Rush Into You (21 page)

“God, you’re so beautiful, Gabby,” Ryker said in a husky tone when we broke the kiss. “Look at what you do to me.”

As the ride slowed to a stop, we both looked down at the obvious bulge in his pants. He tried his best to fix himself as I smiled up at him. Sometimes I worried that our relationship was a dream and that I was going to wake up one day without him. He’d become such an important part of my life that I couldn’t imagine him not being around. But if this were just a dream, then it was the one dream that I didn’t want to wake up from.

Ever.

ABOUT AN HOUR later, after a few nausea-inducing carnival rides and money-eating games, we headed back to the parking lot. Ryker had won me a gigantic pink stuffed elephant with sparkly white tusks after playing a complicated game of ring toss. The amount of cash he spent could have bought me a few elephants from a regular toy store, but he was determined to win and there was no stopping him.

I had secretly hoped that he’d win me something tonight, but I didn’t want to come straight out and ask him. So when we stopped at one of the last game stands on the way to the exit, and he asked if I wanted one of the huge stuffed animals, it was hard to contain the enthusiasm from pouring out of me when I’d nodded my head yes. What I’d really wanted to do was jump up and down and scream yes. As corny and cliche as some people may think it is for a guy to win a girl an overly large toy on their first date, I wanted nothing more. I wanted to be a part of those typical dates, and be a cliche when it came to Ryker. Nobody had ever won something for me, and Ryker wouldn’t have stopped for anything until he got it for me.

The elephant was awkward to carry, so Ryker hoisted it up over his shoulders and gave it a piggy back ride. He looked ridiculous, but it was sweet. He was a good sport, and I was beyond happy. It hadn’t crossed our minds until we got to Ryker’s bike that we’d have to get it home.

“Uh…” Ryker looked at the bike, then back at me.

I burst out laughing, finding the whole situation to be absurd. Ryker joined in, and we both stood there in front of his bike, laughing so hard that tears were in our eyes. He put the elephant on his bike and its arms dropped near the handle bars. We looked at each other and continued laughing, not being able to catch our breath.

“Maybe it can drive us instead,” I joked, barely squeaking the words out.

“I’m not sure if I have a better idea,” Ryker joked back, stretching his hands in the air to rest on the top of his head.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the psychotic Gabriella Carter,” someone behind me interrupted, her baby sounding voice filled with venom.

My blood turned cold at that unmistakable voice. I knew tonight was too good to be true. I didn’t know how I’d thought for a minute that I could get in and out of Breckston without any incident. Of course, with my luck I would bump into Rachelle Hancock, my high school’s biggest mean girl and my enemy even before everyone else had turned against me. We’d never got along, but shared all the same friends, so we had seen each other all the time, much to our dismay.

I caught Ryker’s eye, knowing mine must have looked pained. It would kill me if he found out anything about my past through this bitch. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Aww, you’re leaving so soon? You don’t wanna stick around and catch up a bit? I was
dying
to know who else you’ve killed since I last saw you!” She put as much emphasis into her words as she could, trying her hardest to get a rise out of me. Her saccharine voice clawed at my ears like nails on a chalkboard.

I saw Ryker look at her quickly, obviously curious about what she’d said. I knew he’d ask questions later, and I expected them, but I couldn’t express my relief that he didn’t question me in front of her. Ryker climbed on his Harley, waiting for me to get on. He had the elephant laying sideways in front of him, luckily with enough space to sit safely and control the bike. I got on behind him, trying my hardest to ignore Rachelle who was still throwing her insults my way.

“I hope you don’t murder anyone while you’re on that thing,” she sneered, flicking her hand towards the bike in disgust. “That’d be a shame if you ruined even
more
lives.”

“Go, Ryker. Please,” I begged. I was doing everything in my power to keep my tears from spilling over, but I could barely contain them.

The sound of the Harley coming to life was a relief. The strong vibrations from the bike shook a few tears from my eyes, but I pulled my helmet on quickly before I gave Rachelle the pleasure of seeing that she’d gotten to me.

“Run along now, bitch. Oh! Cahko will be happy to know you’re home. He’s still looking for the money you owe him. He said when he finds you, you won’t be able to run faster than his bullets.” She waved lightly with her fingers, a smirk playing across her features.

Ryker peeled out of the parking lot faster than he was supposed to, and I was thankful that he was trying to get me out of there as fast as he could. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. Rachelle’s words got into my head and under my skin, burrowing into my soul. I used to deal with people like Rachelle every day for years, but the drugs numbed me and somehow made it less painful. Running away hadn’t helped me come to terms with my past, I just hadn’t had to deal with people throwing it in my face every second.

I couldn’t hold the tears back. They were streaming down my face as we flew through traffic on Ryker’s bike. My arms were wrapped tightly around his waist, afraid that he’d disappear if I loosened my grip. I was dreading the moment when we got off this bike. I was afraid of what I would see in his eyes when he looked at me.

RYKER KILLED THE engine when we pulled in front of my apartment, but neither of us made a move to get up. The quietness of the night, paired with the silence between us was absolutely deafening. I usually loved the night and found something so magical about the darkness. I enjoyed sitting on my porch reading a book, or just staring at the stars while lost in thought. But the silence wasn’t calming me now. I was worried what was going through his mind, afraid of what he would say when he did speak, and wondering if he would ever speak to me again.

It would break me all over again if he walked away. I knew I would survive; I’d been through much worse than a break-up, but for the first time in years, I felt like I was actually living. Ryker brought out the real me, even if there were still secrets I was hiding from him. I hoped that he would talk to me and listen to what I had to say.

Ryker’s hand squeezed my thigh, signaling me as he usually did to hop off the bike. This was it. Despite the mild temperature, I was suddenly freezing. Goosebumps spread as fast as a wildfire over my entire body. I pulled his leather jacket closer to my body, trying to wrap myself in its warmth. I inhaled deeply, trying to infuse his natural smell of leather and smoke into my soul. I wanted to remember his exact scent forever, petrified that it would be taken away from me too soon.

“You’re shaking, Gabby.” Ryker’s voice was concerned, his eyebrows pulled inward. He placed the gigantic stuffed elephant on the grass, then took a step closer to me. His strong hands went to my arms, rubbing up and down over his jacket, trying to warm me.

“Why are you being so nice?” I forced out through my chattering teeth. I tried to still them, but found it impossible. I was too cold, too nervous.

His hands stilled, resting on my upper arms. They squeezed against my biceps slightly before relaxing. His confused eyes turned understanding. He raised his right hand gently, moving slowly as if approaching a wild animal. I must have looked wild, standing there quivering in my black dress and his leather jacket. My hair was no doubt a mess from the gusting wind of riding Ryker’s bike and wearing the helmet. I could feel how wide my eyes were, but couldn’t find it in me to change that. It was as if they were stuck.

Petrified.

I closed my eyes when I felt Ryker’s hand cup my cheek. I relaxed into his calloused palms, enjoying the light scratch against my skin. “Have I ever treated you with anything less than respect?” His scarred eyebrow rose in question.

I shook my head, still too shaky to trust my voice. I didn’t want to talk any more than necessary until I’d calmed myself down.

Ryker nodded his head, his thumb sliding back and forth gently across the apple of my cheek. “Exactly, and I never will. Even in the future when we fight, I won’t ever disrespect you.”

I opened my eyes at the word future. “Future?”

He pulled back and shoved his hands in his jean pockets, rocking back on his heels. “Well, yeah. I thought—”

I waved my hand in front of me. “I just…I figured you’d be running for the hills after what Rachelle said at the fair,” I admitted.

“Look, I won’t lie…I’m curious as to what she was talking about.” He held his palm out, stopping me from speaking when my mouth opened. “But I’m not going anywhere based on what some chick you obviously don’t get along with says. I’d rather you tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m not who you think I am, Ryker,” I confessed quietly, half hoping he couldn’t hear me.

“Well, I think you’re amazing, beautiful, and smart as hell. You’re the strongest person I know.”

My heart felt lighter at his words, but it soon turned to guilt. “That’s because you don’t really know me.”

Ryker stepped closer to his Harley, and my heart stopped, but he leaned lightly against it with his ankles crossed, and pulled out a red and white pack of cigarettes. I watched him as he placed it between the same lips that I was kissing just less than an hour before, and wondered if I’d get the chance to kiss him again. He flicked his lighter and a hot flame jumped up, eager to lick the tip of the cigarette. Ryker’s eyes were on me the whole time, watching me as he smoked, his face hazy, seeming to be a beautiful illusion behind the screen of smoke.

“You rarely smoke,” I pointed out curiously.

He shrugged, his eyes unwavering. “Yeah, well, I know that you used to smoke, but you don’t anymore, and I know it must not be fun to be around it if you’re craving one.”

I sometimes forgot that Ryker knew me when I was living my nightmare.

“I’m over it now, it doesn’t bother me if you smoke,” I told him, then added quietly, “Thank you, though.”

He nodded in acknowledgement. “Wanna know what else I know? I know that when I met you a year and a half ago, you weren’t living the same life that you are now. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew you at least thought your life was shit. I know that you used drugs, I saw the raw marks on your arms, on top of the scabs and scars. But I also know that you’re not using anymore. Your skin is smooth, and you can’t see the scars…not unless you’re looking for them. But as rough as your life was then, you were still beautiful. You caught my eye over every other girl in that place. You look healthier now, though. Your body is banging and not scrawny, your hair is straight up gorgeous, and you look happy. You weren’t happy then. You told me shit about your life, but you never told me details. You told me everyone hated you, and you did something fucked up, but you didn’t tell me why. I didn’t judge you. I wanted you. And then…”

He paused, looking conflicted like he wanted to say something else but changed his mind. “Then you were gone.”

Ryker tossed his cigarette on the floor and stomped it out with his boot, then stalked over to me. The wind was picking up and blew my hair into my face and as I swiped it away, I felt something wet on my fingers. I hadn’t realized I was crying. My heart was so swollen with emotion that it hurt.

I’d never forget how I’d felt about Ryker when I first saw him. The way he’d made me feel by simply saying hello to me, then politely asking me what I wanted to drink. The way he’d talked to me as if I’d mattered. The way he’d listened to what I said, and hadn’t offered judgement. The way he’d held the door open for me as if I were important. Everything about that night stayed with me, and I’d felt like I’d missed him the whole time we were apart. Now it was as if a void had been filled within me, and it would break me to have him ripped away.

“You deserve better than me, Ryker.”

I was sobbing, unable to catch my breath. Regardless of the little bit that Ryker knew about me before, I never wanted him to see how ugly I really was. I never got the feeling that Ryker wanted to fix me, but sometimes it was just too much to know that I wouldn’t be able to fix myself.

No matter how hard I tried to bury my past, it was always there inside me, taking up space in the present. I felt like I was cheating Ryker by being with him, letting him believe we could have a future together. I wanted nothing more than to build a life with this man that I was falling in love with, but I knew that my demons would try to prevent that from happening. They would rear their ugly heads and come out at the worst time.

I owed it to him to finally tell the truth. I cared about him enough to give him the chance to run before he felt like he couldn’t. I didn’t want him to stay because he felt obligated to. It would only hurt more in the long run. I didn’t want him to stay just for the person that I was pretending to be. He knew that I had a history of drug addiction, but had no idea that drugs were the least of my demons. When he found out I had murderer added to my long list of fuck ups in life, there was no way that wouldn’t change things between us.