Salvaged (28 page)

"I wondered where you would be sleeping tonight."

He frowned. "What? You don't want me to sleep next to you
anymore?"

"I didn't say that. I just didn't know what you would be thinking, what you were feeling about today. Maybe your feelings have
changed."

"You're not gonna run me off that easy."

I sat down on top of my sleeping bag and clasped my hands to
ensure that I wouldn't fidget. Looking up at him, I realized I needed
to stand my ground and not let him win the battle by giving in too
soon. Regardless of how great he looked, the fact still remained that
he needed to apologize for his behavior.

His soft eyes looked down at me for several seconds. "We need
to talk," he said.

"We do?"

"Yes." He stood up and placed Baby in her crate before joining
me on the floor. "It's about what happened outside."

"I figured as much."

"You know that can't happen again-"

"I understand that it didn't mean anything to you; it's okay."

"-I mean not for a while anyway."

"What?" we asked each other simultaneously.

"I said we couldn't kiss like that again," he answered.

"Okay." I shrugged in an attempt to act like it wasn't a big deal. I
didn't want him to know that I was disappointed by his news.

"So you're okay with that?" he asked bitterly.

"Yes. Aren't you?"

"No." He ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "No, I'm not
okay with that."

"Oh." I was relieved. Truth was, he was just as tortured as I was.

"What? Why did you say that like that?"

"Say what like what?"

We weren't making any sense.

"Oh." He repeated the word I'd used. "Like you're confused or
something."

"I am confused." I owned up to my own stupidity.

His forehead heavily creased. "About what exactly?"

"Why isn't it okay that you can't kiss me? It isn't as if you've
never kissed a girl before. Obviously you have." He rolled his eyes
and messed with his hair again. "There are plenty of other girls out
there that would kiss you if they got the chance. I won't be moving out for over two months. You could go out with sixty-five girls
between now and then. You could kiss a different girl every night if
you wanted to. Heck, if you threw in lunch dates, you could kiss over
a hundred and twenty girls between now and then."

"Thanks for the suggestion," he said sarcastically. "I wonder why
I hadn't thought of that."

"You're welcome."

"Seriously, you think my problem is that I wanted to kiss
someone?"

"Well, yes." It made absolute sense to me.

"So you think this is about some pent-up physical desire that I
needed to let out on someone? On anyone?"

"Isn't it?"

"Argh!" He lay down on the floor and placed his clinched fists
over his eyes.

"What?"

"You're so dang frustrating! I swear it's like you don't get it."

"I don't." I didn't get it. I was being honest.

A distressed laugh escaped his lips. "How many times, in
how many different ways, do I need to tell you that I like you?
I ... like ... you. Riley likes Attie. Do you not get that?"

"Uh, I guess not?" I asked a question more than made a statement. It was nice to hear that he liked me, but it wasn't believable
for some reason.

"Why?" He took his fists off his eyes and looked up at me. "Why
is that so hard for you to believe?"

"Because." I waved my hand out in the air in front of him as if I
were showing off merchandise on The Price is Right. "You're you." I
then waved my hand in front of myself. "And I'm me. Just me."

He bolted to sitting up again. "What does that mean, `Just me'?"

"It means that you're you and I'm me."

"Yeah, we've covered that already. Could you clarify a lot more?"

"You've kissed girls like Tiffany Franks for crying out loud ... frea-
kin' smokin' hot swimsuit supermodel hussy."

"Whoa! Tiffany Franks? What does Tiffany have to do with us?
And she is not smokin' hot by the way."

"Oh yes, she is." I shook my head in disgust. "Never mind. I can't
explain it to you."

"Try." He sat cross-legged with his elbows on his knees and
leaned toward me.

"Why did you kiss me tonight, Riley? If you didn't need to kiss
somebody, then why did you do it? Why tonight?"

"Whaddya mean?" He shook his head as his eyes squinted and
his brow creased.

"I mean why did you kiss me? Out of competition? Because you
didn't want Cooper to kiss me first?"

Hiding half of his face with his hand, he sighed heavily. "Maybe
a little."

"A little or totally?"

"A little bit, Charlie. I mostly kissed you because I wanted to. The
fear that Cooper might get to it first is what threw me over the edge
and actually made me do it, but I've wanted to for a while now."

"I see." I rolled my eyes and lay down.

"Why are you rolling your eyes?"

"Because this is a game to you."

"It's not a game. I told you that. I thought we already had that
conversation."

"It is a game, Riley! Because some other guy asked me out, Cooper specifically, you came in to stake your claim. That kiss was nothing more than a symbol of you trying to win a battle with Cooper
Truman. Probably some type of retribution for the way he treated
Melody."

He shook his head vigorously. "That is not true; you can't
say that."

"Isn't it?"

"No. I promise that's not true."

"Yeah right."

"Argh." He threw clinched fists into the air. "You're so darned
frustrating!" His elbows fell back onto his knees, and he buried his
face in his hands.

"I know, you already told me." I sat up and then grabbed his
wrists to move his hands away from his eyes. "What?"

His face wore a sad scowl, but he talked gently. "As completely
stuck up as it sounds, yes, I probly could call up any girl and get her
to go out with me. She would probly kiss me and just about anything
else I wanted to do with her. But that's not what I wanted. I didn't
wanna kiss just any girl; I wanted to kiss you. I'd planned to wait. I
thought there would be time." His face turned pale, and he looked
sick again. "I never dreamed that some other guy would come along
and ask you out."

"Thank you! You're making my point for me."

"What point am I making for you?"

"That you didn't think that somebody else would want me.
Even you don't think I'm pretty enough or sexy enough or whatever
enough for someone to ask me out."

He shook his head as if he'd been given a small electrical shock
and threw his arms into the air again before slapping his hands
onto his face. "What? That's not at all what I was saying." His voice sounded exasperated. "I'm crazy about you, Charlie, but I swear
you've lost your everlastin' mind."

"You're just now figuring that out?"

He drug his hands down his face before shoving them into his
moppy hair. Looking up at the ceiling in a daze, he talked to himself
out loud. "Am I speaking French here and don't know it? How did
me saying I wanted to kiss her turn into her believing I don't think
she's pretty? Somebody, please help me get through to this girl." He
covered his face with his hands again and took a deep breath. "Don't
take this the wrong way, but sometimes you can be a total moron."

"I already know that."

We sat in complete silence disgusted with each other and unsure
of what else we could say.

Finally he spoke. "Okay, give me your hands."

"What?"

"Give me your hands. We're gonna try something."

"What?"

"A technique we learned in counseling. It's a way to communicate clearly with someone that you're in a relationship with. We may
not officially be in a relationship, but we're on totally different planets right now, and we need to figure out a way to understand each
other." He held his hands out in front of me, palms up, and spoke in
an encouraging voice. "Come on, give me your hands."

I slowly laid my hands on top of his, and he wrapped his fingers
around them.

"We're supposed to look at each other when you do this."

"Oh, Riley, do we have to?"

"Yes. Why can't you look at me?" His voice sounded perturbed.

"It's embarrassing."

"It's embarrassing to look at me?" Now his voice sounded
confused.

"Well, it's uncomfortable."

"You'll get used to it. Come on, look at me."

I could feel my face scrunch up and my bottom lip protrude. "I
don't want to."

"You can kiss me, but you can't look at me?"

"If I look at you, I'll want to kiss you."

He chuckled. "Well, I won't let you. Now come on, look at me."

I shook my head.

"Please don't make me beg."

Feeling sorry for him, I finally gave in, but it was painful. I'd
never sat and looked at someone like that before, and I'm certain it
was the most uncomfortable thing I'd ever done.

"Okay," Riley began. "What I hear you saying is that you don't
believe that I think you're pretty. And, since I've been out with people who you think are prettier than you, I couldn't have wanted to
kiss you as much as I just wanted to kiss anyone. Is that right?"

"I think so." Evidently he was a good listener. "But you forgot
the Cooper part."

"All right, then what I also hear you saying is that you believe
that the main reason that I kissed you was because I wanted to beat
Cooper to the punch and somehow punish him for how he treated
Melody. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"All right, your turn."

He gave my hands a small squeeze.

"My turn to what?"

"Your turn to tell me what you heard me say to you."

"I already told you what I heard you say to me."

"Humor me please." I rolled my eyes, and he responded by
squeezing my hands more firmly. "You can do it," he encouraged.

"Do I have to say the `what I hear you saying' part?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because that's how it's done. Just do it for cryin' out loud."

"All right." Gritting my teeth, I spoke slowly. "What I hear you
saying is...

He raised his eyebrows and looked at me intensely, willing me
to speak.

"... you like me. God knows why, but you like me."

"You can't throw in your own comments. Only repeat back what
you actually heard me say."

"Sorry."

"Start over," he instructed.

I let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, what I hear you saying is that you
like me and you wanted to kiss me because you were afraid that
Cooper might do it first and that you could have any girl you want,
but you don't actually want any of them."

"Okay, now you ask me if that was correct."

"Is that correct?"

"No, not even close. You don't listen very well." He sounded
exasperated again.

"Well, maybe you don't explain very well."

"Okay, now I get to clarify," he explained. "I'll talk slowly so the
dense girl in the room can completely understand."

"I doubt that insults are an approved part of the technique," I
whimpered.

"I'm completely teasing, but you're right. I'm sorry." His thumbs
sweetly rubbed the tops of my hands.

My heart beat wildly. I needed to talk so that I could expel some
of the energy that was building in my body. "When do I get to clarify?" I asked.

"You don't need to clarify; I got it right, and you said I understood you correctly."

"But I want to get to clarify."

"You can clarify later; let me clarify first since I actually have
stuff to clarify."

"All right," I conceded.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Well crap, now I can't remember what
I needed to clarify. Tell me again."

"Riley!"

"No, no, I got it. I got it, I remember." He took another deep
breath. "You were right about the fact that I said I like you. You were
not right about the Cooper part. What I was trying to say was that
I already wanted to kiss you and the fear that Cooper might do it first is what caused me to break my promise to myself. I wanted to
kiss you."

"You said that already."

"Shush, you have to be silent during my clarification."

"Sorry."

He continued, "I wanted to kiss you anyway. Fear and desire got
mixed in together with a little amount of losing my mind, and what
it added up to was me kissing you tonight. It wasn't a competitive
thing as much as it was a fear that I would lose you if I didn't act fast.
I'm afraid that while I'm sitting around waiting for you to move out,
Cooper or someone else might woo you away.

"In my strange and moronic male mind, I thought that by kissing you it would make it darned near impossible for you to like anyone else. At least until I can compete on a level playing field anyway.
If other guys are taking you out and kissing you and I can't do the
same because of some promise I made to myself, well then I'll probly
lose you, and I'm not okay with that. Does that sound reasonable?"

"I think so."

"Okay, so what did you hear me say?" he asked.

"You don't want ... what I hear you saying is that you don't want
someone else to come in and date me before you have the chance to
date me too."

"Right."

"But I don't feel like I'd be dating Cooper, I... "

"Please, one thing at a time. I'm not done clarifying yet."

"Sorry, continue."

"About other girls, I was making the point that I could have just
about any girl, but I don't want any other girl. I want you. I didn't
kiss you out of a desire to kiss someone; I kissed you out of a desire
to kiss you. You specifically."

"Okay, what I hear you saying is that you didn't want to kiss
anyone but me."

"Yes. I didn't and I don't wanna kiss anyone but you." He paused
to let the statement sink into my brain before he continued.

"Lastly, this whole pretty versus not pretty or who is or who isn't
pretty, it's silly. I can honestly say that you're the prettiest girl I've
ever known, and nobody comes close as far as I'm concerned."