Running Towards Love (5 page)

“Oh, girl! It started way before that. We actually met a couple of years before he started on the show. It was brief, but we acted together for a short time in an after school special type show. Despite our age difference, he’s always looked a little younger so it was not hard for him to get that kind of a role. There was an instant connection between us, but I was too young, and he was too much of a gentleman to pursue anything then. Plus, he was a little intense for me so I told him there would never be a relationship for us.”

“What happened when he showed up on the set?”

“The typical for me. He pushed. I caved. And then, I ran.”

“I don’t understand.”

Nikki moved to join her friend as she sat on the bed and could not help but be struck by the innocence of the image. Rebekah was still perched in the middle of the bed, her feet tucked underneath her. Never at any point in Nikki’s life had she ever had the opportunity to experience anything as simple as two girlfriends sharing secrets in bed. “How much do you know about my family?”

Rebekah chewed on her lips thoughtfully for a moment. “Not too much really. I know you don’t see your parents very often. And,” she paused, her eyes closed as if she were searching her memories. “I think you’re an only child. Right?”

She settled back against the pillows, facing Rebekah. “That’s right. My parents had me when they were a little older. I was, in my Mom’s words, a most unwelcome surprise.”

“Well, that’s a pretty horrible thing to say to your child.”

Nikki lifted her slim shoulder in response. “That was my Mom. She never said it to
be
hurtful; she just believed in being honest. And unfortunately for me, I was conceived shortly after they decided never to have children. They had careers, plans, travel and dreams; all things that having a child would definitely change.”

Rebekah did not answer, not that she needed to. The rapt look of attention in her eyes told Nikki her friend was lost in the story so she continued. “And, they lived as if things never changed. I was merely a figure that drifted in and out of their lives. From the moment I came home from the hospital, a scheduled c-section by the way so that Mom’s calendar would not be messed up, I was raised by a Nanny. In many ways, I think of her as my mother. Or at least I used to. She passed away years ago.”

“Anyway,” Nikki waved her hand as if she could banish the bad memories, “my parents were, um…intense to say the least. Driven. Focused. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Goodness knows I’m pretty intense myself. But when all that passion is focused on work, and none of it on family, it can be a very depressing place for a teenager to be.

“They were my primary motivator for getting into acting. It was more than wanting an escape; I thrived on the attention, as well as the connection to other people.”

“I’m so sorry, Nikki.” Rebekah broke in, her voice thick with emotion. “I can’t imagine not having a relationship with my parents, not feeling loved by them.” She shivered with the enormity of loss those emotions evoked.

“It’s over and done with, Rebekah. I haven’t had any contact with them in several years, haven’t seen them since Nanny passed away. I’ve had Danny and that’s all I’ve needed.” Nikki closed her eyes, retreating to the warmth thoughts of Danny normally provoked. “But, I think that is the main reason I fought so hard against any sort of relationship with Danny. Intensely driven were some of the first words I would have used to describe him and I was bound and determined I would never put myself in that situation, that environment, again.”

“But he wouldn’t let you avoid him, would he?”

Nikki laughed. “Uh, no. Avoiding Danny was impossible! We were on set together less than one day, one day, before we kissed. Oh, I tried to deny my attraction to him and goodness knows I tried not to be alone with him but he had an undeniable pull about him.” She smiled warmly at the thoughts of those early years. “He knew I was terrified though.”

“What did he do?”

“He backed off. I called in sick the day after our first date. There was no way I was ready to face him.” Looking at Rebekah, she had to fight back a smile. “Do you remember what I told you about the date kiss I shared with Jason?”

“Sugar Lips, right?” They dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“I didn’t know it at the time, but that description fit perfectly. Kissing him was just that; it was sweet and absolutely nothing like kissing Danny. The passion, the heat, I felt when we kissed brought all that intensity to the forefront. I could see him turning all of that on me and I could not live with that again, not when I had just gotten free from my parents.

“After taking that first day off, I couldn’t go back. So, I simply stayed in my apartment.”

“You did not! How long?”

Nikki bit back a smile. “Two weeks.”

Rebekah picked up one of the pillows stacked at the end of the bed and threw it at Nikki. “I can’t believe anyone let you get away with that!”

“I took a combination of sick days and a few vacation days. Of course, I hadn’t exactly been taping that long on the show so I did not have too much time. I knew when my agent showed up on my doorstep that I couldn’t hide any longer.”

“Jason said you and Danny were together almost as soon as he came on set. I take it you didn’t deny him much longer after you returned from your two week hiding session?”

“No. You know me. Once I make a decision, I stick with it. I finally realized that having Danny’s intensity, his passion, directed at me would not be the same thing as my parents. See,” Nikki stumbled for the right words to describe her thoughts, “they used their intensity to ignore me. Danny never would.”

Rebekah smiled warmly at her friend. “And I bet he never has.”

Nikki closed her eyes and let her head fall forward, her words muffled against her chin. “Not until yesterday.”

Silence filled the room as the two women struggled to contain their thoughts and emotions. It was several minutes before Rebekah broke through the silence with a question. “I don’t mean this to sound harsh, Nikki, and as I said last night, you are welcome to stay as long as you need.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?” Nikki mumbled sarcastically.

“But,” Rebekah continued, “I’m wondering if you aren’t doing the same thing this time.”

“What?”

Rebekah exhaled the cautious breath she had been holding. “Are you running again, Nikki?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“I’m just concerned, Nikki.” Rebekah lifted her hands in front of her chest. “From everything you and Jason have told me over the years, it seems that maybe you, um, put off dealing with what is in front of you.”

“I don’t know what else to do!” Nikki practically yelled. “Is it fair to me that I have given that man fifteen years of my life, and he just wants to throw it away?” Unwanted tears pooled in her eyes, and she blinked furiously to attempt to get rid of them.

“Shhh,” Rebekah whispered as she moved forward on the bed to wrap her arms around Nikki. “No one is saying it’s fair, Nik. I’m just suggesting you need to think about why you haven’t confronted Danny.”

Nikki allowed herself to get lost in her friend’s hug, desperate for some sort of affection as she battled the darkness of loss that threatened to overwhelm her.

“I know how heartbreaking it is to lose someone you love better than anyone,” Rebekah continued. “But, if you have a chance to confront him, a chance to get to the bottom of things, why not take it, Nikki?”

“I’m scared, Beck.”

“I know.”

Nikki sighed. “In some ways, I know you do. You weren’t ready to lose your first husband anymore than I am ready to lose Danny. But you were allowed to scream, to rant, to rage against the world when you found out he was sick.”
 

“And why can’t you?”

Breaking free of her friend’s embrace, Nikki sat up to stare at Rebekah. Astonishment filled her face. “I don’t want to lose him,” she whispered.

“Oh honey, I know you don’t. Think of it like this. If what you heard is really true than it won’t make any difference.”

“True.”

“But,” Rebekah continued, “if you somehow misinterpreted what you heard, then why aren’t you fighting for him? Why are you running?”

Nikki slumped back against the headboard, despair and confusion leaking from her body as she processed Rebekah’s words. She barely heard her friend stand to leave the room.

“I’m going to be in and out of the house today, Nikki. But please, please think about what you want to happen. The house is yours, you know that. Whatever you need, feel free.”

She nodded her head as the door clicked quietly. Letting out a deep breath, she closed her eyes and tried to relax. Rebekah had a point. Running was something she had done many, many times in the past. But that was before she promised Danny she would never run again.

So, why was she here?

Without thinking, she let herself get lost in memories of
the night she made that promise five years ago, the one evening that changed everything for Danny and her.

Nikki walked through the door to their home, already in love with the smells pouring from the kitchen. Danny was cooking dinner again, which was definitely better and safer than if she attempted it. Biting back a laugh, she headed in that direction. “Danny?” she called out. Silence was her only greeting. “Babe?” she tried again.

Several seconds later she crossed the threshold into the kitchen and dread immediately filled her heart. Danny was hunched over the counter, his head resting in the palms of his hands. Water boiled over in the pot on the stove, clearly forgotten by the chef. “What’s wrong, babe?” Nikki rushed over to his side. “Is it Jason?”

Things had been so tough for their friend after he had been injured on the set a month ago. Nikki had told him not to attempt that stunt on his own; but he insisted. A month later, he was still struggling to heal. His family had been no help at all. Between his father trying to use his son’s injury as an excuse to pull him from a profession he loved and manipulate him into the family business he could not stand, and his mother’s constant tears, Jason had moved out two weeks ago. “I know he met that girl, Carrie, and she was supposed to be helping him; but, I never trusted her. Did she do something?”

Danny shook his head and drew a shuddering breath.

Unable to resist comforting her husband and best friend, Nikki circled her arms around his shoulders and cradled him to her. “You’re scaring me, Danny. What’s wrong?”

“Marie’s missing,” he whispered his reply.

She pulled her head back slightly all the while tightening her hold on his shoulders. “Your sister?”

Danny acknowledged her question with a simple nod of his head.

“Okay,” she continued. “What do we need to do? Does your mom want us to head over to their place? Start canvassing the neighborhood?”

Silence filled the kitchen as his muscles simply bunched with tension underneath her fingers.

“There’s more to it isn’t there?” she asked, trying her best to soothe him.

Danny sighed deeply. “She’s been missing for almost two weeks.”

“TWO WEEKS?” Her own anxiety laced her voice. “Why is your mom just now letting us know?”

“She didn’t want us to worry; didn’t want to burden me.” Danny grimaced.

“What?”

Danny pushed off from his seat and started pacing around the kitchen. “You know my family, Nikki. They run from everything. Don’t want to face something? Just bury your head in the sand.” He looked pointedly in her direction. “Sounds like someone else I know.”