Saint of Sinners (13 page)

“I don’t think it’ll take long,” I told her. “You can stay here.”

She shifted to lean against the arm of the couch. “Okay.”

I closed my eyes and tried to home in on the signal.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to die!

I locked on and teleported.

The first thing I noticed was the blood. It was everywhere, standing out against white tile and porcelain. Then my eyes locked on the kid laying in the tub, tears leaking down his face. Not Andre or Tim, or any of the kids from the group home.

It was the bully from Elliot’s school.

“Please. Oh, shit, please help me. I didn’t really mean it. I don’t want to die.” Then, in a whisper, “I’m scared.”

A few months ago I’d considered killing him for the way he’d treated Elliot. I might have, if Elliot hadn’t made me promise not to hurt him. Now here he was, bleeding to death and begging me to save him. “What the fuck happened?”

“I cut my wrist.” He lifted his right arm to show me. It shook as more blood spurted out. Beneath the blood, he was very pale. “I’m dying.” Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. “Please save me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Well, fuck. Elliot said the kid had left him alone, and he’d convinced his parents not to do any cat-sacrificing on my birthday because the calico hadn’t led me here. He’d listened to me that much at least. Could I really stand here and watch him bleed to death? Or leave, knowing he would die? I considered calling 911 and letting them take care of it, but he was very pale, and there was a lot of blood. I didn’t know if paramedics would make it in time to save him.

If I was going to save him, I had to try healing him. I sighed. “Fine.” In two quick strides I reached the tub and knelt down. Blood immediately soaked into my jeans. “I’ve only done this once, on my cat. I’m not sure it’ll work.”

“Please, just try. Please, please.”

I put one hand on his shoulder, the other on his upper arm. He felt a little cool. As if I needed more proof that if I failed, he was dead. Closing my eyes, I pulled on my power. It was there, ready and waiting. I opened my eyes and focused on his right arm. Under the blood it was hard to see the wound, so I wiped bloody water over it to get a glimpse. Vertical, the way they said to do it if you were serious about dying. I poured power over his arm, envisioning the cut closing up.

For a moment nothing happened and I started to panic. “Work, dammit, work!” Then a little trickle of power moved and the wound started to close up. After a few seconds the blood stopped spurting out and I splashed more water across his arm. The cut was gone, his skin perfectly smooth.

“Shit, it worked.” His voice was faint. That was just the first problem, though. He’d lost so much blood that even with the wound closed he still might die. His skin was weird and clammy under my hands. This was harder, since I couldn’t just fix an obvious problem. I had to figure out how to create more blood inside him. I’d been able to put Mew-Mew back together, including returning enough blood to him that he was healthy afterward, but that was in the heat of the moment. I still wasn’t sure how that worked.

“You’ve lost too much blood. Stay still while I figure this out.”

He shifted. “You mean I’m still dying?”

“Relax!” I snapped.

I closed my eyes again, imagining what the inside of his body looked like. I’d seen plenty of diagrams of the human body, documentaries with animations and even video of the inside of a body. I imagined his veins and his heart, desperately pumping the last bit of his blood. More, he need more. Power pushed into him and I told his bone marrow to create blood, fill up his veins like a pipe filling with water. Blood warming his body, putting color back in his skin. More power flowed into him. The bully shifted and gasped, and I held him down.

It was like I really was seeing inside him, depleted veins, organs starting to pale. Then more blood appeared, darkening the veins and blood vessels, flowing faster. The bully gasped again. His organs soaked up oxygen-rich blood, his heart rhythm evened out.

“What are you doing? It feels weird.”

“Shh!” How much was enough? Could I overdo it and kill him? I added some more and pulled back.

The bully still looked a little pale, but his color was much better. He blinked at me, then down at his arm. He ran his other hand over it, wiping away bloody water, sliding over the spot where he’d cut his wrist. He looked back up at me. “You saved me.”

I got to my feet. “I tried to put as much blood back in you as I could. You might be a little short. I was worried about making you, like, overflow or something.

“You saved my life.” The bully stared at me.

“Yeah, but if you slit your wrist again, you’re on your own.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. You’ve got quite a mess to clean up if you don’t want your parents asking questions.” The tub and the area around it were covered in blood. “I’ve got to go. My girlfriend is waiting.”

“Wait—” he said.

I ignored him and teleported back to my apartment.

Hayley jumped up from the couch. “Oh my God, are you okay?”

“Huh? I’m fine.” Then I looked down and realized I was covered in blood. My knees were soaked through and the left side of my shirt was smeared with it where I’d leaned against the tub. “Oh, it’s not mine. The guy who prayed for me slit his wrist. I fixed him.” With the crisis over, I wondered why he’d tried to commit suicide. I hadn’t bothered to ask.

“He tried to kill himself?”

“Yeah, but he’s fine now.” He’d better be. I meant it when I said he was on his own if he did it again.

“You fixed him. You mean you healed him?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

I shrugged. “Part of my powers. I healed Mew-Mew, but I wasn’t sure I could heal a human until now.”

She tilted her head. “So on top of all the other stuff you can do, you can heal people, too?”

“Yep, guess so.”

She frowned. “You should probably get out of those clothes.”

I looked down at my bloody clothes. I bet they were ruined.

***

Shapeshifting had turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I’d been practicing for months and I still couldn’t get it right. I could manage paws, a tail, fur, ears—pretty much all the right parts, but not all at once. On yet another Saturday morning, way too fucking early, I was out in the woods with Raven, giving it another try.

“You have plenty of time, so don’t rush.”

Patience, patience. Everybody kept telling me to have patience. “Yeah, fine.” I knelt on the chilly ground. We must have been farther up the coast from where I lived, Northern California, maybe Oregon.

Mew-Mew didn’t always come with, but he was there this time.
Imagine you’re me.
That had helped the last few times. It made me focus more than just imagining I was any old cat. I’d known Mew-Mew since I was four, and he was my best friend. I knew him better than I knew anyone else. I’d put him back together once after a douchebag ran him over.

So in my mind I became him, seeing the world through his eyes. I had memories to draw from because we could see through each other’s eyes when we wanted to. I knew what grass looked like from his perspective, and buildings, and the Cats’ Paths. Seeing the world was one thing, now I had to feel it the way he did. Patches of sunlight perfect for sleeping in, the taste of fresh fish, the way my muscles bunched before a leap.

A warm tingle of power built in me, but I kept my focus. I thought of how every part of me fit perfectly, from soft fur to bones to fast-beating heart. A perfect creature, perfectly confident. Knowing deep secrets and simple pleasures.

“There you go!” Raven said.

I opened my eyes slowly, afraid I would lose it. Mew-Mew stood a few feet away, and we were the same height.

You’re a cat!
He purred encouragement.

“I was starting to think you were a lost cause.” Raven, in his human form, crouched down. He looked way the fuck big from this perspective.

I glared at him but couldn’t sustain the anger. This was just too fucking cool. I flexed one of my paws, watching my claws extend and retract. I turned to look at my tail, my sleek black fur. “Holy shit, I really did it.” I laughed. I tried to jump and stumbled over my own feet.

Raven chuckled. “Takes a little time to get used to four legs.”

For a while I was afraid learning to move as a cat would take as long as turning into one had. But it came very easily. I just had to start slow, walking before jumping. Once my legs started doing what I wanted, I turned and pounced Mew-Mew.

Hey!
He pounced me back and soon we were chasing each other around the clearing. In the chilly sunlight we played, rolling and nipping at each other. Mew-Mew climbed a small tree and I went up after him.

Getting down is the hard part,
he teased from the lowest branch.

I glanced down. It couldn’t have been that far, but at my smaller size the ground looked very far away. “Crap.”

Mew-Mew showed me how to get down. I did okay at first, but then I proved that even half humans turned into cats landed on their feet. It was a bit jarring, but not as bad as falling when I was trying to learn how to fly.

Raven sat back and let us play for quite a while. “Okay, little demon. Time to change back.”

“Oh shit. I hope it’s not as hard doing it the other way.” I had visions of being stuck as a cat for months.

He laughed. “It isn’t.”

It took several long minutes and I almost panicked, but did make it back to human form. “I’m so fucking glad you were right.” I sighed in relief. “I’m gonna try it again.”

Chapter 16

As usual, Hayley and I got back from our date earlier than her curfew so we could go to my apartment and make out. Holding back from going too far was a challenge. Even though Hayley now knew what I really was, I still couldn’t let myself love her.

We laughed and kissed as we went up the stairs. I made a quick check on Mew-Mew and got a glimpse of the queen’s luxurious palace. So we had the place to ourselves. Hayley had been chipping away at my resolve a little at a time and the last few make-out sessions had been naked-above-the-waist. This time we stripped off our shirts as soon as we were inside. I kissed her and pressed her up against the door. I loved the way her skin felt against mine. Sliding my hands up her back, I unfastened her bra.

“You’re impatient today.” She laughed and shifted to drop her bra to the floor.

“Don’t pretend like you’re not.” I took a second to enjoy the view, then pulled her against me. Her hair was longer now, brushing her shoulders, and I sank my fingers into it as I led her toward the couch.

“Your bed is more comfortable.” She tugged me toward the bedroom.

I flipped the light on as we entered and went back to kissing. She crawled onto the bed with a smile that made certain parts of me ache, and I followed her down and ran my hands all over her bare skin. It was sweet torture. Then Hayley unfastened her jeans and started sliding them down her hips.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

She laid a hand against my cheek. “I’m ready. I’m more than ready.” Her gaze locked on mine and she whispered, “I love you.”

It didn’t make me feel good. It made me sick. I turned away, sitting on the edge of the bed.

The mattress shifted as she sat up. “What’s wrong?”

Her voice was so lost it made me feel worse. “It’s not you, it’s me.” I’d seen enough movies with that line in it that I cringed when I said it.

“Are you worried you’ll… do it wrong?”

That almost made me laugh. “No, it’s… You love me, but I don’t love you.” Oh, shit. That was even worse. Mega conversation points, Alex.

I was about to say anything to break the silence, but she beat me to it. “So you’re just following your rule?”

“Yeah.” I squeezed my eyes shut tight, feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world. This had gone on too long. I’d been selfish again, surprise, surprise. “You think I’m some kind of fucking superhero or something.”

She moved to sit next to me, putting a hand on my leg. “You saved the world; you fought the devil.”

“I killed my parents.” I looked over to meet her wide eyes. “My mom and my stepdad.”

“You killed…” She took her hand away.

I looked at the floor. “And a lot of other people, the day after Halloween. That’s why I acted so weird. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d freak out, and after you weren’t scared when I told you what I was, I didn’t want to ruin it. It felt so good for you to accept me.”

Another stretch of silence. “Why?”

“Why what?”

Hayley rolled her eyes at me. “Why did you kill them?”

“They were Satanists, and they also worshipped me, as the Antichrist. They killed cats to celebrate my birthday, and when I found out, I killed them.” I pictured some of their faces as Animus went through them, smelled smoke from all the houses I’d burned.

“Your parents too?”

“No. I killed them for what they’d done to me. That’s why I can’t love you, Hayley. Good people don’t do things like that.” But even if I could take it back, I wouldn’t. I didn’t regret it, and I didn’t exactly feel guilty either.

She shifted, leaning away from me. “If I hurt you, would you kill me?”

“Fuck no,” I said as I turned to her. “My mom and stepdad beat me for years, tried to make me evil, and when I got too strong for them, they had the devil beat me.” A surreal idea popped into my head: that my parents had tried to beat the devil
into
me. “And the Satanists murdered cats. That’s bad enough, but they did it to celebrate my birthday. You have no idea how mad that made me.”

I took a deep breath. “But I wouldn’t kill you or Casey or anyone if you hurt me. Not if you punched me, not if you broke my heart.”

She gave me a long look, then stared off at nothing. “I don’t know what to think.”

I didn’t know what to say to her. Part of me wished I hadn’t said anything at all because she probably hated me now. Or worse, she was afraid of me.

“Are you sorry you killed them?”

Lying would be so easy, make myself out to be guilt ridden the same way I’d made myself sound like a hero by leaving out the worst of it. “Honestly, no.”