Run Rosie Run (18 page)

The level of personal debt, the burden his father had carried alone, had meant the loss of the house.

At least his business with Nico enabled him to live in his beloved home.

But the letter stating that Bronte was his half-sister was the straw that had broken the camel’s back. He’d understood why his parent’s had done it, guilt. But why hadn’t they left him a letter?

He hadn’t been able to cope with Bronte’s decision to find and tell her biological father he had a daughter. And the rift between them had almost killed him. Alexander could admit it now. It had taken him too long to accept the new reality of his world.

He wasn’t a fool. He knew life changed when you least expected it. But he’d been brought up to believe in certain principles; in honour, to have strict values and an ethical code of conduct befitting a Ludlow.

All of it had been blown out of the water by the very people who’d drummed it into him his entire life.

So he’d thrown his heart and soul into refurbishing and opening Ludlow Hall into a Ferranti Hotel & Spa as an equal partner with Nico.

And life was good again.

Bronte, Nico and the kids were the centre of his life.

He’d even accepted Bronte’s biological father, Carl Terlezki, into his life.

And then there was Rosie.

His heart stumbled as it always did when he though of her these days.

She’d always been his fate.

It was an absolute disgrace that it’d taken him so long to realise it.

But the ground under him had shifted again and he was no longer sure of his footing with her.

He wanted her, with a soul-stirring so deep, it made him desperate to touch, to hold.

There was something that looked like desire in her eyes.

She wasn’t indifferent to him, he knew that.

But he could see fear too and that worried him.

How on earth was he going to change the fundamental dynamic of their relationship?

A relationship that had always been more like siblings.

The feelings, he now acknowledged, had always been there.

When she’d been a young woman, a girl, he’d persuaded himself that his physical response to her was inappropriate.

But she was a woman now.

His life was settled again.

He had a home that needed a wife and children.

And he could see Rosie quite clearly at the centre of his life.

But he had no idea how to start or what to do about it.

Perhaps he needed to start treating her as a normal woman?

Court her and take her out on dates? Bring her flowers?

He’d been good at that.

But would she accept him?

No point in wondering, much better to find out sooner rather than torturing himself like this.

Rosie stared at Alexander as if he’d grown another head.

They were sitting at a table set for two on the balcony of his apartment. The head chef at The Hall had sent up her favourite meal, crispy beef with stir fried vegetables, but she couldn’t eat a mouthful since the man sitting opposite had finished his little speech.

‘So, what you’re saying is that you never mentioned to me how you felt about me because you weren’t in the right place in your head? It wasn’t the right time? Is that it?’

She was absolutely furious with him and he had the bloody cheek to sit there looking bewildered.

‘Yes. I’ve just said that haven’t I?’ Then his eyes went dark. ‘How would you feel if you found out the mother you loved and adored had an affair, got pregnant with another man’s child. A child you believed was your sister?’

‘Pretty shitty about the first part. But she
is
your sister.’

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

‘I
know
that. But it’s not just about all that.’

‘What is it about, then?’

‘When you were sixteen, damn it, you were too young. I was twenty-three and too old for you. You made me feel... itchy. And I didn’t like it.’ He scowled at her. ‘In many ways I still don’t like it.

‘But I have very strong feelings and I want to see where they lead.’

He did, did he?

She couldn’t seem to stop the pain.

He had feelings for her so why wasn’t she doing a happy dance?

‘So, I’m just for when times are good?’ Her eyes blazed into his. ‘What’ll happen when the bad times come again? Because they always do.’

‘Then we’ll see them through together.’

Rosie threw down her napkin.

‘Will we? How do I know that? How can I trust you? You’ve just admitted waiting years when we could have been together because it wasn’t ‘right’ for you.’

He blinked.

‘You’re twisting my words.’

‘Am I? Am I really? Well I’ve got news for you. You don’t get to decide when, where or how for me. You don’t get to make decisions on my life and how I’m going to live it.’

She leapt to her feet, hands fisted at her side.

God, she wanted to punch him!

‘I’ve resigned from Sweet Sensations. I leave at the end of the month and
my
plans are to spend time in Cyprus with my family before I move to New York.’

Rosie sat with a bump since her head was spinning.

And really looked at Alexander, the man she loved more than life itself, as if seeing him for the very first time.

For years she’d been waiting, wanting and needing.

She shook her head.

But there was something missing.

Something crucial.

And that something was love.

Oh, she could see how he
thought
he had feelings for her. But it wasn’t enough.

Imagine telling a woman he wanted her in the same tone as ‘pass the salt?’

Oh he’d got all hot and heavy when his system was ruled by the muscle between his legs, but that was a typical male reaction to a woman he was attracted to.

It meant nothing since she knew guys got hard just watching a pretty woman walk down the road.

She wanted more than that, much more.

She wanted that uncontrollable passion, that hunger, that overwhelming lust and a need that was like insanity.

And Rosie didn’t see any of that in those dark, intense eyes for her.

She knew, in that precise moment, she would settle for nothing less.

‘It won’t work.’

Damn it, it shattered her to be offered the one thing she’d wanted for so long.

Why now?

Why couldn’t this have happened years ago when she’d have leapt at the chance?

He sat there sipping his wine and didn’t even look surprised at her response.

What the hell was wrong with him?

What the hell was wrong with her?

‘Why?’ he wanted to know.

His eyes never left her face.

How the hell she kept her cool, she’d never know.

She kept her voice low and controlled.

‘We’re not equal.’

His vivid green eyes narrowed.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘You’re a blue-blood.’

Alexander’s eyes never left hers.

‘My blood is as red as yours.’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Are you or are you not attracted to me?’

Bastard.

She looked down, moved her food around her plate.

‘You know I am.’

‘But you don’t think you can let me make love to you?’

She shook her head.

How could a man who was truly attracted to a woman talk about it in such a matter-of-fact way?

Her love for him wasn’t like that.

It was a huge living, breathing entity that would eat her alive if she gave into it.

‘Actually, it’s not about me.’

By the look in his eye she could tell he was annoyed.

‘I don’t understand. Unless you’re afraid? Is that it, Rosie? Are you scared of me?’ His eyes narrowed into icy slits as another thought hit him. ‘Wait a minute. Is it that you feel somehow beneath me? What you are, what you have, is somehow less? Something to be looked down upon?’

He stood, rounded the table and pulled her to her feet.

This was so typical of the way Alexander picked things apart.

She knew he wouldn’t give up now until he’d got to the bottom of her feelings.

Her heart was beating like a trapped bird’s, in rapid bumpy jerks.

She could only stare up into his furious face.

He shook her.

‘What the hell are you thinking?’

She made a vain attempt to stem the flow of his anger.

‘That’s not what I said ...’

His fingers dug into the soft skin of her wrists.

‘You should be ashamed of yourself.’

Her breath was hitching in her throat.

‘You’re hurting me.’

He released her, stepped back as if she’d burned him. But Rosie knew she needed to make it clear not only to him but to herself.

‘All I’m trying to say is that we’re different. Where we come from and what we want.’

He paced to the door and back.

‘Okay, what do you want?’

Rosie opened her mouth, and closed it on the discovery that she didn’t have an answer.

How had the conversation turned so deep, so fast? But she did her level best to tell him nothing but the truth.

‘I’ve always wanted to travel. To Rome, New York, even Zanzibar.’

Now his brow creased.

‘Bronte said you stayed for us. After the accident, you stayed.’

‘Well, I was hardly going to waltz off to Paris or New York when she needed me, when her entire world ended. What kind of a friend would that make me?’

‘A very special one.’

‘Yeah? You’ve changed your tune. It wasn’t so long a go you were saying I was a bad influence on Bronte.’

Now his lips twitched.

‘You were a bad influence. I’ve cursed you plenty of times over the years. God, you were a wild child.’

The way he said it, with a deep affection and sincerity made her sit back, really look at him.

‘Did you never want to leave?’

‘You mean The Hall?’

She nodded.

‘I’m rooted here. Bronte’s the same. To leave here would have broken her heart. Nico understands that. So they have The Dower House and their place at Lake Como. It works for them.’

And there it was, right there, the conflict and incompatibility that would never be overcome.

‘I’m not rooted here and I’ve come to a decision to move on with my life. And I still need time to think about that. I respect your feelings, Alexander, but I don’t believe you are capable of giving me what I need.’

White now, he flinched as if she’d slapped him.

‘So, you’re not even going to give me a chance?’ His voice was soft and low. ‘I didn’t mean to lose my temper.’

Rosie couldn’t stop herself.

The look of total devastation in his eyes made her lay her hand on his arm.

‘Let’s just forget it and remain friends.’

He held her hand, brought it to his mouth.

‘My heart to you is given: oh, do give yours to me; we’ll lock them up together, and throw away the key.’

Tears stung her eyes.

The man was quoting Frederick Saunders, after she’d told him she wanted to be friends?

Unbelievable.

‘That’s not playing fair, Alexander.’ Her voice was shaky.

‘We’re not sixteen, Rosie. We’re adults. I knew the moment we kissed. How did it feel for you?’

Just like coming home she wanted to say.

Instead she said,

‘Too tempting.’

He stepped into her, took her in his arms, cruised his lips along her jaw and smiled.

‘That’s a good start. We both need to change the way we think about each other.’

That mouth was a lesson in sheer temptation as it kissed the hectic pulse under her ear, his teeth nibbling her soft lobe. Her entire body was shivering with awareness, aching with desire.

His fingers tucked her hair behind her ear, the touch possessive as he stroked a gentle finger down her cheek.

Then his mouth captured hers and it was nothing like the last time.

There was nothing tentative or gentle.

His mouth was hot and hard, a scorching brand that told her how much he wanted her. That she belonged to him.

The room was spinning.

All sorts of wanton thoughts whirled in her mind.

It almost killed her, but Rosie tore her mouth from his.

‘Stop!’

But Alexander took her hand and pressed it to his swollen erection.

His voice shook with a frustration that made her wince.

‘You see this? Feel this? You are killing me and trust me, we are going to do something about it.’

‘How is it my fault that you’re...’ She thrust him away and stepped back. ‘I don’t want to do this with you.’

The look in those dark eyes told her she’d hurt him, badly.

A skinny worm of sweat trickled down her back.

He simply looked at her for an unremitting moment.

Then his jaw clenched.

Those eyes narrowed into icy slits.

Oh, bugger.

‘Okay. You don’t want a relationship but you want a fuck buddy, right? I’ll be your fuck buddy.’

What?

‘Excuse me?’

Sincere shock made her voice too high.

Now he sat in a chair, stretched out his long legs and just grinned up at her.

‘Me. You. Us. Together. Like rabbits. Whenever and wherever we want it.’

The room tilted and she sank into a chair.

She couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. This was crazy.

‘What about Bronte and Nico?’

He shrugged.

‘It’s none of their business, is it?’

‘We live in a small town. People talk.’

‘Do I look as if I give a rat’s ass about what people will say? You’re leaving so I don’t know what your problem is.’

Her belly squeezed.

‘Just sex?’

Those eyes stared dead into hers and the look in them for her made her shiver.

‘Of course. No strings.’ Then he added in a silky voice, ‘Seems to be your modus operandi. Was that the deal you had with dear Simon? That was the deal with Josh wasn’t it?’

If she hadn’t been sitting down, her legs would have given way.

Josh told him?