Safe to love you (Ink Series - Spin Off Book 2) (31 page)

"Coming..." I say, hardly able to walk anymore.

The nurses have everything ready for us. They bring us to the delivery room, give me a blue hospital gown, and ask me to lie down on the bed. Presley remains by my side, holding my hand. He’s just as nervous as I am. I'm cold and shaking; I can't handle so much anxiety. The doctor comes in and explains the induction process. It’s nerve wracking.

He examines me. "You are already three centimetres dilated. I'm going to insert a plastic hooked instrument through the cervix to break the amniotic sac. You won't feel any pain; you might just feel the water coming out. Feeling alright, Mrs. Williams?"

"Yeah, just a bit anxious."

The doctor does exactly what he said, and I feel no pain at all. A little water comes out, but nothing major. Not at all what I’d expected.

"Don't worry; we’ve got everything under control. We're going to give you oxytocin through an IV pump, to start your contractions. The nurses will come in every twenty minutes at first to check on you, and we’ll adjust your dosage as you progress."

He inserts the IV in my left hand, putting on more tape than I think is necessary. That tape hurts like a bitch when it's time to take it off.

"If there is anything you need, just press on the call button, and the nurse will be right with you."

"Thanks."

The doctor leaves, and I’m feeling stunned. I only spent five minutes with him, and now everything is about to happen. I feel my first contraction, but it's not painful. Presley is sitting quietly next to me, waiting for me to say something.

"Wow... that was fast, right?" I say.

"Yes, love, that wasn't exactly how I expected things to happen."

"It’s not painful right now, though."

"I can't wait to see Little Bee. I'm so excited."

"I know, but like I told you, induced labor is slower. We’re probably going to be here for a while, I'm afraid."

Presley leaves his seat and reaches for the baby bag. "Just in case Little Bee shows up soon, I have to get everything ready." He retrieves a tiny diaper and pyjamas from the bag. It's one of the outfits he bought when we found out I was pregnant. It's so cute; I can't wait to hold my baby and see him or her wearing it.

After an hour, the nurse comes in and takes a look at the monitor. "Your contractions are very mild; I'm going to increase the oxytocin. You will start feeling a little bit of pain." She increases the oxytocin, and the results are immediate, and a good deal more painful as well. I wince at the first one. It's uncomfortable, mostly, rather than pain.

"You may want to rest a bit," the nurse suggests.

How am I supposed to rest?
I have cramps every few minutes. The monitors keep beeping. I'm stressed, and it is not exactly how I had planned to spend my day. Well, I actually had no idea how things would happen today. I'm already tired.

"Abbie, just breathe, my love. Everything will be all right." Presley starts playing with my hair and humming a soft melody. He knows how to please me, as usual. It calms my nerves.

My eyelids feel heavy; I'm trying hard to let my brain go... I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I wince with each contraction, but I finally feel myself falling asleep. Presley’s humming becomes my mantra. His voice brings me such security, and makes me forget where I am. It feels like we’re at home.

I'm sleeping...

I'm sure it's not even been an hour when I hear a soft knock on the door. I'm irritated. They keep coming in here, and then expect me to sleep? I don't move and pretend I'm still sleeping. That should work,
right?
The nurse comes over to check on the monitor. She asks my husband if I'm doing well. He responds that I’ve been sleeping for a very short amount of time. She takes the hint, and mentions that she'll return later. Thank God!

"You are such a bad actress, Abbie. But it’s fine, my love... You can go back to sleep now. I’ll try to get some sleep too, if you don't mind."

"I love you." I tell him.

"I love you too, Belly Bee."

I concentrate again, letting my mind wander.

I hear the sound of some beeping, but it’s far away. I don't leave my happy place; I stay there a little bit longer. Presley takes my hand into his. I can't ignore the feeling of his touch, his lips on my skin, the kiss he shares with me. I love him; I love how he is always there for me.

I feel the cramping again, and the pain is more intense this time. I hold my breath and let it go slowly. I relax again, thinking that it was just a bad one. Then come the second one... and the third one...

I can't pretend anymore. "Presley, it fucking hurts, now."

“I know, love. They increased the oxytocin again. We have to call the doctor to let him know you’re awake. They want to check your progress.” He presses the call button, and two minutes later, the doctor comes in.

"Mrs. Williams," he says, as he stands at the foot of the bed. "We need to take a look at your progress." He removes the sheet and proceeds with his checkup. "You are dilated to five centimetres now. That's great. We need to monitor the baby, so we're going to install an electronic fetal monitor. The sensors will remain on your belly with an elastic belt. They can feel a little tight; just let us know if they’re uncomfortable. The first sensor monitors your contractions and the second your baby's heartbeat. Both sensors will report to the machine, making it easier to keep track of the baby’s heartbeat and your contractions."

"Okay..." I don't know if I'm supposed to have questions, but I can’t think of any, and Presley seems to be fine with the doctor’s explanation.

The hours pass and the progress is slow. I'm getting cranky and the pain is killing me. The nurse brought in a hot pad because the pressure I’m feeling in my lower back is both excruciating and overwhelming. It feels like my bones are cracking. There is no time to try and relax before the pain becomes even worse. When I’m lying on my back, it arches to a point of breaking. I have to move to my side every time a contraction comes. Tears are rolling down my cheeks.

"Belly, I know you said you didn't want an epidural, but I think at this point you should have one. You’ve endured more than you should have to. It would give you some time to relax and store up your energy for pushing," Presley suggests.

I sob through the end of a contraction. "I think you’re right, baby. I can't take the pain anymore. I thought I was going to be strong enough."

"You are strong, love. Never think less of yourself because you took the epidural. You are doing wonderfully. I'm so proud of you."

"Can you ask the nurse to get the anaesthesiologist? Please?"

This time he doesn't buzz the nurse with the button, he walks out of the room to get them. I try to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. I have to do this, it’s the only way. I remember the prenatal classes I went to, and how they explained the epidural procedure. It's not something I'm looking forward to. I'm suddenly very nervous, and I don't like it one bit.

Presley returns. "They will be here in ten minutes." As he sits down, another contraction hits, and he applies pressure to my lower back, massaging the pain. The contraction seems less painful that way.

"Thank you, that helped a lot," I say, when I'm finally able to breathe and speak again.

The anaesthesiologist comes in with a nurse, and I get extremely nervous. I start crying and shaking, and I end up vomiting, but I haven't eaten since last night, so it freaking hurts. The nurse takes control and helps me through it. Presley is holding my hand, it's all he can do right now.

I sit on the bed, trying to relax the muscles in my back, as the anaesthesiologist gives me an injection of local anaesthetic in my lower back. I fucking hate needles, I'm afraid I'm going to pass out. The man then guides a hollow needle between the small bones in my back, giving me the feeling of lightning shooting all along my spine. I try not to move because he told me not to.

The catheter is in, and the needle is removed. I feel like throwing up again. I tell the nurse and she gives me Gravol to help with the nausea.

I fall asleep again. Gravol makes me so sleepy, I can't help myself.

Hours are flying by, and I still have no baby in my arms. Alicia and Joshua came to see us, but they left when they saw that I was still going through labor. They brought me a nice bouquet of white and yellow roses. They smell so good.

I'm now fully dilated and getting ready to push. I push and I push and I push. The baby is slowly making its way down, but I see concern on the face of the doctor. The baby is not coming correctly. The baby is turning once it’s engaged. The doctor pushes it back a little, trying to place little Bee in the right position. I don't lose hope; I can do this. I know I can. I push and I push and I push again. The same situation happens, and it repeats itself twice more. I'm losing patience and energy. The doctor goes over their policy. They usually don't let a mother push for more than two hours... and it's been four hours already.

I’ve been in labour for twenty-six hours. I'm exhausted, and so is Presley. He’s losing patience, not with me, but towards the doctors and nurses.

The Doctor speaks to us, his face serious. "We're going to have to do a C-section, because it is not safe to force the baby out. C-section is your only choice right now. I’ve done everything I could."

Fuck. I didn't want an epidural, and I certainly didn't want a C-section. But I have no choice here. I want my baby alive, and I want little Bee in my arms as soon as possible.

"OK. It’s fine... just do what's best for the baby."

They stop giving me oxytocin. I still have contractions, and I can't push, so I feel like my insides are being squeezed. Not a feeling I enjoy, to be honest.

We go into the operating room. It's freaking cold in here. The nurse brings me a warm blanket while they give me a spinal and epidural anesthesia. I can't feel anything below my breasts, and it's scary. They tell Presley to stay by my side, and if he can’t handle the blood, they suggest he sit next to me instead. My arms tremble uncontrollably, and my teeth are chattering.

I know the C-section has started, I can feel what they are doing. I feel pressure, and a bit of discomfort, but I don't feel any pain. Thankfully. Presley remains by my side. He is nervous and can't sit still. He watches what they are doing and he looks amazed.

"Everything okay, Mrs. Williams?" The doctor asks. I nod my agreement.

"We're about to pull your baby out."

I wait impatiently. I can't see anything but the light of happiness and the stunning smile on my husband’s face. I see tears escaping onto his cheeks.

"It's a healthy little boy!" the doctor announces.

"He’s perfect, Abbie." Presley tries to get closer, but the nurses ask him to remain where he is. "It won't be long, my love."

The nurse is holding him... he’s mine and perfect and everything I wanted him to be. "Hey, little Lewis," I say. She lets me kiss him, and then leaves with him. Presley is asked to follow behind them.

I'm left here, alone, and I have no clue what’s happening. I feel like I'm going to throw up again. I tell the nurse, and she gives me more Gravol through the IV.

Thirty seconds later, I'm falling asleep. I'm trying to fight it, but I'm afraid I don't have enough energy.

I'm exhausted, and extremely happy. I have the image of my newborn son imprinted in my mind. He is the only person I think about. I want to see him again, and I’m dying to hold him in my arms.

Presley

I FOLLOW THE
nurse out of the room. I don't want to leave Abbie alone, but I don't think I have a choice in the matter.

"Mr. Williams, we just need to make sure he’s alright. He has been through a tough labor, and he is a very tired baby. He'll need rest and warmth. We're just going through normal procedures."

Lewis is so tiny, and to be honest, he looks a little blue. His eyes are open and his cries are deafening. I'm so nervous. I've never held a baby before. I hope I’ll do everything right.

"He’s a healthy baby; 21-inches-long, weighing eight pounds ten ounces. We're going to get him in his little pyjamas and hat." She cleans him up with a little towel, and he doesn't seem to like it much. Poor thing, I just want to hold him. "And after that, little boy, you are going to go with Daddy to your room to wait for Mommy to wake up," the nurse says.

She explains what I'm going to have to do... to my son. Weird.

"Out of curiosity, do you know how long she'll be sleeping?"

"She should return in an hour or two." The nurse comes to me with Lewis, and I get my arms ready to hold him. "Watch for his head, and place your hand on his little behind like this." She smiles. "He’s a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Just like that, I'm a father, and I have no clue what I’m supposed to do. I walk to Abbie’s room, completely dazzled by him. He is so precious. He has blonde hair just like Abbie’s, and his eyes remind me of my mother’s. I could watch him forever and never get bored. I sit in the rocking chair, looking at him and singing little lullabies. He is sleeping already. I place a blanket on the empty bed and I carefully put him down. He is already wrapped up in a blue baby blanket. I take out my camera and take a few pictures. Some are close ups of his face, and some are a wider angle to capture every little part of our baby boy.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have him. I text Dad, Alicia, and Joy-Anna and tell them to visit us after dinner. I want to make sure Abbie is feeling well enough and has had plenty of rest. I still have time to cancel if she doesn't want to see anyone today. I can't wait to see her and share my joy with her. I miss her already.

I take Lewis in my arms again, and I lie on the bed to relax a little. I haven't slept much in the last twenty-four hours, so I figure I need to rest while Abbie is in recovery. I place Lewis on my chest and hold him tightly to me. The sound of his breathing is adorable.

I close my eyes and fall asleep.

"Presley, baby, wake up. They have to transfer me to my bed."

I wake up to the sound of the most beautiful voice in the world; my wife’s. "Hey Sweetheart, sorry, our son is tired, as you can see." The nurse comes to take Lewis from my arms. I get out of Abbie’s bed and they move her. She still can't feel her legs because of the epidural. I know she’s anxious to hold Lewis and admire him. As soon as she’s in the bed, she asks to sit up and I help her.

"Can I have him now?" she demands.

"Of course, Mrs. Williams. Watch out for his little head. Place your arms like mine and I’ll put him into your arms." The nurse smiles as she watches Abbie holding our son for the first time. Abbie has tears in her eyes. I decide I need to take a few photos to capture the moment.

"He is perfect, Presley. He has your mother’s eyes. He is perfect..." Abbie says as she sobs. I take one last photo before I go to her side and hug her.

"You’ve made me so happy, Abbie. You gave me a son. You both complete me."

"You are my life now... my family. You and Lewis."

The nurse heads towards the door. “I’ll come back when he wakes up... We're going to have to feed him soon."

Abbie is willing to try breastfeeding. She knows it's going to be hard, but she wants what’s best for our baby. She looks exhausted. Her eyes are puffy, and she has dark circles below them. She's pale and looks fragile. She doesn’t complain, but I know she’s not feeling well.

"My love, why don’t you try to sleep for a while, I’ll take care of the baby. You need to rest." She looks at me in despair, not willing to relinquish her hold on our son "I’ll wake you up as soon as he wakes up, I promise."

"Presley, I can’t... "

"Shhh. Abbie, listen to me. You need to rest now. Please." I take her hands in mine. She looks into my eyes, and then down to our baby. "You went through a lot in the past twenty-four hours. Take the time you need to get some sleep. Trust me."

"Okay." She gives me back our little baby boy, and by the time I get comfortable in the rocking chair, she is already sleeping.

I let her sleep for almost three hours. Our little boy slowly wakes up. His little fingers grip my t-shirt and he makes little sounds. It’s time to wake her up.

"Abbie, it’s time!"

Her eyes open as soon as I say her name. "Hey, Daddy." She smiles.

The nurse is back just in time; sometimes I think they are spying on us. They help Abbie with breastfeeding. It looks painful, but she insists on doing it. As soon as Lewis has a little to drink, he falls back to sleep. What a life!

Bentley and Lucia are the first to arrive for a visit. They are both ecstatic. They give Abbie a huge bouquet of blue and white roses and a box of chocolates. Bentley gives me a cigar; I just knew he was going to do that. Bentley can’t stop saying how proud he is, and Lucia steals the baby from Abbie’s arms. She just stares at him. As a photographer, I can’t help myself.  I take a few more photos.

We have a private room, so it’s possible for us to have more than two guests at a time. The hospital staff don’t seem to like it, but they didn't say anything. We are quiet, and Abbie knows that if she wants to rest, she only has to say so. Nobody wanted to push her past her limits. She’s the new mother here, and she has a lot of adjustments to make.

Alicia, Joy-Anna, Derek and Joshua all arrive together. Alicia remains quiet, but she looks at Lewis, and I see tears of joy in her eyes. While Abbie was pregnant, Alicia told me how much she wants a baby. Right after her marriage, she and Joshua are planning on getting pregnant. Joy-Anna can barely stay still in one place. She dances from one foot to another. They all congratulate Abbie and stare at our son. I'm so fucking proud. My boy, my blood. Mine!

This is what I’ve been dreaming about during her pregnancy: the moment where we get to share him with our family. The smiles, the laughter, the tears. The beauty of a new life among us.

Joy-Anna and Alicia have bought so many gifts for the baby. They bought little blankets, tiny Converse sneakers, plenty of pyjamas and diapers. Joshua and Derek brought Abbie a baby book to write down all the information about Lewis, and a nice bouquet of white orchids. I’ll have to ask them to take some of the things back to our apartment tonight, because the hospital room isn’t that big.

Abbie is so proud, and adapting to her new role perfectly. She's everything to me; my love for her is so much stronger after sharing this event. I admire her. I worship her.

I can't wait to take her and our son home. Just a few more days, until she is feeling better. Her body needs to heal properly. I know she is in pain. She won’t say anything, but I know exactly when she is due for more pain killers. She's tough, an amazing woman.

We're home. The Williams family is home. The baby is already sleeping in his crib, and Abbie is sitting on the couch, relaxing. She has pain in her lower stomach due to the C-section. I want her to rest so that she’ll make a faster recovery.

The house is quiet and peaceful. I give Abbie a bowl of warm chicken noodle soup. She says she wants comfort food. We’ve been at the hospital for nearly five days, so it’s good to be able to eat homemade food and shower when we wish. Lucia has provided us with tons of homemade meals, so we don’t have to worry about cooking for a couple of days.

We're spoiled and happy. We have a loving family; what else could I ask for? Maybe a little more sleep, but I think it’s a lost cause until Lewis is older. The color of his eyes won’t be stable until he reaches a year old, but I can see my mother in the shape of his eyes. They could be green or grey, but it doesn’t matter. I just feel like she is living through him.

I hear the baby cry and I hurry to his room. I change his diaper. I always thought changing a diaper would make me nauseous, but it turns out, I don’t mind. It doesn’t bother me at all. He is only a few days old and already I'm in infinite adoration with him. He is a strong little man. I’m already planning his first photo session. I can't wait.

I bring our son to my wife and watch as she breastfeeds him. She says it's a little painful at first, but it’s getting better with time. I could watch them all day; it brings me such a pure joy.

A year ago, if I has been asked where I thought my life would be twelve months later, I would never have thought I would be a husband, let alone a father. I never expected to fall in love with someone the way I did with Abbie. It was unexpected, but so amazingly strong and real. She has changed my whole world and my perspective on life. She and my son are the most single most important things in the world. I worship them.

Every day I love Abbie more and more. Our love is growing every single minute we spend together.

I’m a very happy man.