Ruined (5 page)

"Oh. Sure. That sounds good," I say, continuing to showcase my public speaking skills.

"How about nine o'clock?"

"At night?" I ask with my mouth hanging open.

"Well, yeah," he says laughing. "Journalism is a twenty four hour a day job, Willow. Plus, I have late classes so that's the earliest I can make it."

It's Friday night, and sadly I have no plans anyway, so I nod in agreement. Reed walks out and heads toward the parking lot while I make my way to the beach for my typical walk home. That's when I hear Emmy bounding along behind me. Man, this chick just doesn't let up.

"Hey, Willow!" she says in her normal enthusiastic tone. "Coming tonight? Please say you are!"

"Tonight?" I ask in confusion.

"The beach party. Starts at seven," she says with a big grin.

"Oh, no, sorry. I've got some plans..."

"Come on, Willow. Please. You will have so much fun!"

"Thanks for inviting me..." I try to say as I start walking.

"Oh, I get it. You don't drink?"

I stop in my tracks and think about her question. Do I drink? Well, since I've never had a drop of alcohol in my life for a very good reason, I guess I should say no. But the peer pressure wins out.

"Of course I drink. I mean, who doesn't drink in college? I'm not a nerd," I say laughing.

"Then come! We're gonna have all the good stuff and a bonfire and cute guys..." She keeps touching my arm which unnerves me, but I allow it. I've got to get used to people touching me when they talk. It is the South.

"Okay, fine. I'll come for a little while, but I have something to do at nine, so I can't stay past that."

"Yay! See you at seven!" she says and bounds off as quickly as she came. I wish I had that kind of energy, but I lost my energy at fifteen and never got it back. Emmy is like a brand new, excited puppy following me around with her tail wagging.

I make it home, and my mother is doing her typical exercise class in the living room again. She breathlessly tells me hello and then turns off the DVD to grab a glass of water in the kitchen.

"How was school?"

"Mom, are we going to do this everyday? School is school. You know I've never been a big fan," I say as I grab a Coke from the refrigerator and pop the top. Bruce always buys the cool glass bottles instead of the ugly plastic two liters, as he calls them.

"Willow, you loved school until the incident. And that doesn't affect you here, so..."

"Doesn't affect me here? It affects me everywhere, Mom. Just because the people here don't know who I am doesn't mean I get to escape what I did. It never leaves me."

She sighs and her eyes well up for a moment, but like me, she has learned to beat the tears back without flinching. "I know it never leaves you," she whispers. "But I sure hope one day you can forgive yourself and move on."

"Never gonna happen, Mom, but thanks." I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. She's never going to understand the pain, guilt and turmoil that lines my heart. No one can ever really understand.

I walk out onto my deck, take a few deep breaths of oceanic oxygen and then do what I always do when I'm upset - take a nap.

At six thirty, my cell phone alarm goes off and I jump up from the bed with my heart racing. Damn it! I missed dinner and I have to be at the beach in thirty minutes. I race to get ready, throwing on a red sundress and strappy silver sandals. As I run through the kitchen, I grab a bag of Doritos and another Coke and head for the beach.

"Where are you going?" my mother shouts from the back door.

"A party on the beach and then to work at the college TV station. Don't wait up!" I yell back as I wave and start walking. She smiles, and that tells me she thinks I'm somehow adjusting to my new life. Let her think that if it makes her happy, but the reality is that I'm just getting by. Day to day. Breath the breath.

I arrive at the area of beach behind the college, and the bonfire is already being lit. Emmy immediately sees me and comes running. She's wearing a pair of denim shorts and a hot pink bikini top.

"Willow!" she says as she throws her arms around my neck. I am very uncomfortable with people touching me without warning, so I step back and put my hands up reflexively. The stunned look on Emmy's face tells me that she's surprised by my lack of hugginess.

"Sorry. Not a big hugger," I say with an apologetic smile.

"No biggie. My aunt Judy is the same way." Okay... "Come on over here. I want to introduce you to some people."

We walk over to the other side of the bonfire where a group of people have already gathered. The sun is setting and the sky is a beautiful mixture of pinks and oranges. For the first time in awhile, I am feeling peaceful and almost safe.

"Willow, this is my roommate Jessie," she says, introducing me to a pale, thin framed girl with the wiriest red hair I've ever seen.

"Hey," the girl says with a Southern drawl.

"Hi," I say as I reach down and shake her hand.

"And this is my boyfriend, Scott," Emmy says with a big grin and stars in her eyes. "Isn't he sexy?" She falls on the ground and into his lap where they proceed to show some PDA I didn't want to see.

"Hello..." I say, aware that they can't hear me while they're playing tongue hockey. I see some empty alcohol containers on the ground already which tells me Emmy got her party started very early.

"Sorry," she says as she pulls away and stands up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I might have had too much wine already," she whispers loudly as if it's a secret.

The music is blaring and the smell of the bonfire smoke is overwhelming me a bit, so I walk a few feet further away toward the water. All I want to do is slide into the warm, wet liquid and float while looking up at the sky. Unfortunately, Emmy is having none of that.

"Here, try this!" she yelps beside me, breaking my peaceful thoughts by handing me a shot of something amber colored.

"No thanks..." I say trying to push it away.

"Oh, come on. Don't be square."

"Square? What is this? The fifties?" She giggles loudly and then hiccups.

"Take it. It will wash your worries away," she mumbles as she hands it to me again.

Wash my worries away, huh? That certainly sounds tempting.

"I have to work at the TV station at nine."

"So? This will wear off way before then. Come on, Willow. Live a little. Let loose!" she yells holding the drink in the air. Without thinking, I take it and down it in one shot. Ouch. My throat burns, my head feels like it could explode and then my stomach is on fire. Who likes this stuff?

Before I have a chance to think much more, my legs start to feel weak and my muscles feel like Jello. And I kind of like it.

I walk back to the group and sit down, all too aware that my legs are not cooperating. I'm what you call a lightweight, but maybe that will change the more I drink. The last thing I remember is taking another shot of the amber liquid and then darkness.

***

I hear music and vaguely smell smoke, but more than that I feel cotton in my mouth and a jackhammer in my head.

"Willow? Wake up." The voice sounds familiar, but I'm way too comfortable right now. I open my eyes as much as I can and look to my side. I'm cuddled up with some guy who looks nice enough, but I don't know him. But he's warm, and I'm tired. And I don't even care right now.

Moments later, I feel myself rising into the air. Am I dying? Flying? What the hell? I can't stop the force of being pulled upward. That's when I realize that someone is physically picking me up by the waist and carrying me over their shoulder.

"Put me down!" I moan as loud as I can, but I feel like I might vomit. Maybe if I throw up on this kidnapper, they'll put me down. I try by sticking my finger down my throat, but all that does is make me gag. Why is no one helping me?

He walks for what seems like forever, and somewhere along the way I either fall asleep or black out. When I open my eyes again, I'm somewhere soft and warm and without smoke smell. And I have the world's worst headache.

"Where am I?" I manage to whisper without making my head explode. A lamp comes on in the darkness, and I can see a man sitting in a chair next to me. He doesn't look amused. "Reed?"

"Good morning. Well, it's one in the morning, but morning nonetheless." He definitely isn't amused at all. Shit. My first night as an intern and I get drunk and don't show up. Nice.

"My head is killing me," I say as I try to sit up while holding my forehead. Instead, I get a jabbing pain and lay back down. "I'm so sorry, Reed."

"Don't bother, Willow. When I gave you the internship, I didn't know you were a party animal. I need someone I can trust with deadlines and actually showing up, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to..."

I sit straight up and push past the pain in my head. "No. Please, Reed. You don't understand. This isn't who I am normally. That Emmy girl invited me, and I caved. That was the first time I've had alcohol in my life, and I obviously cannot handle it."

He moves closer and sits down on the coffee table across from me. "You've never drank before?"

"No. I know, I'm square," I say rolling my eyes.

"Square?"

"It's a word. People say it."  He laughs a little and hands me an icepack from a bowl on the table. "Here. Use this for your head. And take these," he says handing me three orange pills. "Ibuprofen."

I swallow the pills and put the ice on my head before lying back against the sofa pillow. "How'd you know where I was?"

"When you didn't show up, I was hoping I was wrong but I decided to check. I found you snuggled up with some guy, and I didn't like it..."

"Wait. You didn't like it? What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I didn't want him taking advantage of you in your situation, Willow."

"It sure didn't sound like that's what you meant," I say smiling.

"Don't read anything into it. You're a beautiful girl, but I'm not focused on relationships right now." He stands up and turns on another light.

"I didn't say anything about a relationship, Reed. Get over yourself," I mumble without thinking. Way to go, Willow. Lose the internship completely.

"Look, I was just being nice, okay? I've only known you a couple of days, but I didn't like seeing you in that position." He hands me some crackers. "Eat these. They'll settle your stomach."

He's really pissing me off now. Bossing me around, telling me I'm beautiful. Wait, did he say I was beautiful or did I imagine that?

"I'm sorry I let you down, and it won't happen again. I was just trying to fit in. Be normal again." Oops. I did not mean to say that part.

"Normal again? When weren't you normal?" he asks as he sits back down.

"Nevermind," I say as I stand up and then woozily fall back down.

"Willow?" he whispers.

"Yes?" I whisper back.

"You're not going anywhere."

"You can't keep me here. Drive me home please."

"Your parents gonna be okay with you coming home drunk?"