Ruining You (29 page)

Spring arrives swiftly as April brings
May showers, and I can’t believe how much my life has bloomed. Even with the
trial approaching, things have never been better, and my friends surround me
with support and love. As I sit in my living room across from Cal, my happiness
is slightly overshadowed, knowing that it has a price.

“You know, you suck at video games.
After how many months, you should at least be able to get through the first
couple of plays before screwing everything up.” Cal looks at me with disgust.

“Geez, Cal. It’s just a freaking game,”
I say, throwing down my controller. Looking at him, my bubble of contentment
bursts, but I can’t let him know how much it upsets me when I have days like
this -- days when the sight of him in a wheelchair turns me inside out with
sickness. He should be playing real football instead of acting it out on a
screen.

“Hey, you’re the one that wanted to join
this online tournament,” he says, tossing his controller down beside mine. “No
use in ignoring the elephant in the room is there? So, the trial is next week.
Do you want to talk about it?”

Standing, I begin pacing in front of
him, turning only to answer, “No, between the D.A. and Agent Morris, I’m talked
out. They have questioned me so many times that I’m sick of hearing my own self
talk about it. They even took me to the courtroom and had me practice. It’s all
just crazy.”

“What are you worried about?”

I stop, turning towards Cal as anger
builds inside me. The words spew from me, “What am I worried about, Cal? Well,
let’s see, just that I’m going to tell a room full of strangers what happened
to me and how the man sitting in that courtroom is really a monster in
disguise. That they have to take my word for it.” Getting worked up for just a
second, I continue, “Then there is this chance that they don’t believe me. That
I have to walk out of that courtroom knowing he is going to walk out right
behind me, free. Knowing that I might not only fail me, but JT as well.” I
pause, then whisper, “And you.” Walking over to the windows, I look out at
nothing at all.

I hear his wheelchair roll across the
floor, stopping somewhere behind me. Feeling his hand against mine, he links
our fingers together. “You are not getting on that stand for me, because if you
are, that’s the wrong reason. You know the only reason for you to testify is
for you.”

“Where is your justice, Cal? How do you
get through everyday not hating what happened? Wishing you had never met me?
Wishing you had your legs back?” I turn to him.

“Damn it, Jay. Just stop it! Yeah, I
want my legs back, but that’s not going to happen. Some days, I wake up
thinking I’ll just get out of bed and start walking; I even think I can feel my
legs move.”

“Your life is ruined,” I start to say,
when he stops me.

“Forget you, Jay. JT’s life was ruined
because he died. I’m still here and fighting every day to live the life I have
left. It’s not the same one I had or the one I would have chosen, but it’s the
only one I got. And here I was thinking you had changed and you were the only
person on this earth that could understand that with me.”

He grabs the wheels of his chair,
turning himself around and trying to get away from me.

“Cal, wait. I’m sorry. I just want you
to have a life and meet someone.”

Suddenly wheeling back around, he glares
at me, “What are you saying? No one is going to love me in this chair? That my
life is over, and I should just sit here and wither away?”

Oh God, he is so upset with me. I try to
talk to him, “No, I’m sorry, it’s just that... I shouldn’t have said...,” I
don’t even know what I’m saying.

“I’ll have you know that girls talk me
up all the time, regardless of this chair.  Unlike some people, that isn’t all
they see.”  He wheels back and out the door.

Chasing him into the hallway, I try to
explain myself, “Please Cal, let me explain. I’m just upset, and my head is
going to places that I never wanted to visit again. Please just let me talk to
you.”

Stopping, he doesn’t turn around. I walk
around in front of him and open my heart saying, “Some days, I start thinking
about JT, and I miss him so much.” The old familiar ache starts in my heart as
the tears well in my eyes. “I think about seeing that smiling face every day
for so many years, and how I never will again. It’s crazy. I didn’t talk to him
hardly for two years, but I knew he was still there, and I could breathe
knowing that.”

“Jay,” he starts, “I thought you and
Kane were doing good.”

I say, “No, we are doing great, but that
doesn’t mean that I don’t miss JT and that I wish that night didn’t happen. I
love Kane, but you are the only other person on this earth that called JT your
best friend and can understand why I miss him like I do.”

“Have you been back to his grave?”

I shake my head.

“Maybe we can go together?” he asks.

“I’d like that, Cal.” Looking down, I
grasp his hand. “Forgive me for saying the wrong thing? I’m sorry.”

He nods his head and says, “Just so you
know, I pick up girls all the time in my chair. In fact, I sweep them off of
their feet.” Turning his chair, he reaches around my knees and literally sweeps
me off my feet so I land on his lap. Looking into my eyes, he says, “I make
this chair look good.”

Laughing, I pull myself from my dark
thoughts and push out of his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you, Jay. You’re getting nervous
about the trial, and you’re going to blame yourself. Just stop. Deal with
getting through this, and we’ll figure everything else afterwards. Okay? And
Jay, I’ll figure my life out. It’s not yours to worry about.”

Seeing the look of hurt in his eyes,
that I put there, I nod my head and tell him what I’ve felt forever. “Cal, I
know that whoever you give your heart to will be the luckiest girl in the
world. They will hold the biggest heart I have ever known in the palm of their
hand, and they will thank their lucky stars for you.” He smiles up at me, so I
add, “And if they don’t, I’ll kick their ass.” Balling my fist up, I smile back
and punch his shoulder.

Laughing he says, “Deal. Now go fix me
some lunch, since you were so mean to me. I’m starving.”

I do as he asks and head into the
kitchen as he follows. While he talks, I send up a silent prayer thanking God
that he is still beside me and that, maybe, someone just as special as him will
come into his life. He deserves it, and I want that for him. To be happy.

After Cal leaves, I turn the alarm on.
My mother had to run some errands, and I’m by myself. Running up the stairs to
my room, I check my phone to see if Kane texted me. He is working on a big
project with Cole, so I haven’t seen him much this past week; however, we talk
every day and text message constantly. Frowning, I see that he hasn’t sent any
messages today, so I text him.

Me – Miss you...

And I do, he’s been my stronghold
through this storm. Minutes later, my phone vibrates.

Kane – Good

Where is he going with this?

Me – Good?

Kane – Yeah, because I’m headed to your
house in about five minutes and you can show me how much.

My heart swells with the love I feel for
him, and this intense feeling of completion. It’s amazing that I feel this way.

Me – Hurry!!

Rushing to get ready, I run into my
bathroom and turn on the shower. I hastily throw my clothes to the ground and
jump in, letting the spray soak my hair. I reach for the bottle of shampoo when
my home alarm blares loudly. The screeching sound jars me. Realizing exactly
what the sound is and knowing that someone is trying or has succeeded in
breaking into my house, I panic.

The shampoo bottle slips from my hand,
hitting the floor and sounding with a large thump. The noise springs me into
action. I jump out, not caring that I’m naked. Water saturates the floor as it
falls from my body. I reach the bathroom door, slamming it shut and turning the
lock. My breath comes in pants. He is coming for me. He’s going to hurt me. My
body begins to shake from the rush of fear filling every pore, sweeping me up,
and stealing me from myself.

Bang. Bang. Bang. I jump. Someone is
forcing themselves against the door. Terror squeezes my insides as it takes my
every breath, and I press my naked wet body against the counter. What is he
going to do to me? I can’t survive this again; I have to find something to
protect myself with. Turning to the bathroom counter, I knock everything to the
floor grabbing at a pair of shears that lay there.

Why do I think I hear Kane? My mind
contemplates what my ears are telling it moments before I realize that someone
is screaming for me. Kane is yelling my name, and with one last push against
the door, he breaks in. I stand frozen, scissors pulled back in fear as he
comes to a halt before me. His eyes are wide with that same fear, and out of
the corner of my eye, I see blood run down his fist. The ruby red drops slide
slowly down dripping to the ground as he stands there, and I remember the blood
that flowed from me. The room starts spinning with the thought, and I close my
eyes to try to...

~~~~~~~

Voices softly drift around me: Molly,
Kane, my mom, and my dad. Memories of another time this happened to me filter
through my mind. A hospital room. The day after JT died. No, I can’t be back
there. I survived that. Didn’t I? My eyes pop open to look around, verifying
that I’m not in that hell again.

As I lie across my bed, several blankets
cover my nude body and are tucked all around me. Under my head, my pillows prop
me up more than they should as my hands are folded together and resting beneath
my cheek. I hear a voice clearing above my head, so I look that way, seeing
exactly why I seem to be propped higher. My head is on my pillow in Kane’s lap
as he stares down at me, lifting my hair with his cut and bruised hand. Closing
my eyes, I don’t want to remember what happened or to know why he is hurt. I’m
sure it has something to do with me. Doing the only thing I can think of, I
pucker my lips together for a kiss and bring them to his hand as he strokes my
hair.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, wanting him to
myself for one more second.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jay,”
he says, leaning down to brush his lips against my head.

My eyes look once more around the room,
noting that Molly is speaking in hushed tones with my mom and dad. They don’t
seem to notice I’m awake.

“What happened?” I ask, remembering Kane
breaking in the door and the blood. God, the blood. My stomach flips upside
down, and I close my eyes tightly to control the nausea.

“Someone tried to break in through the
garage door. Thank God you set the alarm. Your mother and I arrived at the same
time, and we both heard the sound. Damn Jay, I ran for my life to find you. The
door was jimmied open, and I yelled for you, but you didn’t answer. I ran up to
your room, and when I saw the bathroom door closed...” He stops, bringing his
other hand to rub over his face.

Reaching up, I slide my hand around his
neck and pull his lips to mine. We briefly touch before he pulls back.

“I tried to go through the door, beating
it with my hands and feet. I just had to get to you. To make sure you were all
right. My one thought, Jay. It was you, always you.”

Not wanting him to think about how he
found me, I ask him, “Did they find anyone?”

Looking away, he answers, “No.”

It’s almost like he is lying to me,
alright, I know he is not telling me something. “Kane, we promised each other.
No secrets.”

He looks over to my parents and Molly,
then back at me, nodding his head.

“Agent Morris has been keeping tabs on
Bruce Branch. The police are all aware of the situation, and when the home
alarm went off, they were immediately notified. Bruce Branch was checked up on
and found off the radar. So, he could have been anywhere, including here. The
police were waiting in front of his house when he returned, but he had a
receipt for a movie at the time he would have been here. No one was with him,
but there was not enough evidence to do anything but question him.”

“So what? She thinks it was him?”

Looking into my eyes, he nods his head.
“You’ve got to nail this bastard to the wall.”

The fear is there, but now something
else starts deep within. Replacing the fear, building, and sharpening, the need
for revenge controls me. I’m angry that he could come between me and what I
want most in life, the man looking at me now. No more fear, no more hiding.

“Get mad, Jay. It’s time to get even.
Ruin the son-of-a-bitch.” Kane knows me more than anyone, guessing my thoughts.

“Jay, are you okay?” my dad says finally
realizing I’m awake.