Safe & Sound (13 page)

“Whatever happened, happened. It doesn’t change the fact that I think some distance will be good for both of us,” I said.

He looked as if he were about to interrupt again and I held up my hand. “I came here tonight for a completely different reason. I’d like you to come out to the parking garage,” I said firmly.

Harry looked at me questioningly and headed back inside to put on some shoes and grab a coat. Silently, he followed me out to the garage. I stopped in front of the Audi A4 and turned to face him. I could see the confusion on his face.

“Is this your idea of a cruel joke?” he commented.

“No. I want you to have it,” I said, holding out the keys to him.

“You what?” he said, clearly caught off guard.

“You were Jay’s friend long before I came into the picture and I get that and I respect that. I owe Jay to honor that. You both loved this car and I don’t. I want you to have it,” I said, again holding out the keys for him. He held his hand out and I dropped the keys into them, making sure our hands didn’t touch.

“There will be paperwork you need to complete,” Stella chimed in.

“Sshhh.” I motioned at her.

“Also, I was going through Jay’s things and I wanted you to have this as well.” I reached into my purse and pulled out the Cartier watch that Jay’s dad had given him the day he graduated from law school.

“Jill, seriously?” he said, reaching for the watch and then pulling away.

“Seriously,” I said, handing him the red box the watch was stored in. I could tell he was overwhelmed by everything and I turned to leave.

“Jill,” he called. I stopped and turned to face him and he engulfed me in a hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered, only releasing me after a long while.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered back and turned to meet Stella, who was now waiting in the Jeep.

Stella needed to fly back to New York before the holidays and take care of some cases before everyone scattered for the holiday season. Stella and Lanie were still unsure that I could care for myself. So, I was sent to Lanie’s house in Raleigh until Christmas when the two of us planned to fly to New York and visit Stella. Jay and I would have normally spent Christmas Eve at home and then tried to escape to the beach until the New Year. It had become our yearly tradition. This year things were different and my friends were extrasensitive about it. Stella usually spent the Christmas holidays with her mom before jet-setting off to some Caribbean island with her beau of the moment. Lanie on the other hand would spend several days with her family, visiting, before spending time with her girlfriend of many years, Mary Elizabeth. However, Stella had recently informed me that the two of them had decided to split shortly before Jay’s death and Lanie hadn’t felt right about bringing it up to me and I hadn’t asked. Stella decided we would go to a Broadway show and do some shopping and pampering in the city before ringing in the new year in Times Square. It was something we had always talked about doing, just the three of us, but we were never able to schedule it. She felt this was the year to do it and her office was having some sort of party nearby, so we didn’t have to wait all day in the cold. We would be able to see and hear the festivities from the party.

CHAPTER 16

T
he holiday season went by pretty quickly and I only broke down twice. The first time was on Christmas morning as the three of us exchanged presents in Stella’s apartment. It was Lanie who made me cry. Snowflakes drifted down off the buildings onto the fresh coat of snow that had fallen the night before. It was a very picturesque Christmas morning. Lanie had gotten up early to make chocolate chip pancakes for everyone and we sat on Stella’s living room floor exchanging gifts. We had decided this year to forgo buying gifts and instead make gifts for each other, much to Stella’s dismay. I had made Stella and Lanie each a “mix-tape” in the form of an iPod shuffle. Stella of course broke the rules and got Lanie and me each a new outfit to wear on New Year’s Eve. Lanie, being the most sensitive and thoughtful of us by far, did the best job. She made Stella an emergency office survival kit in the guise of an oversized Kate Spade bag. Stashed inside was an extra set of stockings, Advil, toothbrush, toothpaste, lint brush, hairspray, lipstick, perfume, Band-Aids and a small sewing kit. Stella squealed with delight. For me she had put together a shadow box. The frame was made from re-used lumber white-washed in a pale yellow with a distressed finish. Inside the box was a collection of my life with Jay. Pictures were pinned to the back of the box along with the racing bib from one of our races. Seashells lay next to a gavel Jay kept on his desk at home and tucked behind that was the name plate from the door to the class I used to teach. I was overwhelmed with emotion over the detail she had worked into this gift. At the back of the shadow box were two small hooks and I looked at her in confusion.

“Whenever you’re ready. It’s for your rings,” she whispered and pointed to the necklace I was wearing with my wedding ring, engagement ring and Jay’s wedding ring on it. I nodded.

“Looks like no one followed the rules,” Stella commented, looking around at the gifts. We all burst into laughter in agreement. We curled up together on the couch and watched movies until it was time to get ready for our dinner reservations uptown.

The second time I broke down was during the New Year’s Eve party. We got all dressed up in the outfits Stella bought us for her office party, which was held in an office building overlooking Times Square. It was an amazing sight. Thousands of people in the streets below were singing and dancing to live music. Stella’s firm had gone all out for the party. A live band competed for our attention with the performing bands outside. People mingled and drank and danced the night away until the final 10 minutes. Everyone stopped what they were doing. Champagne was passed out and everyone crowded around the floor-to-ceiling windows and looked out at Times Square. Together we counted down to the new year … ten … nine … eight … seven … six … five ... four ... three … two … one … HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Everyone grabbed somebody to embrace or kiss as they celebrated. I looked around and the enormity of everyone’s happiness reminded me of my own unhappiness and loneliness. I reached out and placed my hand on the glass window as I watched the confetti streak down toward Times Square.

“Happy New Year, Jay,” I whispered, reaching for the necklace that held our rings. Just then, someone grabbed my other hand and I looked over and saw Lanie smiling back. On the other side Stella tapped me on the shoulder.

“We didn’t forget you,” Stella said and we embraced.

At the beginning of the new year I was again sent to Lanie’s in Raleigh for a couple days before Stella was scheduled to fly back down and spend a couple more weeks with me during which we finally scheduled a meeting with Paul Wellon. I tried to assure my friends that I was okay to spend some time alone, but they weren’t ready to let me go.

While I was at Lanie’s, she confided in me about her relationship with Mary Elizabeth. She wanted to give their relationship another try. I felt bad thinking of how self-absorbed I had been after Jay’s death. I had never once stopped to ask Lanie about Mary Elizabeth or where she was. Lanie dismissed my guilt, saying that after seeing what I had gone through with Jay, she had decided life was too short and gave Mary Elizabeth a call. I was glad when Stella arrived several days later to take me home. I felt uncomfortable being a third wheel as Lanie and Mary Elizabeth tried to rekindle their relationship.

Stella and I had just gotten back from dinner one night and were pulling up to the house when we saw Harry in the driveway, leaning against Jay’s Audi.

“Stella,” Harry said, nodding in her direction as she got out of the car.

“Harry,” she replied coolly and shuffled past him. As she passed him, she gave me a look that asked whether she should stay around. I just shrugged and she continued into the house.

“Harry,” I said as I approached him. He leaned down to try and give me a hug, but I wasn’t receptive and the gesture came off as awkward.

“I drove by the other night and saw the lights on and figured you were back in town,” he offered as an explanation for his sudden appearance. “How was your Christmas?”

He had continued to send me texts and leave me voicemails over the holidays. I was advised by Stella and Lanie to ignore them all.

“It was … bittersweet,” I answered truthfully.

“Same here. I wish you had replied to my texts and voicemails. We should be relying on each other during this time. We were closest with Jay. We can lean on each other.”

“I don’t think that’s how this works.”

“Jill, listen. Last time … well two times ago when we saw each other, I was a jerk. I didn’t take losing Jay very well, as you know.” He paused to see if I would correct him, but I nodded that he should continue. “I was really stupid and my actions were uncalled for. I need your friendship. It helps me feel connected to Jay, but more importantly, I thought we were better friends than that,” he said, looking me right in the eye.

“Harry, I don’t know. We were really good friends because of Jay. He brought us together and maybe it’s appropriate, with his passing, we drift apart.” I wasn’t sure if I could be friends with Harry.

“Jill, that can’t be it. I need … I want more,” he said.

“Harry, I don’t know what I have to give,” I whispered, looking down at my shoes.

He reached over and put his hand on my shoulder, causing me to look up at him. In that moment I thought he was going to try and kiss me again and so I quickly took a step back, letting his hand drop back to his side.

“I need some more time to figure it all out. Can you give me that?” I asked.

“Jill, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just don’t push me out,” he said, pulling open the door to the Audi. “Goodnight, Jill.”

“Goodnight, Harry,” I said, waving as he backed out of the driveway.

“What did that bozo want?” Stella asked as I entered the house.

“He wants to be friends.” I hesitated with my next statement.

“What?” Stella pressed.

“It seems like he wants more, but I can’t tell if that’s what he really wants or if he thinks that being with me will be like being with Jay … in some weird way,” I said.

“A very weird way. You need to stay away from him. He’s bad news,” Stella said, walking over and handing me a cup of tea.

“You’re right. He just doesn’t seem that easy to get rid of,” I said and we settled on the sofa to watch some TV.

“Stella, wake up,” I said, trying to shake her awake.

It was past one in the morning and we had both fallen asleep on the sofa watching one of the late night shows. She mumbled something incoherent and rolled over.

“Stella, wake up,” I said again, raising my voice slightly.

When I had made my way through the kitchen, locking up the doors and turning the lights off, I had noticed my phone was flashing with a message. There were two voicemails and several texts from Lanie. My heart stopped as a sudden feeling of déjà vu swept over me. Very hesitantly, I listened to the message …

“Oh my God! Stella wake-up!”

“What? What’s wrong?” she asked, starting awake.

“We need to call Lanie right away!” I said, hitting redial and sitting down next to Stella on the sofa.

“Jill?” Lanie answered.

“Yea, Lanie. Stella and I are both here. We fell asleep watching TV.” I put her on speakerphone.

“Did you listen to the message?” Lanie asked with excitement.

“I did but Stella didn’t,” I said, grinning at Stella.

“What? What did I miss?” Stella asked, again rubbing her eyes.

“Mary Elizabeth and I got engaged,” Lanie gushed.

“What?” Stella said, fully awake this time.

“Tell us the details!” I said.

“It’s really late tonight. What are you two doing tomorrow?” Lanie asked and I looked at Stella. She had become the unofficial keeper of my schedule.

“We have that meeting with Paul Wellon, but we can move that. What do you have in mind?” Stella asked.

“Why don’t you two come to Raleigh. We have a wedding to plan!” Lanie exclaimed.

“It’s a date,” I said.

CHAPTER 17

S
tella and I arrived at Lanie’s apartment in downtown Raleigh just a little past 10 the next morning. We would have arrived earlier, but Stella insisted on stopping to buy champagne so that we could celebrate as soon as we got there. Lanie buzzed us into her apartment and we carried our things up.

“Knock, knock,” Stella called as she pushed open Lanie’s apartment door.

“I’m back here,” Lanie called from the direction of the kitchen.

“Congratulations!” I exclaimed, coming around the kitchen island to give her a big hug.

“Let me see this ring!” Stella said, coming up behind me.

“There is no ring,” Lanie said.

“No?” we both asked with confused looks on our faces.

“I’ll explain.”

“Time for a toast,” Stella said, holding up the champagne.

“Where’s Mary Elizabeth?” I asked.

“She’s on morning rotations at the hospital,” Lanie explained as she continued chopping and preparing vegetables for whatever she was preparing. Mary Elizabeth had earned a prestigious position as a cardiology fellow at the Raleigh Hospital after graduating from Duke with her MD. The hospital was, in fact, where Lanie and Mary Elizabeth had met. Lanie was treating patients in the psychiatric unit and often spent her down time in the cafeteria working on cases or updating her notes. Mary Elizabeth took notice of her always sitting alone and befriended her. Things developed from there.

“So details,” I said.

“I know. Last we talked you were taking things slow … rekindling,” Stella said make quotation marks in the air with her hands.

“I thought we were doing all that stuff. But last night after I got home from work, there was a note on the front door to meet her at our favorite Italian restaurant, Lucy’s, at seven,” Lanie said.

“And then?” I asked. I loved romantic stories and the excitement they brought, but Lanie seemed to be dragging her feet getting to the details of this story.