Running Home (13 page)

“Nice find
, man!” Derek shouted as I wiped the sweat from my forehead. I nodded my head and reached into my pocket, pulling out a handful of treats of Waylon. “Good save, Buddy,” I praised, and watched him stuff the extras into his mouth. Derek offered a water bottle he was carrying, and I gladly took a long sip.

“
Thanks, man. This shit out here is rough,” I said in between breaths.

“Um
, Walker, I think you’re going to need to have medics check you out too,” Derek commented, as he bobbed his head over to my arm. I looked down and found my right sleeve torn to shreds, and blood oozing out down my arm.

“Crap, I didn’t even feel that,
” I said in shock.

“Well
, let’s get out of here before some ticks decide to make a meal out of that cut.” He laughed as he turned to lead the way.

I chuckled
, and gave the command for follow to Waylon, who was now almost comatose on his fulfillment of Beggin’ Strips.

“You’re team is something else,” Sheriff
Bogsworth exclaimed, as I was being cleaned up by the medics on scene.

“Thanks
, sir, we train hard to be able to do things like that,” I replied with a smile, as I looked down at Waylon stretched out on the grass, sleeping.

“I just got word on Emmy. She is diabetic
, and her blood sugars had fallen too low for her to function. This is why she probably didn’t respond when people were calling her name,” the sheriff stated.

“The brush back there was super thick
too; she could have been easily looked over out there,” Derek added in.

“Once again
, thanks boys for your expertise. We all appreciate the job you did,” Sheriff Bogsworth said as he walked off.

“I think you are good to go. You are going to need a couple stitches
, but this will tide you over until you can get into the hospital. Are you sure you don’t want a ride over?” The super cute blonde paramedic asked. I glanced over at her again and shook my head. She was pretty hot, but I’m not ready to add another notch to the bed post; it’s been too short of a time since stalker girl.

“Thanks for cleaning me up
. Let’s go Waylon,” I said with a tug on the leash. He slowly rose to his feet, and drug his body with mine to the car.

“Seriously,
Officer Mason, you are going to need stitches. Please don’t ignore it!” She yelled as we walked away. I turned around and flashed a grin; I wasn’t going to get stitches. She had cleaned it well enough that I could just superglue it shut when I got home.

“You’re not going in
, huh?”

“Nope,” I laughed
, and radioed back to dispatch that we were heading home.

Part II

“The only Difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

Oscar Wilde

“Broken” Seether (featuring Amy Lee)

Carmen, February 2013

“Now I don’t want to see you back here, got it?” Officer Ganton lectured me, as I sat and waited for my chance to use the phone.

“I have no intentions of it,” I mentioned, tossing a weak smile at the woman. I never once asked to make a phone call during my stay here, and I was about to puke all over the damn floor if I had to wait much longer. This was it, after months of living in this hell hole I would be a free woman tomorrow afternoon; well, free to an extent. I started to panic a couple weeks ago when I knew for sure I was getting out. What in the hell would I do with myself on the outside world? My heart already knew what I really wanted to do, but was that even a possibility? I was still on parole for the next nine months, and everyone had told me that you must stay in county to finish out the sentence. What if I wasn’t ready to enter the ‘real world’ again? This was the first time I had been clean in over three years. What was it going to take to keep me from repeating the same mistakes I had made before? Could  I guarantee I would break the cycle of the terror I lived in since I left home?

My hands shook when
it was my turn to use the phone
I don’t think I can do this
. Slamming the receiver back on the cradle, I closed my eyes and tried to not panic about the possibilities of him answering. I knew he was my only option; the only one who still cared about me. I hadn’t even spoken to my grandparents since I left, a little over six years ago. Going back to Los Angeles was not an option; it was a city full of broken dreams and shattered promises. Putting myself back in the same situation would be the dumbest decision I could ever possibly make; I would end up right back here in hell, or worse. I could end up alone and dead, never once being able to tell the people that I loved the real way I felt about them.

“Carmen
, your time is running out. Are you done?” Officer Ganton asked, as she looked up from the desk in the corner of the room.

I simply shook my head and lifted the phone once again. It felt like a million pounds in my hand, and my fingers were lead pipes as I punched out the only number I still had memorized
in my fried, drug destroyed brain. The line started to ring as my stomach turned; this was it, there was no going back now.

“Hello?” the familiar voice spoke on the other end. It was music to my ears
, hearing the tone of his voice. I knew, in an instant that I would somehow be okay. He was the yin to my yang; my only cheerleader in a world full of haters; the other piece of my broken shattered heart.

“Walker
?” I asked in a terrified weakened voice. Silence was the only thing my ears heard for a few agonizing seconds. I swear I could feel the seconds tick by as I held my breath, waiting for any response from him. Shit, he could scream and yell at me for all I cared; I just needed to hear that familiar voice, reminding me he was still there.

“Carmen? Is that you?” his voice responded,
carrying a tone of shock that echoed through the line. I immediately burst into tears, as my back slumped against the concrete walls of the phone room. Gosh, I’ve missed hearing him say my name.

“Carmen
, are you there? What’s going on? Where are you? Are you okay?” Walker quickly asked in a panic. I tried to compose myself; I needed to be able to talk to him, and sitting their sobbing like a fucking little baby wasn’t going to make it possible.

“Carmen
, say something please; I’m begging you,” his voice pleads with pain.

“I’m here.
I’m sorry Walker,” I managed to muster out. This was the hardest phone call I’ve ever had to make in my entire life. What I had to ask him was the single most painful experience I would ever share with my best friend.

“Carmen
, thank god! Where are you, Carmen?” Walker demanded.

“Prison.
” My voice cracked as I quietly spoke the words I’ve never wanted to admit to him. There were no words uttered after my confession; it was almost like the line had gone dead and I was left in this world alone. “Say something…….. anything, please, Walker,” I cried into the receiver. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest in terror. Was he so mad at me that this was the real end of our friendship? Was this the final straw that pushed him away for good?

“Carmen, what did you do?” Walker finally said in a somber tone. I knew he
was hurt at what I had told him. I was disappointed in myself too.

“Please
, Walker, I get out tomorrow. Please, will you come get me? I don’t know what else to do,” I sobbed, while wrapping the phone cord nervously around my fingers in fear of his response.

“Shit
, Carmen, where are you?”

“California
Institute for Women,” I spoke softly, embarrassed at my location.

“
Fuck, Carmen, I’ll be there.” His voice was certain and clear, but I knew his anger was brewing below the surface. “I’m going to have to leave like right now, if I’m going to make it by tomorrow.”

“Walker
, I’m so sorry; I just don’t know who else to call.”

“Carmen
, I promised you a long time ago I would always be there for you, and I’m not breaking that promise now.”

The phone beeped to signal I had only thirty seconds left on the call. “Thank you,” I said as the tears started to roll down my face again.

“Gosh, Carmen, I lo…….” The phone line went dead and I let the receiver fall from my rigid hands. All I had to do was survive the next twenty-four hours, and everything would be okay. My life was going to be okay with Walker back in it.

“Did you do it?” Erika asked from where she was perched on her bed.

I simply nodded my head, and stopped to stare out the tiny vertical window in our shared cell. It was my only view of the outside world, and it was of our courtyard and exercise lot. I guess I shouldn’t be picky. At least I got to see some blue skies and the green grass some days. Who cared if they were surrounded with endless chain-link fencing, barbwire, guard towers, and constant supervision. It was the outside world, and I was going to be joining it very soon. Let the countdown begin; less than twenty-four hours and I would be running into Walker’s arms. Well, at least I prayed I would.

A
t about the twenty-one hour mark, we were released from our cells to head down to the cafeteria. Well, it was really a cart that delivered our food, and metal tables that were attached to the ground in the middle of our pod. Taking a seat next to some of the girls that I’d made a friendship with, I started to push the food around my plate. I was way too nervous to eat, but I knew I needed some sort of substance in my stomach. I had put on some weight while being here, considering I was a walking skeleton when I first arrived. Most people still considered me ‘underweight’, and the doctors claimed I needed to put on another ten to fifteen pounds for someone my height. I wish I still looked like I did back in my early twenties. At least I have gained some of my curves back, and my rock hard boobs didn’t look that bad against my frame now. The girls use to laugh in the early days of being in here that all my weight was on my chest, and it kind of was. But I will get better; I need to get better. Shit, I would kill to be able to put on a pair of heels again; just thinking of that made my insides turn to mush. The simple joys I would soon be able to enjoy again in twenty hours and thirty-ish minutes.

“Are you excited to bust out of this
joint ,Carmen?” Janelle asked as I forced myself to take a bite of the cream corn on my plate.

I nodded my head as I chewed the mush,
gaging it down with a large drink of water. “I just want to get my life back, you know? I’m so tired of the same old thing day in and day out, here.”

Everyone at the table knew what I was talking about. I always felt like I was being smothered at my grandparents’ house, that the little town was punishment for the life my parents chose. Now
, the little town represented freedom; ironic how that happened.

“What are you going to do when you get out?” Andy questioned.

“Well, I want to go home, back to South Dakota. But I don’t know if that is going to work out,” I reply with a heavy sigh. I still had the matter of being on parole, and no clue how I was going to swing going home with my parole officer.

“Well shit girl, I don’t want to see you in another porn flick. Keep your legs closed.” Erika laughed as she bumped shoulders with me.

“Don’t worry; my acting days are far behind me. Besides, no one wants to see me naked anymore,” I joked back. Everyone at the table got a good laugh at my admission; they had all seen my naked self in the shower, and I was nothing to drool over anymore.

“Well
, you all know she finally called
HIM
,” Erica said, as she gave ‘him’ the air quotes.

“Holy shit
, girl! I didn’t think you would do it! I figured you would be too chicken shit to call him,” Andy said with excitement. I simply smiled, and looked back down at my plate; I did not want to talk about the phone call again.

“Don’t think you can just dump that on us and then not say anything else!”
Letty demanded, while slamming her fork down on the metal top. A clang was heard throughout the pod and several officers looked over at our table with a questioning eye, sending us into immediate silence.

“It was nothing; I jus
t asked if he would come get me,” I said in a soft voice, still looking down to avoid eye contact.

“Bullshit
! I bet you told him you are still madly in love with his ass, and you want to make millions of babies when you get out of this place,” Andy said with enthusiasm.

“Whatever.
” I rolled my eyes at the nonsense. I didn’t want to have his babies, right?

“You are so guil
ty of wanting to see him naked. Admit it!” Letty remarked.

“I’ve already seen him naked
, and yes I’ve played naked twister too. Been there, done that kind of thing; I just need my old friend again.”

Laughter once again filled the room
, as the girls tried their hardest to contain the noise. They knew when I was lying, and I would totally do the horizontal mambo with him again in a heartbeat.

“Was he any good?” Andy asks with her eyes filled with excitement.

“Seriously girls, I was like seventeen. We got drunk one night, out at the gravel pit, and one thing led to another. Soon, our clothes were off and we were going at it like two horny rabbits.”

“Was he your first?” Someone asked
, as I bit my lip to try and stop my face from blushing.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. We were each other’s firsts, and I was always thankful I experienced that with at least someone
special,and not just a douche on the wrestling team.

“Top five?”

“Well, if you are asking if the sex was good, shit I was seventeen and drunk. We had no clue what we were really doing, so no, the sex wasn’t that good. At least it got in the right hole, but it definitely would be top five, just cause of who it was.”

The girls were satisfied with my answer and we all
fell into a comfortable silence. My mind started to wander back to that night at the gravel pit. Being young, dumb, and drunk makes you lose all sensibility when you’re alone with your best friend; basically buying you a one way ticket to Broken-Heartsville.

“Carmen, you are so beautiful. I want you and only you. Please tell me you want
this too? I’ve wanted you for so long now; I don’t think I can stop if you don’t say no right now.”

“Walker
, just shut up and kiss me already. Less talking please; I don’t want to think too much right now.”

“I don’t want to do something we both regret, Carmen
. Just tell me you want this, okay? I don’t want you to hate me tomorrow.”

“Stuff it Walker.
If I didn’t want to be getting naked with you right now I wouldn’t be. Now just kiss me; I want to feel your lips on mine.”

That was the first night I knew I was in love with him, yet I never told him how I felt. I didn’t want to ruin his life with mine. Shit
, look where I ended up thank the high heavens I didn’t drag him down this journey of hell that I had bought a first class ticket on.

Eight hours to go
until I reached freedom, and I was so close to the outside world I could taste its sweetness. I sat on my bed and started to count the bricks on the opposite wall; something I had done countless times over my extended stay here. I normally lost count half way down the wall, but not today. “Four-hundred and eighty-seven,” I said with a smile.

“What in the world are you talking about
, girl? Your partner number?” Erica chuckled, as she put her book down and sat up in the bed.

“You know
, I might miss the simplicity of this place. Does that sound crazy?”

“Not at all;
I get what you mean. It’s easy to have things laid out for you on the inside. We know when we eat, work, sleep, and even shower. Sometimes taking the planning and thought out of those simple decisions makes the mind less clouded and judgmental.”