Samson and Sunset (28 page)

  It was late, I just said, “No, you
take her. Tell them we’ll call them early tomorrow morning with the
arrangements.”

  Shay was only gone a few minutes, they
had been expecting him. When he got back, he hugged me, and we were
off to a house with two children that once housed three. Our home
would be empty, but not as empty as our hearts.

  Mom and Maggie were both at our house,
and there was a lot of crying. I decided to wait until tomorrow to
tell Kelly about her Rie-Rie. Shay put me to bed. I have no idea
what time he joined me, as I’d taken another sedative. My doctor
had given me seven pills. I knew this was one night I needed
one.

  Brownies

  When I awoke the next morning, I
bathed numbly and dressed in a stupor. I looked at the clock; it
was 7:30 in the morning. Shay was already up and gone. I walked
across the hall to the kids’ rooms, but the kids weren’t there
either. I managed to drag myself down the stairs. I could hear
voices as I neared the kitchen. The whole family was here, Grandma
Lila, Grandpa Shannon, Sterling and Maggie, Dad and Mom. Shay was
in the kitchen, drinking a glass of iced tea and holding Wessy.
Kelly was playing on the floor with Mom.

  “Oh, child,” Lila said, hugging me.
“Our hearts are with you.” She told me they had all talked about
it, and if I wanted to bury Marie in the family plot in Westover,
it was ours.

  Mom set a mug of hot tea with orange
juice in front of me and I fiddled with the handle a bit.

  “Thank you so much, Lila,” I said,
humbly. “You just don’t know how much I appreciate that gesture.
But, if you all don’t mind, and if it’s okay with Shay, I’d like to
see if Joe has an extra spot by our Cookie. I know I’d feel much
better if Cookie was watching over little Marie.”

  “I like that idea, Callie, “ Shay
said. “I’ll go find Joe and see what the situation is.”

  When Shay got back, he was happy to
tell me that there were several spots empty by Cookie. Joe had
bought two plots, so he said he’d buy the one next to it, and
little Marie could be buried between them. Cookie and Joe didn’t
have any children of their own, so Joe said he was sure Cookie
would have loved the idea. Joe told Shay he didn’t have to buy the
extra lot, he just wanted us to have it, but Shay insisted, and so
everything was settled. I wondered where my tears were. The absence
of tears just wasn’t me.

  I noticed Shay watching my every move
with concern on his face. When I went back upstairs to talk to
Kelly, I found her in her room, playing. The other thing I noticed
was how Maggie and Mom had removed all of Marie’s things, even the
crib. Kelly pointed to the empty spot along the wall and said,
“Where’s Rie-Rie?”

  “Come here, baby doll. Mommy wants to
tell you something very, very special.”

  I put my arms out for her to crawl
into them. She came over and sat on my lap in the rocker, hugging
me.

  “Darling,” I said, “our Rie-Rie is a
little angel now and she is way, way up in heaven with Jesus. At
night when we say our prayers, and you talk to Jesus, you can talk
to Rie-Rie and tell her anything you want to.”

  “Will she talk back to me, Mommy?”

  “Well, it will be more like she will
send you little messages. So you must always look for those little
messages.”

  Kelly was so thrilled she ran out the
door saying, “I got to go tell Daddy!”

  Maggie said the kitchen was full of
food our friends and neighbors had brought over. There was so much,
Maggie even had to take some to the Big House. People dropped in
all day long to give their condolences. Again, there was Shay
watching me. He followed me into the kitchen and upstairs several
times.

  Finally, I snapped, “Shay you are so
obvious, why are you watching me?”

  “Callie, it’s me Shay. You’re not
kidding me. This isn’t you. You’re not acting like my Callie. You
always cry over every little thing, and now, no tears? You need to
feel free to cry, Callie. I cried in the shower this morning and it
helped, if you feel like crying, princess, cry. You’re allowed,” he
coaxed.

  “I don’t feel like crying, Shay,” I
said. “I don’t have time. I’ve got a lot to do and people to take
care of. You just quit worrying and stop watching me. I can tell
when you’re looking at me, so stop it,” and I walked out of the
room.

  Somehow we got through that day. At
night Shay put his arms around me so softly, interrupting his
embrace only to brush the hair away from my face with his hands, or
to give me an occasional kiss on the cheek. He just held me in
silence to let me know that he was there.

  We got up pretty early the next
morning. I wanted to straighten the house up, but it was perfect.
Maggie and Mom had taken care of everything. We needed to be at the
All Faiths Church of Jesus at 2:00 for Marie’s service. We arrived
a little early and parked behind the funeral director’s car. The
mortician came up to our door and said he’d be taking the coffin,
it was so tiny there was no need for pallbearers.

  “No,” said Shay. “You can take the
lead car if you want, but Marie will go to her resting spot in the
backseat of her family’s car.”

  They didn’t give him any argument.
After the church service, I looked around at the reception and
couldn’t believe how many people were there. Everyone kept coming
up to me and hugging me, saying, ‘It was the most beautiful
service.’ I finally grabbed my purse and asked my dad for his car
keys. I told him I needed to get out of there for a while, and I’d
be back soon. I couldn’t take one more person saying to me, ‘The
service was just beautiful.’ I mean, really, how beautiful can
burying a loved one be? I know their words were well intended, but
no words can comfort a mother who has lost her child.

  I drove the four miles out of Westover
to the cemetery. I went to the graves, my Cookie and my Marie,
where I sat down between them and talked to them. The spring
grasses were just poking up through the earth and I asked Cookie to
take care of my little miracle. I’d been to see Cookie at least
twice a week since we’d lost her. Now I’d be there to see them
both.

  It wasn’t long before I saw the Impala
pull up and stop by the gravesite. Shay got out, came over and just
sat down quietly beside me on the grass, putting his arms around
me. He could feel me shivering, so he took his suit jacket off and
wrapped it around me.

  “When your dad said you took his car,
I knew exactly where you’d be,” said Shay. “I don’t want you to be
here alone. You seem to think you’re going through this sadness
alone. But you’re not. My heart is broken along with yours,
princess.”

  “If the truth be known, am I not
really going through this alone?” I asked. “I was just remembering
how much quality time I spent with her. Then I asked myself, how
much quality time did you spend with that tiny soul, Shay?"

  “Callie, I know you don’t believe me,
but I loved that little baby. She was so tiny, like a little
fairy,” he said. “Sometimes I thought when I held her, she’d
break.”

  “I didn’t see it that way,” I said. “I
saw a person who made it a point not to hold her. Remember the time
you said, ‘your baby’s awake and standing up in her crib?’ Do you
realize, Shay, how weak she was and yet that tiny little baby would
pull herself up on the rails and stand up. You could have just held
her a few minutes. I’m sure she needed your love, and I know how
much love you have to give. Why didn’t you just give her a speck of
that love?” I asked, crying.

  “Callie, for the last time,” said Shay
wearily. “I loved Marie, and I’m not saying it again.” But his tone
was kind.

  As I started to get up, Shay got up,
too, and helped me up. I knew my biting words had moved him; he had
tears running down his face.

  “I’m going back to the church,” I
said. “I’ll see you there.”

  I got in dad’s car and drove back to
the church. When Shay got back, I excused myself from everyone and
asked Shay if we could go home. He took my hand and led me to the
car, opened the door and put me in; then we were off to our empty
home, as Kelly and Wessy were with Mom and Dad.

  “Callie,” Shay said in the car, “what
can I do?”

  “I think you’re about ten and a half
months too late asking that question,” I said in a low voice.

  I was punishing Shay because of my
anger at my loss. Deep in my heart I knew he really had loved
little Rie-Rie. When we got home I went upstairs and took a bath,
then I crawled numbly into an early bed. Shay showered and came to
bed shortly after I did. I could tell he was exhausted. I had this
little voice telling me not to let Shay know I needed him, but my
body said differently.

  After he crawled into bed, he moved
very hesitantly toward me, rubbing my body with gentle strokes. I
could tell Shay was watching to see if he could get a read on my
thoughts. I think he was afraid I was going to turn my back on him.
I could tell he was shocked when I moved toward him first and
lifted his arm up to crawl into his embrace. This man was so
gentle. He seemed afraid to touch me. I took his hand and moved it
to the top button on my silk pajamas and very gently he undressed
me. We just lay there, Shay rubbing my body.

  Lovemaking. What can I say? The man
was so tender. His strokes during foreplay, all that love when he
whispered in my ear as he ran his lips tenderly around my face,
“I’m here, babe, I’m here.”

  I could feel it in his hands, see it
in his eyes; feel it in his heart. He moved with the most gentle
strokes a man can move with, in and out like slow motion, oh so
slowly, with every thrust he displayed more love than some people
give in a lifetime. I could tell he was somewhat worried about
being too aggressive; thinking maybe I’d feel that we were
disrespecting our Marie. Shay braced his body on his hands, his
face about nine inches from mine. He was looking down into my eyes,
those beautiful brown eyes. It was so gentle, as if it were our
first time making love.

  Everything was quiet. The music wasn’t
even on.

  Then out of the blue, he said,
“Callie, I’m hungry for some of those homemade brownies you make.
Will you make me some tomorrow?”

  I was looking into his eyes and I
could tell he just didn’t know what to say to me. Well, that just
came off the top of his head, and it was the perfect thing for him
to have said. Just perfect. It tickled me and I let out a sweet
little laugh.

  “I’ll make you all the brownies you
want, Shay Westover,” I said.

  From that moment on, something
changed; we were back to the old us.

  ***

In the afterglow, laying in his arms I said,
“Darlin’, we need to decide what we’re going to do about our
daughter. Someone has my baby and I want her. I didn’t carry my
child for nine months to let someone else have her.”

  “I’ve thought of nothing but that
since the doctor told us, Callie,” said Shay. “But it’s been first
things first, and that was Marie. Now it’s time to for us to go see
the family attorney.”

  “What do you think he can do?”

  “Well, the hospital is responsible for
the mix-up,” said Shay, “so I see a lawsuit looming somewhere in
the future. I think it’s unavoidable.” Then he added, “I’m sure
whoever is raising our child is not just going to hand her over to
us without a fight, and I wouldn’t blame them. I wouldn’t have let
anyone take Rie-Rie.”

  All my resentment fell away with that
one statement. I knew if he said it, he meant it. He wouldn’t have
let anyone take her. Shay really had loved our little Marie
Margaret Westover.

  Missing

  When we got up the next morning, Shay
called the Westover family attorney, Willis Hock. Willis told Shay
he wasn’t going to be in his office that afternoon, he had a golf
date; but if we didn’t mind, he’d like for us to be his guests at
the club. He said we could meet around eleven to discuss what we
wanted to see him about.

  “Well, Shay,” Willis said as we sat
down, “what’s on your mind? It sounded serious. What can I help you
with?”

  Shay had brought the medical folders.
Birth dates, birth certificates, dates, blood test results; it was
a bombshell of a folder, just waiting to explode. Willis had been
at the funeral, but there was no way for him to know Marie wasn’t
our blood child. After Shay told Willis the whole story and showed
him the folders, an extremely concerned look came over Willis’
face.

  “Shay,” he said, “Kathrine. We’ve got
us a real mess on our hands here. I can understand why you’d want
to see me immediately. Your biological daughter is with someone
else and you want her back.”

  “That we do,” Shay said. “What is it
going to take to find her, and how do we go about getting her? We
know there are other parents involved, but we want our
daughter.”

  “Kids, this thing is going to get real
ugly. Not to mention the lawsuit you have against the
hospital.”

  “We’re not interested in a lawsuit,”
said Shay. “We just want our daughter, Willis.”

  “Yes, Shay, I understand, but do you
have any idea what hurdles we’re going to have to go through?”

  “You know,” I broke in, “I just want
my baby. Yes, I feel sorry for the parents who have my baby, I know
I would have put up the biggest fight you’ve ever seen if anyone
had tried to take our little Marie.” Tears began running down my
face.

  Shay got up and went to the bar, where
he got some extra napkins. He knew when the waterworks started they
were going to go on for a while. I hadn’t cried a lot since Marie
died, but when I did, the tears just came flooding.

  “Willis, I don’t expect you or anyone
else to understand how I feel,” I sniffled. “But I’m getting her
back. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks.”