Roses of Winter (58 page)

“Ah suppose that could be part of it,” Donald said. “But Ellen’s no’ exactly like May. It’s no’ just that either,” Donald said. “Ah got so wrapped up in Ellen that ah totally forgot about going tae America.”

“I have to admit, I was wondering about that,” Bessie said. “I haven’t heard you speak of it in quite some time. Have you discussed it with Ellen?”

Donald shook his head. Bessie understood the dilemma facing her son. Donald had been sidetracked from his goal in just the way he feared. Worse, it appeared that he held doubts about the importance in his life of the woman who had brought it about.
 

“Now Ellen wants me to go up and see her family,” Donald said.

“It’s understandable that she would,” Bessie said.

“Aye,” Donald agreed. “But it makes the thing more serious, doesn’t it.”

“The longer you put off deciding, the more difficult the situation will become,” Bessie said. “You must be careful of Ellen’s feelings. Nor should you allow yourself to become trapped in a marriage you don’t want. You would regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Ah know,” Donald said. “Ah know.”

❅❅❅❅❅

Donald felt himself swept along before a tide he had no idea how to control. There had been no good reason he could think of to avoid meeting Ellen’s parents. Nor could he make up his mind about Ellen and the possibility of a future with her.
 
There were times when he found her attractive and appealing. He would feel flattered by her attentiveness and the jealous glances of other men. At other times he would dread the idea of a lifelong marriage that presented itself as entrapment.

Donald was unsure how much of this derived from his disastrous romance with May. Even more painful was the realization that he was no longer sure how serious he was about going to America. The emotional tremor in Donald’s brain drowned the possibility of any quietness of mind that might have helped him see a path through his confusion.

❅❅❅❅❅

A man more certain of his mind than Donald would have judged his visit to Maryhill a great success. He had been received cordially and departed with warm farewells. There were the assurances from Ellen of her parent’s approval. Donald convinced himself that they had been earned through false pretences. Nor was this thought defused by the great liking he had taken to Mary and Charlie. It simply complicated matters all the more.

For Ellen, the evening had been a triumph. “Ah said you would like him, didn’t ah?” she told her parents the next night.

“You couldnae have found a nicer lad,” Charlie said. “And a solid one tae,” he added.

“You wouldnae believe what he saw in the war. And he has a good job at Yarrows,” Mary said.

Ellen’s visit to Bessie was a more constrained affair. Bessie had laid an elaborate table. What she intended to be welcoming appeared stiff and formal to the younger woman.
 
The evening was like a church tea compared with the raucous informality at the Burns’s hearth. Ellen interpreted the gentility as hostility.

“Ah don’t think your mother likes me,” Ellen told Donald later.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, his surprise genuine. “Ah know she went tae a lot o’ trouble,” Donald said. “She told me she wanted to make a good impression.”

Ellen let the subject drop. She had interpreted Bessie’s manner as criticism and disapproval, an insufficiency of attention to her.
 
The close relationship between mother and son had not pleased her.
Ah’ll have tae put a stop to that, Ellen
thought. She was determined not to tolerate any interference from that quarter.

Bessie was guarded in her response to her son’s inquiries. There had been something about Ellen that troubled her. She had wanted to like the girl without reservation and was disappointed to find she could not. Bessie recalled Ellen’s visit in an attempt to define the source of her unease.

Superficially the girl had been polite, said and did all that was expected of one meeting her boyfriend’s mother.
But there had been calculation and artifice in Ellen’s performance
, Bessie thought.
 
Performance - Bessie considered the word that had popped into her mind. It described Ellen’s behavior perfectly, Bessie decided.
 
What she had observed was not the nervous behavior one might expect of a young woman trying to make a good first impression. Ellen’s manner had indicated that it was Bessie who was expected to be the supplicant for her favors. It was the girl’s petulant nature that had disturbed her, Bessie realized.
 

Bessie’s doubts about Ellen transformed into fears for her son’s future with her.
Donald would find no peace of mind with the girl
, Bessie thought.
Ellen’s selfishness would make sure of that. Donald’s diffident nature would be easily overpowered
. Bessie was sure that there could be nothing but storms and upsets ahead in living with Ellen.
 
She held back these thoughts from her son but was unable to conceal her reservation.
 
Donald, considering Ellen’s comment, wondered what might have passed unspoken between the women. The question joined the maelstrom of anxiety that swirled in his head.
 

❅❅❅❅❅

Donald’s fate was settled by degrees. There was no one moment that he could point to when marriage became an irrevocable certainty. He became entangled in a web of relationships with Ellen and her family one strand at a time. Donald was walled in by the assumptions of others. He lacked the resolve to undo the trap and escape. In time he forgot the notion that a trap existed.

The strongest binding came perhaps from the liking he had taken to Ellen’s parents. Charlie’s regard for Donald resembled more that given to a friend than a likely son-in-law. The probity of the young man had impressed Charlie from their first meeting. Donald had responded in kind, coming to think of Charlie as a second father. Charlie made no secret of his preference to Ellen.

“You couldnae have found a better man,” Charlie told her. “Be sure that you treat him right.”

Ellen wondered what lay behind her father’s words.
 
Her annoyance forced the question. “What makes you say that?” she asked.

Charlie considered his words. “You’re a lassie that wants her own way. You’re no’ as willful as you were, ah’ll grant you that. But it’s in you’re nature tae be thrawn.
 
Donald’s a man that will try tae please you and be good tae you. Ah don’t want you using his good nature against him.”

Charlie had his doubts about the effect of his words on Ellen. She would accept such comments from him alone without an angry retort. All others must tread with care. But Charlie did not confuse his daughter’s acquiescence with lasting acceptance. Was he right when he said that she had improved? Charlie wondered about the couple’s future.
There would be storms
, he thought. He wondered how well Donald would weather them.

❅❅❅❅❅

Donald had talked little with Ellen about his wartime experiences. He had scant inclination to relive the worst of them and Ellen had betrayed little curiosity. Donald had considered and discarded many strategies for broaching the topic of emigrating to America with Ellen. Whenever he tried to talk about the good things he had found there he had been discouraged by Ellen’s lack of interest. It was talk of where they would live after they were married that forced Donald’s hand.

The moment came on a hot Sunday afternoon day in August. Ellen and Donald emerged from the Fossil Grove and decided to sit for a while by the pond in Victoria Park to take advantage of a light breeze that was enough to please the model yachters.

“It’ll be nice tae have a place o’ our own,” Ellen said. “Ah want tae find a place near mah parents.”

The tightness in Donald’s expression remained too long to escape her notice. “What’s the matter?”
 
Ellen said. “Ah thought you liked mah family.”

“Ah do,” Donald said. “It’s no’ that.”

“Then what is it?” Ellen asked.

“It’s just that, before ah met you ah was planning tae go tae America,” Donald said.

Ellen was surprised into silence for a moment. “You were expecting that ah would go with you?” she asked.

“Ah was hoping you would,” Donald said. “We could have a much better life there than here.”

“So that’s what was behind all that talk about America,” Ellen said. “Why did you wait until now tae tell me this? How could you ever imagine that ah would leave Glasgow and mah family for a place ah’ve never even seen?”

“But ah’ve seen it,” Donald said. “Ah’ve told you all about it.”

“Ah could never leave mah Ma and Da',” Ellen said. "If you want tae go tae America it will have tae be without me.”

“Maybe ah’ll dae just that,” Donald said.

Ellen’s face flushed. “Surely you’re not serious about this,” she said. “Ah cannae believe you could possibly be serious about this.”

“Why shouldn’t ah be serious about it,” Donald said. “You’ve never been out of Glasgow. You have no idea what the rest of the world is like.”

“Ah have so been out of Glasgow,” Ellen said. “Ah went tae London once.”

“It’s no’ the same,” Donald said. “You need tae see America tae understand what ah’m talking about.
 
Come with me and see it for yourself. If you don’t like it we can come back.”

“Ah’ve no need tae go tae America,” Ellen said. “Glasgow’s where ah was born and its where ah’m going to stay. Ah don’t even know why ah’m hearing this. Ah don’t want tae hear another word about it. Go tae America if you want tae but it’s no’ going tae be with me.”
 

Ellen’s tone grew louder and more vehement. “Ah want tae know right now where ah stand. Make your mind up. Ah need tae know right now.”

“Would you keep your voice down,” Donald said. “People are looking at us.”

“Ah don’t care what people are doing,” Ellen said. “Make your mind up.” She started to twist her ring off.

“What are you doing?” Donald asked.

“Dae you think ah’m joking?” Ellen asked.

“There’s no need for that,” Donald said. “Why do we have tae decide this right now? We can talk about it.”

“There’s nothing more to talk about,” Ellen said. “It’s America or me.”

It was their first serious fight. Ellen’s victory was Donald’s signpost to the future. He had acquiesced to Ellen as he had in other areas of his life.

Donald had feared that the war would prove to be the high point of his existence. As that time receded, he found ways to doubt the wisdom of his earlier dreams. It was a way of dealing with disappointment.
 
Left to himself, he might have succeeded. Instead, he allowed himself to be hemmed in by the expectations of others. His failure to act on his own behalf was in itself a decision. It was weakness of will masquerading as a wish to give no offence.
 

❅❅❅❅❅

Murdo and Bessie went to Maryhill to meet Ellen’s parents and discuss the wedding plans. Despite her reservations about Ellen, Bessie found herself liking Mary and Charlie. She was convinced by now that marrying Ellen would bring little happiness to her son. Their subsequent meetings had done nothing to improve Bessie’s opinion of the girl. Bessie was relieved to find her apprehension about the rest of the family unfounded.

Charlie charmed Bessie. He had a way with people in general and women in particular. Bessie proved to be no exception. Charlie in turn was taken with the reserved gentility of Bessie’s manner. This ran counter to the impression Ellen had given of her mother-in-law to be.
 
Charlie wondered what that might signify.
 

With Mary, Bessie achieved a level of rapport that approached the relationship she had found with Ella McLennan. It began at their first meeting.
 
Bessie had become a woman tempered in the ways of tenement life. The awkwardness of the outsider that had so riled the women of her close was long gone. Bessie’s former gentility had been softened by an acceptance of the customs of the place. Her refinement was now a badge of distinction rather than a mark of disgrace. The women who had once reviled her now sought her opinion as an arbiter of style and grace. It might be said that Bessie presided over her close in understated authority.

Bessie’s ready acceptance by her parents fomented a deep anger in Ellen. Her resentment of Bessie was on the rise and she had hoped to find allies in her family. Their lack of response forced Ellen to be more circumspect. She concealed her animosity but did not place it aside.

❅❅❅❅❅

The wedding plans proceeded but not to Ellen’s satisfaction.
 
Both sets of parents advised a measure of frugality.

“Ah’d rather see you have the money tae get yourselves set up than spend it on a lot o’ frippery nonsense,” Charlie said.

His customary generosity had been set aside for the occasion. They settled on using the Masonic Hall in Partick. It was an inexpensive choice, justified with the notion that it would be romantic to have the wedding where the young couple had first met. Ellen had wanted somewhere grander. She fussed and fumed to the point of irking her father.