Rush Into You (33 page)

I DROVE UP the small hill, following the narrow and winding lane. The windshield wipers swiped furiously at the hard rain pelting the glass, and my eyes squinted in an attempt to see better. The tears blurring my vision didn’t help. It was taking everything in me to keep them from falling. I knew it was only a matter of time before the dam broke, and I was a sobbing mess, but I wanted to hold off on that as long as I could.

When I neared the end of the road, I pulled my car off to the side and cut the engine. I didn’t know exactly where I was going, but I had an idea of what I was looking for. With a deep breath to steady my nerves, I reached into the back of my car for the large umbrella I always kept there.

Ryker’s hand gently gripped my wrist, stopping me before I got out of the car. “Are you sure you want to do this now? We can wait if you need to. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

A single tear fell from my eye, and I quickly swiped it away. I nodded my head. “I have to do this, Ryker. I need to. I want to.”

His stare was locked onto mine for several heartbeats before he slowly nodded. He leaned in and kissed my lips tenderly, pressing his forehead into mine, “I’m so proud of you, babe.”

We got out of my car and met on the grass, our hands instantly interlocking. The amount of headstones lining the expanse of grass was overwhelming, and I squeezed his hand so tightly that my knuckles turned white. We walked towards the back of the cemetery, where the most recent burials were laid to rest.

“They both have black headstones and are next to each other. That’s all I know,” I breathed.

I let him guide the way as I tried to keep my emotions at bay. Today was the first time that I’d been to the cemetery. I was in prison after the accident during the time of their funeral, and then everything else was just a mess when I was released. After confessing everything to Ryker, I’d made a decision to try and exorcise some of my demons. I wanted to attempt to gain some closure. I knew I would never forget my best friends, and I didn’t want to, but I wanted to work on my own guilt. I wanted the chance to say goodbye to them, and perhaps make space in my mind for some of the good memories.

Ryker gently tugged me to the right, weaving between several different graves. “This way.”

My eyes locked on to a gray headstone carved into the shape of Spongebob Squarepants, and my already watery eyes flooded over. My mind instantly went to the Rayburn family and the unborn child that was a victim of my mistake. I would visit their final resting place today as well.

I let the tears fall without wiping them away, allowing my emotions to spill out of me. It was time I let myself grieve for everything I’ve been holding in.

A moment later Ryker stopped walking, and I staggered to a halt behind him. My vision still blurry with tears, I struggled to see what was in front of me. I used my sleeve to wipe my eyes and the moment I looked back up, I saw two matching black headstones sitting side by side.

“Is it…” My voice hitched. I couldn’t finish my question, but I didn’t need to. Ryker knew what I was asking.

“I don’t know, Gabby. I didn’t read the inscription.” He blew out a deep breath and shrugged sadly. “Do you want me to look, or…?”

“No.” I shook my head and let go of his hand, stepping forward. “I’ll look.”

I approached the two black heart shaped headstones, angels protectively cradling the curve of the heart, and kneeled before them closing my eyes. I was absolutely terrified to read the names inscribed before me, but I was also ready.

I quickly opened my eyes before I lost my nerve, and my heart momentarily stopped beating.

Kasey M. Jacobs

Madison L. Monray

A wave of utter sadness and pain washed over me. Of course, I felt the unrelenting guilt, but I mostly felt heartbroken for my two best friends. A shudder racked through my body, starting at my toes and building its way up until it exploded through my mouth in a loud sob.

I cried and cried and cried. And then I cried some more. Ryker allowed me to grieve alone, but I felt his presence behind me. Waiting.

On the edge of losing myself completely, Ryker’s strong arms enveloped me at the exact moment I needed him the most. My head fell back against his chest, and he rocked me back and forth, letting me cry.

“I know it hurts. I’m here for you, babe. Let it all out,” his patient voice whispered in my ear.

So I did.

I let all the years of anger, guilt, and sadness free my body through my tears.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but when the last tear fell from my red and puffy eyes, I felt oddly light. The heartbreak would never go away, I knew that, but something about visiting Kasey and Madison in their final resting place, and having Ryker’s love and support on my side, made me feel better.

I’d finally pushed the overwhelming negative feelings of that night aside, and saw it for what it was — a horrible accident. I never meant to hurt anybody. I knew that drinking and driving, and texting and driving, were huge mistakes. Unfortunately, they were mistakes that cost the lives of several people. I’ll be forever sorry for that.

I’ve carried that mistake with me for years, and I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life. Instead of living destructively and shutting people out, I want to attempt to help others learn from my tragic mistake.

I rose to my feet and grabbed Ryker’s hand. As we walked away, I was reminded of something he’d said to me the first time we’d met. While making introductions over shots, he’d toasted to, “Worthy women.”

For the longest time, I felt that I was worthless. I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness or love because of what I did. But today, I knew it was okay that I loved Ryker, and that he loved me. I knew it was okay to move on from my past, and I knew that I didn’t have to punish myself for eternity.

Looking at the man next to me, I knew I was finally ready to start living.

HEY EVERYONE!

I just want to thank you for picking up my book and reading it. I hope that you’ve enjoyed it, but even if you haven’t, I still appreciate that you’ve taken a chance on me.

Reviews are a huge help to authors, and I will be forever grateful if you choose to leave one on Amazon. It only takes a couple sentences (or at least twenty words!) to let another reader know whether you’ve loved, liked, or hated my book.

“Rush Into You” will be a part of a series of interconnected stand-alone novels. The next book in the series will have different main characters, but you will still hear from Ryker and Gabby.

Thank you again for all your support. I hope you’ll stick around with me on my writing journey. I have a lot more stories to tell!

FIRST AND FOREMOST, this novel would be nonexistent if it weren’t for my family. Their unconditional love is the thing that has kept me going all these years, and will be what keeps me motivated in the future. I truly would not be where I am today if I did not have my family behind me. The support I received was overwhelming, and it just keeps coming. I feel like the words ‘thank you’ are inadequate, but they will have to do. Thank you so much for everything.

Thank you to my beta readers, Emily Rose Pearson, Anna Hook, and Amanda Edmunds. You girls gave me amazing advice! Your opinions were invaluable to me.

I want to thank ALL the members of the NaNoWriMo Support Group 2013, especially Heidi Stout Tretheway, Emily Rose Pearson, Kerry Taylor, Cathy Jackson, Ree Mariani, Claudia Bradshaw, and Annisa Tangreen. You guys are amazing. Those daily writing sprints helped me tremendously. They kicked me into gear and I wrote over 50k in 30 days. I never thought I would actually be able to do that. I look forward to many more writing sprints and editing sprints with you in the future.

Thanks so much to Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations for designing my beautiful cover. I couldn’t have imagined a better one myself. You are truly an artist, and I appreciate the hard work you do.

Thank you Toski Covey of Toski Covey Photography for the beautiful cover models and custom shoot. You knew exactly what I wanted on my cover even before I did.

Julie Titus of JT Formatting, you are a STAR. Thanks a million for making the inside of my book absolutely beautiful. You are so talented and amazing.

Thank you Jennifer Roberts-Hall of Indie After Hours for editing my book. I appreciate your help in making my debut novel come to life. You took what I wanted to say and made my words shine. I couldn’t have done this without you.

Thank you to all the indie authors of the world. Thank you for paving the way. I am eternally grateful.

BRIANNA LEE IS an avid reader, and iced coffee addict. She lives in Massachusetts with her beautiful daughter.

As a busy mom and aunt, she often has to write her stories in a notepad app on her cell phone, but late at night you will find her typing on her laptop until she passes out on her keyboard...literally.

Brianna is also a book blogger for Brianna Lee Book Reviews.

I would love to connect and talk to you about my book, or anything at all!

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