Rough Edges (14 page)

Yep. She remembered. But she also remembered Terrance’s promise to not move out of state. That changed everything. Allie let out a shaky breath, feeling fragments of her mental make-up coming unglued.

“You better get going, Mom,” Paige said. “You should go over there if you said you were going to. Tell him I’m getting the hang of it, will you? Maybe I’ll send you a picture in a little bit and you can show him.”

An inner voice told Allie to leave. She was spiraling toward a breakdown, and that wasn’t something Paige needed to witness. Allie should take time to gather herself together before speaking on the topic any further. “Okay,” she finally said. “But we’re not done talking about this, alright?”

“Oh, I know.” She sure sounded cheery though. Like she knew she’d get her way.

Allie wasn’t sure she could take it. That she could endure the pain of saying goodbye to Paige. Letting her leave with Terrance to South Dakota.

She hardly saw the small screen while typing out a reply to Braden’s text.

Be there in a few.

Numbly, she came to a stand, strode down the hall, and heard the shower shut off. She paused by the door, forcing her eyes to stay dry. “Jillian?” She gave the door a few taps.

“Yeah?”

“I’m heading to Braden’s for a while. I meant to say goodnight to everyone first but Paige is still up and, well, I might just have to say goodnight now. So, love you.”

“Love you,” Jillian hollered back.

Allie wasn’t about to force Paige into their usual one-sided hug. She had to get out of there, and fast. “Night, Paige. Love you.”

Paige’s chin lifted until her blue eyes met Allie’s. “Love you.” There was sincerity in her words. Was it conditional? She loved her
if
Allie agreed to let her leave with Terrance. On her birthday, no less? Is that really when he planned to take her? Here she and Braden had put all that thought and time into her gift, and now where would it go? Would Paige want to take it with her to Terrance’s place, or would she leave it behind for Allie to admire the work she never appreciated while Paige lived there?
No, don’t think like that.

Allie had been expecting to fall into a puddle of tears when she entered the garage. When that didn’t happen, she assumed getting in the car would do it. But there was something holding her back. Anger. And an unwillingness to accept that it would ever happen. It wouldn’t. Allie wouldn’t let it.

“Yeah,” Allie blurted to herself. “Not gonna happen.” So it was settled. She would
not
let her go. No way. She just needed to get Paige to realize – for herself – that it was a horrible idea. Once she’d written up a list, Paige would understand. Heck, she could let Paige write the list on her own. It would change her mind. It had too.

“No wonder she’s been so agreeable lately,” Allie blurted, pressing the button to close the garage behind her. Allie had noticed a change in her, only she’d thought – hoped – it’d had something to do with Braden. Paige had bonded with him, after all. The two had gotten along better than Allie could’ve hoped. And for what? So she could just leave now?

The drive to Braden’s was no more than a blink. One moment she was backing out of her driveway, the next she was staring at his porch light from her car. She took a deep breath, realizing that everything hurt. Not just her heart and her head. But her skin. As if every nerve on her body had been exposed. She walked up the steps with tight, aching moves and knocked on the screen door.

It creaked open slowly, revealing a silhouette of Braden surrounded by a wedge of gold light. Even with all she had going on in her head, Allie couldn’t suppress a grin at the view of him, standing there in denim jeans and a button-up shirt, an open pack of Starbursts in his loose fist. “Come on in.”

She needed no more invitation than that. At once she was in his house, and then in his arms, basking in the warmth of his strong embrace. “You have no idea how much I need this right now,” she said, only then realizing the intense truth of it.

A deep chuckle sounded from his throat as he pulled her more tightly into him. “Ditto,” he said. “Everything okay?”

She had held back the tears easily enough on the way there, but Allie could feel the impending breakdown drawing near. She shook her head, pulled away from him enough to look up. “Have you started the fire yet?”

“Not yet. Come on back and-”

“Well do you mind if we wait a sec so I can just get this off my chest?”

“Not at all,” he paused at the entryway to close the door. “Is the living room alright?”

She nodded. The large room stood adjacent to the kitchen and dining area. When he led her to a black leather couch, Allie shrugged out of her coat and sunk into the cushions, waiting for Braden to do the same.

After tossing his package of candy on the table, he joined her. Allie leaned forward, pressing a cool hand to the back of her hot, aching neck. “I just got some really disturbing news. And even though I’m not going to let it happen, I feel like I’m going to throw up or bawl or faint.”

His brows furrowed. “What is it?”

“I guess Terrance told Paige that she could go live with him.” When he didn’t say anything, Allie added to it. “In South Dakota. Without my permission.”

“Aw, Allie, I’m sorry.” He ran a hand over his jaw, shaking his head. “What does your divorce agreement say?”

“Well we agreed to let the kids choose where they wanted to live, which almost went without saying because they were old enough to choose, but I didn’t know at the time he’d be moving out of state.” She shot to her feet and began to pace. “I swear to you I did everything I could to make that divorce easy for him. I mean, I wanted it worse than he did. And I didn’t want the kids to suffer more than they had to. He went as far as to tell me he’d stay nearby. But then he moved and…” Allie lost a bit of steam as she replayed some of the recent events. “He did tell Paige a while back that if she lived with him she’d have way more freedom. And it was so irritating because I knew he was way too selfish to have either of the girls move out there with him. And somewhere between now and then Paige asked if I’d let her go live with him and I said it would depend on her attitude which, to be honest, has improved dramatically.” She tried to regain her breath, the words having poured out in a frantic rush. “I just don’t know what his motive is.”

“Tell me this,” Braden said. “What do you plan to do? Try to stop him with legal action? Call and try to get him to change his mind? What?”

Allie shook her head. “Whatever I
can
do. Anything and I’ll do it. He’s not taking Paige away from me.”

Braden came to his feet. “You might not be able to stop him. I can see why you’d want to but you might just have to face – ”

“I’m not going to
just face
a thing like that, Braden. Terrance won’t look after her there. He doesn’t even know how to be a good parent. He’d rather be the girls’ friend than their father, and he’s not even very good at that. Plus I’ve looked up the apartment building he’s living in. Looks like a total dive in a bad part of town and I don’t want Paige getting raped one day while Terrance is off doing who-the-hell-knows-what?”

The expression on Braden’s face was thoughtful. “And if you manage to change his mind or make some sort of legal triumph, what will you tell Paige?” He kept his words even. Low and slow.

“I don’t know.” She was agitated by all the questions. “I’m hoping to get her to see it for herself. I plan to make a list of pros and cons so she can, you know, figure it out on her own.”

“A
list
?”

She nodded. In the car, the idea seemed like an answer to her problem. Here, when she heard it roll off Braden’s tongue like that, it sounded ridiculous.

“And you think that will change her mind?” he asked.

She gulped. “It might.”

“You sure do write up a lot of lists for Paige, don’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you treat her like she’s a small child. Making lists of her assignments. Talking to her teachers. What did she do to make you go to such extremes? Fail all her classes or something?”

“No. Neither of the girls has ever failed a class in their lives.”

“You say that like you have some sort of control over it. Trust me, if Paige wanted to fail a class, she would, whether you were making lists or not.”

Allie grimaced. “I don’t even know where you’re going with that.”

“Well I’m just pointing out that… that all your lists are probably doing more damage than good where Paige is concerned. She’s old enough to keep track of her own schoolwork. Maybe she wants to be with her dad because he doesn’t treat her like she’s still a little girl.”

“I don’t get why you’re suddenly attacking me about this. I do everything I can to help them be successful, which is a hell of a lot more than Terrance has ever done.”

Braden stepped toward her. “I know. And I’m not trying to pick on you, Allie, but have you ever considered that maybe you’re doing too much?”

“Stop it!” She threw her hands up in frustration, but Braden grabbed hold of her wrists.

“Think about it.” He loosened his grip, but kept her arms in place. “If you gave Paige a little more credit maybe she wouldn’t be so anxious to leave. Give her more freedom, and she might want to stay.”

“No, she’d want to leave no matter what,” Allie argued. “I know it. She likes Terrance more than me. She has always asked me why I can’t be more like him. Well I’m sorry, but I’m probably the way I am with the lists and the worrying and everything else because
he’s
never been much of a parent. I feel like I’ve had to do it for both of us.”

“I’m sure you’re right about that,” Braden said. “But think about it: if you prevent her from going with him, she’ll keep on fantasizing about how much better life would be with dear old Dad. Wouldn’t you rather she moved out there and got a taste of what it’s like to be with a parent who doesn’t give a crap? She might just realize what a jerk he is and decide to come back here on her own.”

“
What?”
Allie tore her arms from his grasp and strode away from him before spinning on one heel.

“There’s only one way to break an illusion, Allie. Sometimes you’ve got to be willing –”

“You’re not a parent. You have no idea what it’s like. And Paige is
fourteen
. You think it’ll really suck for her to go from having set rules and restrictions to total freedom, not a care in the world? That’s a dream life for a kid like her.”

“You can’t be so sure,” he said.

“Well I can’t risk her life on it.”

Braden’s jaw clenched tight. His chest began to rise and fall at an accelerated rate. His mouth opened for a breath, but he snapped it shut.

“What?” Allie challenged.

He shook his head. “It’s not worth saying.”

But he’d already pricked a nerve. “Sure it is. Say what you were going to say.”

“I don’t want to,” he muttered with another shake of his head.

“Go ahead. Just get it out. I can tell you’re dying to.”

“
This
is what you get,” he shouted.

The cruel statement echoed off the walls.

“Are you happy? I was going to say that you’re the one who chose him so…” He shrugged.

“So I deserve it.” It felt like a punch to the gut. “How could you even stoop so low at a time like this?”

“How
could
I? I’m ticked off that you picked him, Allie. Don’t you know? I wanted you. I always wanted you and … I don’t know why, but you stayed with him. All throughout senior year and he was a jerk half the time even then.”

Allie shook her head as he persisted, wishing she could shut out the sound of his voice.

“How can you pick up a snake and then be upset over the fact that it bites you? Snakes bite, Allie. You know that. So why’d you pick him?”

The anger in her blood reduced to a low simmer as he asked once again. Pled was more like it.

“
Why,
Allie?”

She didn’t see any cruelty in his face then. Only a genuine pleading that – had it taken physical form – could have ripped her heart out. She thought about what he’d just revealed.
I wanted you.
I always wanted you.
She bit at her lip, trying to recall what she’d planned to say. He’d derailed her train of thought. And suddenly, Allie found herself wanting to give him the answers he was looking for. If what he’d said was true, he deserved an answer. She looked down at her hands, trying to find a good place to start, but then Braden spoke up once again.

“I think I can guess why you chose him.”

Her eyes shot back up to his.

“You couldn’t resist picking the bad boy,” he said, his eyes hard and cold.

Allie scoffed. “That is
not
true.”

“Sure it is. All the girls do that. Forget about the strong, silent type who will open doors, treat you like a queen, and take things at a slow pace. More exciting to be with the loud party guy who’s good to you one day, treats you like crap the next, and takes what he wants without thought to you.”

“You are so off base.”

“No, I don’t think I am. And the worst thing is, we can’t change what’s come of it.” He stepped closer to her again, his eyes narrowing. “Do you think I like the idea of Paige leaving? Going someplace where you won’t get to see her everyday? Where you won’t even know what she’s up to from one day to the next? I want to help you, Allie. I swear, I do. I want all of your problems with him to just disappear but they won’t. Y
ou
wanted Terrance – and
you
got him, and all the crap that came along with him. That’s something I can’t save you from.”

“I don’t need you to
save me
from anything,” she snapped. “I just … can’t you just talk to me without beating me up at every corner? I mean, is this how it’s going to be? I have a hard time with Paige and you say it’s my fault. I have difficulties with Terrance and that’s all my fault too?” She pushed past him, spinning in place to look for her coat.

“You’re not hearing me right,” Braden said, walking a circle around her. He folded his arms across his broad chest and squared his shoulders.

“Where’s my coat?” She leaned over to glance around him.