Running Wild (Hell Ryders MC Book 1) (32 page)

It hit her, the magnitude of what an absolute, insecure nitwit she was. She’d known it for a while, but she hadn’t known how deep that insecurity went. He made it clear it went beyond her skin. It was deeply ingrained in her heart, body, and soul.

“I-I’m sorry, Jace.” Her voice cracked. “I know…I…”

“I’m not him, Allie. I’m not any of them.”

Her heart clenched. Her eyes watered. God, he was so right. It was about them, about Wyatt whom she’d never been enough for. He had to go elsewhere, several elsewheres. Primarily though, it was about her dad. She’d never been good enough either, in the worst possible way. She hadn’t been good enough to make her own decisions. Her father didn’t trust her. He didn’t love her. How crappy a person are you when your own parent can’t love you?

His eyes darkened. The next moment, he held her close, his arms around her back, his chin resting on the top of her head. “You’re fuckin’ beautiful, Allie, so beautiful, it’s hard to stop lookin’ at you.”

With his body still pressed against hers, he cupped her cheeks and angled her face to his. “You’re smart and sweet as fuckin’ sugar, too, but you don’t know it, and that, baby, terrifies me.”

Her eyes widened.

“One day you’ll realize it, and I don’t know if you’ll want me then.”

“I…”

He pressed his lips to hers, softly, and then he met her stare. “I love you, Allie.”

The air rushed out of her. She couldn’t do anything but stare blankly at him, his declaration replaying in her mind.

She must’ve stood there for a while not saying or doing anything. His eyes changed, an ache glimmered in the darkness despite the beauty he’d just handed her.

With tears spilling down her cheeks, she finally smiled. “I love you too, Jace. It took me just a week to realize it.”

Jace smiled. “One look, Allie, and you’d snared me.” He hauled her against him for a kiss that turned into much more.

Chapter Thirty-One

Parting the door to his room at the compound, then shutting it behind him, Trig scanned the room. “Baby?”

“Yeah, honey.”

He strode toward his bathroom, and found her with a towel wrapped around her, her hair in a messy knot at the top of her head.

Her gaze darted to him. She closed the distance between them and got on the tips of her toes to give him a kiss. He compiled, leaning down, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pressing his lips to hers.

Still close, she asked, “How was your day?”

His day was shit. He’d gotten a call from Doug, his Army buddy and PI, who’d informed him he’d gotten nowhere. Wyatt was not only filthy rich, but smart because somehow he managed to hide anything linking him to Allie’s misfortunes. Wyatt was in New York. It meant he’d hired someone to slash Allie’s tires, leave the note on her car, and throw rocks on her window. The problem: Doug searched Wyatt’s bank accounts and found no large withdrawals of money to do the jobs. Covering all his bases, Doug had one of his men in New York watching Wyatt’s every move. This frustrated Trig. He’d figured over a week in, Doug would’ve found something, anything. He was that good. The fact Doug hadn’t made him feel helpless.

Still, right then and there, standing close to Allie, he couldn’t find the strength to tell her his day had been a disappointment. She was in his room at the compound, smiling at him, looking like a million bucks even with her hair a mess, and she was safe. He’d known all day his day would end with her. He knew she’d be waiting for him, greeting him with the same words, giving him a kiss, so his day was fucking amazing.

“Cuss brought you home today?”

“And Ty.”

He nodded. Since the tire slashing incident, it’s what they’d agreed on, two brothers on Allie at all times. She took the news easily. He’d tried to be one of the two, but sometimes, he couldn’t. Days like today when he’d had to pick up Della at school since Tina had to work late, someone else, usually Cuss or Blaze, volunteered.

“How was your day?” he asked, belatedly.

She smiled. “Can’t get in too much trouble at a daycare center…Want me to make you dinner? I was going to make—”

“Got a run tonight, Allie.”

Her eyes rounded. Looking away from him, she nodded softly.

He expected it. She always did that when he told her he was going on a run. Though it had been ten days since they’d become public, he still hadn’t told her exactly what they did. Knowing she wouldn’t like it, a part of him didn’t want to tell her. Another part of him hoped if he told her she wouldn’t worry as much, so he’d never again have to see that look on her face. Truth was he didn’t want secrets between them. He couldn’t tell her everything about the club, but he could tell her more than she knew.

“Get dressed. We should talk.”

He sat on the edge of his bed. She headed into the closet. A moment later, she reappeared wearing a pair of hip-hugging shorts and fitted T-shirt. He motioned for her to come closer, then wound his arm around her waist and settled her on his lap. Her hip pressed against his stomach.

“Gotta talk about the club. What I do.”

She nodded.

“You know about our runs, but you don’t know what they are. To tell you that, I first need to explain. The club wasn’t always what it is now. Before Army and I were prospects, the club was heavily involved in running drugs and guns. After a while, it led to bad shit coming to Wadden. There was violence, a lot of it, and it was escalating.”

He paused, waiting for a reaction. “Club voted. They decided they didn’t need to do that shit anymore ’cause the garage was making good money.”

“But Ty told me some of the stuff is not legal,” she said, softly.

“Not completely.”

She sighed heavily. “Either it is legal or it’s not, Jace.”

He ran his fingers over her lips. “Not everything’s black or white.”

She held his stare.

“Six years ago, club voted. It took a while, about a year, but club got free of it. It took work to get the gangs, dealers, and prostitutes out. It’s what we do. Make sure they’re off our streets, make sure no one with a vendetta comes back. It’s easy most nights ’cause like I said, it’s been a while.”

Her eyes widened.

“’Sides that, we take side jobs. We call them ‘guards.’ Protecting people, we get good money. Sometimes it takes us outta town. It isn’t entirely legal either ’cause sometimes we get paid to rough someone up or—”

“Who?”

“People who deserve it.”

“How do you know—”

“Make sure of it.”

Her mouth parted then closed. “Do you get paid to kill people, too?”

Fuck. This was a mistake. They didn’t get paid for hits, but he had killed before, so it was a big mistake, one he couldn’t take back. All he could do was explain and pray for the best. He hesitated, mulling words over in his head.

It was long enough she pulled away from him. Her eyes wide and pained, she whispered, “You do.”

He gripped her hips, holding her still. “Allie, club doesn’t get paid for hits. We do
not
kill people. We do rough them up, but you do realize I was in the Army and served three tours overseas, right? I’ve killed. I’m not proud of killing, but I’m proud I served my country.”

Relaxing in his arms, she let out a small breath. “That’s different.”

His eyes hardened. “Killing is killing.”

She shook her head. “It’s survival.”

“I was a sniper. It wasn’t survival. It was killing.” He didn’t know why he said that. Had he been thinking clearly, he wouldn’t have. It would serve only to push her away. Deep down though, he’d done it because he wanted her to know all of him. If she left, better now than later. It’d hurt still, but it’d hurt less than spending years with her and having to let her go.

“It’s war. It was for your country.”

Fuck. She wasn’t stupid. She was smart, sweet, beautiful Allie, and yet, she so easily and quickly justified that he’d killed.

She did love him. She loved him for the good and the bad.

Maybe as much as he loved her.

He meant to tell her, then show her how much, but his heart clenched painfully. It felt like it was bursting, like he loved her too much and all that love didn’t fit.

She looked away from him then met his gaze. “Are you supposed to be telling me this stuff?”

Worried about him. His Allie. He blinked, then swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Not telling you any club secrets. You’re mine, you should know.”

“Why didn’t Ty tell me?”

“’Cause you’re not his old lady. You’re mine. I tell you. Don’t know how much the others tell their old ladies, Allie, but I’m gonna tell you as much as I can, so you don’t worry too much.”

She smiled a soft smile then lifted a brow. “You think telling me this won’t make me worry?”

“I’d hoped it put you at ease. Was I wrong?”

She smiled. “I’ll still worry, but you’re right. Knowing is better. You can’t imagine what I’ve considered.”

He grinned. “Care to share?”

She shrugged. “Drugs, prostitution, human trafficking…”

“Creative.”

He stared at her for a long time. “Gotta present for you. Know what it is, baby?”

She shook her head.

Trig ordered it days ago, picked it up yesterday, and had it wrapped. He hid it, waiting for the perfect time to give it to her. He nodded toward his dresser. “Open the top drawer.”

Smiling, she stood and opened the top drawer. She pulled out a wrapped box, then headed back to him, and settled on his lap. Her head down, eyes on her gift.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, tucked her against him, leaned into her, and whispered against her ear, “Baby, you gonna open it?”

She tore her gaze away from the box to look at him.

“What’re you waiting for?

She smiled and began tearing the wrapping paper. His eyes on her face the entire time because he wanted to see the look on her face. Finally, she opened the box, and shifted through the tissue paper. Her face softened. She pulled the leather cut from the box, clutched it to her chest, and dropped her head. A tear slid out of her eye.

He cupped her cheeks, pulling her face to his. “Thought you be smiling, baby, not crying.”

She kissed him softly. “Happy tears. Thank you.” She hopped off his lap and put on the cut. With her back facing him, he could see the Hell Ryders insignia and read the inscription: “Hell Ryders, Property of Trig.”

“Look beautiful, Allie. Always.”

She turned, closed the distance between them, and sat on his lap. Burying her face in his neck, she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m yours.”

His hand at her hip trailed up her back. When he heard those words, his fingers gripped her.

All he could do was agree.

“Yeah, baby, you’re mine.”

****

Allie fell asleep without him. It happened two to three times a week, always when he was on a run or on club business.

She hated it because she loved cuddling up next to him, loved falling asleep with her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The sound lulled her, making it easy for her to drift. She’d gone without last night. Every morning when she woke, he’d be in bed with her. He’d wake her kissing her lips, her chest, her neck, so every night she went to bed without him, she reminded herself the reward would be waking with him.

But he wasn’t in bed. The alarm had been raging for a full ten minutes. She threw the covers off her, silenced the alarm, and scanned the room. Pulling on a robe, she tied it at her waist, grabbed her phone, and dialed his number. Her heart beating rapidly, her throat went dry, and then his voice message came on.

Fear choking her, she darted out of her room and knocked on Ty’s door. He opened a moment later, his hair tousled, his eyes half-mast.

“Where’s Jace?” Panic streaked her voice.

He shrugged, rubbing his eyes. “Don’t know.”

“He was with you last night?”

“Yeah, we got back around four.”

“Baby?”

She spun and caught sight of Jace, perfectly unharmed, wearing a pair of athletic shorts and wife beater, holding a cup of coffee in his hand. She released a loaded breath and dashed toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He threaded his fingers through her hair. “What’s wrong?”

She pulled away from the embrace to look him in the eyes. “I was worried. You weren’t in bed.”

His face softened. “Just getting you some coffee.”

She nodded, then swallowed past the lump in her throat.

They’d been living together for nearly a month. Life with him had become habit. Every possible waking hour, they spent together. When he visited Della and Tina on Mondays and Wednesdays, she went along. Tuesdays and Thursdays, he had runs. Fridays, he took her out to dinner or a movie or they stayed in. Saturdays, they spent with Della. Each Sunday, they went for a ride. She wore her cut, and the helmet he’d bought her.

She was happy and content, the happiest she’d been her whole life, so despite her scare, she smiled. “Thank you, honey.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Feels like it’s been forever since we hung out.” Lynn took a sip of her martini.

It had been. Since she and Jace became public and she’d moved into the compound, Jace hadn’t let her out of his sight. She understood why and didn’t mind. But it had been almost a month since her tires had been slashed and nothing had happened. It didn’t mean she wasn’t constantly surrounded by bikers, and it didn’t mean this was the typical girls’ night either. It meant Jace and Ty had let up enough that when she’d brought up girls’ night, they didn’t shut her down immediately. After nagging them for an entire day, she’d softened them, and they’d agreed. Since Jace and Ty were on a “run,” it meant she, Lynn, Mia, and Tiffany sat in a booth at the far end of the bar, and Cuss, Blaze, Wild, and Stone sat in a high top table six feet from them.

“It has been.”

“Well, can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Mia said. “I’m actually surprised you’re even here tonight, and I don’t mean because of your issues with the ex. I mean because Trig’s crazy about you and doesn’t like to share you even with us.”

Jace was no longer ignoring Mia. It took no convincing on her part. After the encounter with Lilliam, she’d asked Jace to make up with Mia. He agreed instantly, surprising her. He explained, “Stuck up for you, Allie.”