Same Old Truths (13 page)

Dave made no effort to disguise his irritation. Her request to retrieve Cory from therapy was met with a flat, “I just sat down to dinner.”

She pictured him, taking his place at the table like a king, presented with a hot meal he didn’t have to prepare. Where as she had just driven 30 miles after a taxing day at work to be greeted by a cold, dark kitchen and an empty table. The inequity of their situations fueled a determination to get
something
out of the smug, spoiled sonofabitch.

“Then how ‘bout splitting the co-pay with me?” She wondered if he could detect the edge of challenge in her voice. The co-pay was only $15 which meant she was asking for a measly $7.

He didn’t even pretend to think about it. His reply was immediate, terse and stone-cold. “I don’t have it.”

The words slapped her with the realization the window of opportunity to save the agreement was rapidly closing. Hell, it may have already slammed shut.

Kay’s emotions were too overwhelming to allow her to stay on the phone and argue for the piddly amount of money. She could only bring herself to quietly say, “Ok. Bye.” She stood there, knees locked together, trying to quash the shakes trying to overtake her tired body. Swallowing the painful lump in her throat trying to push stinging tears from her eyes, she gathered her purse and her youngest daughter and headed for Dr. Fulmer’s office.

Enter Denial to the rescue. Kay calmed herself with the rationalization that her unpleasant encounter with Dave was simply the result of two people tired after a hard day’s work.

I mean, can you really blame someone for not wanting to get up from their dinner to run an errand?

The issue of the $7 was a little more difficult to justify, so she simply banished it from her thoughts, as best she could. She couldn’t allow anything to dampen her hope they could still fix the agreement.

I’m sure he wants what’s best for him and the girls.

This was his weekend with Mariah. She would approach him when he came to pick her up on Friday.

But Friday came and she wasn’t able to get home in time to carry out her plan. Dave and Mariah were long gone.

“Dad practically begged me to come with them,” Cory bragged to her mother. “But I just said, “Maybe next time.”

Kay envied her daughter’s power to say no to Dave. She regretted not making him beg her to take his stupid child support deal.

Then I wouldn’t be in this position
.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda…No, Kay! Don’t go there.

There was still a chance to assert herself and get what she wanted. She promised herself when Sunday afternoon came she would be there and she’d make him bend to her will.

For the next two days she stewed and fretted, rehearsing various scenarios so she’d be prepared for anything he threw at her. In her shakier moments, she was tempted to call Ruth to ask for reinforcement; she remembered the hard-working woman was taking a few days off to host visiting relatives. No. She’d just have to dive in the deep end of this pool without an inner tube.

* * *

The doorbell rang and Kay opened the door to a smiling Mariah and a scowling Dave. “Hi, Mom. Bye, Dad,” Mariah said. She hurried past Kay to get into the house (or away from Dave?).

“Hey, Baby,” Kay called after her, happy her little girl was home. By the time she turned back to Dave he was halfway down the driveway. Kay ran after him.

“Dave, wait.”

With a disgusted sigh, Dave stopped and turned around to face his ex-wife. The deadness in his eyes stalled Kay in her tracks and she could feel herself shrink like a wool sweater in a hot dryer.

“Look, Kay. I already told you I don’t have your co-pay.”

In that moment, all her rehearsals abandoned her.

“No…no. Uh, I just wanted to talk…uh, to see if we could…I mean, I think we need to talk.”

She knew she sounded like a blithering idiot.

“I really don’t have time right now. Sandy is waiting for me.”

“I didn’t mean right now. I was hoping we could set up a time to get together,” Kay said. She was trying to ignore the sting of his intolerant demeanor.

He stood there staring at her without any response. After a couple of uncomfortable moments he turned up his palm, raised his eyebrows and said, “Well?” throwing Kay even more off kilter.

“Well, I just thought it might be time to revisit our agreement to see if we can make it more workable for the two of us,” she breathlessly got out.

Dave was slowly going from cold to angry. ”What the hell are you talking about?”

“C’mon Dave. Please don’t play stupid. You know I’m talking about the agreement we made when you cut my child support.”

Dave’s dead eyes suddenly sparked to life with angry fire. “Listen, I never forced you to take that cut. As I recall, you were more than willing to accept it.” Then he let out a snide little snort and said, “Sandy said sooner or later you were going to throw that in my face”

Invoking the name of Sandy was a surefire sign she had hit a nerve.

“I’m not trying to throw anything in your face. I’m trying to work with you so things will be easier for everyone, all the way around. That includes Sandy.”

His look of contempt was burning a hole through Kay’s brain.

“Easier? That’s a laugh! I should have known you were going to try to take advantage of me now that I’m back. When are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours I’m no longer your dutiful husband and you can’t just pick up the phone anytime you have some stupid errand you’re too lazy to do yourself?”

Kay stood there dumbstruck, sliced to pieces. None of this had gone the way she’s imagined. The look on her face must have been pretty alarming because Dave suddenly softened and in a much quieter tone said, “That didn’t come out right.” He let out a big sigh and continued, “It’s just that I’m under a lot of pressure at work and they’re not paying me what I’m used to.”

His explanation was missing an apology, but Kay knew that was as close as he would ever get. Nevertheless, the issue of meeting to discuss their failing agreement was still unresolved, and under the circumstances, Kay thought, badly needed.

“Look, Dave. If you’re under that much pressure from work, wouldn’t it help to see where we can make some mutually-helpful changes?”

“I don’t know. I guess. I gotta go. I’ll try to call you this week and we can talk about it.”

Squirming to get away from Kay, Dave made a quick escape to the safety of his truck. Neither of them said goodbye.

Kay turned and with great difficulty, willed her wooden legs to move toward the front door. Thankfully, it was closed. She hoped the girls hadn’t heard any of the nasty exchange. Long before they were born, she and Dave had promised each other they wouldn’t put their kids through the gut-twisting discomfort they had both experienced as kids during parental battles. It was hard enough for the girls to navigate through difficulties of having divorced parents without having to witness them being at each other’s throats.

As soon as she saw Kay walk in the room, Mariah ran up and grabbed her in a big bear hug. “I’m so glad to be home.” The little girl’s delight radiated into Kay.

The two waddled awkwardly over to the couch, Mariah refusing to break her hold on her mother. Kay could feel herself return to normal at the sound of Mariah’s cheerful chatter.

Sitting on the couch, holding hands, Mariah regaled her mother with details of her busy weekend:

A trip to the park to play catch (”Little Dave always misses and it takes forever for him to go get the ball.”),

Dave’s mom’s house (”Grandma said I look more like her every time she sees me.”)

A Chinese buffet (”I hate those fortune cookies. I think they make ‘em with rotten rice.”)

and the mall (”You should see the big screen TV Dad bought. And he paid for it with a bunch of twenty dollar bills.”)

Cory, who had been quietly sitting at the table, doing homework, snapped her head up when she heard the last of Mariah’s pronouncements and mockingly said, “Oh, I’m so sure. Where do you come up with this crap?”

“Stay out of this, please,” Kay said to Cory. Then to Mariah, “Tell me again…about the mall.”

Mariah looked at Cory, then back at Kay. With the cheeriness gone from her voice, Mariah reluctantly repeated,

“Dad bought a big screen TV.”

Kay let that sink in for a moment. “And you say he paid for it with $20 bills?” Kay asked.

With eyes wide and chin quivering, Mariah slowly nodded her head.

Kay’s head was swimming and she felt the urge to scream. But not wanting to create a scary scene, she simply got up from the couch and calmly headed for the stairs.

“She’s stupid, Mom,” Cory said in a desperate attempt to soften the blow. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“It’s ok, Honey,” Kay said, patting Cory on the shoulder as she passed. “I just need to get something from my bedroom.”

As she climbed the stairs she could hear Cory scolding her little sister in hushed tones. “Way to go, Stupid. Why did you have to tell her that?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was just telling her what we did this weekend.”

As Kay closed the door to her bedroom, she could hear Mariah softy crying. She knew she should have walked back down to reassure and comfort her, but in her borderline-hysterical condition, it was well-beyond her capabilities. She walked around the foot of the bed and stood staring out the floor-to-ceiling window that looked out over her driveway. She could see everything and nothing. Continuous cyclones of thoughts stormed through her head, and yet her mind was a blank. The pain in her body was unbearable, but she was numb.

She sat down hard on the bed, pulling her arms in tightly to her sides until she could feel her elbows squeezing her ribs. Her breath was coming fast and hard, causing the tip of her nose to tingle.

Why can’t I cry? I need to cry.
Kay stayed in her contracted position, waiting for the tears which refused to come.

The phone rang and Kay jumped.

Oh, God.
That can’t be Dave already.

The phone was two feet away resting on the night stand; she knew she was in no condition to answer it. It stopped ringing. Cory’s muffled voice wafted up the stairwell, followed by quick footsteps. She gently tapped on the door and softly called out to Kay. “Mom, it’s Aunt Les. Do you want me to tell her you can’t talk right now?”

Leslie’s timing was a godsend. “That’s ok, Baby. I’ll take it.” Kay dove for the receiver. “Hey, Les. How’s it going?” the distraught woman said, trying to sound breezy.

“You can knock off the act. Cory’s already told me something bad went down with that sonofabitch father of hers. Are you ok?”

Even though Leslie sounded harsh, Kay could feel the love and support behind her words. Hearing her sister’s voice was all it took to release
the backlog of humiliation, frustration, anger, confusion and hurt heaped on her by Dave’s betrayal.
It felt good to let go.

Leslie stayed silent through the two or three minutes of Kay’s hard sobbing. Then the crying slowed and quieted, giving Leslie a comfortable opening to start the conversation. “So, what did Asshole do this time?”

Kay knew she was asking for an “I told you so,” but launched, anyway, into the account of how Dave, once again, got her to trust him, then dropped her on her head. By the time her story reached the $7 copay and the big screen TV-climax, she was crying hard again, this time mourning how she had betrayed herself and the girls.

“How could I be so stupid? I should have laughed in his face when he offered me that ridiculous proposal,” Kay choked out through sobs.

“Yup. It was pretty stupid,” Leslie agreed. “But don’t beat yourself up. You were just giving him the benefit of the doubt - which, of course, he didn’t deserve. But, hey. That’s who you are. You’re a nice person. And he’s who he is - an asshole.”

Kay was glad her sister had chosen to sum up the situation so succinctly and not to delve any deeper into Kay’s possible unresolved feelings for Dave - an uncomfortable reality Leslie attempted to get Kay to admit to from time to time.

“I don’t know what to do, Les. I feel so helpless,” Kay lamented to her sister.

“Are you kidding me?” Leslie shouted at Kay. “Weren’t you the one who told me how you threatened Sandy to take Dave back to court if she didn’t ease up on Mariah? Seems to me, given the circumstances, it’s time to make good on that threat.”

Of course. Kay had forgotten she could still play the legal card. Thinking about that time when she had shown some backbone made her feel better. She wasn’t helpless. Yes. A call to her lawyer was definitely in order. Suddenly, the bleak, hollow feeling that had invaded Kay’s core was beginning to evaporate and she felt the glimmer of renewed hope.

“You’re absolutely right,” Kay said, slowly letting herself relax into a lounging position across the bed. “That’s just what I’m going to do. Dave’s used up his last chance to keep this charade going. I’m officially putting a stop to his game.”

“Yeah, you are,” Leslie encouraged. “Hey, listen. Remember my friend, Rebecca? The one I told you about who’s just gone through a nasty divorce?”