Ruined (8 page)

"I actually like that. Most girls I've dated in the past have eaten like birds. I mean, who gets a side salad as their main course at a high class steak restaurant?" He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of a bread stick. I'm staring at him. "What?"

"Date? Are we on a date?" I say, sounding like the biggest goober on the planet.

"Oh. I didn't mean that like it sounded..." He's back tracking now, poor boy. I should've kept my mouth shut. "I was just talking about how other girls are different from you. And that's a good thing. Excuse me while I extract this foot from my mouth," he says pretending to yank an invisible foot from his mouth. That makes me laugh, and I almost spit pizza across the table at him. Nice...

"It's okay, Reed. I just misunderstood what you were saying. We're cool."

"Not that I wouldn't relish the thought of going on a date with you, Willow Blake." The statement literally makes my heart skip a beat. Did the gorgeous lips of Reed Miller really just say what I think they did?

"You would?" I say, shocked at how shocked I sound.

"Of course. You're beautiful, smart, fun to be around..." He continues listing things, but I can now only hear the muffled sound of my own heartbeat in my head. "You still with me?" he asks waving his hand in front of my face. I must look like I'm in distress because he's starting to look worried.

"Yes, I'm with you," I say softly.

"You don't like compliments, do you?"

I consider the question for a moment. To say yes would sound insane. Who doesn't like compliments?

"It's not that I don't like them. I'm just not used to hearing them, I guess."

He reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. "That makes me sad to hear, Willow." I smile and shrug my shoulders. "And while I would love to date you, and there's no rule that says I can't, I don't think it's a good idea to date anyone you work with, even if it's an internship. Too much can go wrong, ya know?" I nod, but inside my stomach feels nauseous. It's official. No chance at hot Reed Miller. Damn.

"Reed, it's okay. Who said I wanted to date you anyway?" I say, a little too snappily. He was so nice just now, and now I'm being a bitch because it hurt my pride or my feelings or my libido. I'm not sure which one it hurt more or if it hurt all three.

"Ouch. Message received." Boy, I can really screw up a nice moment.

"Sorry."

"No problem. I'm going to go pay the bill so we can get going," he says without looking at me. I watch him walk to the cash register and talk to the perky blond behind the counter. She obviously knows him and hugs him tightly. He kisses her on the cheek and they have a short conversation before he returns to the table. "Ready?" he asks, his voice short and to the point.

"Sure."

We ride back to the college in silence, and I feel terrible. I don't even know what to say. We barely know each other, and I've already managed to alienate the one friend I've made at college. Nice going.

As we go back into the editing suite, Reed is all business. He turns on the equipment and walks me through all the steps he's using to edit the sports footage. After about thirty minutes, we're in a groove and I'm not as nervous as I was. He seems less irritated and more in his element, and I just hope we can part as friends when the editing is done.

Day slips into evening, and I realize how long we've been in the editing suite. I've watched him as he works, and I find it sexy. He's commanding and knows just what he's doing. His hands move like he could do all of this blind, and I can't imagine how I would find video editing to be so arousing. Maybe it's because I haven't been touched that way in a long time.

My only sexual experience was with Billy Monroe, the star quarterback of my high school, when I was sixteen years old. In pain over my father's death, I let Billy have his way with me one night after a football game. I let the anguish wash away in the back of his father's black Ford pickup truck, but later realized that I hadn't accomplished anything but losing my virginity to a guy who didn't care. Not my finest hour, and I don't think Billy was all that legendary. I remember feeling like I'd been sold a bill of goods. Billy was notorious for having a big "member". I'd read all about it on the bathroom walls for months. Even Ginny Callahan said it was true, and she did it with anyone and everyone. But when I finally saw it, I thought it looked more like a partially decorated Christmas tree from one of the those Charlie Brown specials on TV. The sad little Christmas tree that no one wanted. The skinny one that leaned to the side and didn't have much landscaping around it. That was Billy Monroe's famous penis.

He wasn't what I thought he was, and later he spread rumors about me and how he'd done it with "her". The town villain. And then it became apparent that we couldn't stay there anymore. Time was up, and my mother and I needed a fresh start.

When I get home after editing, my mother is sitting up reading a book on the sofa. For as long as I can remember, she has loved to read. Usually those raunchy romance novels with the hunky, completely unrealistic men on the covers. Now she reads on her iPad so no one knows what kind of trash she might be reading.

"Oh, hi, dear," she says as I come into the room. She turns off her iPad and sits it beside her. "Come, sit down," she says patting the sofa. Uh oh. Here we go. Let the questions begin.

"Where's Bruce?"

"He went to bed early. He has meetings with developers at six in the morning. He's trying to work ahead since he knows Kellan coming home is going to put him behind."

"Does he say much about him?"

"Not really. He has a lot of mixed feelings, and I'm worried about how he'll react to him. One part of him wants the best for his son, but the larger part seems intent on continuing to punish him for what he did. You know, he rarely went and saw Kellan in prison. I'm sure the boy is going to have some resentments too. It's just not a good situation," she says shaking her head. "I'm so thankful I didn't have to go through that with you. That things worked out..."

"Mom, things didn't work out. Are you serious?" I snip as I pull a pillow in front of me.

"You know what I mean, Willow. At least I didn't have to visit you in prison. The police understood what happened, and we didn't have to go through this whole prison thing."

"Well, I'm still in prison every single fucking day, Mom."

"Willow, watch your mouth!"

"Sorry."

"When are you going to forgive yourself?"

"Have you forgiven me?"

"You know I did a long time ago, Willow."

"Well, I don't know how."

"Because I'm your mother, and I know your heart. Speaking of hearts, tell me what's going on with you and this Reed guy. He seems so nice, very different from his father."

"Henry isn't nice?"

"He's not mean, but he's definitely not nice. You don't want to get on his wrong side, especially in a court case. He's stiff and rigid and kind of a jackass most of the time."

"Who needs to watch their mouth now, mother?" I say wagging a finger and laughing.

"Jackass isn't a bad word." We both start laughing, and it's nice to have a moment like this with my mother. "So, back to my original question. What's up with you and Reed?"

"Absolutely nothing is up, Mom. And nothing is going to be up."

"Why, Willow?"

"Because, as I've told you a million times, I'm damaged goods. It's more important to protect us from my past than it is for me to fall in love."

"That's not true."

"It is true. And someone like Reed Miller isn't going to fall in love with a person like me. Once he finds out what I did, he will never speak to me again."

***

For the next two days, Reed and I spend time after classes editing. He says I'm a big help as far as getting things done faster, but I think I'm more company than anything else. But, for some reason, he seems to enjoy having me there. No more talk of dating has happened, and it's just as well. I'm not really dating material. Once any guy finds out what I did, he won't ever want me again anyway. I'm damaged. Tarnished. Ruined.

We never talk about what happened at the restaurant. Instead, tension seems to ease up on its own and now we are just colleagues. It doesn't take away the fact that I spend a lot of my time fantasizing about him, and wondering what else those talented hands of his could do. But, he's not interested. This much is clear.

Broadcasting class hasn't been as hard as I'd worried either. I'm really enjoying the hands on teaching that I get in that class. We even have an anchor desk where we practice running through scripts, learning how to use a teleprompter and learning how to do live shots. I'm learning how to work the cameras and lighting too, although I have no interest in either. I want to be a reporter, plain and simple. I want my words to matter.

I admire how talented Reed is at what he does. He runs the tiny station with both an iron fist and an amazing amount of compassion for those around him. When broadcasting class is over today, I head down the hallway and out the back door. My normal beach walk is interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Willow?" she says, and I turn around to see Emmy standing beside the path to the beach with a look of apology on her face.

"What?" I say as I continue right past her.

"Please! Just let me talk to you, okay?" Her voice sounds sorrowful and almost desperate. I stop and turn around.

"So talk."

"I'm so sorry about the beach party, Willow. I never meant for it to get so out of hand."

"Who are those people, Emmy?"

"Most were people from the dorm and my now ex boyfriend Scott."

"You broke up?"

"He screwed my roommate, Jessie, that night." Tears start to fall from her eyes and she moans with her hands over her face. "I swore I wouldn't cry about this again. Ugh..."

"He had sex with Jessie? On the beach?" I say with my mouth gaping open. Obviously, I've led a sheltered life because this stuns me.

"In front of me. I was so drunk on whatever that stuff was, and he meant for that to happen. Jessie was drunk too. He took advantage of both of us, and I feel so used, Willow. I'm used up and only nineteen years old," she says as she sinks down to the sand and cries. I'm not the best at consoling people as I prefer to keep my distance, but I sit down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. She immediately falls into my chest and sobs.

"You're not used up, Emmy. You made a mistake trusting a creep, and you've learned a valuable lesson. You can't trust everyone. I learned that a long time ago."

"I hate him..."

"Where's Jessie?" I ask.

"She moved in with another person in the dorm. We just couldn't stand the sight of each other after that. The thought of it makes me sick. Hey, do you wanna move in with me?" she asks with a slight smile.

"I can't, Emmy. I have to stay where I am right now. You know that."

"I know," she says as she hangs her head again. "Willow, can we still be friends?"

I  pause for a moment because I haven't really thought of Emmy as my friend up until now. I've thought of her as the semi pesky, way too perky fellow student, but not as a friend. Maybe I could use a friend. She's nice, if not too trusting, and she likes me for some strange reason.

"Of course we can still be friends, Emmy. No worries, okay?" I say rubbing her shoulder and then removing my arm.

"Good. Listen, I'm going to get some sleep now. I've barely slept worrying about this conversation with you."