Ruined by You (10 page)

To help
me
.

In a few short days, he had torn apart everything I’d come to expect from a guy, and everything I’d avoided my whole life. He scared me, more than a little, but, also, he intrigued me,
much
more than a little.

“Let’s talk about something,” I said, finally.

Haden glanced at me, his brow pinched together.

“Like what?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Anything,” I said. “We’ve got a long drive into town, we might as well take advantage of it.” I frowned at him for a second. “When did you move to California? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What do your parents do?”

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and gave me a hearty laugh.

“That’s a lot of things to talk about,” he said.

I shrugged. “I realized that I’m letting you take me off to God knows where, and my Mom warned me against riding with strangers.”

He laughed. “Fair enough,” he said. There was a long pause while he looked down the road. The rolling green hills of Texas stretched on for as far as I could see, and I finally realized why they called the area the Hill Country.

“I have a brother,” he said, simply. After a second he added, “An older one.”

Haden’s voice was curt, and had a sudden edge to it.

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“Mark,” he said.

I pushed my head forward, hoping that he would take the hint and elaborate - but he said nothing more.

“And, what does Mark do?” I asked.

Haden shifted in the seat.

“Well, when he’s not kissing my father’s ass, he’s usually trying to sleep his way through every woman in Chicago.”

The edge in his voice had sharpened. I knew right away that I was walking a fine line. Maybe I should have started with something lighter than his family? I should have known, that, everyone has family issues.

It’s just that, some of us have more than others
.

“I take it you two aren’t close?” I said.

He blew out a soft breath, and blinked slowly. His eyes softened.

“We used to be,” he said. I was worried that was all he was going to say, but then he tilted his head forward and continued. “After he finished high school, he went up to Northwestern - in Chicago. After college, he got a job at a consulting firm and started making some money.” The softness in his eyes hollowed, and grew distant. “Now, we only talk on holidays.” He shook his head, deliberately. “It’s not like it used to be.”

“You said he’s close with your father?” I asked.

“Mark was always his favorite,” he said. His nostrils flared. “They’re two peas from the same pod - Dad and Mark, the Arrogant Bastards of Lee’s Summit.”

His eyes burned, intensely. I could relate to what he was saying, even if only slightly. I understood where that rage came from. It burned somewhere in me, too. I didn’t want to push the topic any further. If he wanted to tell more about his family, he would, in his own time.

He took a deep breath, and his eyes softened once again. It was obvious that he had spent a lifetime mastering the ability to fight back what he was feeling, and I wondered if it was a trait that all guys learned at some point in their life. They never wanted to talk about what was going on with them.

“What about you?” he said, after a moment. “How did you end up in Jersey when your whole family is here in Texas?”

If his quiet emotions had made me uneasy before, it was nothing compared to what I felt now. My eyes locked straight forward as I remembered the day my mom had told me we were moving. I had thrown a fit that only a ten year old was capable of throwing. Sometimes, I wanted to throw the same fit now, but for wholly different reasons.

“My dad got transferred there,” I said. “I didn’t want to go, but we didn’t have a choice. The money was too good.”

He nodded, slowly. “Money can do strange things to people,” he said.

It really could. Now, at the age of eighteen, I had done much of my growing up without any significant financial means. And that was fine by me. I didn’t want to be beholden to the finer things in life. All I needed was enough money to put food on the table, and to maybe go see a movie every now and then. I wasn’t a complicated girl, and I preferred the simple things that life had to offer.

“So, did your dad stay in Jersey to work while you and your mom came down for the summer?” he asked.

Now, the fire burning inside of me raged and swirled. I took a deep breath, and managed to hold back the storm. My voice was ice cold, neutral. I’d learned a long time ago how to control it.

“He’s not with us anymore,” I said, quietly.

Haden looked at me, concern in his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to…”

I cut him off with a sharp wave of my hand.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

His mouth froze open, but he didn’t say anything else. We drove on in silence, both of us waging our own battles. Part of me wanted to let loose and share everything. I knew what he had thought - he thought my dad had died. But that wasn’t the truth. That wasn’t even close to the truth.

Sometimes, I wished my father
had
died. I regretted the feelings, but I felt them all the same. Heat pulsed in my forehead, and I took deep breaths to calm myself. There were plenty of other things to focus on, and I’d learned over many years how to shut out thoughts of all the horrible things that had gone on before.

I saw Haden glancing at me, here and there. I wondered if he could sense what I was going through. I hoped he couldn’t, but he seemed to have a way of reading me--he seemed to know my every need.

“My dad was a real hard ass,” he said, finally. “When we were younger, Mark and I, he used to drill into our heads exactly what he wanted us to do with our lives. It was fine, at first, but eventually I came to despise his constant lectures, his constantly telling us that we weren’t good enough. His constant pushing.”

Haden paused and took a deep breath of his own.

“Anyway,” he continued. “He got real pissed when I told him I didn’t want to follow in my brother’s footsteps. After high school, he told me that I had two choices. I could go to a college of his choice, and, as long as I studied what he wanted, he’d pay for everything. Or, I was on my own.”

Haden’s voice trailed off as he said the last part. He was living deep in that memory, feeling it like was happening right this very instant. The same thing happened to me, sometimes. It wasn’t pleasant.

The memory of something so painful doesn’t fade very easily--If ever.

“What did you choose?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

He shrugged once. “I moved out to Hollywood,” he said. “I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do - it just seemed like the right thing at the time.”

“Why Hollywood?” I asked, surprised.

His face lightened, and he looked at me with an awkward, shy grin.

“Truthfully? I had foolish dreams of becoming a movie star,” he said.

“I can see that,” I said, laughing. “You have the look of a movie star.”

He grinned, and glanced down at his arms. “I don’t think the casters would care for my artwork very much,” he said.

I nodded at him, and let my eyes linger on the myriad of tattoos that covered both of his arms. “Now that you mention it,” I said. “What made you get those?”

He laughed. “Would you believe me if I said I lost a bet?” My eyes went wide and my mouth tweaked back in mock horror. He laughed even louder, and shook his head. “I’m just kidding, it wasn’t anything like that.” He shrugged and glanced down at them, again. “It wasn’t like they just appeared over night. I got one. Then, another. Then, a third. Next thing I knew, they’d managed to grow all the way up my arms.”

“Well, the movie people would be crazy not to put you in something,” I said. “You’re very sexy. I’m sure all of the girls would go see your movie.”

His laughing faded away, and he smiled at me. “Would
you
go see my movie?”

A tight, nervous ball wrenched in my stomach, but I pushed a grin out, anyway. I nodded at him. “Definitely,” I said.

I felt his eyes on me for a long time after that. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn’t dare look at him. I didn’t want to know if he was interested in me, too. All of my feelings were so foreign, so out of place. Haden was the first guy to make me start considering things that I’d never considered, before. He made me consider things I never thought possible.

“What are you afraid of?” Haden asked, suddenly, as though he really were reading my mind.

I shook my head, and looked at him. His eyes burned, intensely. They were looking right through me.

“Ask me again, later,” I said.

His eyelids rippled, and he jerked his head in a slow nod.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him how afraid I was of
him
. But, now was not the time. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him enough. It was the opposite, actually. I didn’t want to tell him because I was afraid that I trusted him
too
much.

But I couldn’t tell him
that
either.

Not yet.

Haden and I navigated the streets of the city well enough. More than once we were thankful that his iPhone doubled as a GPS. It led us to a tiny office building situated in the shadow of downtown San Antonio.

We parked and made our way through the lobby. An elevator took us up to the floor with Lisa Goldstein’s name on it. The building was nondescript, but, when the elevator opened on the lobby of her office, we were blown away.

Stepping into the lobby, the first thing we saw was the fine marble floor. It was a mixture of blacks and whites, and reminded me of the flowing pattern in a yin-yang symbol. The walls all around the lobby were painted a deep red, and were lined with photos and posters of bands, movie stars, and all manner of other famous people. We squinted to get a better view of them. The only common element, in every photo, was a short, young lady with tightly curled hair. The photos were a timeline of the woman’s career, and it was surreal to travel along with her as she grew up through the entertainment industry. My breath was taken away when I recognized the faces that she was pictured with. There were movie stars, athletes, musicians, and politician. These were the faces I’d grown up with.

A desk sat at the far end of the room, and a young secretary, with her blond hair pulled back, smiled at us.

“Welcome to the LG Agency,” she said with a light voice. “How can I assist you?”

Haden’s eyes were wide as he looked at the pictures and posters on the wall. I don’t think he even heard the girl address us.

“We’re here to see Lisa Goldstein,” I said. “I think she’s expecting us.”

The secretary kept smiling. “And what’s your name?” she asked.

“Maggie,” I said. “Maggie Simpson.”

The secretary took a moment, and clicked through her computer. Then, her smile widened and she nodded her head, approvingly.

“I’ll let Mrs. Goldstein know you’re here. It’ll be just a minute.”

We waited quietly while the secretary excused herself. My nerves were on end when I realized that I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know what Scottie had told Lisa, and I didn’t know what she was going to expect of me. I was horribly out of my league, and I was certain that I was going to make a complete fool of myself. At least I had Haden with me. But, the idea of making a fool of myself in front of him didn’t make me feel any better.

A few minutes passed while the secretary was in the back. I tried to calm my nerves by focusing on the pictures all around us. Haden seemed totally engrossed, himself. Finally, the secretary returned and held the door open.

“Mrs. Goldstein will see you now,” she said, gesturing through the door.

I smiled at her, and looked awkwardly at Haden. He gave me a reassuring grin, and we walked through the doorway, into the back of the small building. A narrow corridor led us past closed doors, and toward a single door with a huge frosted glass window. All along the narrow hallway were more pictures of famous musicians, actors, and politicians - all with that same girl with the curly brown hair.

When we arrived at the door, I tapped on it, nervously. I sensed movement from the other side. Haden was pressed close behind me, and his warmth was comforting.

“Come in,” a voice said from inside.

I cracked the door open and eased my nose in, slowly. A woman, with a face I now recognized, sat behind a huge oak desk. She had a big smile on her face and she gestured for us to enter. Years had touched her face since many of the pictures were taken, and wrinkles formed at the corners of her mouth and eyes. But, she was still more beautiful than most women half her age, and it was obvious that she took good care of herself.

“Mrs. Goldstein?” I asked, awkwardly. I tried to hide my nerves as best as possible.

“It’s just Lisa,” she said, still with the smile. “You must be Maggie. Please, sit down.”

Her eyes tracked to Haden, as we took our seats. Her brow pinched together, curiously, for a moment.

“Have we met before?” she asked him.

Haden’s lip turned up in a nervous smile.

“I’m not from around these parts,” he said, sheepishly.

She studied him for a moment longer, and then shook her head, lightly.

“No, that’s not it. Your face looks so familiar.”

He rolled his shoulder. “I did a commercial or two back in the day.”

She studied him for a moment longer before conceding the effort.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said. Her eyes darted back to me and looked me up and down. Her lips turned up in a smile. “So, Maggie, what can I do for you today?” she asked.

The wave of nervousness overtook me once again. What was I supposed to tell her? Scottie hadn’t coached me on this, or given me any advice at all. Was there special lingo or jargon I was supposed to use?

“Scottie put me in touch with you,” I said. “I’m not sure how much he told you about our situation?”

Lisa nodded at me. “He mentioned you were looking sign a band for an upcoming gig,” she said.

“The Battle of the Bands,” I said. “It’s next month - fourth of July weekend. I was hoping that you would be able to put me in touch with some people.” I frowned and threw my hands into the air. “I have no idea where to even start looking.”