Rush of Darkness (19 page)

“Yeah.” He coughed to clear his throat, his gaze shifting to the side as he muttered, “But what I never told anyone is that I was the reason they’d come after us in
the first place. The rogues had seen me in the woods near our house, fighting another kid from my school who’d been picking on my best friend. The guy was older than me, and bigger, too, but I kept at the fight until I finally knocked him out, and the vamps thought it’d be fun to feed from a human who didn’t know when to stop. And just like they expected, I fought them as hard as I could when they attacked us. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I managed to hurt a few of them before they strung me up to a tree in our backyard. And still, I kept on fighting.”

A violent clap of thunder rattled the shutters as he paused to exhale a rough breath. His corded throat worked as he swallowed, and then he went on, his voice graveled and raw as he said, “So they made it a game. There was a female in the group, and she wanted me to fuck her, while the men…did things to me. She said if I didn’t, they would kill my little sister—who was the only one left alive at that point—as slow and as painfully as they could.” His eyelids flickered at the memory, and Raine pulled in a deep breath, trying to brace herself for what she knew was coming. “I remember when they dragged her out into the yard,” he rasped, his voice tight with pain. “She was so scared, and I…I wanted so badly to stop myself and just give in. To do anything they wanted and save her. But I…couldn’t. I just kept fighting, so furious I couldn’t control myself. And then I had to watch them kill her.”

“Seth,”
she whispered, her voice thick with tears. “I’m so sorry.”

He made a hoarse, bitter sound and dropped his head back on his shoulders. “And when they’d finished killing her, they went ahead and had their way with me. By the time the Collective showed up, I was barely alive. It turned out that they’d been hunting the rogues, but got there too late for my family and me. I spent days unconscious, and when I finally woke up in one of the Collective’s hospitals, the first thought that went through my mind was that if I hadn’t fought, my sister might have been spared.”

Raine couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen this in his memories, but then, it was probably buried so deep, she would have had to go looking for it. “You know that’s not true, Seth. Rogues aren’t predictable. They’re driven purely by instinct—by
hunger
.”

“But I’ll never know for sure, will I?” he asked, lowering his shadowed gaze back to hers.

God, she’d been such a bitch to him from the very beginning, always throwing
her
issues in his face, when he’d lived with his own nightmares and tragedies. Shame seared through her veins, making her ill. She couldn’t stand to see him in pain. Couldn’t stand to have him compare his actions to her own, when he had nothing to feel guilty for. “Seth, what you did…you didn’t have a choice. You couldn’t control what was a natural reaction. You fought because you wanted to make the ones who had hurt your family pay for their crimes. But I
did
have a choice. I chose to avoid what happened to me, and ended up causing pain to someone I loved.”

“You don’t think I’d have done the same thing and
gone into a trance if I’d had the option?” he asked. “Because believe me, I remember more than I want.”

She shook her head vehemently. “I think you would have fought till the end.”

“Raine, fighting isn’t always the answer. My sister fought, and all it got her was more pain. If she could have done what you did, I’d have begged her to do it. So just trust me when I tell you that you did the right thing.”

“How can you be so sure?” she whispered, undone by the way he was staring down at her, as if she was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

“Because if you hadn’t,” he said huskily, his face tightening with emotion, “I might have lost you before I even found you.”

“God, Seth. You have to stop saying things like that.”

His nostrils flared as he drew in a sharp breath. “Why? I think it’s exactly what you need to hear.”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she said, “But I can’t handle it. Not now, when there’s so much going on. I’m on overload.”

“I know things have been hell for you, but you don’t have to go through this alone, Raine. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along. If you just need someone to hold you, to be your friend, I can
be
that person.” His voice dropped, and there was a dangerous glint in his gaze as he added, “But I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’m not dying to fuck you—because I am.”

A breathless burst of laughter caught her off guard,
and she used the back of her wrist to wipe her nose. “Well, that’s blunt.”

“Just trying to be honest.” His tone was light, but his green eyes burned with a hard, molten glow.

“I could still freak out on you, Seth. I could even try to hurt you again.”

“And I’m a big boy, Raine. I can take care of myself.”

She stared back at him through a teary haze…so tempted she could feel the violent, potent force of desire pulsing in every cell of her body. It throbbed in her earlobes and on the backs of her knees. In the sensitive creases of her elbows and in her nipples…and deeper within, where she felt heavy and warm and achingly empty.

“And more importantly,” he added, “I would never hurt
you
. Despite what you’ve seen in my memories, I
can
be gentle.” A playful, sexy grin touched his mouth. “Hell, I’d even let you be on top.”

Her heart thundered as she nervously wet her lips. “Is…is that what you want?”

“The truth?” he murmured, lifting his hand. He cupped her jaw as she nodded, watching the movement of his thumb as he rubbed the callused pad across her lower lip, pressing it into the center crease. “The truth is that I’d rather take you under me, but I don’t think you’re ready for that. And you might never be ready for it,” he said, lifting his gaze, looking her right in the eye. “But I want you any way I can have you.”

As Raine stared up at him, she knew she was falling under his spell, bound by desire. By
need
. It was impossible to stop the avalanche of hunger gaining momentum within her. It was like a wild force of nature tearing through her. Uncontainable. Uncontrollable.

She couldn’t let him change the course she’d set. Her guilt wouldn’t let her. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy what time with him she had. Hell, why was she even fighting it anymore? She didn’t need to see the future to know that she and this man were going to end up in bed together. It seemed inevitable, like the changing tides and winds and the spinning of the world. An inexorable truth that wouldn’t be denied, no matter how many obstacles stood in their way.

“I want you, too,” she said in a breathless rush, grabbing his shoulders, wanting it to happen before she could freak out and change her mind. “So just hurry.”

He gave a harsh growl, the primal sound vibrating through her as he claimed her mouth with a dark, devastating kiss. It was hot and deliciously
hungry,
cranking her desire up to a feverish, scorching level, her body shuddering with the desperate need to have him against her.
Inside her
.

“Christ, the things I want to do to you,” he said, still cupping her jaw with one hand, while the other swept low on her hips, pulling her against him, the thick ridge of his denim-bound erection pressing against her stomach.

“I want to do things to you, too,” she whispered, nipping his bottom lip. But as she tried to slip her fingers
inside the top of his jeans, he quickly snagged her wrist and broke the kiss.

“Before we go any further,” he ground out, holding her puzzled stare, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

“I
T’S OKAY,”
Raine whispered, stroking the hot color in his cheek with her free hand. “I already know about the scars.”

She could feel his body tense as he squinted down at her. “You saw it in my mind? What they did to me?”

“No. But I caught a few glimpses from Spark this afternoon.”

He closed his eyes, his color draining. “Damn it,” he growled, breaking away from her and heading toward the window. She turned around, watching as he braced both hands high on the window frame, his arms and shoulders corded with strain. “I never should have touched that woman.”

“Why did you?” Heat rose beneath her skin as she said, “I don’t mean to pry, and I know it’s none of my business, but she doesn’t seem like the type you normally hook up with.”

His tone was gruff as he explained. “It was two years ago, on the anniversary of my family’s death. I got…hell, I probably drank enough to kill me. Got lucky that it didn’t. But when I finally sobered up, I found myself in a hotel room with her. I couldn’t even tell you what had happened. I don’t remember.”

“Well, at least you didn’t do anything crazy, like tattoo her name across your backside,” she murmured, relieved when his shoulders shook with silent laughter. Raine knew he would turn around soon…hopefully picking up where they’d just left off, so she quickly turned the lights out, sinking the room into shadows as muted shafts of fading sunshine slipped through the shutters. She needed those shadows to cover the evidence of her own physical scars, desperate to do whatever she could to keep the past from intruding on this moment.

With her heart hammering from excitement, Raine bent down to take off her shoes. When she straightened, Seth was pulling off his shirt as he came toward her, and she damn near drooled as she stared at his broad chest. He was no longer wearing any bandages, and even the angry, healing welts that she’d made with her talons seemed incredibly sexy, though she hated the fact that she’d caused him pain.

While his expression was nothing short of severe, all hard lines and rugged angles, it was pure lust that burned in his eyes as he reached for her and crushed her against him, his mouth taking hers in a raw, dominating kiss. He made a thick sound in the back of his throat, the kiss turning explosive as his big hands roamed her figure, stroking roughly over her back and hips, before curving around her ass.

“Need you,”
he snarled in a low, gravelly rumble, hoisting her against the front of his body as he took her down to that massive, four-poster bed. He didn’t give her any time to panic, ravaging her mouth with those deep,
drugging kisses as he came down over her, grasping the hem of her fitted black T-shirt and shoving it above her breasts. As he ripped the shirt over her head, he took a swollen, silk-covered nipple between his teeth, his breath choppy and rough as the dusky shadows deepened, church bells ringing out crisply somewhere in the distance, while the thunder still bellowed and rolled. Her bra quickly followed her T-shirt, his hot mouth closing hungrily over a hard peak and suckling strong enough that it arched her back. A sharp cry spilled from her lips as Raine gripped his powerful shoulders, his skin warm beneath her palms as he growled and moved to her other breast. His talented lips and tongue created a hot, exquisite suction that had her gasping, her nails digging into his firm flesh, her body eager to feel his rippling muscles pressed against her.

Just live in the moment,
she thought, her hips lifting…begging…seeking.
Just live in the now.

“I want you naked.” Her voice was shaky and hoarse, her pulse rushing so hard it was a chaotic roar in her ears. He fed another visceral growl into her mouth as they rolled across the mattress, ripping at each other’s buttons and zippers, desperate to reach hot, bare skin. Raine made guttural sounds that she’d never heard herself make before, driven by a primal, violent desperation to get him inside her—to feel his hard, thick body filling her up and possessing her.

The storm raged, lightning crashing outside, shaking the shutters as he braced himself above her on his elbows, his hips wedged tight between her spread thighs.
He rolled his hips, rubbing his cock against her slippery flesh, and her belly hollowed out with a sharp breath, her muscles trembling. But she wasn’t afraid. She was on fire, needing him so badly she wanted to scream.

“I won’t go inside you yet.” His voice was husky and dark, his body shuddering as he struggled for control. “I just want to feel you.”

“It’s wonderful,” she whispered, the care he was taking bringing tears to her eyes. The guy was too freaking good to be true—but damn it, she didn’t want careful. Not now, when his acceptance of her darkest, most shameful secrets had burned its way through her worries and fears, turning them to ash. All she wanted was for Seth McConnell to lose his control. To see this magnificent male reduced to the same gnawing desperation that was pumping through her veins, driving her insane.

Reaching between them, Raine wrapped her hand around his shaft, startled again by how big he was. But she wanted him too much to worry.

“Is it okay if I touch you like this?” she asked, suddenly realizing that he’d gone completely still, not even breathing, his face turned away so that she couldn’t see his expression.

“Anything,” he growled, and his hips punched forward, forcing her hand to slide down the length of that hot, thick staff. “Just…just not your mouth.”

Oh…
Though she’d never really gone for the whole oral sex thing, at that moment Raine wanted so badly to go down on him. She wanted to give him pleasure and feel that warm, silken skin against her lips. Wanted that
taut, slick head pushing against her tongue. But she didn’t want to do anything that was going to bring back his own horrific memories, so she satisfied herself with touching him instead. The thick ridges of scar tissue pressed against her palm, her heart breaking as she thought of how much it must have hurt when the rogue vampires had tortured him with their bites. God, no wonder he equated feeding with pain—and she could no longer blame him for his reaction when he’d seen her fangs. His memories still haunted him, and she’d have been lying if she said she didn’t understand.

“Damn it, Raine. I can’t wait.” He swiftly pulled out of her hold, his voice raspier than she’d ever heard it. “Have to get inside you.
Now
.”

“Then roll over so I can be on top.” Though she wasn’t afraid, she didn’t want to take any chances. If she could be on top, she’d be in control….

As he reached down and pushed two long fingers inside her, preparing her for his body, he rubbed his lips across her flushed cheek, nuzzling the warmth of her skin. “You’re not going to freak.”

“You sound awfully sure of that.”

“I
am
sure of it.” He put his face above hers, so that he could watch her eyes as he did something wicked with his fingers that made her shiver and gasp. “I plan to keep you so busy coming, you won’t be able to think about anything but how good it feels.”

Her chest shook with a soft laugh as she ran her palms down his back, then over his tight ass. “You are so cocky, McConnell.”

His eyes crinkled sexily at the corners as he stared down at her. “Only some parts of me.”

“Well, I like
all
parts of you,” she told him, smoothing her hands up his sides, his muscles sharply defined and packed with strength.

There was no panic or fear. The only thoughts in her mind were how much she wanted him…how much she needed him.

“And if it means I get to be with you,” he growled, already rolling to his back and pulling her over his chest, her thighs straddling his waist, “I’ll stand on my head and sing opera. You name it. I don’t care. I’ll do it.”

He sounded so desperate, so eager, that Raine couldn’t help but grin down at him, a youthful excitement coursing through her veins that reminded her of the sharp-edged, heart-pounding anticipation she’d felt as a child whenever she’d known something wonderful was about to happen.

She scooted back a little, so that she was poised above him, and let her head fall back as she closed her eyes, giving herself over to the devastating sensations that were surging inside her. There was so much warmth and happiness. Something was burning within her—an emotion more powerful than anything she’d ever known, and she clung to it as she felt him reach down and grasp that thick shaft, angling it upward, so that the blunt tip was pressing a hot, slick kiss against the opening of her body.

The moment was simply…
perfect
. Thunder rumbled and crashed beyond the windows, the room steamy and richly scented with the wild, cleansing scents of rain and
flowers and Seth—an intimate cocoon removed from the harsh realities of the war and their future. She knew this stolen moment would be ripped away from her before she was ready, and so Raine clung to the perfection of it, lost to its provocative beauty, determined to fight for it for as long as she could.

“You ready?” he rasped, the brutal edge of need in his rough voice making her melt for him, her body a soft, molten glow, eager for everything he could give her. He shuddered beneath her, a visceral bite to his words as he demanded, “Damn it, Raine, are you ready for me?”

S
ETH STARED UP
at her as she slowly lowered her head and opened her eyes, the gray striations flashing like lightning against a sky of dark Alacea blue—and then she whispered, “Oh, yeah.”

The instant the words left her lips, he started pushing into her, using both hands to grasp her hips. He lowered his gaze, his jaw clenched as he watched the broad crown penetrate that delicate opening, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head at how perfectly she gripped him.
Hot. Slick. Tighter than anything I’ve ever had.

Christ, she was so narrow inside.
So small
. It made him ill to think of how badly the Casus must have hurt her.

Maybe he was a bastard for pushing her to do this, but damn it, he wanted to make her feel good. Wanted to show her that she didn’t have to let those sadistic monsters win. That her life could be hers again.

And yeah, he wanted to fuck her more than he’d wanted anything in…well, in forever.

But he was going to take this slow, even if it killed him. If it took an hour for her tender little sex to take him, then he’d grit his teeth and enjoy every goddamn second of it.

Still keeping one hand on her hip, he reached up just as she’d taken the engorged head completely inside her, careful not to touch that long, golden hair as he grasped the back of her neck and pulled her down to him. Her tight nipples pressed against his chest, pulling a raw sound from his throat as he took her mouth, her lips soft and sweet and deliciously full. Flicking his tongue across that sexy crease in her bottom lip, he shuddered as he thought of how it would feel to have her plush mouth wrapped around him—hating that it was something he’d never be able to enjoy. But he was enjoying
this,
the throaty sounds she made as her spine curved in perfect grace and her body took him a little deeper, nearly doing him in. Determined not to embarrass himself, Seth sucked in a deep breath and fought to keep it together. But it was damn near impossible. He’d been on the edge for too long, craving this woman for months.

Just don’t lose it,
he silently snarled. But, damn it, she was killing him, her body melting around him in a tight, slick hold that felt better than anything he’d ever imagined. He was shaking, fighting to keep control…determined to make it good for her. Then he lifted his gaze from the place where they were joined to find her watching him with those beautiful, soul-deep eyes…the
smallest shadow of a smile on her lush mouth…and he nearly died. No one had ever looked at him like that…as if she could see right inside him. As if she
knew
him, inside and out.

“Seth,” she panted, a gasp spilling from her lips as he tightened his grip on her hips and sat up, rubbing his tongue across one of those ripe, pink nipples. With her arms wrapped around his head, holding him to her, she whispered, “You know what I said the other night about not being able to handle your aggressive side?”

“Yeah?” He moved to her other breast, loving how she tasted…how she felt against his lips and tongue.

“I was wrong. I need more,” she said on a breathless moan, suddenly jamming her hips down, and despite the grip he had on her, she managed to take in another thick inch. “Stop holding back.”

“Damn it, Raine.” He lifted his head, giving her a hot look of warning. “Don’t do that again. I’m going to be gentle with you even if it kills me.”

“Well, it’s killing me,” she snapped, struggling against his hold.

“You’ll survive,” he barked, trying to keep a grip on her slick skin as she bounced on him, forcing another inch inside her…then another. “Goddamn it, stop that!”

“No.”
She leaned forward, biting down hard on the cord between his neck and shoulder, exacting just enough pressure to make him feel the burn without breaking the skin…and got exactly what she’d demanded. Undone by that primal act of aggression, Seth cursed as he swiftly
rolled over, reversing the position of their bodies, her eyes glowing with triumph as she found herself pinned beneath him. The little crossbreed was playing with fire, pushing him, and he only prayed she wasn’t going to get burned.

“Spread your legs wider,” he said. The instant she did, he gave a rough, guttural roar as his hips instinctively punched forward, shoving over half his length inside her. And as a sharp tingle began running along the length of his cock, like a warm electric vibration, he understood what Seton had been talking about. It must have been an Alacea thing, because he’d never heard of this happening with the Deschanel—and it was going to completely break him.

“Goddamn it,” he snarled, his body burning as he stretched her arms over her head. He couldn’t stop himself as he pulled back his hips, then slammed back inside, going all the way to the hilt, the heavy penetration jerking a sharp cry from her throat. “I was trying to be gentle with you!”