Running Away - A Post-Apocalyptic Novel (The Ravaged Land Series Book 4) (20 page)

“You make them sound so delicious,” I said taking a careful bite. I worried maybe they’d taste like mud or worms, but they didn’t. They tasted like normal plain noodles would.

“Well?”

“Not bad. My compliments to the chef,” I said with a grin as I took another bite. I finished the bowl in record time, before Sienna had even taken her first bite.

Dean propped her up and Carter was trying to feed her. She didn’t even have the energy to chew the noodles. They just fell out of her mouth and onto her shirt. The noodles stayed there until Dean picked them off.

She turned her head slowly to Dean, and I saw her sunken cheeks and eyes. Her skin was so pale it looked pure white like a sheet of paper. It looked as though she was melting away. When she looked in my direction I wasn’t even sure if she was looking at me or through me.

“Deaaaa,” she moaned, her mouth unable to form the word. She was deteriorating so fast. Swimming in the dirty water, cold, no sleep, little food and water, it had all taken its toll on her already weak body. I didn’t know how she could fight this illness if she wasn’t eating or drinking.

“Yes, I’m here,” he said grabbing her hand. I could tell by his thick, choked-up voice that he was crying.

“Deeaaan-nah,” Sienna said trying to enunciate his name as best as she could. “Deeeeaan-ah om dyyyan.”

It took me a few minutes, but when I figured out what she was telling him I couldn’t stop the tears. I covered my face with my hands. I didn’t know if I could watch or listen to any of it. Alice was one thing, but Sienna… well that was different.

I loved her as if she was my sister. Now she was leaving us. And she knew it.

I
stood
up and went to her side. She turned her head towards me and tried to curl her lips to smile, but it didn’t really look like a smile.

“Rosss,” she said, and I put my hand on top of hers. Her fingers were so purple. I could see the long breaks between each of her breaths.

I wanted to do something for her, anything to stop this from happening. It was nearly impossible to accept, but there wasn’t anything I could do for her.

“Sienna,” I said wanting to hide my sadness from her, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be strong for her, but I failed. “I love you.”

She blinked and the corner of her mouth turned up, she looked happy for just a moment. Her lips moved slowly, “loow oo.”

There was so much more I wanted to say, should have said, but I couldn’t think of any of it. All I could think about was that this was not how this was supposed to go. This wasn’t how I wanted to remember her. I lightly squeezed her hand and left the room.

I went into the kitchen and pressed my back into the wall. My body slid down to the ground as I pressed my palms against my ears as hard as I could.

I didn’t want to hear Dean talking to her. Anything he would tell her would break my heart into so many tiny pieces I’d never be able to put myself together again.

And then Carter too. Although they hadn’t known each other for long, I saw how he felt about her almost right from the start. It was nearly instant. Love at first sight… maybe soulmates. Whatever it was, it had been very real.

Just thinking about all the things he’d tell her was almost too much to bear. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to any of us. And it certainly wasn’t fair to her.

After several minutes Penn walked into the kitchen. He didn’t say anything he just sat down next to me. I put my head down on his shoulder and I cried until I didn’t have any tears left.

I couldn’t even guess at how much time had passed when I saw Dean and Carter standing in the entrance way to the kitchen. I saw their red, pain-filled eyes and I knew she was gone.

* * *

D
ean and Carter
both helped Penn dig a hole for Sienna’s body under a large, saggy tree. It was as if even the tree was saddened by what the world had lost.

The ground was so soggy I wasn’t even sure if they’d be able to dig a sufficient hole. But once they got started, they didn’t stop for a break. They were able to manage a fairly decent sized hole which, thankfully, didn’t cave in on itself.

I collected rocks from around the yard while they worked. Maybe I should have stayed in the house to guard it in case someone came wandering around, but I couldn’t be in there alone. My thoughts would have gotten the best of me. Picking the rocks kept my mind slightly distracted from it all.

After they finished, Dean, Carter and Penn carried her out. It was unintentional, but it was done very ceremoniously. They all looked straight ahead. Tears streamed down Dean’s face and it looked like Penn was biting his lip to stop himself from crying.

They lowered her down wearing faces that looked like they were made out of stone. Dean clenched his teeth as he looked out at the horizon and shoveled in a scoop of the heavy, wet dirt. He passed the shovel to Carter so that he could do the same.

Carter’s shoulders were slumped down, but he managed to toss in some dirt before his body started jerking as he let out his cries. He dropped the shovel and fell down to his knees. He reached down to try to stroke her hair.

“No… why? No,” he wailed, and Penn quickly got him to his feet. Carter fell backwards and sat in the mud. Penn picked up the shovel and started to throw in dirt.

Dean just stood there like a statue. I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. He looked as though he’d been completely emptied.

I looked away from the hole so I wouldn’t have to watch as Penn covered her with the mud. My mind wanted to remember her when she was smiling or laughing.

I would think about how we’d shared a room in the shelter… that hadn’t even felt like the same life anymore. Or her face when she’d seen me at HOME after they’d thought I was dead. Her pink-tinged cheeks and perfect smile when she’d first met Carter. Those were the things I wanted to remember. Not this.

When Penn finally finished filling in the hole, he started packing it down with the back of the shovel. He was being careful to do it as respectfully as he could. I walked over to the patch of dirt and laid out the rocks I’d collected to make a heart shape. She would have liked it.

I looked down at the heart and bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry. I whispered my goodbye and followed the boys back inside the house.

W
hen we got
into the house, the guys took turns changing into whatever they could find. Carter only fit into a pair of pajama pants, but he didn’t care. He could have been naked and he probably wouldn’t have cared or even realized. What he was wearing was the last thing he would be thinking about.

Penn fell asleep on the living room floor next to the pile of kids’ toys. He was exhausted from not only all the digging, but everything else too. His body and mind had hit their limit.

I got him a blanket from one of the bedrooms and covered him. The more sleep Penn got the better it was for all of us.

Dean hadn’t said anything since it happened. He’d look up at me from time to time like he wanted to say something but then he’d turn away. All I could do was take his hand and tell him I was there for him.

If I could have, I would have taken away all of his pain, but I didn’t know how. He’d just lost his sister. He had every right to feel everything he was feeling.

After we’d lost Owen, he’d disappeared from himself for a while too, and Sienna would be worse. I would be waiting for him when he came back to me.

Carter was beside himself. He couldn’t sit still. One minute he was in a chair rocking himself, the next staring out of the window and seconds after that he’d be pacing up and down the short hallway.

“Can I get you anything?” I asked when he went back to stare out the window. Penn had found and filled several containers with boiled pond water so we would have water if we needed it. “Maybe something to drink, or something to eat?”

“No,” he said looking out at the big, saggy tree. He turned towards me, his eyes puffy, “I mean, no thank you.”

When night rolled around, Carter would try to lay down but after five minutes he’d be up moving around or staring out the back window again. Penn was still asleep, and I didn’t bother to wake him. I’d sleep later.

Dean looked as though he was trying to sleep but, understandably, it appeared to be a challenge for him. He couldn’t get comfortable. There were a couple times he fell asleep, but he didn’t stay asleep for very long.

I rocked the chair back and forth listening to the silence, trying to fill my mind with thoughts of Michigan. Even though I started to feel tired, I stayed awake. Someone needed to keep watch in case something happened or someone came snooping around. Even though it was the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep… I’m up anyway,” Carter said, standing over me. He looked down at me with wide eyes and stared at me awkwardly. Carter was a mess. It was obvious he needed rest. He looked as though he was in a daze not even sure where he was.

“You sure?” I said not really believing he was OK to keep watch. I wasn’t even sure if I could fall asleep, but I needed rest too, before I was stuck in the same haze that had captured Dean and Carter.

“Yes. I’m sure,” he said and started coughing. He covered his mouth with one hand and pressed his palm against the wall to brace himself.

“Oh, no,” I whispered.

“I think so… not sure. But I’d been with Alice through it all and never got sick.”

Maybe he had been healthier back at the resistance camp. He’d certainly been far less worn out. They fed him and probably for every meal. He likely could get all the rest he wanted whenever he needed it. Being with us was a different story.

“It could just be a cough,” I said with a tight-lipped smile. I tried to look positive, but I don’t think I was able to pull it off.

“Sure… maybe,” he said and went back to stare out the window some more.

I curled up in the chair and rested my head against my bent arm. It was comfortable enough, and as long as I didn’t think about what happened, I was pretty sure sleep would find me. I was worn out. The room started to disappear into the darkness of my closed eyes and I must have fallen into a deep sleep.

BANG!

I jerked awake and looked around the room. Some kind of loud noise had startled me, but I wasn’t sure if it was just part of my dream or something that had really happened.

Penn must have heard it too because he was moving. He pushed his body up slightly off of the floor and looked around.

“Did you hear something too?” I asked keeping my voice low.

“Yeah… I think so.” Penn blinked his eyes a few times. It seemed as though he still wasn’t sure if he was awake.

“Where’s Dean?” I asked looking at the empty space where he had been when I fell asleep. I didn’t hear Carter pacing the hallway, and he wasn’t staring out the window either. “And Carter too?”

They were probably in the kitchen finally allowing themselves to have some food and water. Their bodies needs had probably become too much, and they had to give in, even if they didn’t want to. Survival instincts had kicked in.

Penn got up and went to the kitchen but crossed back towards the hallway shaking his head. I could tell by the look on his face they weren’t in there. Each door in the hallway creaked as Penn pushed them open one by one.

I got up to watch, narrowing my eyes with each door. Then he pressed on the bathroom door, but it didn’t budge. He glanced at me and then lightly knocked.

The door opened and Carter stepped out. I could tell he had been crying. His eyes were still red and puffy, “Yeah?”

“Oh… sorry. Just wondering where you and Dean were,” Penn said stepping away to give him space to exit the bathroom.

Carter coughed, “Well you found me.”

“So where’s Dean then?” I asked as I crossed my arms in front of my body. I suddenly started to worry that HOME or the resistance was here and they’d taken Dean.

Penn pulled out his gun as if he had a similar thought. He walked over to the door that led to the garage and opened it so he could peek inside. It didn’t seem likely he’d be in the garage, so I walked over to the window, thinking maybe he had gone out to Sienna’s tree.

The sunlight shone through the branches and the light danced playfully on the freshly dug up ground. It looked as though the mud was already starting to dry up.

But Dean wasn’t there either.

I caught something moving in the corner of my eye. The door on the small barn was gently swinging back and forth in a seemingly light breeze. What would Dean be doing out in the barn?

Penn came up behind me and instantly noticed what I was looking at. He quickly walked out of the house holding his gun as if ready to shoot. Carter and I followed behind, but I didn’t bother taking out my gun.

I watched Penn disappear into the barn and then slowly back out. His hand was over his mouth. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost.

“What’s going on?” I said squinting as I glanced up at Carter. My eyes quickly shifted back towards Penn who looked troubled.

“Not sure,” Carter said putting his hand on my arm, and then we jogged to get closer to Penn. Carter pushed on my shoulder as if to tell me to stay still as he went to the barn door. He stopped and turned towards me with those wide unblinking eyes I’d seen before.

He raised his palms up and slowly walked towards me. I shook my head side-to-side. My stomach felt as though it was closing in on itself, as if it knew something was wrong. I tried to move my feet, but they were so heavy I couldn’t even lift them.

Penn stood there staring at the door until he saw me lift a foot and move closer. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back, “No!”

“What?” I said, my hands shaking uncontrollably. “I don’t understand.”

“No… oh Christ no,” Penn said pulling at me as I grew impossibly strong and fought against him. What had they seen? Why weren’t they telling me?

“Tell me what’s going on!” I screamed. I didn’t care who heard me or even if I summoned every dog-beast in existence. I wanted to know what was happening.

“No, no, no, no. Stop! No!” Penn said trying to move me away from the barn. Carter started coming towards me, but he stopped, turned back and closed the barn door before helping Penn push me back into the house.

I tried to fight them both, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know why they weren’t telling me what was going on.

“Fucking tell me! I deserve to know!” I shouted. My voice squeaked as I hit a strange lump in my throat. Tears of frustration started falling down my cheeks. I knew something wasn’t right.

“It’s Dean,” Penn said unable to keep his emotions in check. What was out there that could throw Penn over the edge like this? He’d seen and done terrible things but right now he couldn’t even talk straight.

I turned to Carter, “What about Dean? Tell me!”

Penn fell to his knees next to me and grabbed onto my pants. His fingers climbed up my leg until he found my hand and squeezed it.

“Ros, I’m so, so, so sorry to tell you this, but… he’s gone,” Carter said looking off to the side the second the words left his mouth. I knew that he had told me something, but the words weren’t making sense.

“Gone? But where? He left us?” I shook my head not knowing why he’d leave us at a time like this. But what did him leaving us behind have to do with the barn? “Why would he do that?”

Penn sobbed harder.

Carter ignored my questions and still couldn’t look at me, “He had bullets left in his gun.”

My mind raced back to the noise that had caused me to wake up. The loud banging noise I’d heard. It was a gunshot.

“Oh,” I said turning to go to the living room. I wasn’t sure where my body was taking me but I felt like I had little to no control over it. My legs felt wobbly, and the room started to spin. I took a few more steps before I stumbled and fell to the ground. My ears were ringing so loudly I thought they were bleeding. I started to stand back up but I couldn’t balance with how fast the room was moving and I fell back down.

I raised my head up, but the room was still moving too fast. A warmth flooded my body, starting at my toes and working its way all the way to my throat. I felt like I was going to faint, but instead I opened my mouth and threw up all over the floor.

When I finished, Carter was there to help me up. He whispered, “I got you.”

He guided me to the recliner and disappeared into the bathroom. Even though the room was still spinning, I watched as he put the towels down and cleaned up my mess.

I saw Penn still kneeling on the floor. Carter reached out his hand to him and after a minute or so, Penn sniffed and accepted the help. They both came into the living room. Carter pulled up a chair next to me and Penn sat by my feet with his back against the chair.

We sat together in silence.