Ruby Flynn (27 page)

‘But you were not a cross to bear, Stella. You were fun and lovely and happy. I loved my time with you. If you had known who I was, you would never have trusted me. There are times when I have to escape, or I would go mad. My lovely uncomplicated Stella, you made everything easier. When I was with you, I was another person.’

Stella stared at him. ‘Go on,’ she said, her eyes widening at the sight of the cakes now arriving at the table.

Charles felt a sense of relief that Stella had calmed down.

‘I can see a light now. Perhaps Isobel is even repairing.’ He knew that was a lie. He knew it was Ruby who was bringing him to his senses. Ruby who had lifted the atmosphere at Ballyford and chased away the ghosts.

‘Did she blame you? It can’t have been all your fault. Takes two to tango, Charlie.’

‘Well, I think she might be finding a way to live without the awful shroud of guilt. To keep the death of our boys somewhere to one side, so that she can function, up to a point at least. Do you understand?’

‘Do I understand? I can’t even understand half of what you’re sayin’, Charlie.’ Stella remembered she was upset. ‘I thought you loved me.’ She sniffed into her handkerchief. ‘It’s a good job our Tommy was there, no one on our street would believe me if he hadn’t been. I only went with him because it was me day off, to see the new ship like and now I find out it’s your bloody ship an’ I never even knew.’

As discreetly as possible, Charles removed his cheque book from the inside of his jacket.

‘Stella, I want you to buy some nice furniture for your flat. You deserve to have nice things around you.’

He noticed her try to suppress a smile and Charles wondered what it must be like to find pleasure in something so simple.

Isobel found pleasure in nothing. She had chosen to withdraw and he would have sunk with her but he knew he needed to feel and experience life in order to survive, sometimes for just one day. It had been so much easier when it wasn’t him at all but the man in the dockers’ clothes and for that he owed Stella more than a few bits of furniture. As he placed the cap back on his fountain pen, he understood what a pathetic charade it had all been and he knew he would never be Charlie again. But how could he explain that to Stella?

Stella sniffed and studied Charles as he signed the cheque, while she tried to read the amount on the line above.

‘D’you love yer wife?’

‘I don’t think I have ever loved Isobel and that is what makes it all so much worse. I was expected to take a wife and she was there.’

‘I wish I had known you then, Charlie, we could have got married. I bet your family and the castle has loads of history, I love history, me.’

Charles almost laughed out loud. Stella’s gift, to make him laugh.

‘You would have hated my family, Stella, but you’re right, there is a lot of history.’

Twenty minutes later, Charles was sitting on his own, and Stella had left with a cheque for two thousand pounds. For a moment, she was speechless. But she was a girl from Liverpool and so the moment passed quickly.

‘God, I can buy me own hairdresser’s shop with that,’ she said. ‘Ta-ra, Charlie. I will never forget yer you know. You were me first.’ Stella said this much louder than Charles would have liked and he hoped he had imagined the smirk on the waitress’s face.

He watched as Stella strutted away in her white strappy slingbacks and again he thought of Ruby in her sensible shoes and apron. The very thought of her pulled at his heart.

He knew that for the first time in his life he felt real love, but could never know its touch. He could not speak her name out loud. Her beauty blinded him. Her voice caused his heart to quicken. The sight of her brought feelings that he had never before experienced rushing to the surface. He wanted to protect her, hold her, love her. It dawned on him that he was in love, for the very first time, but he could have none of it.

As Charles pulled on his coat, he decided there and then that he would work day and night to grow the shipping business until it was a storming success.
McKinnon is right
, he thought.
I shall transform Ballyford into the biggest pig producing farm in all of Ireland. I will be dutiful in my care to my wife, stoic in my secret love and support of Ruby and I shall reform my ways.

For the first time, he felt as though he could see a road ahead, where until now all he had seen was darkness. The oppressive weight had lifted from his shoulders. The future once again had a purpose, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he was alive.

Ruby was so excited about her outing to Galway that she found it hard to think straight. Jimmy had polished her leather boots and Mr McKinnon had brushed off her coat and hung it in front of the range to warm overnight. Ruby and Jack were leaving at first light when the only people who would be in the kitchen were Amy and Mary, baking the first batch of bread. Mrs McKinnon had gone over the list the night before explaining every item in detail. Ruby had never seen a Dublin Bay prawn in her life and it took some explaining.

‘They will be displayed with the salmon on the table. Amy has them peeled in dishes with a delicious sauce.’

‘I can’t wait to see that,’ said Ruby.

Mrs McKinnon smiled. ‘I wish you could have been here years ago, Ruby. We had a ball once a year, and dinner parties at least twice a month. No sooner had we recovered from one than Lord and Lady FitzDeane, they were planning another. But that was before. Before all the sadness.’

‘Well, I know this much for sure,’ Ruby said. ‘Lady Isobel ate her lunch in half the time today and asked me to show her the replies to the invitations to the ball.’

‘Well, surely, if that isn’t an improvement I don’t know what is. Take care in Galway, Ruby, it’s a rum old place. Remember, you are there as a member of staff from Ballyford. Don’t forget that at any time. But most of all, don’t forget the gelatine or Amy will skin you alive. She needs to bake the ox tongues in aspic tomorrow.’

Later that evening, despite the fact that she needed to be up early, Ruby and Betsy chattered in the darkness as had become their habit, over the sometimes deafening snores from Jane who, realising that she was missing out on the laughter, had moved back in.

‘God, there is a sow in the pen sleeps quieter than Jane,’ Betsy giggled.

Ruby slipped out of bed and pushed her rolled up dressing gown under Jane’s head. The snoring stopped immediately.

‘Bliss,’ whispered Betsy. Ruby threw another block of turf onto the fire as she slipped back into bed. There was nothing she loved more than to fall asleep watching the flames, until her eyes stung and she could keep them open no more.

‘Betsy, don’t tell Jane or Mary, but tonight, when I left the lady’s room and walked along the corridor, I thought I saw someone on the stairs. I thought it was the lady at first, but she was sleeping and it wasn’t Amy or Mrs McKinnon and there’s no one else who can be up here, is there?’

‘Are you sure?’ Betsy leant up on one elbow.

‘I think so,’ said Ruby, looking troubled.

‘Well, that’s not good news,’ said Betsy as she crossed herself. ‘They say she only appears before a death. Amy says she was on the stairs the night before each of the babies died. Go to mass tomorrow, will ye? When you’re passing through Belmullet. Don’t forget now and make sure Jack drives carefully.’

Ruby could tell Betsy was worried.

‘I will. Now, I have to tell you, I’ve noticed the way Jimmy is all daft when you are around.’ And with that, the atmosphere changed as Betsy moved onto her favourite subject, the thing that made getting up in the morning so much easier, her secret love for Jimmy.

*

Jack arrived as the cock crowed and found Amy sitting by the side of the range enjoying her first cup of tea of the day. ‘I’ve already poured one for you,’ she said, nodding towards the steaming cup.

As Jack removed his cap and sat down, he smiled at Amy. ‘Well, the week will be up soon,’ he said with a cheeky grin, filled with a nervous hopefulness.

‘Jack, now I said a week, I know, but…’

Jack’s heart sank and the smile slipped from his face. He thought he knew what she was about to say, but before he could stop her and ask her not to be so hasty in her decision, she continued.

‘I have done some serious thinking. My life cannot go on as it has. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of, Jack.’

Jack didn’t want Amy to see his face when she let him down, so he stood and wandered to the range where he heaped more sugar into his mug. ‘Are ye sure ye don’t want to wait the full week?’ he said nervously.

‘No, Jack, I don’t need to, because my answer is yes. I will marry you.’

Jack almost dropped his tea.

*

When Ruby snuck down the stairs, being careful not to wake anyone from their last half an hour of sleep, she found Jack and Amy deep in an embrace. She coughed to let them know she was there.

‘Here you go, both of you,’ said Amy, bustling away from Jack and removing a pan containing their breakfast from the bottom of the range. ‘That should keep you going until this evening.’

‘Eat quick now, Ruby,’ said Jack. ‘We have to be at the port early to collect the fish and the flowers first. It will be nine o’clock before we arrive and that’s if I push the pedal flat out all the way.’

Amy fussed around with tea and fried bread and then sat to join them.

‘I will give Lady Isobel her breakfast today, Ruby. Don’t you worry about anything here.’

Ruby grinned. ‘That will be nice. She really is getting better, Amy.’

‘Off now both of you and hurry yourselves. If those prawns are gone it will be a disaster.’

Amy held out Ruby’s coat. ‘If ye are late getting back, I will sit with her tonight. Don’t you worry about the lady, I can take good care of her until ye return.’

Ruby was excited at the prospect of her day out. It was exciting to go out in the van with Jack. It reminded her of the trip she had taken with Con from his house to the convent. The seats with the dark brown stitches and the smell of leather and petrol. Jack’s van was nothing like Con’s car, but it shared that distinctive aroma. If she closed her eyes, she could be in either one.

She recognized Bangor Erris as they drove through and looked to see if she could spot the lady who gave her a mug of water and an oat biscuit on the day she cycled alone to Doohoma Head. She wondered to herself why she had hesitated and not spoken to Con that day. Was she scared of finding out who her parents were and having to leave Ballyford? What difference would it make anyway? Her life was as it was. Nothing would change that.

She still had the books from Doohoma in her room, stacked under her bed having retrieved them from the stable barn. She now tried to read a few pages of one each night before she fell asleep. She wanted to ask Mrs McKinnon if she knew why they would have been in her house at Doohoma, but each time she came near to broaching the subject she felt sick with apprehension and changed her mind. Maybe she just needed time.

Despite the early hour, the ocean breeze kept her awake. There were sights that were new to her, villages she had yet to pass through. As they left the ocean behind them and travelled inland, Mulranny felt familiar, but she didn’t know why and from then on, all was a mystery. It was market day in Castlebar and the streets thronged with farm vehicles packed full of livestock, metal churns full of milk, wagons full of cabbages and potatoes. There were boxes of squawking chickens, hot pie stalls on the side of the road and children running everywhere. She could hear the auctioneer’s voice shouting from the cattle pen and see the bars heaving with men through their open doors.

‘Did you get back to Doohoma Head?’ Jack asked suddenly. ‘Did you find what it was you were looking for?’

Ruby folded her hands in her lap and looked down at them.

‘I did, thank you, Jack. I’m not sure if I exactly found what I was looking for, but I did find the house.’

‘Was it as you remembered it to be? You are very lucky having your own house, you know.’

Ruby sighed and looked out of the window. She didn’t feel very lucky.

‘Can you keep a secret?’ asked Jack. ‘If you can, I’ll tell you one and then you can tell me one of yours.’

Ruby was intrigued. Jack didn’t look like the sort of man who would have a secret.

‘Go on then,’ she said. ‘It’s a deal. You tell me yours and I’ll tell you one of mine.’

Jack took his pipe off the dashboard and steered the wheel of the cabin with one hand and a knee whilst he lit up.

He’s teasing me, making me wait
, thought Ruby. Jack puffed away until Ruby could bear it no longer.

‘Would you stop!’ she squealed. ‘Are you going to tell me a secret, or not?’

Jack gave her a lopsided grin, ‘You mustn’t tell the McKinnons,’ he said, ‘only I’m bursting to tell someone.’

Ruby pushed him playfully on the arm. ‘Tell me,’ she said again.

‘Well, now, I am a man who has been in love with Amy for many a year and I finally plucked up the courage to ask her to marry me. She made me wait mind, but just now, before you came into the kitchen, she put me out of my misery and said yes, she will. How’s that for a secret? She did say I wasn’t to tell anyone until after the ball, but I know I can trust you, Ruby.’

Now Ruby stood up in the cab. ‘Jack, that is the most fantastic news.’ She was almost jumping up and down.

‘Sit down,’ laughed Jack. ‘If I don’t get you there in one piece she might change her mind.’

‘Why does it have to be a secret?’ asked Ruby.

‘She wants to wait until after the ball is over and done and she said everything has to be back to normal because she wants a party and so do I. We will get the fiddler to come. I have waited long enough, so I have. Now tell me your secret.’

‘Well, I have a mystery really, Jack. When I went home to Doohoma, I found that the books were still on the bookshelf, just as my ma had left them. They were damp and they fell apart in my hand, but the inside covers were still in one piece. They had been stacked tightly on the shelf and what I saw for the first time, and I cannot understand, is that the Ballyford library stamp was on the inside of each cover. I want to ask someone, but every time I go to ask Mrs McKinnon, something stops me.’