RYDER (Slater Brothers 4) (19 page)

“I don’t understand.”

“Join the club,” I mumbled.

“Bran,” my sister pressed.

I sighed. “Okay, I’ll start with Dominic. You know the way he announced on the day Keela and Alec moved into their house that he was back fightin’, and this time he would be fightin’ for Brandon Daley?”

“I’ll never forget it,” my sister grumbled.

I felt sorry for her. I knew it killed her that Dominic turned back to fighting, but he kept his promise to her. It wasn’t like his old life; he just fought in a circle and got paid.

“And do you remember how he announced his money—
your
money—was dried up?”

Bronagh nodded.

“Well, he wasn’t the
only
brother who suddenly lost his money. Alec and Ryder did, too, with some sort of investment with Brandon Daley. They should have known better since he is the only sleaze ball that they’re friendly with.”

My sister stared at me. “I asked Dominic last year about where the money went and he said he made a very bad investment.”

“Do you know what
kind
of investment?” I quizzed.

“I’ve no idea. He apologised to me, and swore his fightin’ at Darkness was to earn quick money to get us comfortable again. It’s been a year since he started back fightin’ and recently I told him I’d get a job to help out, but he doesn’t want me to work, he wants me at home with the baby when she is born.”

I stared at my sister as she spoke.

“I didn’t want to fight with ‘im about it, you know?” she continued. “I’ve done me anger management classes, and I’ve matured so much mentally that I didn’t want to start somethin’ out of nothin’ while we’re at such a good place in our relationship. As far as I’m concerned, the money Dominic had was blood money, and I was glad it was gone so I didn’t question where it went. I just accepted it and moved on.”

I nodded in understanding.

“
Now
I’m wonderin’ though,” she frowned.

I cringed. “I’m sorry, I should have kept me mouth shut to Damien.”

“No,” Bronagh stated. “You’re right. We should know where their—our—money went, we
are
their fianceés after all, and what’s theirs is ours, right?”

I humourlessly laughed. “After tonight, I’ll just be an ex.”

My sister tilted her head. “Tell me what’s goin’ on between you and Ryder, sis.”

“I don’t
know
what’s goin’ on with us, Bee, that’s the problem. I don’t know anythin’.”

Bronagh blinked, so I sighed and told her the same shortened version of my relationship’s downhill spiral that I gave to Damien. By the time I was finished speaking, she was crying and I wanted to thump myself.

“Bee,” I crooned. “Don’t cry, sweetie. It’ll all be okay, I promise.”

“It won’t,” she sniffled. “Our family is goin’ to be divided.”

I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better because she was right, once Ryder and I broke up, our family would be divided. Forever. I would make
damn
sure that it was an easy transition for her, though.

“It
will
be okay,” I repeated, firmer. “Trust me, I’ll never let me life affect yours. I’ll work it out with Ryder so things are as normal as possible for you.”

Bronagh wiped her tears away and said, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I asked.

She didn’t answer me instead she said, “How can you live like this?”

“Like
what
?”

“You brush everythin’ about yourself under the carpet. Why?”

I looked down to my hands. “I don’t know. I just do it.”

“Well, stop, you can’t continue livin’ like this.”

“Existin’.” I absentmindedly murmured.

“What?”

“I’m existin’, not livin’, there’s a difference between the two.”

My sister went still. “You don’t feel like you’re livin’?”

“Bronagh, I barely feel like I’m existin’,” I admitted. “I’m here, but I’m not at the same time. I just don’t care anymore.”

“I think you’re depressed, Branna.”

“I think it’s worse than that,” I frowned. “You have to
feel
somethin’ to be depressed, right? I don’t feel anythin’ anymore.”

Tears gathered in my sister’s eyes. “Bran.”

I smiled and patted her hand. “I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”

“Stop that,” Bronagh cried. “Stop puttin’ yourself at the bottom on the list of priorities, you’ve done it all me life and I’m sick of it. Your mental health matters.
You
fuckin’ matter!”

I reared back as if she slapped me.

“I can’t just turn off me instincts to protect you, Bronagh,” I said defensively.

She cried harder. “I know you can’t, but I’m not askin’ you to stop protectin’ me, I’m just askin’ you not to not put me before yourself!”

I couldn’t accept that.

I shook my head. “You
always
come first.”

“Maybe when I was younger, Bran, but I’m an adult now.”

I raised a brow. “That doesn’t change anythin’, you’ll
always
be me little sister. I know I didn’t birth you, but I raised you. You’re mine, too.”

No matter what, Bronagh would always be mine.

“Yeah,” she agreed, “I am, but even little sisters have to grow up and learn responsibility. I know you’ll always worry, but everythin’ else you freak out about falls on Dominic’s shoulders now. I’m his, too, so it’s only right he shares some of the responsibility for me. It’s what he signed up for.”

I swallowed down the sob that wanted to break free.

“I love you, but I
need
you to stop puttin’ me before yourself.” My sister pressed on. “You’re the most important person in your life, and that’s how it should always be.”

I blinked. “It’s easy for you to say that now, but wait till you have the baby, she’ll be the most important person in your life.”

“She’s me child though.”

“You’re practically
my
child.” I countered.

Bronagh’s shoulders slumped. “Touché.”

“I hear what you’re sayin’, and I love you for it. I’ll work on it, okay? I know you’re now a beautiful butterfly who needs space to flap her wings, and that you don’t need me all the time.” I smiled her way even though I wanted to cry my eyes out.

“I’ll always need you, but I don’t want any of my problems to trump yours.”

I nodded.

Bronagh released my hand and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m tellin’ Dominic ‘I’m a beautiful butterfly who needs her space to flap her wings’ whenever he pisses me off.”

I laughed and it felt good.

Bronagh leaned back into the chair, and rested her hands on her round stomach.

“When are you goin’ to do it?” she asked when she stopped sniffling. “You mentioned tonight, but will you
really
do it then?”

I nodded, glumly. “Yeah, I need to get it over with now that me mind is made up. If I don’t, it will fester and I’ll probably never get the guts to do it.”

“What will you do if he reacts badly?”

I snorted. “He
will
react badly. He blew up at me because he thought I was cheatin’ on him. Endin’ things will only fuel that anger, but he’ll get over it.”

“Will
you
be okay with it?” Bronagh asked.

“With what?” I questioned. “The break up?”

My sister nodded.

I shrugged. “In time. In time I’ll be okay with it.”

“Really?” my sister asked with a raised brow. “You’ll be okay comin’ to family dinners and watchin’ another woman kiss him, holdin’ his hand, and be the one puttin’ a smile on his face?”

I glared at Bronagh as my stomach churned with the images she put in my head.

“Yes,” I almost growled.

She shook her head. “You’re a shitty liar, you look ready to tear me head off for just suggestin’ Ryder being with another woman.”

I looked away. “It’s because I haven’t had time to live me life without ‘im, but I’m sure I’ll get over ‘im just fine. Time heals all wounds.”

“Bran?”

“What?”

“I wasn’t jokin’, you’re
really
a shitty liar.”

I laughed then, but only to cover up the tears that were suddenly falling onto my cheeks.

“Hey,” my sister murmured. “Come here.”

I turned to her and leaned into her embrace.

“I’ll be fine,” I sniffled. “It can’t be any worse than how things are right now. Being with ‘im, but not havin’ ‘im is worse than not being with ‘im at all.”

“Oh, Bran,” my sister whispered. “I hate meself for not realisin’ how bad things were between you both.”

I pulled back.

“How could you know?” I asked as I wiped my face. “I’ve hidden it from everyone, I didn’t want to burden anyone.”

“How could you
ever
think anythin’ about you is a burden? We’re sisters, that means everythin’ about you, even your bullshit, is important to me.”

I felt my lower lip wobble. “Thanks, honey.”

“Don’t thank me, dipshit,” my sister stated. “I love you, and that means I get to protect you, too.”

I nodded. “I’ll be more open with you in the future.”

“Good,” Bronagh said, firmly. “That’s exactly what I want. We will both be the other’s ear to vent to when things get tough, and shoulder to cry on when things get tougher.”

I nodded in agreement. “Deal.”

Bronagh sat back on a sigh. “What are we goin’ to do about the knowledge we have about the investment the lads made?”

I shrugged. “I’ll probably bring it up to Ryder, and you can mention it to Dominic.”

“Or we could just have a big family meetin’ where we get all the lads, us and the girls in one room and get it all out into the open. If we don’t know, you can bet your arse that Keela and Aideen don’t.”

“Sounds good to me, but it will have to be at your house. Ryder might break a lot of things here tonight… which reminds me, can I stay with you and Dominic until I get meself together and find an apartment?”

Bronagh stared at me blankly, blinking.

“The fact that you even have to ask that question pisses me off. Of fuckin’
course
, it’s still your home, too. It always will be.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” my sister asked.

I smiled. “Always.”

“Me, Keela and Aideen planned an intervention with you and Ryder.”

I sat back and blinked. “I don’t understand.”

Bronagh scratched her neck. “We’ve all noticed how weird Ryder was being with you, but I just didn’t know how bad things were. You’ve gotten
very
good at keepin’ things to yourself.”

“What kind of intervention were you three plannin’?” I pressed.

Bronagh’s lips twitched. “Last night in Aideen and Kane’s apartment we decided that we’d use Ash Wade… as a pawn of sorts. I know you’re good friends with him, and I was goin’ to ask ‘im to be really flirty with you whenever a brother was around so it’d get back to Ryder. We thought it would snap ‘im out of whatever is wrong with ‘im and his Slater instinct would kick in and he’d reclaim you.”

I stared at my sister for a long moment, and then burst into laughter.

“
Slater instinct
?” I repeated. “What are they? Animals?”

Bronagh laughed, too. “They might as well be, they’re all very possessive over us and I wanted to use it to our advantage in this situation, but it kind of backfired. I never spoke to Ash about it, and when Dominic thought you were flirty earlier today he went and told Ryder an arse backwards story and Ry flipped out.”

I shook my head, still chuckling.

“I’ll give you points for formin’ a plan in the first place.” I mused. “I
knew
the three of you were up to somethin’ when I saw you all smirkin’ last night. Me bullshit sense was tinglin’.”

Bronagh held her side as she laughed, but she stopped almost instantly when the front door to my house opened and shut.

“Branna?”

Oh, fuck.

“Shit,” I whispered and jumped to my feet at the same time my sister did.

“Don’t interfere when I’m speaking’ to ‘im,” Bronagh said to me, and glared at the kitchen doorway until Ryder appeared.

“You’re a fuckin’ prick!” My sister bellowed as soon as she saw him. “I
hate
you for what you’ve done to ‘er. You’ve broken me sister’s heart you son of a bitch!”

Double fuck.

Ryder looked at my sister and I saw the pain in his eyes. “Bee—”

“Don’t!’ She cut him off, her body shaking. “Don’t you
dare
call me that, Ryder.”

Ryder looked distressed as he took a step towards her.

“Kid, please, I’m going to fix everything. I swear on my life.”

Bronagh growled, her face getting red with anger. “I
told
you that day Aideen was in hospital after the attack that she was goin’ to leave you because of the way you treated her, and I was right.”

“I know.” Ryder replied almost instantly.

“Do you remember what else I said?” she questioned.

Without hesitation Ryder said, “You told me that when she got the courage to leave me I’d finally realise how incredible she is.”

I couldn’t take them talking as if I wasn’t in the room.

“Bronagh, calm yourself down right now,” I demanded. “This isn’t good for you, or the baby. Relax, dammit.”

My sister turned away from Ryder, and looked at me.

“I’m goin’ home so he can fix this.”

She knew nothing between Ryder and myself was fixable, especially after the conversation we just had, but to avoid piling more stress on her, and to remove her from Ryder’s presence, I didn’t protest to her leaving.

“Bee,” Ryder said. “I’ll make this right.”

She ignored him and to me she said, “I’ll call you later, but if you need me for
anythin’
before you hear from me, pick up the phone and I’ll be here.”

She turned and stalked—or waddled—out of the room, then out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

“She hates me.” Ryder said with his shoulders slumped.

Comforting him was the last thing I should have thought about doing, but breaking up or not, this man meant everything to me, and I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. That knowledge hurt
me
because as much as I told myself I didn’t love this version of him, I knew it wasn’t true. I was in love with Ryder in any way I could have him, that was how deeply I felt for him.