Running From Destiny (27 page)

“I’m not sure, you are much more his type, I just can’t.....”

“Stop it Ally. Damn it! When will you get it through your thick skull that you are a catch? I’ve been telling you this, over and fucking over but you just won’t listen to me. Shit Ally. Get your head out of your ass and take it for face value. He likes YOU! He wants YOU! Quit over thinking it and just go with it for once in your life!”

“I
...I....Shit, I can’t Heather. I can’t get my heart broken again. He is just too.....” I release a deep breath, “perfect. And that scares the shit out of me. He’s super good looking, super sweet and super wealthy....crap, maybe it’s his money that scares me?” I ask her, but not really believing it. No, it’s his demanding possessive ways that scare the shit out of me, but I don’t say that out loud.

“No, Al.
It’s not his money you are scared of. You are scared of opening your heart to him; you're scared to let him in. He has proven it over and over with the things he’s done.”

“What?
Like almost getting both of us killed?” I screech.

“Al,
that was not his fault. He hired Chase to keep an eye on you, so he was trying to protect you. He had no way of knowing this would happen.” She tells me trying to calm me, but it’s not working.

“I don’t know, I need some time to think things through.
So many things have happened in such a short time that I don’t know which end is up.”

“I know, it’s all kinda surreal.
Take some time, but don’t make him wait for you. That’s not fair to either one of you.”

“I know.”

Chapter 23

I spend the afternoon doing bullshit throughout the apartment.
Washing dishes that are already clean, doing laundry that is also clean, I sweep, vacuum and dust, just to kill time. Cleaning keeps my mind from wandering, even though I know I need to relax and figure this out, I just can’t right now. My land line rings and I just about jump out of my skin. No one uses this line. “Hello?”

“Ally, hey.
It’s Dani Lombardi. I’m at the gate, can I come in and talk for a few minutes?”

“Umm, okay.” I say as I press the 9 on the phone, opening the gate, then hang up the phone.
What does she want? Oh wait, Jackson probably sent her to check on me, make sure I wasn’t sick or sleeping or something. Great. I told him I needed space, so he sends his sister to do his dirty work. Fuck him. This is the last straw, he just can’t let it go.

Dani knocks on the door and I reluctantly open it, stepping back to allow her to enter.
“I’m sorry to just drop in, but I wanted to come by and talk to you, I hope you don’t mind. And, before you ask...Jackson did not send me over here. I asked him where you live and he told me, but he doesn’t know I’m here.” She says with sympathy in her eyes.

“Come on in.” I say, “Can I get you something to drink?”
She shakes her head and sits down on the sofa.

“Cute place, Ally.
I like how you have it decorated.”

“Thanks.”
I say as I look around. My tan microfiber sofa and matching chair with ottoman that I got at a second hand store. A brown, multi shelved entertainment center from IKEA that has my small TV and a boom box. The walls are stark white like in all generic apartments, but I put up colorful prints and bright red valances over the windows. Its home to me.

“Listen.
I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but Jackson misses you already. He’s told me about your insecurities and that you have been fighting him on this the whole time, but he knows you have feelings for him.”

“He had no right to tell you about my so calle
d
insecurities
,
Dani. Yes, I realize they are there, but that’s me and I can’t change...I won’t change who I am for him or any other man.”

“No, you shouldn’t and he wouldn’t want you to.” She looks down at her hands tangled together in her lap and I get the feeling she is nervous about being here.

“Jackson won’t ever tell you why he is the way he is.” She continues.

“What?
Demanding? Possessive? Egotistical? Crazy as hell? Shall I go on?”

She laughs
, “No need. He is all of those things, and more. He’s a good man Ally. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother. He’s different around you, calmer. More mellow. And, the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking, or maybe you just don’t see it, but steel could melt under his gaze.

He and Madison planned to get married, as you know.
But that wasn’t entirely his decision. Our parents and hers, sort of planned it as they grew up. She was never really his type, thin and tall. He always liked curvier girls growing up, and the bulimia she had scared him. He told me he would never, ever get involved with another skinny model type. Too many issues and worries to go along with that.

Do you know what he did the evening he met you?” She asks.

“I know he barged into my hotel room and I woke up with him next to me, not even knowing how he got there. He told you this?” I ask as she nods her head.

“Before he came up to your room, he called me from the hotel lobby after you had left.
When I answered the phone, before I could even say ‘hello’ he blurted out,
“
I Found Her.” I knew what he was talking about, but I was skeptical at first. Hell, he’d just met you. You provided a challenge to him, and your beauty and brains were the icing on the cake.”

“I don’t know what to say, Dani.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just don’t drag him along, he can’t handle it right now. He may not have loved Madison as a wife, but he loved her as a person and a friend. Her death has been very hard on him, he feels guilty like he could have somehow saved her, but we both know that wasn’t possible. Take some time and think, but if you decide that you no longer want to be involved with him, all I ask is that you let him down easy. He’s my baby brother and I don’t want to see him hurt again.” She finishes as she stands to leave.

“You are a beautiful, smart and feisty girl.
Jackson loves that about you. Please, think about this long and hard, and don’t keep him waiting too long, his heart won’t be able to handle it.”

She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug, her purse on her should and keys in hand
, and she says nothing else. She sees herself out of my apartment, closing the door leaving me sitting on the couch, speechless.

I suddenly feel like I should call Jackson and I pick up my phone, but before I dial I slam it back down on the table.
Shit. I do this several times before taking the phone into the kitchen and putting it on the charger. 20% battery life is not a good percentage to make a call that might end up lasting a while. Yeah, my reasoning makes no sense.

I continue fidgeting around the apartment and decide I can’t do that anymore, but I have no idea what to do.
Yes I do, I’ll go visit Heather at her mother’s.

Heather's family lives in a town called Braselton, Georgia.
You know, the town formerly owned by Kim Basinger? I always thought that was a strange story, but apparently it was true. Their home is in a gated community close to the Chateau Elan Winery. It’s not far from here, but I don’t get over there much. I call Heather and confirm she is up for visitors and jump in her car since she said she will bring me home. She’s been without her car since Saturday and I need to see her, to accept one of her massive bear hugs. I’ve told you before she’s a hugger, me not so much, but right now I need a fix.

The interstate is clear and I fly up I85, exiting at Highway 211 and making a left.
This is still a pretty rural area with fields and horses, as well as lots of subdivisions that have popped up along the way. I pull up to the gate, tell the guard who I am visiting, and the arm raises up. I slowly drive through the neighborhood streets, keeping my eye out for errant golf carts that occasionally cruise around. Whipping the Prius into the driveway, Heather meets me at the door. And like I needed, she drops her crutches, grabs me and pulls me into a massive Heather hug. I press my face to her shoulder, since she’s a bit taller than me and I cry so hard her shirt is wet.

She pulls me into the house and we sit down on the plush leather sofa that faces a two story wall of windows overlooking the golf course.
Men in colorful clothing toting golf bags are walking the course. I stare out the window while I calm myself. No need to have a panic attack now. I start thinking maybe I really need to get some medication to help me with this shit. I never acted this way before Jackson came into my life, but lately it happens more and more.

We sit there in silence until I finally break it.
“Dani came to see me today.”

“Dani?” S
he raises her eyebrows.

“Yeah, Jackson’s sister.
She came to talk to me about Jackson.”

I tell her all about the conversation and sulk back into the sofa.
She really didn’t help matters any. I told him I needed time and instead, his sister comes roaring into my apartment, basically trying to talk me into giving this thing with Jackson a shot. But I just don’t know. I look at him, then look at myself and I just don’t see it. But in my silence I remember the smooth skin of his chest, the smattering of dark hair between his pecs, trailing down to that sexy v that disappears into his pants....because I know what’s under there. I remember running my fingers over him and the way he made love to me in New York, causing a tremble to run through my body.

Never
has a man made me feel this way and I fear no other man will satisfy that feeling ever again. He’s ruined me for other men, anyone else would run second place behind him. I close my eyes and run through the past few months, all the way to the beginning back in Miami. Then I go back a little further and concentrate on how much my life has changed in the past few months. I’m close to getting that promotion I want, I have a nice place to live and a brooding man wanting to be in my life. Not bad for a small town girl from Buford, Georgia huh?

But is it what I want?
I don’t know...I think yes, I couldn’t be happier and then I think no, I hate changes and want my old life back. My old life was calm and quiet. Safe. No excitement, no challenges no nothing, boring. But I like boring, and I like excitement. Shit, I’m so torn.

Heather does her best to try and console me, but we both know this is my decision to make and her advice is just that, advice.
She can’t force me to do anything and I’m not ready to jump into the love game just yet.

After a good movie and some popcorn and soda, she drives my caffeinated ass back to the apartment.
She decides to go back to her apartment and she lets me out at her place. I walk down the sidewalk to mine. I get into bed and turn back into a slobbering mess, crying myself to sleep.

Because of everything going on, I take two weeks off work.
I promise to help Heather get around and do some things with her until she completely heals and goes back to work. The final weekend we head out for a movie and drinks on Sunday afternoon. The full two weeks pass and I hear nothing from Jackson. No phone calls, no emails, no texts....no kiss my ass or nothing. I shake it off as being for the better, though I am starting to miss him and wonder what would have happened if I had just taken the chance.

Lying in the bed on my last night off, the gerbils in my brain start running on their wheel and I can’t make them stop.
I realize how much I miss him and those second thoughts come rushing in. I know I am probably too late and he now wants nothing to do with me, but I can’t help thinkingabout him and wonderin
g
What If
?
which is exactly what Heather said. Damn it, why does she always have to be right?

Grabbing my laptop and powering it on, I decide to Google him, and based on the pictures I see, he has been in New York working with the NYPD on the investigation and arrest of the trolls that kidnapped Heather and me.
Apparently its big news in New York and the press seems to be following him everywhere. Just another reason for me to stay away, but fear and grief overwhelm me once again.

He looks haggard with a 7 day shadow on his jaw, heavy lidded eyes surrounded by dark circles and thick bags.
He looks thinner too, his clothes hang on him loosely. But he still looks gorgeous, and a pang of sadness and guilt overwhelm me that he looks like that because of me.

I click on one of the news links featuring his name and read the article.

Elusive drug lord, Sebastien DiMarco arrested and indicted in New York Metro Courts for
drug smuggling. Indicted along with him were Franco Silvia, James Love and Steven O’Reilly, who are presumed to be his right hand men.

Damn. No wonder he looks so bad. Feeling a little better that it probably isn’t me causing his despair, I scan the rest of the article and it doesn’t mention Jackson, but I know that’s why he’s there. The next article I click on talks about Jackson being the World’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Nice. I refuse to click on that one, cause I figured I have tortured myself enough already.

Monday comes too soon and I slam my hand down on the snooze button to shut off the annoying buzzing sound.
I lay there debating whether or not to take one more day off, but I get myself ready and drive into the office. Tim is surprised to see me, as is Nosey Sally who has cornered me in the kitchen. Great, just what I need this morning.

“Ally, you’re back!
We didn’t expect to see you so soon. How ya doing?”

“I’m fine, Sal.
Just ready to get back to work.” I nod at her as I take my coffee and head back to my cubicle. She follows me this time and I can feel her behind me. I turn to face her, “What Sally? Need more fodder for your gossip column? I have nothing to say about anything, especially to you.” And I immediately regret it, because her eyes darken with pain like I just slapped her mother. “I’m sorry, Sal. But I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m all talked out, I just want to get to work and forget about all of it. Maybe one day I will fill you in, but right now I just can’t.”

Sally dips her head down and nods slowly, changing directions and going toward her own cubicle.

I’m scrolling through my emails and diary reminders, jotting everything down that I need to do today. Amazingly enough, most has been done by Tim not expecting me to be back in the office for a while. I’m zoned in on the computer when Tim comes up to my desk. “Glad to have you back, Ally. But are you sure this is a good idea? Jackson told me....” I hold my hand up to stop his talking. “Tim, with all due respect, I don’t need to hear what Jackson told you. I’m going stir crazy at home and need to get back to work.”

Changing the subject, I click on an email from the Ravinia project, “I see we got the contract.” I say as I scan the document.
“Am I still working on this or did you pass it along to someone else?”