Sacrifice (2 page)

Was I really that bad, that even my best friend had to question my interest in cute guys? Maybe I was. I certainly wasn’t that girl that showed that much interest in the opposite sex. It wasn’t that I didn’t find guys attractive, because I did. It was just easier to pretend not to see them. I’d gotten so good at the pretence that I wasn’t sure anymore if it was really a pretence.

“Yes, I really thought he was cute. Didn’t you?”

“Well yeah, but…” She hesitated, her eyes dropping to the cup in front of her. “You’ve never really shown an interest in anyone, not since, Daniel.”

I swallowed hard, the lump that had instantly formed in my throat tried to cut off my air supply. I wouldn’t allow even the mention of his name to put me back in that place again. I couldn’t. He wasn’t worth it. He didn’t deserve my tears… Or at least that was what I told myself.

“Well I guess I’m just over it now. I don’t think of him and that guy was cute…”

She nodded and smiled at me, as though instantly recognising that I needed to change the subject. Rachel was one the person who saw through me. She knew everything about me and she knew when I was lying. But at least she had the good grace not to pull me up on it.

She glanced over her shoulder to the guy in the corner, her gaze taking in very inch of him. When she looked back at me the twinkle was back in her eye.

“You should go talk to him.” She half whispered at me.

“No, I shouldn’t. It’d be a bad idea.”

A grin spread across her face, a look that made me nervous. As though at any moment she might spring up from her chair and march over there to him, force me to talk to him. I shook my head in the hopes that the combination of the expression on my face and the gesture would be enough to stop her.

“But why?”

“Because he’s leaving.” I watched him stand and drop a couple of bills on the table. He scooped up the notepad he had with him before making his way to the door. Part of me hoped he would look back at me. Maybe he would. But that was something that happened only in the romance novels I liked to read. It didn’t work that way in real life. Daniel had taught me that…

He pushed the door open and disappeared out into the afternoon sunshine without so much as a backwards glance. A bubble of disappointment popped inside me and my shoulders slumped. It was stupid. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Perhaps I was regaining my optimism. And if that was the case then it sucked. Feelings and emotions like that only lead to more disappointment.

It was amazing how easy it became for people to let you down if you allowed yourself to hope. Hope was a luxury reserved only for those who had stability in their lives… I’d had plenty of it once and now that it was gone I missed it.

“Awh…” Rachel’s shoulders slumped and she slurped her coffee loudly from the white mug she cradled in her hands. “Maybe you’ll see him again? Maybe he goes here…”

I smiled at her sadly and shook my head, dropping my gaze to the table we sat around. Someone had spilled sugar across the surface and I had the overwhelming urge to draw patterns in it. But I didn’t. That was something my mother used to do. I wasn’t her. I would never be like her… Could never be like her…

“Well how do you know? He might be at the gig tonight?” She brightened visibly as she mentioned the gig. And even I had to admit that when I thought about going to see my favourite band play a quiver of excitement raced through me…

I swallowed down the last of my drink and stood. There was no point in hanging around the campus, not when I had to get ready. Rachel stood with me and we made our way to the door. I could practically feel the excitement rolling off her and it made me smile.

“I’ll meet you outside the club at eight?” She gripped my arm tightly and turned me to face her as she spoke. “Promise me you’ll come? That you will be there?”

I grinned at her and gestured to her pocket where I knew she had shoved the tickets. “You know I have a weakness where my band is concerned. There is no way I could resist… And who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to meet the band?”

Rachel squealed as she spun away from me and started to jog in the opposite direction. All I could do was shake my head and smile. She had a way of making life better. Of making tough times so much easier and for that I was eternally grateful to have her in my life.

Turning I began to walk back towards my own apartment. Only one thought occupied my mind, who the hell had that guy been? And would I ever see him again?

CHAPTER TWO

Sam

He propped himself up against the wall and watched as she left the coffee shop. Her honey coloured hair drifted around her face and part of him wondered if it was naturally that colour or had she found it in a bottle? Most of the girls he knew were fake. Fake hair, fake boobs, fake smile… But with her, from what he’d seen of her there didn’t seem to be anything fake about her.

The look on her face as she’d watched him… He’d seen that look before, but on her it was different. Some deep sadness seemed to lurk just beneath the surface of her eyes. She was an uncertainty. It wasn’t something he had ever dealt with before. Normally he was sure of what was happening. But with her, he had this sinking feeling in his gut that with her he would be thrown off balance.

It’s a challenge… That’s all, nothing more than a challenge. And maybe you won’t need to do it… Maybe it’ll all work out.

He raked his hand back through his dark hair and shut his eyes for a moment. An image flashed before him and he felt sick. It was an effort not to turn where he stood and lose the cup of coffee he had just drank all over the sidewalk.

Get a grip!
The little voice in his head spoke sternly and he knew it was right. He had to get a grip. There was nothing he could do. He was here for a reason, and one reason only. Maybe things would work out and he would leave here with no issues… Maybe…

He pushed away from the wall and continued to watch her progress across the campus. He couldn’t shake the look in her eyes. The way she had stared at him. Something stirred inside him, something he had sworn was dead, buried. He couldn’t afford to allow feelings to get in his way. If it had been any of the other guys they would have already made contact. They would be sure it was her…

But he didn’t need to ask her to know, and it wasn’t just because of the crappy description he had sketched into his notepad either. He knew the second he saw her who she was. Natasha Masterton. But it was better to follow protocol. Better to be sure. 

He shook his head as she disappeared out of sight. What the hell was wrong with him? Here he was beginning to sound like one of them. It wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t what he had planned. But what else was he supposed to do? They had promised they’d help her, give her everything she needed if he just did this one thing…

He wasn’t a religious man, but in this instance he couldn’t help but think that he had sold his soul to the devil. Before he had seen Natasha it had seemed easy. It was just something he needed to do in order to get what he wanted… But now…

Shit.
He punched the brick wall, the skin splitting with the force of the impact. The blood welled up across his knuckles mixing with the dust from the wall. It was a good kind of pain, a comforting one. One he needed. Maybe if he rang them, told them he couldn’t do this, told them it wasn’t right… Maybe they’d relent?

He laughed as he started across the campus, pushing his hand into his pocket, hiding the injury from prying eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself. He’d done enough of that already.

His mind skipped back to the moment in the coffee shop. The moment they had shared. And her laugh. He grinned as he thought of it. The way the others had looked at her as though she had completely lost her mind. But he understood that. It was one thing in this giant mess that he could understand. Laughing at the most inappropriate of times was something he was known to do. His older brother had made the vast majority of his teenage years miserable because of that one little habit that he couldn’t seem to shake.

The moment he thought of his brother he shut his mind down. It wasn’t a place he wanted to go. It wasn’t something he was willing to think about, not now, not ever if he had his own way.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, pulling his attention back to the present and his surroundings. He didn’t need to follow her. He knew where she was going to be tonight… He would have plenty of time then to introduce himself.

Pulling his phone out he stared at the screen. The private number flashed across the screen as the cell phone continued to vibrate in his hand. He ran his thumb across the screen and lifted the phone to his ear.

“Sam?”

Her voice was weak, frail in his ear but it still brought a smile to his lips.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m here.”

“Where are you? I haven’t seen you in over a week, it’s not like you at all…” 

“I have a job, Mom, I told you I’d be away for a little while.”

“I don’t remember…” Her voice drifted off and Sam took the opportunity to switch the phone to his other ear. A lump had formed in the back of his throat and the last thing he wanted to do was break down where she could hear him.

“Have you seen the new doctor yet?” He asked, choosing to change the subject. It was the only way he knew to stop his emotions from swamping him. How did you cope and deal with the knowledge that a woman who had dedicated her life to looking after you. That a woman who just two short months ago was strong and well, was now suddenly bed ridden. It was beyond belief, but every time he saw her the truth was rubbed in his face.

“Yes, he’s lovely. He has some bizarre notions about how to make me better…”

“But does he think he can?” Sam couldn’t keep the hopeful tone from his voice.

There was silence on the other end of the line but he could still hear her breathing so he knew she hadn’t hung up.

“Well we’ll see. I’d be much happier if you were here. What sort of a job is it?”

Her question caught him off guard and he hesitated. It was enough of a pause for her to pick up on and he could hear the distinct intake of breath as she jumped to her own conclusions.

“Sam, no. You can’t be serious. You know what happened to your brother. I can’t lose you as well.”

“Mom, it’s fine, really, it’s not what you think. It isn’t that sort of job.”

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t tell you, Im not even sure if I have it yet…” The lie came out easily. It just slipped effortlessly past his lips. It was a small price to pay to give her piece of mind. “I’m doing interviews…”

She let out a long sigh and suddenly the weariness was back in her voice again. “You know I worry…”

“I know you do but really I’m fine, I’ll be home before you know it…”

She sighed again. “I love you, Sam. Be safe.”

“You too, Mom.”

He clicked the phone off before she had a chance to say goodbye. It was sort of a superstition that he had developed. The last person he had said goodbye to had never come back.

Sam rammed his cell phone back into his pocket. It sounded pathetic when he thought about it. Who the hell couldn’t say goodbye? It was like something from one of those bad soppy movies that his mom liked to watch. He could imagine some overly dramatic hero proclaiming his inability to say the words. Something tragic happened in his past to stunt his emotional growth.

As he shoved his hand deep into the pocket of his jeans he winced. His hand stung something terrible. He regretted punching the wall, it was stupid and how the hell was he supposed to explain it away? It would make him look like some really tough, rough guy and that really wasn’t the type of impression he wanted to give.

Although Natasha was gone he could still see the smile on her face. He could still see the look in her eyes that made him want to see her again. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to see if he could make her smile. What would her eyes do if did? Would they light up? Would she shake that deep sadness that seemed to invade every cell of her body? She intrigued him.

He kept walking, his legs taking him back to the bar where he would finally put his plan into action. And even though it was wrong. And even though he would have preferred to meet her under normal circumstances… It didn’t change the fact that he was looking forward to it…

But if she ever found out?

The thought slapped him in the face and made his stomach flop around uncomfortably. It just wasn’t something that could afford to happen… She could never find out the real reason he was here… The real reason he was engineering their meeting… It was something that could ruin everything.

He wondered if she would see straight through him. Would she know? Sam had no doubts about his abilities to convince her of whatever he wanted. But a healthy dose of nerves was always a positive sign. It meant that he wasn’t being overly confident. It lowered the risk of making mistakes.

He pushed open the door of the bar and took a seat where he could see everyone who came and went. It was the perfect vantage point. The bar was half empty but he knew that in a few short hours the place would be full. And then she would be here…

He brushed his hand back through his hair and sat back against the wall, his eyes closed. All he could do now was wait. And it was creepy and made him want to put a halt to this whole thing… But his hands were tied. He would do whatever he had to in order to get what he needed. As uncomfortable as all of this made him he would do his job… All he could hope was that he didn’t get caught up in Natasha’s web.

CHAPTER THREE

Natasha

Standing in front of the mirror with my hair plastered to my face I attempted to apply my make-up. It didn’t seem to matter how often I brushed it back from my face, the one place it wanted to be was right where I wanted to put the mascara wand.