okay.” Caroline looked
puzzled at him, of course she had no idea who he was and she was immediately
put off by his arrogance.

“I’m Caroline. I work as a
paralegal.” she told him.

“Rock on. You’ll get there one day,
gorgeous. Not all of us stumble upon our dream jobs right away, sometimes you
just have to have that special talent that only us select few have.” He coolly
replied to her and then took a sip of his martini, holding the stem of the
glass gingerly with his pinky finger pointed slightly out. Caroline had to
concentrate to keep a normal look on her face because she was really beginning
to detest this man.

“If only we could all be so lucky.”
Caroline said.

“I don’t think so, babe. We can’t
all be lucky. Some people just aren’t made for the limelight.” He smiled widely
at her, clearly looking down at her cleavage instead of her face.

“Of course.” She responded
sarcastically. A silence came between the two of them awkwardly. Zak looked
around the room and cleared his throat. Caroline fingered the straw in her
glass, swirling her ice around.

“Well, doll, you know what? The
bell is about to ring but I am going to make it your lucky day. Here you go.”
He opened his suit jacket and pulled a photograph out of his pocket, handing it
to her. It was an autographed picture of himself in black and white, wearing
only tight briefs. It was signed “
You’re welcome. Zak Landberg”.

“Thanks.” She said dully, taking
the photograph and reading what it said.

At the same time the bell rang and
Caroline breathed a sigh of relief that she was done with Zak. She put his
photograph under her card and took a drink in preparation of her next date. She
looked over at Aralia who gave her a smile and a thumbs up, Caroline attempted
to give her one back which just made Aralia roll her eyes.

“I see your nametag says
‘Caroline’, let me guess, you must be Caroline?” her next date said to her as
he sat down. She nodded her head at him, giving him a fake smile for his
attempt at a joke.