Running Away - A Post-Apocalyptic Novel (The Ravaged Land Series Book 4) (21 page)

I
didn’t know
how I got there but I was standing in the middle of the living room. My body was turned, and I was facing the window but I was too far away from it to actually see anything. Sweat was dripping down my forehead and my heart was racing.

My eyes were so hot it felt like they were burning my eyelids. I blinked and rubbed at them, but I couldn’t get any tears out to try and soothe them. I didn’t have anything left.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Carter asked softly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. He tried to guide me back towards the chair.

“I think so.” I looked around as everything seemed to come back into focus. “Maybe not. I don’t know?”

I looked at him as if he would be able to tell me, but he just shook his head. It seemed strange to me that after everything he’d lost, he looked as though he was worried about me.

Before I could stop myself, my thoughts were on Dean. I stared in the direction of the barn as if I could see through walls. Carter took my hand into his and sat with me.

I thought about how, when I was drowning in the flood water, that I wanted to just give up. In fact, I did, just seconds before Penn pulled me up to the surface. If he didn’t save me, I wouldn’t even be sitting here right now. Could I really blame Dean for giving up?

I wouldn’t have ever imagined he’d do something like that. It must have been because of the sleep deprivation and lack of food and water, in addition to losing someone incredibly important. He hadn’t been thinking straight.

Even though I was mad, sad, frustrated, confused, heartbroken, and feeling very, very alone, I didn’t think I was capable of holding it against him. I loved him, but I wished with every ounce of my being he wouldn’t have left me behind.

We’d made a promise. Dean, Sienna, and I promised that, no matter what, we’d keep fighting if we lost someone, but he didn’t honor that promise. I thought back to when we made it and couldn’t even remember if he had actually agreed to it.

It felt selfish to think about, but if he had truly loved me, how had he been able to pull that trigger? Hadn’t he even considered what it would do to me?

I had made a promise to Sienna, and I planned on keeping it, no matter how hard it would be. Penn was still with me, but that was different. He hadn’t been there with me through everything since day one the same way Dean had.

Now it was just me that remained. I knew my days were numbered, but I would fight until my last breath. Out of all of us, I had been the weak link and now here I was still standing. Still fighting. I couldn’t allow myself to give up. Not now.

I’d show them all. And even though they weren’t here, it almost felt as though I could hear them cheering for me. Patting me on the back. All of them… Seth, Owen, Ryan, Sienna and Dean. I could see their smiling faces and hear their voices telling me that I could do it. That I would make it.

Tears streamed down my face. I missed them all so very much. I would have to find strength and do it for them. And for myself.

I blinked, and the room came back into focus. Carter was still holding my hand, and I looked down at Penn who was sitting next to me with his head down.

* * *

I
lost
track of time and somehow it was night. At some point I must have fallen asleep… sleep my body surely needed.

I couldn’t even guess at how many days had passed since I’d lost Dean and Sienna. Maybe it had only been a day or two, but really I didn’t even bother to pay attention to when the sun rose or set.

Carter or Penn would bring me water or noodles but most of my time was spent in a haze. I looked at Carter’s gun laying on the kitchen table. Which brought my mind to Dean’s gun that was still out in the barn.

Penn and Carter weren’t next to me, but I could hear their voices in the kitchen. They were talking softly, and I tried to make out what they were saying.

They were discussing what to do, if we should bother going to Michigan, or if we should continue traveling looking for help. Carter thought maybe there were others like us out there, but Penn thought we’d just keep moving until eventually HOME found us. They both agreed on one thing, they wanted to do what was best for me, only they couldn’t agree on what that was.

I pushed myself out of the chair and wobbled a second. My legs felt strange since I must not have used them in a while. I silently entered the kitchen and neither of them noticed me. Penn tapped the table with his fingers as if he was studying an invisible map.

They discussed things back and forth, each making their points, as they discussed the pros and cons of going out in search of help. In a way it almost sounded as if they were giving up. That they didn’t think we could make our own sanctuary in Michigan.

Penn stood up, his back to me, “We have to do the right thing here… we’re running out of time.”

“I know… I know… I just don’t know,” Carter said with a nod.

“Why can’t we just go to Michigan as planned?” I said startling them both.

Penn grabbed his chest and spun around almost losing his balance, “Jesus, Ros!”

“Sorry,” I said not feeling the least bit sorry. They were in the kitchen discussing our future plans without me. I was far from sorry.

“We can’t do this on our own… we tried. We tried hard, but we are losing the fight and losing everyone along the way,” Penn said rubbing at his eye. It looked as though he was pressing on the corner so that he wouldn’t start to cry.

“Well I’m still going to Michigan. I don’t want to get caught up with the resistance or killed by HOME,” I crossed my arms and straightened my spine. To me, I still believed we could find our home in Michigan.

Carter shrugged and looked down at his feet, “And how long will we survive in Michigan?”

“What if we can’t find anything?” Penn added.

“I don’t know. Then we can talk about other plans. We’ve come this far… I’m not giving up now.” I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, “I’m going with or without you. I hope with, but either way I’m going.”

Penn lowered his head and moving it side-to-side ever so slightly, “I don’t think you realize that even if we do find a place, we might not be able to find supplies. There is going to be so much work involved. I’m not sure I can do it.”

I could see how defeated he felt. He wasn’t trying to hide it. Each loss removed a layer of his shell and he was becoming less of a trained ninja and more of a real boy. I mean, normal person.

“I’ve done it before. Twice actually. Once before we went to Alaska, and once in Alaska, remember that one?” I asked, knowing he did because that’s where he found me. “And I did that one all by myself.”

“But supplies are gone. It’s different now then it was back then. I’m sure you’ve noticed the difference,” Penn said finally meeting my eyes.

I felt determined and angry. If he wanted to give up that was his choice. They could both go off on their own for all I cared. I was doing this.

“OK. Fine,” I said trying to keep the anger out of my voice. “You can stay here. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. Boil water to drink from the lakes, rivers, streams… whatever I find. I’ll catch fish. Grow seeds—”

“But you won’t have—”

“It’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to do it with or without you,” I said, the volume of my voice increasing with every word. “Come if you want to. I hope that you decide to. I’m leaving in the morning.”

I stomped out of the room and flopped back down into the squeaky recliner. My hands were shaking, but I was determined. I wasn’t sure how far I’d make it on my own with a single bullet in my gun, but I didn’t even care. If I died, at least I would die trying.

Their whispers continued after I had left the room, only this time they were quieter. After about ten minutes they came into the living room. Carter grabbed his gun off of the table and looked at me.

“I’m with you,” Carter said. His eyes didn’t have that same glow they once had, but there was something new in them. Courage? Tenacity? A renewed sense of purpose? It didn’t really matter, but it looked as though he had something to prove.

“Of course I am too,” Penn said with a puff of air. He flashed me a half-smile, “It’s not like I’d let you go without me.”

“Then it’s settled. Let’s pack up anything we can.” I got up and pushed my way between them. I went into the kitchen and started stacking random things on the table. We would fill the car in the garage with everything we could fit inside of it.

Penn and Carter checked to make sure it had gas and that they could get it started, while I went through every cabinet, drawer, and closet I could find. When they came back inside, they informed me that they had found the keys and we had about a half a tank of gas.

I’d found several empty bottles in the recycling bin, which Penn cleaned out in the pond. He rinsed and filled them with water he’d boiled. It wasn’t a lot of water but it was far better than no water at all.

Carter and I started packing up the trunk with what I’d gathered so far from the kitchen. We packed half-eaten boxes of noodles, several bags of dried beans that looked like they were twenty years old, and various spices that we’d probably never use. And we still had plenty of room in the trunk for more.

We each picked out random clothes that we hoped would fit and packed them as well. I even took the nearly full bottle of laundry detergent that had been sitting on a shelf in the laundry room. Maybe once we got to our home, I’d be able to wash our clothes. I’d find a way, even if I had to wash them in the lake and dry them on a clothesline. We’d be able to bathe, and we’d have clean clothes.

In the backseat, smashed under the passenger side, was an atlas. It was just like the one I had back when I’d been traveling with my friends to Alaska. Even though that hadn’t been a particularly pleasant trip, I hugged the atlas anyway. The old one had been helpful, and maybe with this new one we’d be able to find the best and quickest route to our new home.

“Should I keep watch first?” I asked hugging my knees in the nearly complete darkness. The moon was shining its blue glow in through the window providing us with a little light.

“Don’t bother,” Penn said stretching out on the floor and tucking his hands behind his head.

“Huh?”

“What’s the point? The doors are locked… if someone tries to get inside we’ll hear them. I’m not worried about it anymore,” Penn said closing his eyes.

I wasn’t sure what had caused him to rethink the way we did things. If someone stayed up, maybe we could see a stranger approaching from far enough away that we could escape. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

I looked to Carter hoping he’d back me up, but he just shrugged, “I think maybe he’s right. Sleep is probably more important. Besides, who’s going to be wandering around out here?”

It hadn’t taken much to convince me. I blamed lack of sleep for the choice Dean had made, maybe Penn did too. And once we found our new home, we’d want to be able to go to sleep without having to wake up every few hours to keep watch. It was too hard on our bodies and minds.

The sooner we went to sleep, the sooner we could wake up and leave for our new home. The one I needed to get to, and part of the reason might have been just to prove that I could do it.

When the sun woke me the next morning, I actually felt better… confident, in control and recharged. As we walked to the car, I made sure I didn’t look out the window towards the barn. If this was going to work, I had to focus on the future.

Of course I was going to grieve, but it would have to be in my way. In a way that would allow me to go on living and fighting for my own survival.

“The gun?” I said stopping before I got to the car.

“I got it,” Penn said raising up two guns. One of which had been his with a single bullet left and the other that had belonged to Dean with two left. Carter held his gun which probably didn’t have many bullets left either, and all I had was my nearly empty gun.

I didn’t know when he had gone out to get Dean’s gun, but I was glad he had because I wasn’t sure I would have been able to.

“You ready?” Penn asked as I sat down in the passenger seat. He had his hands on the keys.

I nodded and he started the car. He shifted the car in reverse and backed us out of the garage. Once we were on the road, he reached over and took my hand as we drove away from the house… away from Sienna… and away from Dean.

As soon as we found a marked road, I opened the atlas and tried to find our location. It didn’t take long before I found it on the map and was able to direct Penn the best way to go.

All we had to do was find gas along the way and if we had perfect driving conditions, we could be in Michigan by the end of the day. I smiled as I watched the scenery go by. It had probably been covered with corn fields and grazing cattle once upon a time, but now it was just empty, deserted nothings with random debris scattered about.

It almost felt like I was going home but I didn’t know if we would be able to find the place I was imagining in my head. We probably wouldn’t, knowing our luck. But for now, I just had to keep the hope alive. It was for my sanity.