Rose (15 page)

I
study Rose in relief
, thankful she hasn’t thrown me out of her room yet. Even though I knew I needed to be the one to initiate the intervention—and to involve Lia, Lucian, and her family—I still feel like I betrayed her. Hell, she’d screamed that very thing at me not even an hour earlier. Now, though, she seems calmer—almost serene.
Fuck, Luc is good.
I’d been surprised when Lucian had insisted on talking with her alone. A part of me had wanted to object even. But it made sense. They’re both battling demons, and I was willing to try anything if it helped. Looking at her now, I believe that whatever he said was something she needed to hear.

I wrap my other hand around the nape of her neck and pull her near, dropping a kiss on her forehead then lightly across her lips. “I’m so damn sorry, sweetheart. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. You might hate me, but I’d do it again if it meant that you were still here, even if it’s not with me.”

She uses our connection to pull me closer until my upper body is lying on hers. Our faces are just inches apart as we stare at each other. “I’m not going to lie, counselor. I was beyond hurt and pissed at you—a part of me still is. But after talking to Luc, I also realize that I never needed to hide from my friends.” She toys with the hem of my shirt as she continues. “He’s made me an appointment already with his therapist, and he’s also going with me the first time.”

As her eyes mist over, I feel a tug of jealousy that my friend is the one she’s leaning on then immediately call myself ten kinds of asshole. I want her to get better, no matter what. Who gives a damn if Lucian is in a better position to understand what she’s going through? I should be grateful for his help. It’s for damn certain there is nothing romantic involved. Lia owns him, and he’d be the first to admit it. “That’s great, baby,” I say softly and mean it. “We’re all here for anything that you need—even if it’s just someone to go target practicing with.”

She snorts out a surprised laugh. “You’re never going to let me forget shooting Jake’s car up, are you?”

“Hell, no,” I rasp out as she licks her lips. My cock jumps to attention as it does every time she so much as breathes in my direction.
Down boy—so not a good time for that
, I groan inwardly as I take a deep breath. “Seeing you sitting so demurely in that police station with those pearls on after you’d just taken a gun and a shovel to that bastard’s car was about the sexiest thing I’d ever seen,” I admit.

Her eyes widen as if riveted by my confession. “Really? I assumed you thought I was crazy. You were so pissed off at having to bail me out.”

Unable to resist, I nuzzle the curve of her neck, inhaling her familiar smell, despite the hospital scent now clinging to her. “It’s called frustration, sweetheart,” I murmur as I drop a kiss on the shell of her ear. “When you climbed on my lap in the car, I wanted nothing more than to spank your ass for teasing me, and then bury myself balls deep in your sweet pussy.”
Smooth—talking dirty to a woman lying in a hospital bed while molesting her neck. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t call security.
“Sorry, honey, my timing is shit. I shouldn’t be saying this stuff right now,” I apologize while trying to bring my body back under control.

“Are you kidding?” she groans, “that’s the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I know it’s probably messed up to admit this, but I’m so horny I want to explode.”

I gape at her, wondering if I imagined what she just said. “We did not hear that!” My head swivels to the side, and I wince in embarrassment as Lucian and Lia smirk at us. Actually, Luc is doing most of the smirking. Lia’s face is red, but her lips are curved in a smile. I realize that I’m covering Rose like a blanket and touch her cheek in apology before putting some space between us. “So,” Lia says, “we just wanted to come in and let you know that Dr. Foster is discharging you today as soon as the paperwork is ready. The spare bedroom is all set for you. Luc will pick your stuff up from Max’s house, and we can buy anything else you need.”

“She’s staying with me,” I bark out, startling everyone in the room. Fuck, I sound like a psycho. I run a hand through my hair, attempting to compose myself before I scare Rose away with my possessiveness. “Sorry, didn’t mean to shout.” I put a hand on her leg and rub it reassuringly before continuing. “I don’t want you to go, but I can’t make you stay. I want to continue holding you in my arms at night when you can’t sleep and be there in the morning when you’re adjusting to yet another new outfit. I also need someone to burn dinner because that doesn’t happen nearly enough for me.”

“Don’t you need a break?” she asks me uncertainly. “You probably haven’t gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep since I’ve been there.”

I drop a kiss on her upturned nose. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”

“In that case, I’d love to stay,” she says softly. “I’m sure my parents will be thrilled.” Looking around, she asks, “Where are they, by the way?” She rolls her eyes, and for a moment, I see understandable insecurity in her expression. As if not willing to allow herself to grieve, she takes a deep breath and erects what looks like a wall of indifference. “Standing in the hallway with dark glasses on so that no one recognizes them?”

“Er … they left,” Lia answers tensely. It’s obvious what her opinion of Rose’s parents’ defection is. After my telephone conversation with Rose’s father, then the near argument we’d had in the hallway, I was more than happy to see them go. I could hardly fathom how the man could essentially render his daughter penniless and homeless, then have the nerve to complain about her “antics” embarrassing them yet again. I’d wanted to punch the bastard in the mouth. It may well have come to that had Lia not stepped between us and defused the situation somewhat. There was no way I’m telling Rose what was said, though. She needs support right now, not more disapproval.

“Ah, well, good riddance, right?” Rose says brightly, but I can see the hurt behind the words. No matter what they’ve done to her recently, she still wants their love and approval. I’m not sure they’re capable of the first, and the second seems like a real long shot. After just a few minutes in their company, it had become clear to me why she felt so much pressure to be perfect. They were snobbish pricks that I’d instantly disliked. How in the world Rose turned out to be such a funny and unique person is nothing short of a miracle.

“I’m sure they’ll be begging us to join them for dinner soon.” I laugh to lighten the mood. Matt comes through the door a short while later with Rose’s discharge papers, and Lia offers to help Rose dress in the clothes she brought for her. Lucian motions for me to follow him out into the hallway. “What’s up?” I ask, thinking it was something work related.

“Rose said something to me when we were talking that made me a little uneasy. Has she said anything to you about the recurrent dream that she’s had for years?”

I shake my head. “No, she hasn’t mentioned it. I know she has problems sleeping at night, but I assumed it was a form of insomnia brought on by the issues with her parents. Did she go into detail about it?” Lucian fills me in, and like him, I’m also unnerved. It’s not the type of dream I can imagine spanning years. “You think it might be a memory, don’t you?”

He rubs a hand over his jaw before shrugging. “In my experience, only memories stay with you for that long. She may have been too young to remember the actual event, but her subconscious could be trying to tell her something. As you know, I’ve already had a background check run on her. I’m not having anyone that close to my family without it,” he adds without apology. For a man with Lucian’s money and power, it never hurts to be cautious. I would almost bet that Lee Jacks has also looked into Rose’s background. He would be wary of those in his daughter’s life. “There was nothing there that we don’t already know, so I think we should dig a little deeper. Have the investigator that we’ve used before go all the way back to her birth and look carefully through those early years.” Lucian glances at Rose’s door before looking back at me. “I have a gut feeling that something’s not right. I realize that her parents have verbally abused her for years, which in itself would be enough to damage her, but maybe there’s more that Rose herself isn’t consciously aware of.”

I slump back against the wall as my mind reels from the possibilities. What in the hell has happened to her in the past? Could both Lucian and I be making something out of nothing? “I’ve heard of people experiencing traumatic events only to block them out completely for years. Then something happens to open that door and all hell breaks loose.”

“It could be what was behind the attempts to take her own life and then the cutting. Even she admitted to me that she didn’t understand why she felt the way that she did. She couldn’t pinpoint a single event out of the ordinary that led her to it.”

“Just a couple of assholes for parents who tore her down at every opportunity. I’m guessing that was a normal day for her and she wouldn’t see that as unusual,” I retort.

Lucian gives me an appraising look that begins to make me uncomfortable. Finally, he asks, “What made you decide to let her in? You’ve been in denial for months, but now, you’re practically ordering her to stay with you. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve thought you two belonged together for a while, and I’ve had to almost sit on Lia to keep her from meddling. But what changed? If anything, I would be afraid that all of this would make you run.”

I want to ignore his question. Lucian and I aren’t exactly the type of men to discuss our feelings, and it seems as if we’ve done nothing but that since Lia walked into his life. In a way, it’s brought our friendship closer than it’s ever been. We’re more open with each other now. Before, he and Aidan were like brothers and I was more of a cousin. Now, the bond between us has tightened, and I’m grateful. Therefore, instead of walking away, I answer him honestly. “I could have lost her—that’s what changed. Nothing that I did could save the last woman I loved. No amount of money, modern medicine, or religion could stop her from fading just a little more each day. But with Rose, I have a chance. I can save her—I
will
save her,” I add fiercely as my hands clench into fists.

Lucian looks at me in surprise, and I wonder how he could not know about Melly. There’s no way he hired me without the same background check that he ran on Rose. Could that part have possibly been left out? I’ve never discussed her with him before, but I don’t think he’s acting right now. He clears his throat before saying, “I won’t ask you to tell me any more while we’re here, but one day, I hope you’ll be comfortable enough to talk to me about her.” He gives me a side hug, before patting me on the shoulder. “Lia and I are going to head home. If you need time off or would rather work from home for a while, then just let me know. Rose is our priority and everything else can be worked around. Oh, and I had someone swing by to take care of the door at your house. They’ve installed a temporary one and will order an exact replacement of the one that you had.” I’d mentioned the emergency responders having to break-in to reach us in the bathroom, and Luc, as always, never missed a detail.

“Thanks, Luc,” I say around the sudden lump in my throat. One of the best decisions of my life was to take a job with Quinn Software. I never expected the family that came along with it, but I’m beyond grateful for them. Especially since I so rarely see my own parents; they are usually more than content with the occasional email form of communication.

Lia stops to hug me on the way out, and Lucian jokes about his wife spending too much time hugging other men. I grin because I know a part of him isn’t joking. If he had his way, she’d never be in the same room with another man again. He’s a possessive bastard, and I fully understand. I’m coming to feel the same way about the auburn beauty smiling sleepily at me now. I make a silent promise that nothing will take her from me. I’ve been given a second chance, and no matter what it takes, this time, I’ll hold on with everything I have. God wouldn’t be cruel enough to let me find love again, only to rip it away.

“
H
oly hell
, I’m free! The warden finally let me out of prison for good behavior today.” I pump my fist in the air before forming a V for victory with my fingers. “I didn’t think I’d ever be plotting ways to escape from a hot piece of man candy like Max, but crap, he found some crazy reason every day for two whole weeks as to why he needed to work at home
every
day. This, of course, was code for, ‘Rose, you’re staying home with me.’ I tried to tell him that you were going to fire me if I didn’t get back to work, but he wouldn’t listen.” I frown at Lia, who simply smiles in return. “Couldn’t you have been a little more of a hard ass? Maybe demanded that I return immediately, instead of saying, ‘Take all the time you need, your job will be waiting for you.’ What employer says shit like that? McDonald’s would have given me the boot after the first day.”

When I finally run out of steam, I drop into the chair in front of her desk and she pushes a cup of coffee in front of me. “Are you finished now?” She smirks.

I pretend to sulk for a moment. “Oh, I guess so.”

Changing the subject, she asks, “How was your last session with Joanna? Lucian said that you really liked her.”

“She’s great,” I say and mean it. I’ve been seeing Lucian’s therapist twice a week, and so far, it’s been nothing like what I’d feared. Her office is more like a well-worn living room, complete with comfortable, overstuffed sofas and a fireplace. Joanna dresses like a new age hippie, and more often than not, she isn’t wearing shoes when she opens the door. That one small thing always relaxes me. She’s not intrusive and doesn’t try to put words in my mouth. Best of all, I’ve never felt that she’s judging me. There’s just something about her that makes me want to open up and I have. She warned me on my first visit that she couldn’t wave a magic wand and make the urge to cut go away. Her desire is to help me identify my triggers and figure out ways to recognize and deal with them in ways that don’t involve cutting. Essentially, I need to retrain my brain. “My parents are completely opposed to it, but luckily, they haven’t canceled my health insurance—probably just because they haven’t thought about it.”

“We can get you covered here,” Lia offers. “I’m so happy that you like Joanna. Lucian was really resistant to seeing her, but after his first appointment, he admitted he felt hopeful for the first time that he could beat his addiction for good.” Trying to act nonchalant, she asks, “How are things going with Max? Any new developments between you two?”

I glance behind me to ensure that the door is indeed closed before I continue. Fanning myself, I say, “I swear, I’ve never been so horny in my life. I’m pretty sure both Max and I are masturbating so much our fingers are going crooked. If he doesn’t give up the goods soon, I’m going to buy a new vibrator.” Wrinkling my nose, I add, “I have no idea what the movers that Daddy hired to clear out my apartment did with my last one.”

“Oh my God.” Lia holds her sides as she laughs. “I can just picture some guy with a carpenter’s crack holding that up and scratching his head.”

Wiggling my eyebrows, I say, “He probably took it home to the wife. That thing was a top-of-the-line rabbit. It not only went up and down, but it also did the side-to-side motion. And the rabbit ears—”

“I really don’t need that many details about your little plastic friend.” Lia smirks.

I lean back in my chair, crossing my legs while I look at my nails. “Oh honey, there was nothing little about it. That baby was the mega bunny model, and as large as it was, I’m certain that Max is bigger.” My head rolls to the back of the chair as I huff in frustration. “Do you have any idea how miserable it is to have that whopper nestled between the crack of my ass every night and not be able to do anything about it?” Lowering my voice, I add, “You know I never did the anal thing with Jake even though he wanted to. But I’d take anything I could get at this point from Max. If he wants to explore what’s behind door number two, then I’ll open the gates and wave him on in.”

Lia drops her head on her desk and then makes a gagging sound as if she’s choking. “Please, stop telling me stuff about Max! Lucian thinks I’ve got some kind of secret crush on him already since I blush every time I’m in the same room with him. I told him it was just because you talk about the size of his pecker constantly. And as you can imagine, he wasn’t really any happier with that bit of information. Then he wanted to know if we also discuss the size of his package.”

“Well, it’s certainly not for lack of trying on my part.” I pout. “When your best friend is married to a guy like Lucian Quinn, there should be a lot more sex talk. I have to drag everything out of you. Couldn’t you at least photograph his pecker while he’s asleep or something? I bet the sucker is the size of my leg. I’ve seen you limping around some days like you’ve thrown your vagina out of joint.”

She giggles before tossing a pen in my direction. “You’re such a pervert. Do you ever think of anything other than sex?”

“If I thought of it more, then I wouldn’t be going all Edward Scissorhands all over myself, would I?” I say truthfully. While Jake and I had been together, my cutting had been at all-time low until I began to suspect he was cheating on me. I’d used sex as a form of escape when I was stressed. The high that an orgasm gave me temporarily distracted me from the urge to harm myself. If Jake suspected that, at times, it had little to do with my desire for him and everything to do with diversion, he never mentioned it. Hell, he was a college guy. I doubt he looked too deeply at why we sometimes fucked three times a day. I have to wonder now if he hadn’t known at some point, especially as he learned more about me and how screwed up I was.

Lia’s face falls, and I mentally kick myself. I’ve gotten used to discussing my issues in a humorous way with Max. “I shouldn’t have said that,” she adds quickly. “Of course, you have other things on your mind. I didn’t mean to—”

“Stop, chick. Please don’t do that. We’ve never watched our words around each other and it would kill me if we started now. My twisted sense of humor is the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes, and I need you to be okay with it. Heck, we joked about your mother and your crazy-ass stepfather more times than I can count and you didn’t freak out on me. You, better than anyone, understand that laughter takes some of the power from the pain. Yes, I’ve been cutting myself and it’s a serious matter, but it’s easier for me to cope this way.”

I see the look of understanding on her face as she nods. “You’re absolutely right. Normal just isn’t you. Thank God, I’m not sure how much longer I could keep up the nice act. I’ll ask Lee if he can install a metal detector so we’ll know when you’re packing any sharp objects.” She winces when she delivers her last line and asks hesitantly, “Too much?”

I chuckle; one of the things I love about her is how she cares about others. It’s hard for her to even pretend to be mean. I wink at her before saying, “I thought it was good. Why don’t we skip the detector, though, and have your hot daddy frisk me?”

“Ugh!” She gags. “Must you lust after my father? If it’s something you have to do, then keep it to yourself. It’s bad enough that you want to discuss my husband’s … size, but I draw the line at Lee.” Pointing out the obvious, she adds, “You really need to get some action, don’t you?”

“Duh, haven’t I been saying that? I don’t know how much longer I can sleep with Max and not attack him. I’m ready to throw all my pride away and do something drastic like hump his leg.”

She looks puzzled as she studies me. “What are you waiting for then? Do you want him to seduce you or something along those lines?”

With a sigh, I admit, “I know he wants me. I’m not exaggerating when I say that sparks fly when we’re together.” Looking down at my hands, I add, “He’s afraid of breaking me more. He hasn’t come right out and said that, but I can read between the lines.”

She motions wildly with her hands as she gives me an order. “Go home tonight and have sex. Make him give it to you.”

My mouth drops open in shock. She’s still glaring at me, which is amusing but a little unsettling as well. Poor Lucian. She must scare the hell out of him when she goes into this bossy mode. “Cool your jets, sister. I get what you’re saying, and I agree. It’s time to turn up the heat and really let Mr. Decker sweat.”

She gives me enthusiastic thumbs up, and then we put the personal talk aside and focus on our work. A part of me never dared to dream I would be here, and regardless of what comes, I’m doing it—living life on my own terms. And I refuse to let anyone take that away from me. Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard a word from my parents. In some respects, after so many years of ruling my life, I wonder if they’ve missed the sick thrill of commanding their subservient daughter.

I
’ve been
a nervous wreck all day. I’ve texted Rose no less than ten times. At one point, Lucian even ordered me to go home, but I knew it would be worse there with nothing to occupy my mind. She sent me a message earlier to let me know that Lia was dropping her at the house around five, and I’d grabbed my briefcase and made my way embarrassingly fast through the lobby of Quinn Software to my car.

Traffic in downtown Asheville is a nightmare, as usual, and I find myself tapping my fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as I move at a snail’s pace. When I finally spot my home in the distance, I let out a sigh of relief. I pull into the garage and am at the door leading into the kitchen in seconds. As I step inside, all of my senses are on high alert. I’ve missed her today. Despite living in each other’s pockets for the last two weeks, it wasn’t difficult. It’s not a concern that has my senses alert, but the need to see her. Touch her. Be with her. The air is fragrant with something that smells amazing. Italian, if I had to guess. Rose is standing at the stove stirring a pot. She turns to give me a cheeky smile as she says, “Welcome home, honey. How was your day?”

I know she is teasing me, but those words sound so damn good that I can’t stop myself. In a few strides, I am against her back with my face buried in her hair. My hands go to her hips as I pull her even closer. “Hey, baby,” I growl as she pushes her ass back against me.

“Mmm,” she moans. “You feel good.” My lips are trailing kisses down her neck and my cock is begging for relief when she swats us both down by stepping to the side. She clears her throat loudly. “Um … I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I refuse to burn the pasta again. So go set the table while I finishing cooling … er, cooking.”

I know if I touch her, she’ll cave, and I’m seriously considering it when she trails a hand over the bulge in my pants. “Hold that thought. I plan to thoroughly handle the situation for you this evening.” She points the wooden spoon at me that she’s holding and adds, “Don’t even think about refusing. I’m done waiting.”

Fuck yes.
Apparently, we’re on the same page tonight. I’ve been the good guy about as long as I can. I’ve jacked off so much since she moved in that I am in serious danger of developing carpal tunnel. I could only imagine explaining the cause of that particular injury to my doctor. I even resorted to taking a picture of Rose one morning while she was still sleeping in my bed. The first light of the day had been filtering into the room through the blinds and she’d looked so fucking sexy wearing one of the skimpy nightgowns she’d taken to wearing—no doubt to torture me. The sheet had fallen away at some point exposing the curve of her delectable ass where the gown had ridden up. She’d looked like the perfect mixture of innocent and siren. I’m not proud of it, but that photograph had become regular inspiration in my spank sessions. I always felt a bit like a creeper for doing it, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. She snaps her fingers in front of my face, effectively jolting me back to the present. Obviously, she’d been waiting for a response from me. I surprise myself by slapping her on the ass before growling, “This meal better be fast. Otherwise, I’ll be fucking you on the kitchen table and we’ll be calling Domino’s afterward.” Her mouth is hanging open as I leave the kitchen, chuckling under my breath.
That’s right, baby, tonight you’re all mine.

I’m rock hard as I gingerly pull the zipper of my jeans past my erection. I’ve spent the months since meeting Rose fighting my attraction for her. Through it all, though, I feel that it was inevitable we’d end up here. If I’m being truthful, I’m still terrified of letting myself care for another woman, but sometimes in life the choice is taken from you. I can no longer hide from the fact that I’m falling for the beautiful, vivacious, and troubled woman in my kitchen. She’s different from anyone I’ve ever known. My first impression of her was spoiled, repressed, rich girl. That didn’t stop me from being attracted to her, but I never would have guessed the number of layers I’d have to peel back to find the true Rose underneath all of the false bravado.

I’ve watched her struggling the past few weeks since her hospitalization. I’ve done my best to keep the mood light so she would be unaware of how worried I’ve been about her. The last thing I want is for her to feel as if she’s under constant scrutiny. But at the same time, I don’t want a repeat of what I found the night she almost bled to death on my bathroom floor. I know some of her triggers now, and I try to distract her if I sense she’s getting lost in her head. I know that ultimately only she can be responsible for her actions. I can’t manage her stress level, nor her need for pain to center herself. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t try everything in my power to prevent her from hurting herself again.