Room 212 (26 page)

“Fuck you!”

Whoops. I saw his jaw harden as he made his way toward me. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me to the edge of the bed. He undid his pants and pulled them down. I swallowed a large lump as my desire for him took over. I should have been mad, I should have slapped him away from me, but I wanted him so badly and I was oddly turned on by his anger. I reached up to kiss him and he jerked away from me. He took me away from the bed and put my hands on the wall, facing away from him. He entered me and I cried out in surprise. He didn’t say a word as he rammed himself inside of me, caging me between him and the wall. Realizing I didn’t want our first night together to end in angry sex, I started to protest.

“Seth, stop.”

“Isn’t this what you wanted, Laura? Isn’t this what you were lathering your body up for?”

“Seth, not like this, stop. Don’t do this.”

“Oh, I’m going to give you what you want.” He reached around and touched me with his expert fingers, stroking me and I quickly climaxed, but felt empty. Tears sprang from my eyes and he kept stroking me roughly, holding my hands against the wall.

“Stop it, Seth! What the hell is wrong with you? That’s not the way you make love.”

“No Laura, it’s the way I fuck,” he said, ripping his body from mine.

I whirled on him and slapped his face before breaking into a sob. He reeled back, holding his jaw. His face immediately remorseful, he quickly came toward me. “Baby, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. If I hurt you, I’m sorry. I love you, Laura.” I threw on his t-shirt and saw him reach for his jeans and put them on, his head hung as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“You didn’t hurt me, Seth.” And he didn’t, not the way he thought he might have. I knew he never would, no matter how angry he got.

“Seth, what are you doing to us?”

“I can’t do this!” He waved his hand between us. “Long distance, not after I finally know what it’s like to be in your life, to have your body every day, to wake up to your smile. I can’t stay away. I begged you and begged you when we started this not to make me stay away. I have to have you, Laura, all of you. I want to marry you, make babies with you. Please stop this shit and come home with me.”

I shouldn’t have, but I instantly forgave him. I walked over to him and put my hands on his face. “I want all that with you, too. Will you not let us think this through some more?

“No, I don’t need more time than we have already lost. Why do you? Why? We have lost so much already. What are you waiting for, baby?”

“Nothing, I—”

“Laura, I’m leaving on a return flight tomorrow. I want you to come with me, meet my son, take a look around, at least weigh your options.”

“Why would you do that? We had the whole weekend! You cut our time together short?”

“Laura, I just told you I wanted to marry you and you’re worried about a day? I want a life with you. I want you to come with me.” He reached into his jeans and pulled out a white box. He opened it and set it on the night stand.

“Marry me, come home with me tomorrow, meet my son, let’s make plans, let’s end this which one is going to move charade. Let’s just do it.”

I walked over to the ring and immediately shut the box. “Oh, I get it, and you see the end of the charade being that I am the one who gives in. You are playing totally unfair and this ring is a bribe to get your own way.”

“A bribe?” He shook his head with a look of disgust. “Are you that blind?”

“No, I see quite clearly. You want your way and you’re not getting it. You are throwing a pretty big fit about it, too.”

“You say you love me, but now I’m not so sure, Laura. What exactly are you holding onto here?”

“I feel safe here! I am safe here! I was lost until I made a home here. This motel is mine and no one can take it away from me, not even you.”

“I would never want to take anything away from you. I know you went through a lot and you told me a little but—”

“You have no idea what I went through, and I will spare you, but please don’t think for one damn minute that you were right about me all those years ago. I don’t regret anything. Not one damn thing. It made me who I am. I won’t stop being who I am for you Seth, now or ever.”

“Just who the hell is it that you think I love, Laura? I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. I am sorry I ever made you feel like you had to be someone else for me and I know I am the one who made you feel that way, and I hate it that I did. Do you understand I know how wrong I was? I’m not asking you to give up anything and I—”

“Yes, you are. You’re asking me to give up my safety to start a life with you. I don’t trust it yet. I need more time before I give up the one thing I do trust.”

He chewed over my words and motioned me to him. I shook my head and he reached for my hands, pulling me on top of him. He held me close to him and reached for the ring. He opened the box and slid the ring on my finger.

“It all boils down to you being scared again. When is this shit going to end? I love you, Laura. We have a second chance to be together. How many times does lightning have to strike? I want a life with you, but you have a decision to make. You want to keep your motels, fine. Run them from Texas until my son leaves for college. I’m asking you for six years and the rest of your life. I want you to know my son, to be as big of a part of his life as you are mine. We can come back once he goes off to school. I am begging you to stop this. I can’t guarantee everything will go smooth, that you will like it there, that when things get tough you won’t want to leave, but I will be there. You are everything to me, can’t you see that? You have got to start trusting me.”

I looked at the beautiful ring on my hand and pushed him down beneath me. “Love me, Seth.”

“Laura, I am leaving tomorrow.”

“I heard you, Seth. Love me.”

He lifted his mouth to mine and we melted away.

I walked into Room 212, still furious with myself for believing things could have ended differently. I woke up alone with no other choice but to rid the room of all of him. I knew he wasn’t asking too much. I also knew he wasn’t coming back. He had laid down his ultimatum.

You can have me, just not where you want me.

How could he see this as a simple choice for me? How? I was financially set, that was true. I also didn’t have to give up my motels, so what was my problem? My problem was that giving total control of my life to my love for Seth scared the shit out of me. We had felt just as strongly for each other the first time around and he left me without good enough reason and I had suffered. He had done everything he was supposed to do these last months and still I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t trust my heart, and in all honesty, I still didn’t trust him with it and he knew it.

I glanced at the ring still on my finger. It was the most beautiful oval diamond I had ever seen. I pulled it off and saw he had US inscribed in the band. I slipped it back on my finger and left it there.

Numb again. Love again. Fuck it. I buried my head under the pillows, forcing myself back to sleep each time I woke. I refused to face the world. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave my life and revolve around his again, it was too terrifying. If my head didn’t start agreeing with my heart soon, I would never leave this room.

Both of my marriages had failed. The first didn’t even count, as far as I was concerned. I had married the first guy who paid attention to me and left him holding the bag six months after we married. He didn’t deserve it, but he didn’t deserve a wife who loathed him, and that was all I could do after a few months of marriage. I blamed him for my broken heart and all he did was try to love me. Karma kicked the crap out of me for that one. I met Anthony when I was thirty and he seemed to be the cure for my rapidly growing boredom. I remember thinking the minute after I married him it was a mistake. I never wanted to be married to anyone but Seth, ever, and here he was asking me to be his wife and I was cowering in a bed in motel Room 212.

I drifted back into the darkness, not caring if I ever got out.

A knock on the door roused me from my sleep.

I opened it to see Linda, a worried look on her face.

“Laura, it’s been two days since Seth left, are you okay?”

“No Linda, I’m not.” I lifted my hand and showed her the ring. She gasped and did a happy dance at the door, pushing past me to survey the room.

“So where is he?”

“He left.”

“I don’t understand?”

I shut the door and let out a breath. I gave her every last detail of our story. It was finally time to let someone hear it. She listened for hours, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom or to get coffee. She seemed shocked at the dumb luck that Seth and I had found each other after all these years. She laughed at the funny parts and I saw her lower her head at the not so funny parts. She seemed shocked that her boss had such a torrid past and gasped when I told her about Paul. I told her about Rebecca and Seth and she shook her head in disappointment. I finished with him leaving me two days ago with a ring and a freshly broken heart.

“He’s right, Laura.”

“After all of that, you are on his side?”

“Absolutely, because I’m on yours. I have never seen you so happy in all our years of friendship. He is worth the risk, hands down, best love story I have ever heard. Not one of them is perfect, not one of them is easy, but the good ones are always worth it. He is worth it, Laura. Lose yourself to him completely, see where it takes you. You already know you can make it on your own. I also know you, Laura. You deserve him. Go to Texas, you know I can run these motels. You taught me everything I know. I love you, Laura, I do. I will miss you terribly, but he is your life now. You are only fighting with your ability to own your own happiness. Getting to be with your first love is a gift few of us will get.”

“What did you say?” I stopped pacing and reeled on her, my eyes wide.

“I said he was right.”

“No after that?’

“Only a few people in this world get a chance to spend their life with their first love.” I heard my mother’s words again and shuddered as the tears streamed down my face. It was as if Linda had disappeared and my mother was in the room with me.

“Let go, Laura. He has given you his whole heart. He came to you ready to spend the rest of his life with you.” I furiously blinked at Linda, unable to control my sobs.

“Mom?”

“Honey, are you okay?” I heard the fear in Linda’s voice. I quickly got it together.

“Yes, I’m fine.” No, I was not fine. I had just gotten a swift kick in the ass by karma, God and my deceased mother.

“Linda, I know I can trust you. Will you take care of things while I’m gone? Tetris is at the kennel. I put him there to spend all my time with Seth. Can you please take care of him?”

“Of course, go get him."

I hugged her fiercely and we shared a smile. I walked out of Room 212 and straight to my truck. I saw an envelope in my seat. It had my name on it in Seth’s writing. He must have slipped it through my cracked window. I opened the door and sat in the car. Oh God, was I too late?

I started my truck through my sobs and heard my tire catch as I sped away. I needed to get to Seth and get to him now.

*****

I drove all night, stopping only to use the restroom and chug coffee. I made it to Dallas early into the morning and realized I had no idea where I was going. Shit, Seth, you could have left me the address to where my heart was. I was exhausted, but still drove to the only place I thought to look: his house. I pulled up and realized quickly that he no longer lived there. I sat on the curb out front with my head in my hands. All I had to do was call him, but it wasn’t enough. I had broken his heart by not taking his proposal seriously. It was so wrong. Seth, I’m sorry. I heard the front door burst open behind me.

“Squirt, hurry up. We’re twenty minutes late.”

“I’m coming, Mom!”

I heard a car start behind me and was paralyzed. Of course the ex-wife got the house. SHIT, LAURA! I quickly stood, making my way to my truck. I saw a curious stare coming from the window of the SUV in the driveway. Just as I was about to climb into my truck, I saw Seth’s son burst out the door. He saw me and quickly stopped running toward his mother.