Running Home (9 page)

“No worries
, Baby, I didn’t hear from you after work, and I got a little worried when I noticed your car out back but no lights on anywhere.”

“Yeah
, I tried to stay awake, but your mom worked me to the bone today. Not to mention my cell took a turn for the worse as it practiced its last toilet bowl diving performance today,” she giggled as she sat up and patted the couch next to her. I sat down next to her, and she cuddled her body into my side. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her in tighter. Moments like this made me excited for our future. This was my future fiancé, wife, and hopefully, the mother of my children. Everything was riding on tomorrow, and I knew, deep down ,in my heart that she would say yes.
Shit, how could she not?
I’m basically perfect,
I thought to myself as I let out a small snicker.

“Can I just stay here tonight? I don’t want to drive back to the B&B this late with the snow.”

“You know I don’t care if you stay here, but we need to get rid of that car and get you something that handles better in the snow,” I stated.

“I can drive just fine in the snow, and old Bessie still gets around just fine.”

“Right. Well, you want to head off to bed? I have some work to do tomorrow morning, but I think we can meet up for dinner, if you’re free from the shop?” I asked, trying to keep the excitement hidden in my voice.

Sadie let out a small yawn as she nodded her head. Standing up
, I offered her my hand to pull her off the couch; the moment our skin connected shivers were sent down my spine.

“I’m so tired tonight,” she mumbled while she staggered to the door.

I gave her hand a quick squeeze, “I’ll meet you in there; just going to lock up.”

Sadie disappeared into the darkness of the bedroom as I heard the bed squeak when she fl
opped herself down on the mattress. Silently, I thanked myself for doing laundry before I headed out to work this morning. I walked through the kitchen and locked the back door, as I reached over and grabbed the plate to slide into the doggy door.

“Night,
Waylon,” I whispered as I walked back to the bedroom. The dog didn’t even lift his head from the couch as I closed the door to the room.

I could hear the soft snores of Sadie as she
slept in the bed. I tossed my dirty clothes into the hamper and grabbed a clean pair of sweats out of the dresser. Quickly, I slid them on and carefully crawled over Sadie to the other side of the bed.

“Good night
, my love; sweet dreams,” I whispered, while I placed a kiss on her forehead. Sadie didn’t even stir when my lips touched her skin; just the silence of the night filled the air. This time tomorrow night, everything was going to be different, and different in a remarkable kind of way.

My palms were sweaty
, and I could feel the sweat dripping down my back. I have never been this nervous in my entire life. Even when my senior year football team was short a touchdown with a minute and a half on the clock at state did I feel this way. Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I waited out back of the café, watching the back door like a hawk for a glimpse of her as she walked out. My eyes kept drifting back to the clock on the dash, and only seconds ticked by.

“Come on,” I muttered as my legs started to bounce and the windows became foggy. “Shit
,” I mumbled as I rolled the window down, and turned the defrost button on. The moment I took my eyes off the door, I heard it closing, and footsteps growing near as they crunched in the snow.  I look over and watched Sadie get closer to the Bronco. Hurriedly, I scrambled out the door and rushed over to her.

“What are you doing
, Walker?” she asked, as I grabbed her in my arms and began to twirl her around in the air.

“Just happy you are off is all,” I said with enthusiasm.

“Whatever, you crazy boy! Can we do dinner? I’m starving.”

“Of course,” I smiled
, as I led her over to the passenger door and opened it for her to climb in.

“Are we going to the B&B for dinner?” she asked as we got settled into the vehicle.

“Nope.”

“Tell me;
I hate not knowing.”

“Don’t worry about it
, Sadie; trust me, you will love it,” I mentioned.

Well
, I hope she loves it.

The darkness had already set the tone for the coldness
of the bitter night upon the little town, as we headed out to the old farm property. “What is all that light up there?” Sadie questioned. I just silently kept driving with a grin on my face; this was going to be fantastic. As we got closer to the trees, it was easy to see that hundreds of white lights danced on the bare branches. “What in the world, Walker?” she gasped as her hands flew to cover her mouth. I slowly turned down the driveway and drove down to the barn slowly, letting the row of trees shine and set the ambiance of the night.

“Seriously Walker, what is going on?” Sadie asked in a puzzled tone, rapidly turning her head back and forth to look at either side
of the driveway.

I parked the B
ronco in front of the large barn doors, as I turned to smile at Sadie. Her eyes were wide with wonder, still clueless to what was about to come. I climbed out of the truck and wandered over to her side of the door, opening it as I gave her my other hand to help her down. She tentatively took my hand as I pulled her close and placed a single kiss to the tip of her nose.

“This way,” I assured her, gentl
y pulling her with me through the barn doors.

“Walker
, it’s very dark in here,” her voice trembled as I pushed the other side of the barn open to a breath taking sight. Quickly, Sadie broke our grasp, as a large gasp was ushered out of her lips. I quickly glanced down at the reaction she was having, and a smile crept across my already ecstatic face.

“Oh my gosh, this is beautiful,” she whispered into the night. I reached for her hand and pulled her th
e rest of the way into the lit up gazebo. Lights were dripping off every portion of this wooden structure, and carefully placed on the bench to the north was the basket and blanket my aunt had prepared for this moment.

“Come Sadie,
let’s sit,” I said as I gestured to the bench. 

“I don’t understand, what is going on?”

“Sadie, you mean so much to me, and this last year has been the best time of my entire life. I wanted to do something to show you how much you mean to me; that you are my everything,” I said as we took a seat on the bench. Sadie glanced all around the gazebo, taking in the magical surroundings of the lights dancing on the snow.

“Here,”
I said, as I handed her a thermos filled with Aunt Patty’s soup.

“Thank you,” she replied, still in awe of the beauty. The pocket of my jacket started to feel like a ton of bricks weighing down my body. I didn’t know when I should ask her; after dinner, during dinner, maybe at dessert? “Shit,” I quietly mumbled
, as my hand shot to the inside of my pocket and fiddled with the small black box inside.

“Walker
, you are amazing; you know that right?”

“So I’ve been told,” I smirked
, as my hand grasped the box tighter. I noticed an opportunity when Sadie started to look out into the darkness now was the time to do it. Silently, I dropped to one knee and waited for her to turn back around. My mouth went instantly dry. I licked my lips to try and create any bit of moisture.

“What are you doing,
Walker?” Sadie exclaimed in a panic.

“Sadie Duvall, would you please make all my dreams and wishes come true? There is no one in this entire world I would rather s
pend the rest of my life with. You are the first thing I think of in the morning when I wake, and the very last thought that goes through my head at night. When I’m not with you, I’m dying to be in your presence.  Sadie, I want to make you my future. Experience the good and the bad; share in the journey that life will bless us with. I want to grow old and watch our grandchildren play out in the fields with you. There isn’t a moment, when I think about my future, that you are not in it. You are my rock, my partner, my lover, and my best friend. Will you do me the honor and become my wife?”

My body was stiff and rigid as I kneeled on the ground
, waiting for an answer. I searched her eyes for any sort of emotion; I would take just about anything from her at this moment. It was then that her eyes started to sparkle and tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. Her hands shot trembling to mine as she yanked my body off the gazebo floor.

“Yes
, Walker Mason, I would love to marry you!” She shrieked between the sobs that now consumed her tiny body. I instantly grabbed her frame and pulled her harshly into me, placing a hard kiss to the top of her head as her body shook in my arms. I gently pulled back from our embrace as she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the small black box that had been burning a hole in my jacket since placing it there this afternoon.

“Sadie,” I said quietly as I opened the lid. A soft gasp escaped from her mouth
, as she delicately ran her finger over the single solitaire diamond and thin embellished band in the box.

“Walker
, it’s stunning. I don’t know what to say,” her words rushed out as she locked her eyes into mine.

“Tell me again. Say yo
u will marry me again, Sadie.”

“Of course
, Walker, I’ll marry you ten times over.”

The smile widened on my face as I gently took the ring out of the box and slipped it on to her left ring finger. Holding her hand
, I pulled her closer to my body as I absorbed her into a hug again. Looking down at my future wife, I gently brought my lips back to hers. The connection we shared was amazing. This woman was going to be my wife; I finally had everything I always wanted.

“Bottom of the Bottle” Smile Empty Soul

Carmen, April 2011

My body was stiff and cold from waking up on the metal benches in the holding cell. “Stupid undercover cop,” I muttered
, as I sat up and tried to warm my body from the frigid temperatures in concrete square room. I told myself this wouldn’t happen again; yet, here I sat, waiting for my turn to appear before a judge. How in the world could I be so stupid? I am twenty-two years old and basically no better than my parents. It was just a downward spiral until I hit rock bottom scary thought was I don’t think this was actually it.

I was le
d through the court proceedings, and once again, got the lecture of ‘your young and could have a bright future ahead of you,’ bullshit. I know I can do better. I was sitting at the top of the company for Vanity Affair when a single stupid night sent me into a tailspin of drugs. One night turned into two, then two turned into a couple times a month, and well, then it went downhill from there. I tried to keep it a secret, and did well for the first couple of months, but I should have known. Hell, I watched my loving parents turn into monsters on drugs, and just because I wasn’t doing the “hard” stuff, obviously didn’t mean I wouldn’t get addicted.
Stupidity at its finest,
I thought to myself as I sat on a hard plastic bench with my hands still cuffed behind me, waiting to finish the paperwork to be set free. Well, free was just a term, considering I still had another huge fine to pay off, and checking in with my parole officer once a week was going to be a daunting task. Freedom was something I could only hope to obtain again in the future for right now, I was trapped.

“
Seriously, Cherri, can you just come get me? I need a place to crash for a while till I can get back on my feet,” I begged into to the payphone outside the courthouse.

“Carmen
, I told you last time, I’m not helping you again. You need real help, like the professional kind, and I’m not going to enable your situation anymore,” she replied.

“Whatever
you’re just being a bitch. Now that your hot shit at the company, you feel the need to toss out your true friends. Well, fuck you, Cherri!” I screamed and slammed the payphone down. I had no clue what to do now.

In the
last couple of months, I had been fired from Vanity Affair for failure to show up for clients, not ‘keeping up’ with myself, and basically, like Roger said, “turning into a druggie looking whore.” It’s not like I needed a fix everyday. I could even go a couple days without needing something. I just needed to break the cycle that I created for myself; start fresh somewhere else. I was itching to move again, yet I didn’t have the funds to do so. I was kicked out of the loft, sold the Jeep for money, and basically had a bag of clothes and various other crap that went everywhere with me. My days of couch surfing and sleeping in random places needed to come to an end. I needed to get clean.

I started to walk down the boardwalk
, heading into the unknown. I knew I had to check in with my PO this afternoon, but the sun was shining, and I still had enough Vicodin from yesterday’s buzz to keep the withdrawal symptoms from creeping in. I wandered down on the beach, kicked my flip flops off and buried my toes in the sand. Why can’t my life be simple like the beach; sand, water, sunshine, instant relief. Letting my bag drop to the ground, I took a deep breath of the salt filled air. My skin was no longer rich with a summer tan, it was dull and lifeless. My deep chestnut hair no longer shined, and my clothes hung on my already thin frame. I looked a mess; a hot mess and not in the attractive kind of way. I started to scratch my arm and got grossed out at the flakes of skin that sloughed out.

“Ugh,” I moaned out loud.

“Dude
, Carmen, what are you doing down here?” a voice yelled from behind me.

I turned my upper body around and shielded my eyes from the sun, trying to see who called my name. In the distance
, I noticed Carson heading down the sand toward me. Shit, he was the last person I wanted to see today.

“Hey
, I’ve been trying to get at you for the last couple days, what gives?” Carson asked as he flopped down in the sand next to me.

“I got picked up again,” I said with a sigh. Yep
, again, as in the second time I was arrested for prostitution; total winner right there.

“Ah
, shitty deal girl. Hey, you got that money for me?”

“Really
, Carson? Do I have your money? I just told you I got picked up again………. do you think I’ve had time to ‘get your money’?”

“Calm down, girl;
don’t kill the messenger. Chill out. Here, let’s smoke,” he said as he pulled a blunt out from his front shirt pocket.

I quickly snatched it from his fingers and sat there inspecting the blunt. I needed to clean my life up and this wasn’t the way to start. But
, fuck it. It had been a shitty day and after all it was just weed.
Let’s just hope it wears off before I go see my PO
. “Give me a lighter,” I demanded as I put it to my lips and lite the end, deeply inhaling the calming aspects of the drug. I passed it back to him and slowly exhaled the smoke from my lungs. There, that was totally satisfying.

“See
, all better, huh?” Carson laughed.

“Fuck you
, Carson,” I slurred, as my back hit the sand and I closed my eyes.

The hot afternoon sun was blaring down on my skin when I had finally
awoke from my nap in the sand. I sat up and dusted off my arms, and tossed my hair to lose the remnants of my nap that were still attached to my body. Great, now I’m sweaty and gross. I knew it had to be late afternoon as the temperature was at its peak, and the sheer amount of people milling about the beach meant everyone was finally getting off work.
Guess I better go track down the office of my parole officer and get the lecture I know I have waiting for me. There was always a lecture waiting for me when I arrived anywhere
that had authority on me. It was like my look screamed ‘needs guidance and self-control, please give advice’. I pulled the slip out of my back pocket with the phone number and address to “Mike”, and grabbed my duffle bag to head out in the direction I believed was the way I needed to go. What was the worst that could happen if I showed up after he closed? Get arrested again? Well, at least I would get a hot shower then.

After an hour of
trekking in the scorching sun, I finally made it to a shamble of an office and turned the knob on the metal door. A chime went off when I stepped over the threshold, and an older lady looked up from her desk in what appeared to be a waiting room.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“Um, I’m here to see Mike,” I replied, as I fiddled with the paper I had brought with me.

“
Stephens, or Harris?”

“I really don’t know,” I muttered
, while I dropped my bag to the floor.

“Okay
, well give me your full name; I’ll go find out.”

“Carmen
Jean Westin.”

The older lady nodded as s
he left the small waiting room I glanced around, and took a seat in the corner. The chairs were old and frayed on the edges, and the carpet had seen better days. I started to count the cracks in the ceiling when a loud gruff voice barked from the doorway.

“Carmen Westin?” An exceptionally
tall but thin man asked. I was almost taken aback by the sound of his voice, but then, paired with his appearance I had to try hard not to giggle. Talk about a deceiving sound; I had envisioned a giant tattooed buff guy who barely fit through the door frame to have that tone of a voice. Not the man waiting for me to follow
case of the body snatchers maybe
?

“Yep,” I said while standing.

“Follow me,” he stated as he turned around and disappeared in the hallway. I quickly grabbed my bag and hurried after the man. We walked down several hallways with closed doors, till we came to a small office with an old desk in the center. There was paperwork and files scattered everywhere. The file cabinets that lined the walls seem stuffed, and his desk was almost hard to recognize.

“Take a seat,” h
e directed.

I swiftly sat in the chair across from the desk and immediately started to pick at the edges of my frayed shorts. Shit
, this was worse than sitting in jail; it reminded me of being back in high school and talking with the principal. Never thought I would have to deal with that again.

“Carmen,
my name is Mike Stephens and I’ll be your parole officer for the next six months, and hopefully not any longer. You don’t plan on screwing up again, do you?” He asked, while narrowing his eyes.

“No
, sir,” I managed to speak out. Who the hell plans on messing up? I mean, come on, I’m not gunning to get arrested, it just happened. ‘Please Officer, schedule my next fuck up for three months from now; you can find me at this address’.
What a douche,
I thought to myself.

“Well
, you are responsible for weekly contact with me, and I will demand random drug testing at any time. You will have two hours to get to my office to submit the sample, before I find you in contempt. Got that?”

“Yes sir.”

“I need a current address, and working phone number.”

“I
, uh, don’t have a place I’m living at, and that would be a no go for the phone number too,” I said meekly.

Mike ruffled through some of the chaos on his desk
, and apparently, found what he was looking for. He picked up the phone and called the number that was written down on the index card.

“Hey
, Monica, I have a young lady needing a spot to stay. Do you guys have anything open?” A long pause erupted, as I glanced around the room again I don’t know how he managed to do any work in here; this was bothering me.

“Yeah
, thanks, I’ll send her right over after this. Thanks again,” he spoke into the receiver before he hung it back on the cradle.

“Okay
, well Carmen, it’s your lucky day. I have a placement for you in a woman’s shelter off Shoreline. The doors close promptly at eight p.m., and you would have to submit to body/bag searches each time you enter the facility. That work for you?”

“Yes, thanks sir,
” I responded as I tried to look him in the eyes.

“Alright
, well, I’ll see you next Wednesday, and remember to stay clean. Mona out front will give you some pamphlets on some sober living classes you should attend, and please, Carmen, for your own good, stay away from that crap. You can do better,” Mike lectured as he stood from the chair. I quickly followed suit and grabbed my bag from the floor.

“Here is the address; please go see them there, they can help.”

I reached out, and took the paper. Nodding my head, I walked out of his office and back down the long hallway. I retrieved some pamphlets from Mona at the front desk, before I stepped back out into the sun. Hiking my bag back over my shoulder I headed out down the sidewalk in the direction of Shoreline. I passed a garbage can a block down from the office and tossed the brochures; I can do this on my own.

It didn’t take long
until I was no longer welcome at the woman’s shelter. Apparently, it was frowned upon showing up each day high as a kite. I tried to stay away from the drugs, but each time I would get so far the withdrawals sucked me back in; I wasn’t strong enough yet but eventually I would be. I managed to get my last fix early Tuesday mornings and rode the high into Wednesday before I would visit my PO in the late afternoon. I was still able to function, before the shaking started to set in, but hell, directly following the appointment I would hunt down my next score. Thank god he has yet to ask me to void into that plastic cup, because I know it would scream ‘dirty’. Guess I can pass off as a decent human being after all.

It was late Friday afternoon
, and I was itching for a quick high; the last shit I got didn’t do enough, and now I was left to deal with reality in this cruel world. I wandered down a familiar chain of hotels I knew people used for illegal purposes, and searched for a familiar face. I decided a while ago that I needed to deal with people that I knew; no more of this stranger shit. That always led to a bad trip, or getting arrested, and I preferred to not increase my criminal record anytime soon.

Walking into the lot of Sandy Shores Inn
, I headed up the steps to a room I knew several dealers rented out most of the time. I knocked on the chipped pink door and waited for anyone to answer.

“Who the hell is out there?” a
rough voice barked through the door.

“It’s Carmen, can I come in?” I ask tentatively.

“Carmen? Who the fuck is that?”

I started to turn around when I heard the sound of a chain slide across the door and the deadbolt flipped.